SLEEP IS FOR THE WEEK part 7 -- prop your eyes open with matchsticks here

[MegBusset]

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz...

i've not been happy for a while and we keep talking about things and say we'll do something about it and we never do. i just need to leave and stop thinknig about it! it's constant. sometimes i wonder if it's just that expect too much, but then think y shouldn't i?

i've got about 60 years til i die, y should i settle now? i want more kids, he doesn't. we're supposed to be geting wed next year but how can that happen when i dont see it as a sustainable relationship!

we both know we wouldn't be together he we hadn't have had kids, bu then should we try to work at it again and again or split up and just get on with separate lives?

sorry have hijacked thread!god why is life so difficult? sleepless life and loveless days!

So are you taking a break or is this a permanent split? It can seem that everything goes wrong at once. I think sleeplessness can really ocntribute as well, as you have MUCH less patience and need more support (esp if he's not doing the night shift).

I'm on MN sporadically atm, but if you want to email me to vent please feel free to CAT

Cheers EP - we thought of a break but he's jsut not hving any of it so i think it will be a permanent split, tryin to find out what i'm entitles to and where i stand in terms of house and stuff!

Are you seeing a lawyer? Think it is v complicated if you aren't married, but he is still obliged to support your kids.

no only made my decision this afternoon thqt i'd actually leave. not telling him till i'm sorted! been on to benefits and housing as i cant work with boys and wouldn't want to! will talk to solicitor during the week. it's all so complicated, think maybe relationships ar supposed to be! i'm only 20 and this is my first ever relationship, i read too many romantic novls and wonder if i want something that dosn't exist!!

Well, the 'perfect' relationship prob doesn't exist . But you're entitled to want certain things from your partner, like respect and support and consideration.

i'm sorry to hear what you're going through bealcain.

Bealcain I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I was in a similar situation when I was 21 (no kids though), was engaged to a man that I wasn't sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It wasn't easy to sort stuff out but I'm eternally grateful I called off the wedding 'cause otherwise I wouldn't have met DH and have DS

Beal, I'm sorry for what you're going through, you have a lot on your plate right now. (((hugs)))

Beal, sorry you're going through such a tough time at the moment. Has it got worse since your lo's were born? Do you think it's just exhaustion or do you think it would have been the same if it'd just been the two of you? I don't think it's healthy for a couple to stay together if they're making each other unhappy however, EVERY relationship has its moments of joy and moments of misery. Sometimes when you're in one of those miserable moments it's hard to see the other side. I've been with DH for 14 years and have never experienced pressure like I have since DD was born. Children put an immense strain on a relationship and the sleep deprivation just adds more pressure. I think when it's all going wrong it's hard to even decide if you love one another any more because all the hurt and anger etc are clouding how you feel. Not knowing your situation I may be speaking out of turn but do you think it would be worth talking it through with someone to give you both the chance to get to the bottom of it? Again, not knowing your situation I'm fumbling but is there any chance you may regret separating? If so, is it worth waiting a little but talking about it and setting some 'goals' and a time frame. ie, I want to see this that and the other happen and by this date and if it doesn't I'm going. I realise you have probably been through all of this and drawn a blank. Like EP, CAT me if you want a shoulder Sending lot of hugs your way.

Hey everyone, nowt to report. Naptastic day, 2.5 hours which saw me transformed into a domestic goddess. See what that means for the night.

morning all!

beal - so for your situation. its a hard one for sure, especially when there are children involved. would agree that sleepless nights and no time for yourselves can create explosive situations or just indifference sometimes and if you can work through that, then great, but if you need to make a break then thats what you have to do. i'm sure you'll both make the right decision ((((hugs)))) and as EP and Ginger said, feel free to CAT me

Amber am so so pleased for your better night lovely. hope you get some more of those x

ginger - cant remember the last time i was a domestic goddess

our night was fab!!
bed at 6.45pm
fed at 4.15am
up at 6.15am
i did give her some nurofen for teeth last night tho so

Tibsy - for your night....fab!

No ginger it hasn't got any owrse since LO's as i was 8months pg iwth DS1 when we met so we never got a chance to date. we both say if i wasn't pg we would never have met let alone get together!

i'm only 20 and this is my first ever relationship, getting pg with ds1 at 18 was my first ever time and DF is only the 2nd peron i've ever slept with, so dont know how a relationship is supposed to work! i get the idea i'm going in myhead during the day and then when he gets home i think why am going./ at least i get a break whne he gets in...how selfish!

our night was good, bed at 6:45 up at 3, 4:30 then 6:30. i just wish that first long strtch was from 10 till 6!! ds1 up at 4 though today....wouldn't go back to sleep

thank you all for your support sorry to have hijacked, will just talk about sleep from now on...well lack of it!

morning all - lots to catch up on, its taken forever to read thru!

beal for everything you are going through (combined with the sleepless nights!)...and it's not selfish at all, most people would feel that way!

and for all the good and bad nights out there

i think we have cracked the nighttime sleeping (or rather the early morning waking- the earliest ds has woken in the past two weeks is 7ish - I had to wake him today at 7.30am! Please may it last [prays]

sun out here finally so may have a nice walk this morning - anyone got any nice plans for today?

beal - not selfish at all. i was 19 when i had ds, and i have to say, although i dont regret it, it was so hard. not wishing to seem patronising, you change so much as you get older, especially if you have children young, so it is reasonable to say that you are not the person you were when you met df. its just whether you can change and grow together or move apart.
on the sleep side of things, yay for your night but for ds1's early start, arrggghhhh!!

skirmish - thought it was strange you didnt post 1st wow!!! its a sunny day here too, if a little chilly. we're off to the library and the park in a bit

beal i second everyhting that's been said already. we're all here to support you.

tibs yay for your night. she did so well to last that long for a feed

ginger for your naptastic day. did you watch nigella last night?
dh and i watch if just to laugh!
it's easy to be a domestic goddess with a housekeeper and a cleaner to do all the tidying up after her!!

skirmish so glad you've cracked the early starts

good night here
ds asleep by 8
woke at 6.50 for day

bought oneof those calpol plug in jobbies that gives off lavender camomile and menthol. we all slept well.
conincidence?

tam for your night and the plug in jobbie sounds lovely! we watched nigella. dont know why cos she irritates the hell out of both of us...is it just me, or is she incredibly pretentious and smug?....compelling viewing tho

Beal: don;t feel guilty about talking about other things than sleep! You may have noticed that the rest of us tend to blether on go off topicregularly . As others have said, have a good think about what you want and where you're going and make the right decision for you. Would also second Ginger's point about kids putting a massive strain on a relationship. Dh and I have been together for, ooh, over 10 years (married for 9 this Dec) and we've never argued so much as in the last year!

No repeat of the long stretch last night, sadly. DS woke every couple of hours but only v briefly, fed a little then dropped off, He;s certainly MUCH less restless. Having said that, he was pretty restless from about 5am, but I tried to ignore it

tibs dh used to like her (in that curvy seductress kind of way ) but now her inane grin annoys the hell out of him. the whole programme is laughable but good viewing. If that's her house it's filmed in and not a studio then i am very it's beautiful.

EP glad ds has settled down a bit. now if he could just drop one of those wakings we'd be laughing!

Morning all,

Beal glad your night was OK. Would deffo agree that kids put a huge strain on a relationship even if you've had plenty of child-free years together. Hope you manage to work out what's best for you.

for the good nights out there. Unfortunately ours wasn't one of them, I guess after a few good nights we were due a crappy one. Fine til 11.30 but very unsettled after that, awake every hour or two until up for the day at 7. Teeth? Still no sign of the front two although he is doing the ear-pulling etc (has been for weeks it seems). Tummyache? He has done explosive poos for the last couple of days so maybe a small tummy bug?

Anyway I ended up having to feed twice, at 2.30 and 5, not v happy about that so will try to cut down to one again...

I only want to whisper this, cos I don't want to tempt fate. Had sleeptastic night. Shhhhh! Ds2 slept from 6.50 - 3.50 and then again until 7!!!!! Falls over in shock.

He's on Gaviscon so maybe thats helping him. if it is a feel very sorry cos he must have been in pain all these weeks poor thing.

Beal: I really feel for you and don't really know what to say that hasn't been said already.

Smiles all round for good nights and sympathies again for those not so good.

I can't stand Nigella, but after being unable to log onto mumsnet (I felt bereft ) I watched Dragons Den.

meg for your regression, but dont worry, am sure its just a short blip, sounds like the tummy probs could be at the root of it. hope lo better soon

charlie thats great news you deserve it my love. i hope that this is the start of a sleeping bubs for you. gaviscon a go-go

well, dd has fallen asleep in her pushchair was hoping we'd make it home for lunch first, but we had to wait for aaaaaaaaaages everywhere we went, even the library anyway, i have some spanking new glasses to wear, as dd broke my last ones, so am off to pose in front of the mirror

hope everyone having good days

ah poor meg for your night. i'll give you an upside for night feeding - at least it settles them back to sleep. ds is refusing to feed in the night, but along with that refusing to go back to sleep. last night we had to resort to a lot of crying if any of us were going to get any sleep. not good, but i feel backed into a corner and am not sure what to do.

EP am free tomorrow as dh has gone back to work. dr prescribed some super strong pain killers yesterday and it has lifted the migraine a bit, though i'm sure he can't be feeling that great dosed up on codeine

ooops sorry didn't finish my post. i am thinking tomorrow of either going to (or maybe both)

baby groovers at 11 at sadler's wells (scroll to bottom of page)

and/or

coram fields

care to join EP or anyone?

EP I think Loudboy would really love the baby groovers. the 11.00 class is really a bit old for ds, but it's still fun and fits better with his naps than the earlier one.

yay for your new glasses tibs, what are they like?

he should start to feel dorws on condeine Amber so that's one plus he may sleep lots!