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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

please please help me. how can i get my 9 month old to sleep through the night without doing CC?

74 replies

beautifuldays · 18/10/2007 18:31

she usually wakes up every hour between 7 and 11pm and then wakes for milk at 2.30ish and 5ish, she then usually refuses to go back to sleep. she also won't nap in the day for longer than 20-30mins - so she only has a max of 2 half hour naps all day

i tried getting her to go back to sleep when she woke from her nap this afternoon, but she just screamed hysterically for an hour and has been miserable ever since because she is so tired.

i really can't do this any longer, i am so tired and grumpy and have a 3.5yr old at home who is full of energy and i just can't cope with the two of them on 5hrs sleep every night

i don't really want to do controlled crying and i suspect it would involve a lot of crying as dd is a stubborn little madam!

is there anything else i can do before i lose my mind completely? please?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

meandmy · 18/10/2007 18:34

my dd did this so i would give her t 4pm and ready break etc 7pm bath cuddle bed teething gel/ashton and parsons powder warmed milk do small changes to see what works for you both

Original poster

beautifuldays · 18/10/2007 18:42

she has her dinner between 5-6pm so i don't think it's hunger that's waking her up. more of a habit.

what's parsons powder? (she's breastfed btw, sorry prob should have mentioned that!)

OP posts:

StrawberryMartini · 18/10/2007 18:44

Does she sleep on her back? Try putting her on her front. Worked a dream for ds.

meandmy · 18/10/2007 18:47

teething powder

newgirl · 18/10/2007 18:51

try water instead of milk at night? have you ruled out teething/discomfort of some kind?

i think (just my opinion) that this could become a habit she enjoys so you will need to be firm on at least one of these feeds - she doesnt need it really if she is feeding well in the day

i know you said not cc but i did it at 14 months and it was awful for 15 minutes but she then always slept through - we only had to do it once - she was also in the habit of milk all the time - i think a good night sleep is good for the kids - not just the parents

Original poster

beautifuldays · 18/10/2007 19:23

i don't think it's teething to be honest as she's not showing any other signs and this has been going on forever. she has never slept through the night. she only used to wake up once but then she got a cold about 6 weeks ago and so that threw her and she is now still in the habit of waking up all the time

not sure water would work as she has never had a bottle and doesn't like sippy cups
(we give her water at meal times out of an open cup - but i think that might be a bit messy at night time!

i know cc works - i did it with my ds - it's just she has the room next to him and i'm sure she'd wake him up with her screaming - i'm also too soft to do it!

does anyone know any other 'sleep techniques' apart from controlled crying??

gotta go she's just woken up - been asleep for oooh 25 mins............

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karen999 · 18/10/2007 19:29

I used controlled crying with my second child....mainly because I let my first child go with the flow and at 7 she still has problems sleeping.

I only had to use this method for three nights and I started when she was 10 weeks old. She is now seven months and has slept 7-7 for months. There is never any fuss at bedtime and in fact she loves getting into her sleepsuit, getting her bottle, story and then bed. I give her a kiss goodnight, put out the light and then leave the room and there is never a peep out of her. I know some people see CC as a bad thing but it has worked wonders for me.....there is also the other method where you stay with her but night after night get gradually further away.

Original poster

beautifuldays · 18/10/2007 19:44

does anyone else have any ideas? she has just woken up for the second time since 7 o clock

OP posts:

Original poster

beautifuldays · 18/10/2007 19:50

please someone - what can i do, she is still crying and i am too, i'm here on my own, dh is still at work

OP posts:

MegBusset · 18/10/2007 19:54

Hi Beautifuldays, sorry you are having such a bad time. I have a DS who is also a crap sleeper so I sympathise

Have you read The No-cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley? It is full of gentle ideas to help create good sleep associations and make babies sleep better.

I am also trying the gradual retreat method that Karen999 mentions -- more info here. I am starting to see some gradual improvements (I hope!) and lots of other people recommend it.

Finally, you will get lots of sympathy on the Sleep Is For The Weak thread, and we have a blog here.

minesalargeone · 18/10/2007 19:55

Oh dear this is a difficult one. If she's recently had a cold have you tried putting a vaporiser in her room? Lavender helps. Just clears the airways a bit more. Keep a window open for some fresh air.

karen999 · 18/10/2007 19:58

where is she? is she lying in her cot? is the room dark?

Mumie · 18/10/2007 19:58

we had a similar problem with dd when she was 7 months. she was waking every 45-60 minutes all night and i was a zombie so i know how you feel.

we gradually cut out her night feeds and settled her with a dummy instead. then we stopped picking her up when she woke up and used a gradual retreat method, which did take a few weeks but has worked. it probably takes a lot longer than cc - which i also was too soft to do.

also we saw she settled better when she has somthing to hold onto and now sleeps pretty well clutching her little stuffed cow

karen999 · 18/10/2007 20:00

If you are really sruggling you can e-mail me direct....if you want to let me know and I will provide the details....

Original poster

beautifuldays · 18/10/2007 20:08

thanks for your replies everyone. she's quiet for now.... i'm just soo tired, i haven't had a full nights sleep for so long.

she used to have a dummy when she was little and we got rid of it when she was 6 months old as i was getting up 10 times a night to give her the dummy back, so now she sucks her thumb.

she has a toy rabbit in her bed every night but not really sure she cuddles it or anything. what is the no cry sleep thing? that sounds too good to be true! i have got to do something about this because it is making everyones lives a misery. we don't even get the evening to ourselves because we are constantly running up and down the stairs to her to stroke her head etc to settle her back to sleep.

i'm at a loss at what to do really - all we do when she wakes in the evening is stroke her head for a minute and leave and then she goes back to sleep -it's just it's every half an hour, all evening. i don't just want to ignore her tho.

sorry am rambling now...

OP posts:

BabyBaggage · 18/10/2007 20:08

Had such a nightmare sleep issue with DS2 that I'm reluctant to offer anyone advise on the subject. However, for what it's worth!

HV made me aware that I was still putting my 10 month old down to sleep in the same way as a new baby. i.e. feeding down, cuddling, rocking etc. I did put him down awake - but frankly only just. I kept picking him up or stroking him until he was so close to sleep that he really couldn't be bothered to object. Therefore he never really learned to self-settle. Switching to verbal cues really helped. I would sit by the cot and firmly but calmly tell him to sit down, and then lie down. While he stood in his cot I would withdraw all attention except for the instruction to sit down. When he obeyed I'd reward him verbally and when he lay I'd gently stroke his hand or back and sing a nursery rhyme. He now has a Pavlovian style response to Baa Baa blacksheep and automatically lies down whenever I sing it. Critically, he seemed to learn through this that it was okay to be in his cot alone, and okay to go back to sleep. The first night took an hour, second 45 mins and gradually reduced from there. Given that your baby used to manage a night with "only" one waking, it is maybe not a settling issue. You'll know that better than me.

Good luck - I know how horrible the tiredness is.

breadgirl · 18/10/2007 20:12

What do you do during the day?
I would think, keep her stimulated during the day. If you're at home don't worry about noise, chat to her, play, do the vacuuming .. even have the tv on even if you're not watching it.
If she has short naps during the day, that doesn't matter .. i wouldn't think there was any need to try to get her to go back to sleep after she has woken from one.
Keep the evenings more hushed, dim lights, give her a bath, last feed, speak quetly .. things to associate with night time ie. ready for bed. hth, but sorry if it isn't!

MegBusset · 18/10/2007 20:14

Here is the NCSS book.

karen999 · 18/10/2007 20:15

beautifuldays.....I am sorry maybe you have mentioned this and I have missed it but how old is your daughter?

Also, I have had such a hard time from others on other forums about CC but as I said before it does work wonders...one of the reasons that children wake up every hour or so is that they do not get into a 'deep sleep'.....and so the slightest thing wakes them. I have a seven month old and a seven year old...she has friends in and can sometimes make a noise which I do not give her a hard time about becasue I know that baby is in a deep sleep.

If you want a step by step guide about the ins ans outs then please feel free to ask....I know from my first child how stressful this whole thing can be.

snotonmyshoulder · 18/10/2007 20:16

Hi Beautiful don't know if this will help (and apols if I haven't read all posts thoroughly and probly crossed a lot of posts too ) but I had similar with my ds but when he was about 6m. I don't know how you feel about this ( it seems awful to wake a sleeping baby) but once you do get her to sleep I'd try waking her half hour early before the 2.30am milk and then keep reducing this every night until it kind of merges with the 11pm one. This sort of thing worked for us as it helped brake the habit (and at least he didn't wake up crying!). I then kept going until DS was finally sleeping through til 5ish.

Really wish you luck tonight - you'll do fine I'm sure and will find something that works for you soon xx

ps get dh to bring home chocolate and wine as a matter of ergency

WeeWitchyWilkie · 18/10/2007 20:18

Do you have a nightlight in the room? DS (same age) screams if he wakes and the nightlight is off

Original poster

beautifuldays · 18/10/2007 20:21

no the room is pitch black, always has been so don't think that's it, she seems to sleep better in the dark tbh, thanks for the suggestion tho
babybaggage - what did you do once you had left the room, did you keep going back in and stroking his head? i still feed her to sleep so maybe that is the problem

OP posts:

MegBusset · 18/10/2007 20:27

Beautifuldays, that might be part of the problem tbh -- she goes to sleep all snuggled up to you and then, when she comes into light sleep every 30-45 mins, you aren't there and so she cries. I know this isn't a problem for all babies who are fed to sleep, but can be for some.

In that case I would definitely recommend both the Pantley book and the GR technique I mentioned below, I have used both to gently wean my DS off feeding to sleep.

FrayedKnot · 18/10/2007 20:29

When DS was about the same age I gave him a "snuggly" (actually a piece of cut up nightie which had seen better days!). I made several of them, in case one got lost, and I used to pop it inside my top for half an hour or so before bed so that it would smell of me / breastmilk.

It seemed to make quite a difference to his evening wakings (like your DD he would often wake a couple of times during the early evening).

He still continued to wake at night, and I continued to b/f if he woke at night, until he was just over a year, but at least evenings were more peaceful.

Might it be worth trying something similar?

WeeWitchyWilkie · 18/10/2007 20:30

I think you answered your own Q - if she falls asleep snuggled up to you and then wakes up and you are gone - she will be confused and cry for you.

Imagine someone stealing your pillow in the middle of the night once you have nodded off. When you went into light sleep, you would notice it had gone and get REALLY annoyed until you found it again!

Think the suggestion to wean her gently off falling asleep on you is an excellent one. I have always put DS down awake after my sis did what you do and suffered the same problems.

My DS isn't brilliant and napping/going down but once he is asleep he generally (crosses fingers) sleeps well.

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