2 year old still not sleeping through

[jem2020]

Dear all
I am desperate for some sleep

I am hoping someone can help me. I have a two year old who refuses all naps and from sheer exhaustion naps around 3pm after many meltdowns through the day
She then won't sleep until 11pm

From 6 weeks -10 months she used to sleep in her cot and was literally a textbook baby

From 10 months onwards we started to co sleep as I got diagnosed with rheumatoid Arthritis and was finding it difficult to get her out of the cot if she needed a nappy change or was teething.

Since then, it's been over a year I have been surviving on 4 wake ups atleast through the night, and it's exhausted my brain cells I literally can't think straight

I tried to put her in the cot again and she was blue in the face and nearly puked from crying,I can't bring myself to do that again

I tried siting on the edge of the bed until she fell asleep however again there were more tears and screaming

I'm at wits end. I really really need some help and sleep

I just don't know what to do anymore

Have you got a bedtime routine with her? My dd has always had a bedtime routine and that way she knows what is coming next. After dinner we all play toys then my dh takes her for a bath, gets into pjs, small snack (biscuit and drink etc) upstairs for a story and bed.
I would try and keep her up if she isn't napping until 3pm (easier said than done i know. 🙈) and that way she will hopefully go down a bit earlier at night.
Try sitting beside her cot/bed and reassure her, hold her hand. Speak to her about it during the day so she knows you are going to put her into her bed that night and get excited when u tell her so she gets excited by it.
You sound exhausted! Hopefully you can get some rest/sleep. Have you got any family who could take her for a night and let you rest?
X

Hi thanks so much for ur reply it's really kind and thoughtful of u

I am on my own and have two really old parents who are not In good health themselves.

I have a routine with her, she used to have milk before bed and two weeks ago she decided she didn't want anymore ! So at the Moment once she has had dinner we play with toys pack them away and then say it's time for sleep good night.

She will take my hand and lead me upstairs and we both walk upstairs together brush teeth wash hands etc and nappy

Read a few books then lights off saying good night sometimes she will scream and scream otheryimes toss and turn which can go on for two hours

Day sleep is worse and I have to hold her until she sleeps otherwise she willl fight it and scream and scream

I know she is chronically sleep deprived, if I am I know she is too and she's so young with dark circles

Sleep deprivation feels like torture atm

I will usually hold her hand or put my arm around her to calm her

White noise in background

When I do keep her up she will fall asleep by 6 in sheer exhaustion however multiple night wake ups than normal last Monday was 8 wake ups with crying

Have you tried putting her in the car or her pram for a sleep? Then u can drive about, go for a walk or even push her back and forth in the house. Try doing it before lunchtime so it hopefully doesn't interfere with her night time sleep. Even limit it to 30/45mins.
Close the curtains and put calming music on. Means you can get a bit of time to yourself without holding her.
You could try giving her a snack before bedtime incase she is getting hungry during the night.
If she does wake up in the middle of the night reassure her by letting her know u r there however little conversation.
Perseverance is key which is easier said that done when you are so tired but it will better!!
Let me know how you get on.
X

Thanks for ur message

She stopped sleeping in the car and pushchair since she was 6 months old!

She hates being restrained in any form and it's a bloody head ache to her to even sit in the car without screaming!

Il try the little snack before bed, as she has stopped having her milk Past two weeks which used to be able to calm her down atleast

Now it's jumping on bed, roll on mum, lie on top of me urgh

Funnily enough she went for a nap after a morning shopping at 2, however she has been awake since 7am this morning !

I brought black out curtains and we have soothing music white noise the works

I’m not suggesting you do this, but would she sleep in your bed? I have a child who is not a good sleeper and still fighting to get him to stay in his bed (he is 10!) but if I know he’s just not going to do it, he will at least sleep in mine. I know this is prob encouraging bad behaviour which is why I start by saying don’t do it...

Oh you poor thing. This sounds awful. I’d probably get rid of the cot altogether at this stage and think about a floor bed? Even just a double mattress so you could get her to fall asleep next to you and then sneak away and have at least some time alone?

Have you spoken to your health visitor? Poor sleep at this stage might need some investigation. Especially if she seems chronically overtired. I would probably also be considering hiring a sleep consultant at this stage. I think you can only go on for so long like this, especially with your own health issues.

Your going to laugh

We co sleep, she always slept better in her cot but due to health issues a year ago we ended up co sleeping

Iv tried so hard so hard to get her in cot but to no avail

Due to Covid health visitors are scarce and working from home but I'm not sure what on!

When she was younger she was bottle fed( i had a blood transfusion and infection following labour)! Sorry if that was too much information

She used to be on gaviscon until she was 6 months old due to reflux

This waking up only started when we started to co sleep

Havin stiff joints I had to keep her next to me as I wouldn't be able to put her in cot or get her out

So sorry if I waffled on

Do u know what health issues could be

Would a toddler bed fit in your room? So she has you in the room with her but in her own bed. Then when she gets used to sleeping in her bed you could try and move it into her room?

Omg what a brilliant idea! I'm sooo going to try that tonight

All of u have been wonderful, it can get so lonely sometimes when ur sleep deprived hahaha have a lovely evening everyone

Let us know how u get on. It might take a week or so for her to get used to it but at least it will be a step in the right direction.🤞

If I were you I would stop the daytime naps (as they sound like a struggle anyway) and I would replace with quiet time and a snack. Then I would concentrate on night time sleep.
Maybe (as nap gone) try an early bedtime of 6:30 or 7pm. Maybe try her in a new full size single bed? With a bed guard. Get her excited about new duvet and which teddies she can sleep with etc. But if she wakes in the night I would go in reassure her you are there quick cuddle and tuck her in again and leave room and just keep repeating (but not talking at all after the first couple of times).. this is where you could probably do with some help as could go on a few times..... And over a few nights! Is there anyone who could help you tag team.? If not maybe you could put a mattress or camp bed in her room and kip next to her for few nights and get further away? Until you sleep back on your own bed.

I feel for you op. Sounds hard! But it will improve eventually!!

We tried everything with our dd and she eventually slept through at age 4 .

It's me again

We turned cot into toddler bed, last night and she just wanted me to cuddle her over and over again I tried to camp down on the floor

She just doesn't know how to self settle and cried wanting me to put my arm around her

She has a Minnie Mouse toy which she has taken to bed for over a year and even that didn't help

Am I being over enthusiastic waiting for a miracle to happen

She kicks her legs and tosses and turns when it's either nap time or bed time

It will take longer than a night u just have to persevere. Even sit with her with your arm round her (while she is lying in her bed) until she falls asleep. Then once she does this take little steps, ie sitting with her in her room without your arm round her then moving further away from her bed until you are out the room. It will take a little while for her to get used to everything but you will get there.
I've just taken the dummy away from my DD and we are just taking small steps. For the first few nights she screamed and cried then last night(night 5) we had no tears but needed a little cuddle so tonight ill perhaps sit beside her bed for a little while.
It can get really frustrating/tiring but in the long run it will be so much better for both of you.

I attached the toddler bed to the side of my bed. When he outgrows this he’ll go in a double because he rolls around a lot in his sleep.
The late nap and then late to bed is a really tricky one my three year old will do this if given the opportunity. I, by no means, get sleep right all the time but things I have found to help are enough food throughout the day and really restrict the sugar in take, fresh air either out for a walk or just in the garden. Quiet easy activities towards the end of the day doing anything that avoids a situation where he could nod off, in our case that’s the car or buggy. So sticker book, jigsaws, stories. Ideally no screen time doesn’t always work. I find preschool days are better for sleep than other days. Mine can’t self settle very well but we’ve moved from cuddling to hand holding.
Does she respond to bribery? Mine has a lucky dip bag with small toys in and for every night he went to sleep in his bed and stayed in it all night he got a dip. It took one night to get home to stay in his bed and he wanted a dip every morning for a week. Some people use sticker charts or pasta in a jar, that works if they want and understand about getting a bigger toy.

I have a nightmare 19 month old sleeper too. We started the transition from cosleeping about 6 months ago when I found out I was expecting DC2. We went in the following stages:

1. Side off the cot with a single mattress next to it, in his nursery. I would sleep on the single mattress overnight, and keep scooching him over into his cot (which was at the same height) when he woke up. We did this for about a month.

1. DH did a week or so of nights, also sleeping on the single mattress next to him. The first few nights were pretty grim, but he soon adjusted and was not hysterical or anything, just woke a lot. Is there anyone who could take a turn and do this for you, even for just a few days to break the sleep association?

1. Same bed set up, but every time we settled him down to sleep, we would leave and go back to our own bed. When he cried, we would go back and lie with him until he fell asleep and repeat. This was the hardest stage. We did it for 2-3 months.

1. About a month ago, we got rid of the cot and set up a low single bed with bed guard. It's big enough for us to get in to settle him down but not super comfy to sleep overnight.

His sleep has come on leaps and bounds. He was waking 4-5 times a night, still wanting milk at night, generally exhausted. Now I'd say the average is one wake up in the night, although we do still have a very very early start (5-5.30 every day). Once or twice a week he is sleeping through from 7.30ish to 4.30/5 which is a major luxury for us. He will also do a consistent 2 hour nap in the middle of the day.

This approach may not work for you, but taking it slowly really helped us and recognising that there would be no overnight fix. We weren't willing to do any form of controlled crying and I'm so glad now that we didn't. He is getting there in his own time, although I can absolutely relate with your desperation for some sleep!