First baby, sleeping horribly. Please help

[2020mommy]

Hi all, I really need advice..My DD is 2 months old and I have a big problem. Ever since she was born she has been glued to me and when I say that I mean literally she is on me 24/7. I wouldn’t mind but the problem is that she also sleeps on me all night. I sushh her to sleep on my chest and she stays there (sleeping on her tummy on my chest). The very second I try putting her in her cot/bedside crib/our bed or anywhere she starts screaming so I end up picking her up and falling asleep with her on top of me. This has been going on every single day and needless to say I haven’t had any sleep for the past two months.

She has the worst moro reflex - she startles approx every minute when put on her back and that wakes her up. She absolutely HATES swaddles - she will kick and scream to get her hands out. I’ve tried every kind there is and the only swaddle she likes is the Love to Dream with has her hands up. But even with that she starts grunting twisting and turning the second she is on her back and again I need to pick her up.

I’ve suspected silent reflux (as she won’t be in her back) so we tried gaviscon- the only thing that achieved was making her constipated..

I’ve tried tilting her mattress at an angle in case she has wind but that didn’t work.

I can’t place her in bed not fully asleep because the second she is off of me she cries unconsolably until she is picked up.

This way of sleeping is no good for neither of us, nor is it safe but I don’t know what to do...what’s your advice? What would you do in my shoes? Please help...

My daughter was like this. Things got better at 16 weeks and she slept better (though on her bell though🤦🏽‍♀️) It makes it easier X

This too shall pass was my baby motto. Alongside another apt cliche: 'the days are long but the years are short'

Clearly you can’t go on like that, you need to sleep. Your DD needs a new routine, one where she can learn to settle in her crib. It’s fine for her to cry, recent research has shown that babies do not come to any harm if they cry for short periods. I’ll try and find it for you.

If she’s fed, changed, loved not too warm or cold, then it’s absolutely fine to put her down and allow her to settle. It’s perfectly normal for babies to cry before dropping off. Don’t pick her up as soon as she starts. She needs to learn to self settle. Babies do cry, a lot but it’s okay. You’re doing what comes naturally in comforting her but she needs time on her own in her crib, learning to settle.

Imagine for a moment that you have three children. I had three under five. You are so knackered that the baby has to settle themselves. You simply don’t have the time or energy to spend all your time soothing the baby. The baby gets left to sort themselves out, as you know that they are perfectly safe in their crib. You, on the other hand will be run ragged with the other two trying to potty train one, getting one ready for nursery, getting them fed and watered etc. Suddenly you realise the baby is fast asleep and you did nothing at all to settle her. My youngest grew up into the happiest, sunny person and she never slept on me or with me.

I hope this helps.

I'm in exactly the same position OP, so I understand how you feel. I'm constantly on the brink of tears from exhaustion, and getting cross with my husband and my toddler.

Recently I've tried putting her down in her cot post-bath, and have had some success. I would breastfeed her and then hold/rock until she's asleep, give it a good ten mins, then transfer to cot. She'll often thrash and wake up a bit but half the time can settle back down as she was already very sleepy. Sometimes she will cry, but I've had to harden my heart and only go back in if the cry escalates. Sometimes she'll cry softly for a couple of mins and then settle.

The above only works for the first part of the night sadly but still something. I hope you get some sleep soon, it's horrible. You got this 💪🏼

Is baby breastfed or bottle fed, or a mix?
Do you have a partner and if so are the two of you taking turns to hold and settle her?
A baby that cries and/or grunts every time they're laid down on their back probably does have reflux. Do you also notice swallowing, hiccuping etc?
My first had silent reflux caused by CMPA and my second also has reflux (she's sick more than he was) which I also think is caused by CMPA.
Have you considered CMPA? What are baby's dirty nappies like, are they normal or have you noticed any blood or mucus?

Keeping upright after feeds is essential. Putting the crib at an angle can help too - some cribs have a tilt function but if yours doesn't you could get a wedge for under the mattress. (We have a wedgehog.) Also if the Gaviscon hasn't helped you could ask the GP for omeprazole.

www.health.harvard.edu/blog/new-study-says-okay-let-babies-cry-night-201605319774

Some helpful advice here
www.babysleepscience.com/single-post/2017/07/18/Newborns-and-Sleep-Part-2-Weeks-7-16

My first DS was like this, he was in bed with us every night till he was 7mths then we put him in his own room in the cot, expecting big problems but it was easier than we imagined tbh. Midwife said to wait till he was 7mths, as he would remember, it worked for us.

Our second DS was an even worse sleeper & the reason we stopped at 2.

It does get easier OP, try and get some rest in the day, my MIL used to take DS out in his pram so I could sleep. It won’t be forever, although I know it feels like it at the time

It is totally against SIDS best practice, but my baby like that used to get to sleep on a thin blanket on my/DHs chest, and the transferred to his moses basket, on his tummy, on the blanket. I used to be able to get an hour out of him.
We decided the risk of no sleep for me was worse than aids (tummy sleeping was the only risk factor).
None sleeping babies suck to help get you through today.

Hi OP, that is so tough. Had a baby with silent reflux here who was very similar, although she loved a swaddle. Are you breastfeeding? I ask because what worked for me was feeding her to sleep in side lying. I could then gradually shimmy backwards one millimetre every 5 mins - baby could stay on the nice warm patch of bed she'd dropped off in, no being put down. It meant her sleeping on her side which is obviously not ideal, but it is MUCH less risky than them falling asleep on your chest and then you dropping off with exhaustion (which was our situation) and was much more comfortable for her with the reflux - you need to weigh up the risk of the options available to you and for me this was the way forward. It was advised by our wonderful lactation consultant who had previously been an NHS midwife for 25 years- there is a special place in heaven reserved for that woman! If baby startles you just scoot back across the gap and cuddle/feed if needed, you don't have to pick her up and disturb her. That gets them used to the feeling of being asleep on a mattress rather than you. Once they are used to that you can gently shove them backwards a millimetre at a time once definitely asleep - eventually getting them into a next to me crib if you have one (highly recommended). By that point they're used to finding themselves in a bed and it's fine - once they are happy waking up in the next to me you can feed how you like and just put them down once asleep. For us it took about 2 weeks from being where you are to feeding and then plonking straight into the next to me on her back. If you have a stubborn baby like mine (sounds like you might! They're good fun though 🙂) then I recommend a similar approach to all parenting battles- one step at a time is much more likely to be successful and less stressful (mine is 2 next month and this approach works equally well with a stubborn toddler!). Every parent needs to weigh up risk and I totally understand you want them sleeping on their back - all I would say is that them sleeping on your chest is much more risky so if side sleeping is the 'risk-bridge' you need then for me it was totally worth it. All the best and enjoy your snuggle monster!