5 week old refuses to go in the cot

[magda3]

I’m a first time mom to a 5 week old little girl. She’s a really good baby and has only started fussing about sleep recently...

Up until maybe a week ago I was able to put her down to sleep in her cot during nighttime or Moses basket downstairs. She falls asleep on the breast or being cuddled and rocked or in the wrap sling.

Now she refuses to be put down anywhere for her day naps and has to be on me or my husband to sleep. Otherwise she wakes up almost immediately.

At night she is ok to go to the cot between 9pm and 3am (with a break for a feed at midnight). But when she wakes up for a feed after 3am and I try to put her down in the cot she wakes up very quickly and we either end up playing a game of put down pick up, where it takes 40mins to soothe her and she than stays 10-20mins in the cot, or I take her into bed with me and we both get a little bit of sleep.

How on earth does she know that it’s after 3am I have no idea, and why the cot is perfectly fine in this short timeframe but at any other time it’s unacceptable?

Did anyone have similar experience?

Any advise on how to cope with this and somehow train her to sleep in the cot/Moses basket?

I don’t want her to demand to sleep on people all the time...

Thanks!

Is it a next to me cot? And do you put lights on for feeds? She is still developing her circadian rhythm but there are things you can do to encourage this.

If you're not doing it already, try keeping lights off for feeds - use a small very very low glow type light for minimal light- and if you are still changing nappies at night then try doing it in bed rather than getting up. Have a basket of stuff and a waterproof blanket you can roll out over your lap. Try not to talk to your baby or look her in the eye but gentle calming sssh if needed. Basically minimal disruption so that you can keep her asleep or partially asleep / drowsy.

Then when it's morning switch to curtains open, lights on, animated face and voice.

I'm only a bit further along than you OP - baby is 3 months- so I am not the oracle! But this worked for us.

I’m literally doing everything you mention above! And have been from the very beginning so not sure what’s changed for her.

It is a next to me cot and I have a lamp with dimmer switch so I keep the lights at minimum at night. I also avoid interactions and change her in bed only if necessary (poo).

Your baby will grow out of this at some point but she is currently very young and her behaviour is completely normal - she spent most of her life so far in the womb and will be comforted by your presence and the warmth and familiarity of close body contact. Some babies will accept sleeping for longer periods in a cot long before others, but there are ways that you can try to nudge them in the direction you want without having to sleep train them using “cry it out” methods which it is thought may have detrimental effects. I strongly recommend the books “The no cry sleep solution” and “Sweet Sleep” which give lots of guidance on what is developmentally normal sleep behaviour, and the ways you can kindly “nudge” your baby’s sleep in the direction you want.

P.s. as the parent of a slightly older baby (1 year) I now know that sleep patterns change a lot and seem to progress and regress frequently. My baby’s sleep was brilliant for the first six months and then we had some real challenges, but things are currently quite settled. I find it helpful to remind myself that difficult periods will pass and these experiences are completely normal.

This is completely normal, she’s not ‘demanding’ to sleep on a person, she is biologically designed to want to sleep on a person! It’s instinct for safety. She’s not being controlling, she has nothing but instinct right now and that instinct says the best place to be is with you. It won’t last forever.

Don’t try and ascribe adult levels of manipulation and understanding of their behaviour to a 5 week old who doesn’t even know they’re a separate being from you yet

Thank you for your reassuring messages!