6 week old - not coping

[LouiseKira]

She has always had a problem napping in the day. She just won't sleep. Sometimes I get a lucky day and she'Il do one 3 hour nap and i dare dream that we've cracked it, but then she reverts. I laugh when I read that newborns are supposed to get 17 hours a day or whatever. At least she slept a bit a night. Usually 4 hours, 1 hour wake up, then 2 hours, 1 hour wake up, and then just grunting and unsettled until I get up.

Go back 5 days and she started sleeping 6 hours straight for the first block. I was in heaven!

Now, all of a sudden, no sleep.

We've been up 19 hours. I'm dying. I tried to get her to nap about 40 times today. Just wakes straight up. She'll nap on me but I can't do it . I need sleep. I cried so many times today.

This is my first child. I didn't know it would be this hard. How does anyone cope with this and have an older child to parent? I'm terrified I won't have another child in future as this is so difficult I know I wouldn't be able to cope with anything worse.

I really recommend downloading the huckleberry app, I'm using it now for DD3. It predicts when nap time should be. If it's coming up to two hours awake time then look to get her to nap - doesn't really matter how so sling, pram or bouncer. Sometimes babies are able to get themselves to sleep at regular intervals unaided but for most this simply isn't true. Lots of info is so misleading and leaves mums wondering what they're doing wrong if it's not all going to plan.

Yes, definitely will go into full damage control if it gets to 2 hours awake now. And If I'm tired then and she won't be put down then I will either have to suck it up or get DH to have her. The problem has been the frequent feeding as I can't nap and I can't express as she just drinks it all! I'm really thinking the whole 'you cannot overfeed a breastfed baby is crap. She would literally drink and poo all day if I followed her queues! Gonna start pushing for two hours between feeds, so should be longer as she should nap inbetween. Up until now it's been nap refusal and just feeding constantly which must be giving her digestive discomfort. I can hear it bubbling away in her belly and she poos at least three times a day and they're very explosive and pure liquid which can't be normal.

Now we're up, after a feed and nappy change she was yawning but again didn't want to be put down. (I think she's refluxy as well so gonna call gp to get that sorted)
So now I'm baby wearing and she's fast asleep!

Runny poos are normal for breastfed babies. If she's feeding a lot it may be to up your supply- because you don't know how much she's getting, I wouldn't say it's safe to start imposing feed times. She's still very little. What weight centile is she on?

DD3 fed constantly at that age as well, as I said she was/is a sicky baby so I think some of it was for comfort too. I couldn't see a time where she'd not be feeding but now we're at 3/4 hour gaps. I actually invested in an elvie pump as otherwise I just had no time to pump at all. I second pp with the mam suggestion, DD3 doesn't have a dummy but has milk in a bottle some evenings and gets on really well with mam. Yes you should be feeding on demand but I think if she's fed for a long time it's okay to try some distraction techniques to see if it's really hunger or sore tummy.

It gets easier, it’s not forever. But I co-slept (still do) safely on advice of my midwife. Bed stripped of bedding and pillows, warm pj’s, C position, feed lying down. Husband sleeps elsewhere, I don’t drink alcohol.
It’s only a complete no-no if you are a smoker, drinker or take drugs.

My baby is 8 months and has never slept in crib or cot. But we get good sleep now. Those first weeks are hard though, so hard. But you will sleep again and until you do, you will manage.

Chuck money at it if you can. Buy a futon and co sleep with no duvet . You sleep in a onesie and so does she. This is how they do it in Japan apparently and low cot death risks. Hard, flat surface means you are less likely to roll on baby. Sleep in C position. No pillows and husband in another room. Newborns are sleep stealing devils and I'm still traumatized years later but it will pass.

Just to update - she is a different baby today! She's just so happy and chill! I can put her down to nap and she doesn't fight it and is no longer screaming. Looking at it now i think i was misreading feeding cues. Freya will always take the boob if offered, and drink nonstop. If she's in pain from digestive upset, she wants comfort so will scream and take the boob and drink more which was making everything worse. Constantly fart, constantly pooing and weeing, and constantly scream and feed and just no napping at all. Then she wouldn't nap because her tummy hurt when lying down.
I did question my supply at one point, but realised the amount of nappies we were getting through a day it was very clear i had more than enough milk!
For anyone who is in a similar situation, i read this article and this is exactly what tyhe problem was -
but now i know when she is actually hungry and when not. I just can't believe the difference. Brought her downstairs this morning, and i when i put her down, there was no screaming. She just sat there making happy gurgles and looking at this art painting i have on the wall, haha.

Ahh it posted too soon! Here is the article for anyone who has a similar problem -
www.babycareadvice.com/article/detail/Lactose_Overload

Hi OP I haven't read everything yet so someone might have suggested this already.

We have a babybay bedside crib and my little boy wouldn't sleep in it initially. In fact, when we got back from the hospital at 1am, I put him in it asleep and his eyes pinged right open! That was a significant moment for me because it marked the start of what I call the 'babyshock' period. Everyday for weeks I wondered what I had gotten myself into, while not quite accepting that I couldn't undo it! (Honestly, it's normal!).

My lovely boy is now 13 weeks and it truly has gotten easier. I know you probably think that's forever away, as I did, but somehow I got here.

What helped with putting him in his crib was putting his nest in it (he would sort of sleep in the nest in the day), and then a Babymoov Cosydream replaced it after that. The nest was the transition sleep space and I guess the cosydream helped him feel a bit more snug. I also did a bit of pick up/put down in the crib during the day when I had more energy to (before I had a clue what sleep training was, or that a 6 week old even needed naps!) and that helped too. Mind you, he only naps on me or DH now!

Then one day a few weeks ago, every time I tried to put him down he would wake up so out of frustration I just tossed the cosydream aside and put him right on the mattress. He settled to my amazement and he's been on it ever since!

Like others I co-sleep when I have to and still bring him in from about 5am. It's not comfy for me tbh but it helps my boy to sleep those last few hours before a more sociable 830am wake up. I've never rolled into him and always do the C-shape thing.

I see that your partner works nights and is asleep till the afternoon. I'm sorry, but you've been working your ass off all night too and I'd wager that your work is harder than his. At least he knows what to expect from his work. So if he can do even a couple of hours when he gets home before he sleeps himself, then that's a fair first step. He needs to adjust to having a baby as much as you have. Agreeing who does what and when between DH and myself has been as much a learning curve as becoming a mum has been tbh. Lots of arguments and poor communication but I hear this is normal too (I was convinced I was going to divorce him!!!). Anyway, what I'm saying is that your husband needs to do his share cos it's his kid as well.

Good luck and ask away if you want any of the above clarified. Lots of hugs!

You’ve already had some cracking advice here so not much to add really. You’ve totally got this though; those early days are TOUGH. Nobody can ever prepare you for them and you genuinely think you won’t make it through but you do and you will!
My DS was a horrendous sleeper, at 11 months he’s not great now but miles away from where we were. One thing I wish I knew about before I had a baby was the awake windows. I know it sounds silly but I just kind of expected the baby to doze off in the day but so much can be stimulating to them. A sleep consultant I follow on Instagram uses the guideline of 45 minutes awake window as a newborn and for each month add on 15 minutes so for a 6 week old really be looking to have her awake for an hour at a time.
Good luck and enjoy the sleepy newborn snuggles when you can. I won’t be one of those people who say “enjoy every minute of your baby” because you won’t and don’t feel bad about it. Who enjoys being screamed and shouted at 3am?! X