6 week old - not coping

[LouiseKira]

She has always had a problem napping in the day. She just won't sleep. Sometimes I get a lucky day and she'Il do one 3 hour nap and i dare dream that we've cracked it, but then she reverts. I laugh when I read that newborns are supposed to get 17 hours a day or whatever. At least she slept a bit a night. Usually 4 hours, 1 hour wake up, then 2 hours, 1 hour wake up, and then just grunting and unsettled until I get up.

Go back 5 days and she started sleeping 6 hours straight for the first block. I was in heaven!

Now, all of a sudden, no sleep.

We've been up 19 hours. I'm dying. I tried to get her to nap about 40 times today. Just wakes straight up. She'll nap on me but I can't do it . I need sleep. I cried so many times today.

This is my first child. I didn't know it would be this hard. How does anyone cope with this and have an older child to parent? I'm terrified I won't have another child in future as this is so difficult I know I wouldn't be able to cope with anything worse.

Yeah, it's awful. Do you breastfeed? Co-sleeping saved me- I highly recommend it if you do breastfeed. Follow the safer co-sleeping guidelines though.

Your 6 week old baby hasn’t slept for /9 hours?

*19

It is incredibly hard. You won't know exhaustion like it. You just have to ride it out, take it one day at a time. I used to think the days I had a wash, brushed my teeth and got dressed was a good day. I wish I had something to ease your mind but I don't I just didn't want anyone feeling how I felt with my newborn.

It's tough but it's so worth it x

My first was like this. Never slept more than 10/20 min at a time and up every two hours at night. I ended up co-sleeping (safely) and it saved my sanity and my marriage.

Try to get at least one stretch of 4 hours sleep, it’s key for your own health. I didn’t for months and it was horrendous. If you don’t want to co-sleep then you could try living life in shifts with your partner. Try getting baby to sleep in a sling on you, or a pram, and then give her to your partner for the evening while you sleep. It will get easier.

Yes, exclusively breastfeeding. She wants to feed pretty much constantly. Go through about 15 nappies a day.

I'm too terrified at the thought of co sleeping. For the first month I kept having hallucinations that Id fallen asleep with her lying next to me and was panicking every time i woke up! Too worried about SIDS

When I get her to fall asleep, I leave her against me for 15 mins or so before I move her as she usually falls asleep after feeding and she's a bit refluxy. It's then when I transfer her to moses basket she wakes and cries. So she's had lots of micro naps! Not exactly fulfilling for either of us!

Do you have a sidecar bed for her? If you do you can co-sleep better with no 'side' between you & her.

In the early days I'd put my DD to bed for her 'final' sleep only at 9pm. Then I'd sleep with her & wake when she did & go back to sleep when she did. Sometimes it was 9pm to 10am with various breaks in between. It was the only way I survived.

Make up your own rules & find you own sanity. Until 3 months is very hard. Then it gets better (or perhaps it becomes the new normal!).

Do you mean 15 nappies of poo?

Don't move your DD after 15 mins. Move yourself & leave her as she is with minimum movement. If you move her from a warm bed to a cold one she is bound to wake up. Same goes for nights. Hence the co-sleeping...

Co sleeping saved me. Its really not dangerous if you do it safely and is actually normal in many cultures/countries. Look up lullaby trust

Yes, I think it's been harder as DH has just gone back to work and does night shifts, so away all night and gets back at 7am, then sleeps til 3pm.
She does sleep in the sling which is fantastic in the day for one nap. I just couldn't bear it today as I was just so exhausted so focused so much on getting her to sleep in the crib so I could sleep. It didn't work. Gave up at 2pm!

She's been asleep on me now for 20 mins. Gonna try and transfer her, wish me luck!!!

I read so much research on cosleeping. It truly is safe if you do it properly. The problem is the midwives can’t say that as some people will bend the rules. And it’s a lot safer than accidentally falling asleep with a baby on the sofa which is what I was at risk of.

I was scared too initially, but fell asleep with DD accidentally on a chair once or twice and that's a huge, huge no no. Increases the risk of SIDS by about forty times. Given the choice between co-sleeping and that, co-sleeping is the far safer option.

Try looking into getting something else for her to sleep in, DD didn't sleep in her Moses, she ended up in bed with me but if you're worried about co-sleeping how about a crib?

Good luck!

Please look at the Lullaby Trust's guidelines for co sleeping - the really dangerous thing is to do it without planning to, and you're at the point of exhaustion where it is so easy to fall asleep on the sofa etc.

Also your husband needs to take her for you to get a decent nap late afternoon.

Overall though, I'm afraid this sounds totally normal! This is an incredibly hard time - it will get better eventually!

It’s unbelievably hard to have a new baby at the moment with everything that’s going on particularly a first baby so I feel for you hugely. It’s ok to cry (and cry and cry). It’s also ok to put your crying baby down and have 5 minutes away to collect your thoughts if you need to it won’t harm them.

From a practical point of view the constant feeding is normal for a 6 week old. The sleep is also normal but on the worse end of the scale for babies (daytime certainly night doesn’t sound too bad for that age).

Do you have a partner? Any chance of expressing so they can feed baby once so you could get a longer stretch at the start of the night?

If you need to co sleep to get any sleep do it. The risks if you do it safely and don’t smoke/drink are incredibly small and weighed up with the long term impact on you of exhaustion it’s worth it.

If she’s refluxy sometimes propping up the end of the cot/basket (not anything In the cot or under the mattress but actually under the legs) so the head is slightly raised can help. Have you tried things like infacol? They can sometimes help.

If she likes the movement what about a rocking chair? My DD loved one that vibrates and would sleep in it happily- not ideal but relatively safe particularly if someone else can keep an eye on her while you sleep.

If she’s up that long she’s probably hugely hugely overtired. Try putting her down after 45 mins/hour awake time (I’m sure you have tried this). Perhaps a sling would work when you go for a walk and she may get a solid hour+ and catch up on the overtiredness.

Call in help from partner or if you really aren’t coping can you stay with family? I would consider it an emergency as you really need some help.

And with the second child- honestly you forget. It seems never ending and relentless and awful but it DOES pass and when they’re 2 and sleeping through you think ‘oh how lovely a newborn they were’. Then you have another and realise oh fuck yeah some bits were terrible but by then it’s two late. I say that as a parent of 2 one 5 months old.

Hang in there. It gets better

Oh OP I sympathise.
My 9 week old DS is asleep on my boob as I type this.
‘Bionic baby’
‘Duracell baby’
‘Nuclear baby’
^ all names we gave him, he had a good few days going 20+ hours without sleep. We still have rough days where he fights and fights sleep.

Have you tried a white noise? We have my hummy and it can help. If not look at a babba Cush, you can’t leave them all night in it but you could at least nap. DS gets so cranky when he doesn’t sleep...screams and screams!

DS also falls asleep better if I gently rub my fingertips over his scalp as he feeds. He loves that. Try cool boiled water and a warm bath before bed and it all else fails is there anyone who can support you?

I hit the wall after a particularly awful 2-3 days around week 7 and my MIL took him off my hands for about 5-6 hours to let me sleep. I was a mess, couldn’t even converse with her coherently.

Please make sure you’re drinking enough (LOADS) breast feeding is a sod for dehydration!

Try cool boiled water

Presumably for the mother? You oughtn't give breastfed babies any other fluids at six weeks old.

If she has reflux she will be feeding constantly and waking due to pain. Although feeding lots and lots is normal at this stage the reflux won't be helping. Maybe speak to your health visitor about some medication for this.
I have been where you are and it's hard. My 2.5 year old has only just recently started sleeping for more than a few hours at a time, but it does get easier and you do get used to it.
Basically at this stage you just need to let it be. Leave the housework, leave the chores and anything else and just sit, feed, nap, repeat. Your dh can do the rest and batch cook for you both. Really truly sleep when the baby does every single time if you can. Pass baby to dh when he wakes at 3pm and go to bed for a few hours. Baby will be able to go a little while between feeds if dh rocks and comforts her.
Its the hardest thing in the world but you will get through it and it will get better

*Also I know co sleeping is scary but if you’re anywhere near as exhausted as I was it’s probably going to happen whether you intend it to or not.
On several occasions I’ve woken up with DS snuggling me after falling asleep mid feed and not putting him back in his snuz. I practise the safe sleep guidelines just in case and maybe you can too. Even if it’s not plan A, better safe than sorry.

@FourPlasticRings

Well that’s not what our GP and HV advised.
DS suffers with gas and tummy pains and this was interrupting his sleep and stopping him settling. We were told a little cool boiled water was fine.

Oh gosh your post takes me back. The first 10 weeks or so were horrendous, breastfeeding was hard, sleep was non-existent. I literally slept in 1-2 hour chunks and was hallucinating that I had fallen asleep with DS and squashed him. I couldn't tell the difference between being awake and asleep. DS is now 14 months and I'm not going to lie, the sleep is still hard (but I think he's a particularly bad sleeper). We started cosleeping at 5 months and it really saved my sanity, I wish I had done it sooner in a safe way - it would have eased those awful nightmares and probably given us both better sleep. Please consider it. But more than anything - know that this too shall pass. Everyone loves cuddly newborns but each month with DS gets better for me - it's so worth it. And I really questioned whether I could go through the newborn thing again... here I am pregnant with number 2, don't worry!

I have no advice to contribute but just wanted to sympathise. I couldn't put my baby down for the first 8 weeks without her screaming. If it wasn't for the sling I would have gone totally insane (well, even more insane than I did!).

It's really, really tough but also totally normal for newborns to only sleep on you. Mine napped in my arms for the first 4 or 5 months, but things do change and they do get better. DD is now a fab sleeper day and night.

Honestly, I know it feels like it will last forever, but it won't. Do anything you can to survive, including trying safe co-sleeping.

Sending big hugs.