6 week old - not coping

[LouiseKira]

She has always had a problem napping in the day. She just won't sleep. Sometimes I get a lucky day and she'Il do one 3 hour nap and i dare dream that we've cracked it, but then she reverts. I laugh when I read that newborns are supposed to get 17 hours a day or whatever. At least she slept a bit a night. Usually 4 hours, 1 hour wake up, then 2 hours, 1 hour wake up, and then just grunting and unsettled until I get up.

Go back 5 days and she started sleeping 6 hours straight for the first block. I was in heaven!

Now, all of a sudden, no sleep.

We've been up 19 hours. I'm dying. I tried to get her to nap about 40 times today. Just wakes straight up. She'll nap on me but I can't do it . I need sleep. I cried so many times today.

This is my first child. I didn't know it would be this hard. How does anyone cope with this and have an older child to parent? I'm terrified I won't have another child in future as this is so difficult I know I wouldn't be able to cope with anything worse.

Co-sleeping is your answer, really.

DD didn't want to sleep in her cot. I had just got out of hospital where she'd slept in a cot for three days with no issues. She was my first, so in desperation I'd taken her into my bed and asked my midwife. She said, "But she wants to be with you."

So from then on, we slept together and practised every day in her cot until she went to sleep in it. With DS I didn't even bother trying to put him straight in his cot and with DD2 neither. She did take to her cot like a duck to water one night with no practice, but for the first week wanted to lie in my arm to sleep. Otherwise she would fuss and cry.

If you don't want to have her in your bed (understandable why some people don't) can you buy a side sleeper? DD3 eyes ping open as soon as I move her so she breastfeeds to sleep and we co sleep. Such a turning point when we started feeding lying down, she's actually a very good sleeper but a sicky baby which is why moving her wakes her up.

The sleeping bag with the hands up is called a Swaddle Up Love to Dream and it also worked for me. I had completely forgotten about that! Thanks sheepskinslippers.

Oh op, this time is tough! I wanted/did cry most days when ds was that age. It feels like there will never be an end to it. I was too scared to do co sleeping as I felt too tired to do it safely. But I asked for help on my la leche group and they pointed out safe co sleeping tips. It was a complete saver for me. My ds is 19mo now and we still co sleep and bf. Whatever you decide to do though, it will get easier (I know this isnt much use to you now though!)

When my dd was teeny newborn I could get her to go to sleep by rocking her in the the car seat, or in the rocking moses basket. It needs to be quite a strong rock too, but it worked like magic.
Also we would put her in the baby carrier on either of us and we would sleep/doze reclined on the sofa. We would do shifts one got 6 hours sleep in bed 8-2 whilst the other would have her sleeping on our chests while we watched film etc. She would be in baby carrier and we would be propped just in case we dozed off. Then at 2 we'd swap. It was tiring but it got us over the worst bits. She was mix fed so would have expressed breast milk or formula in a bottle so whoever was with her when she wanted a feed would feed her.
Try rocking - if you have one of those newborn car seats they have a bottom that allows them to rock. Obviously not for long sleeps, but it's a good way to get them off if they are over tired.
Good luck!

I remember these days with non-sleeping DS2, they nearly broke me. If it is any help, I've had 4 and only one that bad (ds4 was also hard work with sleep, but by then I was fully cosleeping and had no routine and once you've survived it once, you know you will again).

Like others, cosleeping saved me. I really tried doing it 'properly', had sleep consultants and the lot but realised that I was becoming such a sad, grumpy mother and also that I was going to end up falling asleep while feeding on a sofa, which is far more dangerous. If you choose to persist with the cot because it is right for you, it will work in time - there will likely be more tears all round in the coming montj, but you'll likely also have a child who sleeps through earlier and can be more easily put to bed by your DH, and your HV will prefer it.

If you do choose to cosleep, followed these guidelines to minimise risk. cosleeping.nd.edu/safe-co-sleeping-guidelines/

Before you transfer back to the Moses basket warm it up with a hot water bottle.
There’s also a sweet spot for transferring, not too soon but don’t leave them asleep on you too long before the transfer. I found 10 minutes works ( I still have to do the transfer and he’s nearly 3)
Daytime naps try pushing out in pram and then leaving them in the garden as I found ds slept better and for longer outside. Just make sure you’ve got somewhere comfortable to sit
It’s really hard with a non sleeper but you do get better at managing on very little sleep.

My three children were all the same. They fought sleep, hardly slept at all and only slept when held. It does get better I promise. Co sleeping was the only option for me to get any sleep at all. I never wanted to do it and the sleep I got was not good quality, but it was the only way I could get any. Also in a sling in the day, or with my first I could sit and watch telly cuddling her. Swaddling also improved things for my middle child.
Make sure you take it in turns with your partner too.
It gets easier I promise x

I ended up co sleeping with my second as I was so sleep deprived. I'd often fall asleep whilst he was feeding too.

I used a v shaped pillow behind me kind if wedged me in-between and had my son sleep upright on me. It was the only thing that worked.
It will get better but it is bloody hard. for you

I agree that wrapping them up warm / swaddling and you moving you not the baby might help

Yep, like everyone else has said, those first few weeks /months are really tough. They just want to sleep on you, but you want to sleep in your bed as you are exhausted.
The other thing you could try is the rolled up blanket method ( google it!)
I used rolled up towels underneath her fitted sheet in a doughnut shape, they lie inside it so they feel more secure and surrounded by something.
It didn't work every time but it definitely helped her to sleep in her Moses basket a little longer.

Make sure the Moses basket is the same temperature as you .put a warmer / hot water bottle and take out obviously when you put the baby in . Put a T-shirt that smells of you as the undersheet and swaddle so hat they stay warm and secure

It is so hard OP.

As many others have said, get yourself set up for safe cosleeping. Can you feed lying down yet? Wear long sleeves so you don't need a duvet up top. Move all blankets to the other side of the bed, I think it's your only option at this stage, but when you do get the knack of it and find something that works for you it will be a lifesaver.

Hang in there OP. It won't always be like this.

You can rent the Snoo crib, we didn’t but a lot of people in my baby group did and said it was a game changer. Also, get your DH to take over some! Fair enough if he works nights he gets a four hour snooze but totally not on if he’s getting a full 8 hours and you’re getting nothing! Breast feeding is great but if giving your kiddo one bottle of formula would give an uninterrupted few hours so it, sleep deprivation is torture. Lots of people on here will tell you it’s normal and you get used to it blah blah blah, it can be utterly miserable and make sure you prioritize your own well being!

Also swaddling! We swaddled until 5 months (not recommended to that age but totally worth it when they are small!!

One of mine loved swaddling and it really helped. As did white noise. No apps in those days so I used the hairdryer - it worked well!
For my second I used a dummy in the early days and gently remove it once he was in a fast sleep.

Oh both were EBF. The dummy didn’t cause nipple confusion.

Urgh. A few months ago I could have wrote this. Horrific. Forgot what it felt like to stretch out in my own bed. Constantly feeling like I was dropping off to sleep.I didnt believe it at the time but it does and will get better.

I had my little boy in December. We have a snuzpod (bought as the next best thing to co-sleeping as the thought terrifies me too). I bought a babymoov cosydream out of desperation and it changed everything for us when I put him in it at 2 months old. Seemed to make him feel more snug. I think he has woken in the night less than 10 times since, one of them being tonight 😂 3.30am seemed like a great time for him to get up today 🙄 usually sleeps 8 til 6.

Its really bloody hard. Can't believe it was only a few months ago for me. You will get through it fine. Most stupid thing I did was care about housework. In fact, one of the few times I cried was after a day of running around mopping floors while baby was sleeping 🤣

It's hard but worth it. Also don't be scared to wake ur partner if you need a break. You are in this together 😉 brighter, well-rested days are just around the corner 😊

My baby is also the same age.

She had a day and night a few days ago where she was very sad. My husband said its a developmental thing. She has gone back to how she was before now. Hopefully it's a blip!

Not to sound like a broken record but the thing about safely co sleeping is you stop having the panic/hallucination moments that you’ve squashed them, because you know you’re doing it right and they are safe. Sleeping curled around your baby means it’s impossible to roll onto them, it truly saved me for the first 8 months of my baby’s life. Sending love and sympathy!

Thank you for all the comments! We didn't get to sleep until 1am, which was 23 hours awake! Poor little thing was so stressed, very snuffly do think she has a cold which obviously didn't help.

In the end we fell asleep sitting up (positioned as safely as I could!) And then transitioned to lying down. I woke up constantly as was worried as she can be an active sleeper, but we did it. We both feel so much better!

Now today if she's awake longer than two hours, it's the sling, a walk or I'm just gonna let her sleep on me. I never wanna go through that with her again!

Will order the love to dream swaddle and will look at getting a crib with removable side. Can't really co sleep with DH here as we have a small bed so no room.

I'm just so happy we got some sleep. Her crying and distress was horrific.

That doesn't sound good not sleeping for 23 hours.
Definitely just do whatever right now that she likes.

I just sat with DS on me sleeping in the day. It was the only way I could get enough rest. DH took him for several hours in the evening and I went to bed straight after dinner but he didn't ever really cluster feed so I could do that.

He also took him for an hour or so in the morning while getting ready for work and walking the dogs then returned him to me for a nap.

It does get better. I promise. But some babies have read the '4th trimester must be cuddled' version of the books