At breaking point

[Motherhippo]

My 5 month old has got me at breaking point! She is keeping me up all night and is not sleeping through the day! I'm absolutely exhausted.
She fusses all night in pain unless I pop her over my shoulder. She's a very heavy baby and this is not comfortable for me. She sleep cries if I put her down. She is currently suffering from bad gas at night, as well as teething and a bad teething rash which is itchy for her. This means that she is unpleasant and fussy all day.
If I could get just a bit of sleep I could deal with her fussiness better but it's just isn't happening. I burp her after every feed. I try and keep her upright for 30 minutes each time but she fusses and wants to get going. So more often than not she is not upright for more than 5-10 minutes. Am going to try gripe water to see if that helps with the gas. She's been teething on and off since she was 3 months old and is yet to have any teeth come through. I give her calpol in the evenings to help with the discomfort so she can sleep. She's got no interest in teething rings/toys preferring her own finger. I've tried teething powder but it made no difference. Because of the teething she's dribbling a lot and constantly so she has developed a teething rash on her chin, neck (front and back) chest and back. I've been trying to treat it with Vaseline and keeping her as dry as possible. Chin is looking much better but chest and neck is red and angry looking. I know it's bothering her because she's trying to scratch it all the time (even in her sleep) I try to stop her from scratching but that just makes her cry. I've got no respite and I've reached the end of my tether. I guess I know there's nothing more I can do but I'm so exhausted I just need to sleep

We took LO out for a walk and I asked about him doing the washing up. His response: "I tidied yesterday, and today and I put some washing on and I went to work" he said it in a jokey way. And then I said "I'd really appreciate it if you could wash up" and he went "We'll see what happens" When we got home I went straight to bed. He put DD in her cot and started doing housework. As it was she only slept for like 20 minutes and woke me up. He's tidied whilst quite clearly in a sulk he's left the washing up and has gone to watch the football

He’s not endearing himself to you is he?

Sorry pressed send too soon
He is being entitled and thoroughly unappealing.
Leave the washing up
Stop cooking his meals, doing his ironing just prioritise you and the baby.

He is prioritising himself

My ex did this to me once. On my first Mother’s Day. I took the baby the house keys and a bag full of baby stuff to the pub. I placed the car seat in the floor handed him the bag and the house keys. I told him unless he got off his arse and came home and behaved in keeping with a family then I was leaving him to it. By the time I got to my car he was struggling out of the pub looking like the dick he was.

Don’t put up with this shit.
Being indispensable to your baby does not mean you are his mug and workhorse.

He has no concept of how hard and tiring it actually is to be a parent. He's not being a father to the baby at the minute. He's choosing some bits to do then handing the baby back when it gets difficult. That's not being a responsible father.

It's not a competition over who tidies what. You're a team. You need support.

He's behaving like a child OP. No one on this thread thinks you are asking too much of him. This bit doesn't last much longer - she'll probably start sleeping a bit better sometime in the next couple of months - but while it's like this you need his support.

Hydramol will help with the rash. We are currently using it on our 5 month old for the same reasons. It can be used in the bath and as a cream. We use it twice a day. Only bath her 2/3 times a week ( water dries out the skin making the itching worse)

He's come back from football and he's made a point of ignoring me. However he's currently changing LOs nappy after me BF her. So I'm getting angry support at the moment

Just ignore the childish behaviour. Go for a sleep now and let him watch the baby.

He's taken himself and baby into the living room. I don't appreciate the cold shoulder but am going to try and get some sleep now. Hopefully he'll be more happy & helpful in the morning

This is what I meant about telling him not just chatting to him. You need to up the ante here and make it clear you are not going to put up with it. But just ask him to help.

Sorry that last sentence should have said you're NOT asking him to help.

Yeah me and my partner hit a bad patch about the same stage you are now. My daughter was 4.5 months old and a crap sleeper despite being formula fed. I eventually completely lost it one night I was so sleep deprived, I started having panic attacks and ended up at OOH gp to get medication. It gave my partner a real fright and he says he thought I seemed to be coping well, despite me repeatedly telling him I needed help.

Basically I'm saying don't be afraid to get upset in front of him to drive the point across if telling him calmly isn't working.
Don't leave it to the stage I did

He helped with her fussing last night, and got up with her this morning, and is currently writing out a shopping list. He's still pointedly ignoring me. I don't know what's worse happy and unhelpful or unhelpful and sullen

Ask him why he's sulking

@00100001 I did, he said he's not sulking. Then I followed that up with asking why he's ignoring me. He said he's got nothing to say

Oh dear.

Well, if he has nothing to say, you can tell him how you've been feeling and how close you are to breaking

He might have something to say then

@00100001 This is after me telling how close I am to breaking

@00100001 I told him last night. He's been like this since.

Yet another man who thinks he can have a baby without any of the work that comes along with it. And sulking is just plain pathetic.
OP I’m having a tough time of it at the moment. I have three DC, all have been poor sleepers and I suffer with insomnia. I feel like I’m at breaking point. So for the past 2 weeks DH has (alongside his full time senior job with lengthy commute)....

• taken over bath/bedtime for all 3 (they’re 6, 4 and 1)
• insists I sleep in the spare room with ear plugs while he deals with the youngest’s night wakings and early mornings
• taken the DD’s to their ballet class on Saturday mornings and taken the baby with him so I can have a couple of hours rest
• booked 2 days annual leave so he can do the school run and look after the baby

After a couple of weeks of this I’m starting to feel vaguely human again.

Make him answer.

Ask him something like "so last night I told you how close I am to breaking. The woman you're supposed to love has told you she's struggling and needs your help. And you have nothing to say about that? If this is how you treat the people you love, I'd hate to see how you treat people you don't like"

Or something.

Well if he has said those words then push it back on him
Tell him that he is right you need some proper rest and to be loved and taken care of.
If he won’t step up and do what is totally expected of him then have you any relatives you could go and stay with for a week or two? People who do love and care about your physical and emotional
Wellbeing?

He should want to take care of you so that you can take care your child.

Tried talking to him. It did not go well. He jus kept saying that he had nothing to say. Asking me what I wanted him to say/do. That when he had something to say he'd say it.
I then kinda broke down but he didn't take a blind bit of notice.
I think I might speak to my mum see if we can spend a couple of days on her sofa.

Currently sat in the bedroom bfing LO and getting her down for a nap. His parents have come over and I don't have the energy or desire to play happy families. Just want to spend some time with LO

Hugs for you OP. Would it help to share with his parents how you are feeling?? They might be able to give him a little push into being more supportive?

@Trahira probably not. He's a mummy's boy so probably not get much support/sympathy there. I'll be ok. My LO will keep me going!!