10wk old baby sleeping alone?

[ReallyLilyReally]

Our DD has cracked sleeping (for now) and regularly gives us 7hour chunks of rest at night. Which is AMAZING except she sleeps so loudly that even though she's down from midnight to 7am, I'm still only getting half an hour here or there. It's unsustainable and i want to move her from our room into the nursery. I know NHS guidelines say 6 months but i don't think I can keep this up for long. She sleeps on her back and has no SIDS risk factors, we have monitors and the nursery is next door to our room and nice and cool, i really want to start putting her down in there... any advice?

I don't think it's as simple as you have to do xyz in case something bad happens to your baby. Life is not risk free - it's a weighing up of different risks.

For example you are very sleep deprived and have to take the baby somewhere in a car that also increases the risk of something bad happening to them.

I'm not sure it's true that most babies used to sleep in their own rooms from day 1. My children are in their 30s and they slept in my room until about 6 months. And I slept in my parents room until i much older than 6 months as did my siblings.
Do what feels right for you. Personally I felt it much easier to have my babies in the same room as me.

@DesLynamsMoustache some scientists have said that it’s not about the noise but the CO2 breathed out by other people which helps regulates baby’s breath

We moved DS to his room when he was about 9 weeks old. Simply couldn't sleep with him in the room. I read through a lot of SIDS research and could find nothing conclusive about keeping him in the same room. Smoking in the house and co-sleeping were found to be much higher risk factors.

I think choosing a schedule for a baby and toddler that means they never attend a morning activity so that you can have a lie in isn't a great choice or one that prioritises the child,

So I can have a lie in? The whole point is, I practice atrachment parenting, I do not enforce a routine or schedule on my child, they choose when they want to sleep. I wouldn't force my child to do anything purely for my benefit.

I'd find midnight to noon really difficult and limiting for our life

Yeah... It's not. For some reason, people in this country are set on putting their babies and children to sleep early but not always for a reason, just to conform. Mostly because they want time alone. I see no reason to wake at 7am etc if I'm not required to. My dc won't be going to nursery. So only applicable at school age.

We wouldn't dream (well most of us wouldn't) of telling a FF mum that she was risking her child's health for her own convenience

If that's why she was doing it then I would happily make that point.

I just think it's sad that people risk their child's health and safety for nothing but their own convenience.
Maybe babies should come with warnings - expect no sleep!

I think co sleepy is pretty rare in France. My kids had their own bedroom from day 1. I had a bed in there, but didn't sleep all night in there.

www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/rankorder/2091rank.html

IM not sure what the date is for this list but it would suggest that a lot of countries that traditionally co-sleep have higher SIDS rates then ones that don't.

@Wallywobbles do you mean bed share rather than co-sleep?

I would also feel uncomfortable to let baby sleep in a separate room by now. DS is 7 months and still shares a room with us.

We were given the advice to do rooming in until 1 year old but we’re planning to move him to the nursery from 9 months old.

Just wondering....Those of you saying you would never leave them to sleep alone, When you put them to bed at (for instance) 7p.m, Do you go to bed then or go at your normal bedtime? Or do you keep them with you in the living room in a moses basket or swing chair?

We've kept all of ours downstairs with us in a Moses basket/travel cot, then taken them upstairs when we go to bed. So they might do 7-11 downstairs then fed and back into bed in our room from 11pm onwards.

I definitely wouldn't be putting a 10-week-old in on their own - they're still tiny! Just take turns with your DP.

There are two sorts of dissenting voices on this thread. One citing reasonable evidence and balanced debates sensitive to both mothers and baby’s needs and the other is the Attachment parenting variety which is what crops up on numerous perinatal discussions and leads to intense sense of woman blame and mother blame. I think your 10 week old should stay in the same room as you OP, going by some of the Evidence but you will hopefully be able to distinguish between that sort of advice and the extremes of blame rhetoric that emerges from the other end of the spectrum. So - I wouldn’t put a 10 week old in a different room. But I would also take very seriously the woman’s needs and individual circumstances as being valid important and it being highly regressive to say otherwise. Important to not get too skewed and carried away when you read replies and to note that the spectrum is long and wide - what’s attached enough for one is rabidly toxically damaging for another and the best you can do is your most reasonable efforts to follow the latest evidence in official advice whilst remaining sensitive to your own needs. It’s a balance. And it is worth striking.

@Thoughtlessinengland it's not about "mother blaming"
There are NHS guidelines.
There are ways to reduce the risk of SIDS.
Regardless of my attachment parenting, I would not risk either just for my own comfort.
There's something with this generation that places the parents comfort above what's best for a vulnerable dependent baby.

As I said NHS guidelines are precisely what ought to be followed. As I also said it is best for the baby to stay in the same room.

There is an enormous amount about attachment parenting and the ways in which is manifests itself in relation to women that is regressive and resorts to blame discourse. It has been critiqued and studied in feminist sociology for yonks and quite rightly so.

But this thread is not about attachment parenting. It is about looking at formal guidelines around infant sleep and the OP has rightly been reminded of these guidelines, and that the baby is best in the same room as them, which I myself continue to believe is the best outcome.

@Thoughtlessinengland interesting that you see the thread as blaming mothers but you've just taken a dig at ap?

Yes, because a number of cliques, groups, practices, discourses and rhetoric around numerous aspects of the perinatal - from modes of birthing, infant feeding, weaning, return to work, sleep, modes of carrying babies, practice exclusionary and regressive rhetoric. It is naive to assume that all women/all mothers sing out of the same hymn sheet. My last - this is not about 1 random individual having 1 random “dig” about such practices and rhetoric. There are countless studies of these groups and the rhetoric emergent from these groups within the sociology of parenting, feminist sociology, the anthropology of reproduction and this has been the case for decades. Even within wider, non-empirical disciplines for instance within philosophy, linguistics and literature there is a recognition of tropes around mother blame, mother as vessel, intensive motherhood - and numerous other concepts which shed light on the ways in which femininity and womanhood and motherhood have been represented and approached in popular discourse.

Once again: the guidance on sharing a room is very clear. This baby should ideally be in the same room as it’s parents. It would not be the right decision in this case to move the baby.

Over and out.

@Thoughtlessinengland I guess the only hymn sheet I naively expect parents to follow is putting the needs of their children above their own. In this case, not even a need but a want.

I wouldn’t. Someone i follow on Instagram put her baby down for a nap alone and he died. It happens

So hypothetically what is the suggestion if, like in my situation with ds, baby outgrows Moses basket and cot won’t fit in the parents room? We had ds in a cot next door to our room. His room (before we moved) had no space for a bed.

Should we have taken it in turns to sleep on the floor? Moved house? Had fitted wardrobes removed from our room to fit the cot in?

@Ragwort please can you private message me i don't know how to do it I would like to ask you a couple things x

mrs have sent you a private message.

ememem84 depends on the size of the baby’s room. Soon they would need a bed so I would have put a bed for a parent and the cot in the child’s room.