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Original poster

10wk old baby sleeping alone?

97 replies

ReallyLilyReally · 12/01/2020 08:23

Our DD has cracked sleeping (for now) and regularly gives us 7hour chunks of rest at night. Which is AMAZING except she sleeps so loudly that even though she's down from midnight to 7am, I'm still only getting half an hour here or there. It's unsustainable and i want to move her from our room into the nursery. I know NHS guidelines say 6 months but i don't think I can keep this up for long. She sleeps on her back and has no SIDS risk factors, we have monitors and the nursery is next door to our room and nice and cool, i really want to start putting her down in there... any advice?

OP posts:
Meshy12 · 12/01/2020 13:32

Some scientists also believe that babies regulate their breathing by being around carbon dioxide breathed out by another person - the CO2 May keep them breathing if they would otherwise stop

So it may not be about the noise at all - and no monitor will help with that

Look - Ultimately the facts are that SIDs risk has drastically reduced due to the “arse covering advice” given

And also -

  1. Did no-one tell you that motherhood may mean you don’t sleep for a good few years. I have also dealt with a snoring baby and a snoring partner but sucked it up for the greater good
  1. Why can you cope with your snoring partner but not your vulnerable snoring baby - why don’t you just sleep in another room and leave them there then
  1. 10 weeks is tiny and her nasal passages are still developing
  1. What about other risks - a blanket on her face, her rolling over onto her front and not being able to roll back? What if this happens in the middle of the night and you don’t find out until it’s too late in the morning.....

But ultimately it’s up to you to make an informed decision - so you need to weigh up:

  • likely chance of having some sleepless nights versus
  • the small risk but risk nonetheless of having something terrible happen but you will have a terrific sleep up to that point...

I know what I’d choose but sounds like your mind is made up anyway

NeedAnExpert · 12/01/2020 13:51

Constantly get comments that I should put them to sleep at 7pm to get some alone time? Which would mean waking at 7am.

It also would have meant DH never seeing her, us changing meal times around weaning etc, never being able to go out or socialise in the evenings. Screw that. She’s now a very well adjusted 9 year old who gets to school on time and has plenty of time in the evenings to explore lots of different activities.

PatricksRum · 12/01/2020 14:48

@NeedAnExpert
Thank you so much for saying that.
I'm emotional to hear of someone doing similar Re bedtimes and I'm glad to hear she has a routine that fits in with school life etc now.
I keep trying to explain to my family that once dc is old enough and going to school they will adjust their sleeping pattern to fit in with this.

NeedAnExpert · 12/01/2020 14:50

Yep. She started full time school a couple of weeks before turning 4. Night before her first day she was still awake at 10:30pm. By the end of the week it was 9:30pm and has stayed that way pretty much since. She has a wind down hour from 8:30pm and is awake without an alarm etc at 7:45am giving an hour for getting ready for school. Works for us.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 12/01/2020 15:35

There are some awful, nasty comments to a new mum here. I never understand why the baby sleep threads bring out such viciousness - it seems to really set some people off, or perhaps they just enjoy the cruelty of telling a woman still adjusting to motherhood that's she's shit and selfish.

Meshy12 · 12/01/2020 16:18

@lisasimpsons yeah people are being mean - but most are just rightly explaining the risks of what OP is planning to do - which is what she asked for

And the possible consequences of this action are terrible - no point sugar coating it

NeedAnExpert · 12/01/2020 16:40

telling a woman still adjusting to motherhood that's she's shit and selfish

What’s it telling the baby, who is adjusting to the world when technically they should still be in that woman?

namechangenewness · 12/01/2020 17:02

@NeedAnExpert we're the same. Eldest started school last year and adjusted to 8pm bedtime. Youngest goes to sleep between midnight and 1am then sleeps for 7-10 hours, suspect she'd sleep longer but I often wake her to bf her.

MazDazzle · 12/01/2020 17:05

I put my DS next door at 2 weeks because he snored like an old man and I was broken. We bought an angel monitor to check his breathing and a video monitor so I could see him. Small house so next door was only a couple of metres away but far enough even with both doors ajar, that I could sleep.

Same here!

LisaSimpsonsbff · 12/01/2020 17:32

What’s it telling the baby, who is adjusting to the world when technically they should still be in that woman?

Nothing, because the baby is asleep? OP isn't talking about leaving the baby alone if they cry.

Explaining the risks is fine (though claiming opinion/theory, like that babies breathe because they can hear adults breathing, as fact isn't really) but suggesting that the only reason people would make a different choice is not caring about their baby isn't. We all make different choices - if I'm honest, I think choosing a schedule for a baby and toddler that means they never attend a morning activity so that you can have a lie in isn't a great choice or one that prioritises the child, and it's not one I would ever make - and, as I suspect you're finding when reading this sentence, it's not very nice to be judged for them. By all means disagree with OP's choices, but I just think it's horrible to tell her, as such a new mother, that they make her a bad and selfish parent.

Chocolatedaim · 12/01/2020 17:51

My baby isn’t quite 5mnths yet, he seems in our bedroom, in a crib, which is big enough for a child up to 12months. He still seems so small in it, I have no intention of moving him into the other bedroom for quite some time.

The advice is there for a reason.
The SIDS figures have gone down because the advice given works.
By all means go with your gut, but don’t expect to have everyone agreeing with you. Your baby is 10weeks, that’s so tiny!

squee123 · 12/01/2020 17:57

Personally I wouldn't choose to do something against NHS guidelines not least because the guilt if my baby did then go on to die of SIDS, after I had knowingly ignored the guidance, would be unbearable

Aria999 · 12/01/2020 18:18

I think the main real risk factors for sids are front sleeping and being in a house with smokers. The rest is a bit tenuous.

I can't give sources as we looked it up a while ago for DS1 but probably Emily Oster in the first instance.

NeedAnExpert · 12/01/2020 18:45

I think choosing a schedule for a baby and toddler that means they never attend a morning activity so that you can have a lie in isn't a great choice or one that prioritises the child, and it's not one I would ever make

Erm, I chose nothing and who said DD didn’t go to any morning activities? She may have slept through the majority of them, but she went from about 8 weeks old and was baby signing by 14 weeks. We also had lots of lunches with friends and their babies, and - this will no doubt shock you - afternoon and evening activities too! None of that involved abandoning a baby in their 4th trimester in a room on their own, so do feel free to fuck off.

You also don’t know whether I worked at night, do you? You’re doing a gorgeous job of proving what happens when you assume though. Well done! 👏🏽

JassyRadlett · 12/01/2020 19:06

if I'm honest, I think choosing a schedule for a baby and toddler that means they never attend a morning activity so that you can have a lie in isn't a great choice or one that prioritises the child

Let’s be truly honest - most activities for babies and toddlers are mainly for the benefit of the parent, not the child.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 12/01/2020 19:24

I actually regret that post and would like to apologise - my whole point was that we should be nicer to each other, and I certainly didn't achieve that. I think I did prove my point that it isn't nice to have your parenting criticised and that it makes people angry and defensive, though, so I will reiterate that telling a brand new mother that she's failing is both incredibly unkind and also very unlikely to change anyone's mind.

TriangleBingoBongo · 12/01/2020 19:54

Though a lack of sleep is an inevitable consequence of having a child, it’s completely reasonable to minimise the loss of sleep!

I have a ten month old and am such a misery when he’s not slept well.

OP, I hope whatever you do works for you and your family. I’m sure you’ll carefully consider whatever choice you make.

DesLynamsMoustache · 12/01/2020 20:04

My DD was a bit of a noisy sleeper for a while early on. Earplugs and some white noise helped - I could still hear when she actually woke but it softened the grunting!

We all make our own risk assessments with stuff like this. I started putting DD up to bed on her own (still in our room though) at about 4mo as she had started going to sleep earlier and earlier, so she would go down at 7 or so and then we would go up to bed at 10/11. For safe sleep purists, that would be a massive no-no I'm sure, but we felt comfortable with our choice. She moved into her own room at around 7mo and sleeps in there quite happily now at 11mo.

You just kind of find a routine that works for you. I want my evenings to myself/myself and DH and I want us to be able to do stuff in the mornings as we have various classes and activities and things we enjoy them, so a 7-7ish schedule works really well for us. I'd find midnight to noon really difficult and limiting for our life, but that obviously works for a PP and their lifestyle.

DesLynamsMoustache · 12/01/2020 20:14

I also agree that people get a bit frenzied about this but conveniently ignore other things that lower the risk of SIDs. Such as breastfeeding. We wouldn't dream (well most of us wouldn't) of telling a FF mum that she was risking her child's health for her own convenience, but room-sharing, which has a fairly minor impact overall on an already minuscule risk, is something people get really rabid about.

In fact, I read an interesting article saying the research on the room-sharing stuff is mainly from the 1990s, and there have been a lot of changes to safe-sleep practice to then in general (including the back to sleep campaign, which is probably the biggest single factor).

This other article has some interesting data from a more recent study

https://m.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/06/08/room-sharing-infants-sleep-sidsnn_16994320.html

toomanyleggings · 12/01/2020 20:17

Not a chance. It's 6 months of your life. Be grateful you have a lovely baby

DesLynamsMoustache · 12/01/2020 20:19

Oh and if that breathing thing was actually a proven thing, then surely we would be advised to make sure our babies were in actually in hearing range! We room-shared but I had white noise on and DD was in her cot while I was other side of a super king bed. No way was she hearing me breathing! I don't know how loud some people breathe but even with the white noise off, I couldn't hear her taking breaths and I doubt she could hear me. I heard her grunting, at least!

NeedAnExpert · 12/01/2020 20:20

I'd find midnight to noon really difficult and limiting for our life, but that obviously works for a PP and their lifestyle.

I found I had to be quite creative - our society isn’t set up for owls in any way (I like working late at night, my 9-5 kills me). My best friend’s daughter was born the same month as DD but woke at 4:30-5am every day. She had hours to kill before any baby groups started and I was grabbing DD out of bed (in her onesie, fast asleep). Trips away with them as toddlers were hilarious but still great fun. Her and her husband were in bed by 8pm every night so couldn’t go for meals or even to watch a film because of their DD’s early waking. Difference was they hated their routine, but nothing worked to change it.

DesLynamsMoustache · 12/01/2020 20:26

I used to be a night owl as I worked evenings, and even after going self-employed, I naturally gravitated to being a night owl, so working later afternoons and into the night. But weirdly having DD seemed to reset my body clock (or perhaps being pregnant as I was so knackered I was in bed by 10!) and I'm now on a more 'standard' schedule which does make life easier. Luckily she's a good sleeper and stays asleep till 7, when DH takes her for an hour or two before work! I might not be quite so pleased with our schedule if she was up at 4.30. - I think midnight to noon would be much more appealing then Grin I need to work in the evenings too so her being asleep then is helpful!

DesLynamsMoustache · 12/01/2020 20:27

(I still stay up to midnight/1am now though and then regret it Grin )

Careylisa · 12/01/2020 20:53

Just do what you want and feel is best, I would not have done this regardless of the lack of sleep as that's what I wanted to do.
The risk of the possibility of something bad happening to my baby totally out rode the lack of my sleep time. But each to there own really