Newborn only sleeps on my chest? Going CRAZY!??

[Anonlady2]

My 5 week old doesn't like sleeping in his crib and the only place he will sleep is on my chest day or night. I have tried absolutely everything. Swaddling, a sleeping bag, covers, a dummy, raising his cot, sleeping him on his back and feeding him to sleep (he is bottle fed due to medical reasons).
He spits out the dummy and will kick the sheets away or try to get out of the swaddle/sleeping bag and start screaming like mad. I even try to put him down in crib after he has been sleeping on me for a while and is in a deep sleep but it's like he becomes aware straight away that it isn't my chest and will wake immediately and start crying again.

He will be fully fed, nappy changed and clean. No matter what I try he starts crying. He yawns and rubs his eyes and is really irritable and cries because he is so tired. In the end I give in. (BTW I only rest lightly with my eyes partially open so I can keep an eye on him whilst on my chest as I am very aware of SIDS.)

I only get about 3hrs of sleep every 48 hrs. I am exhausted! DH works full time so I stay up more with baby but even when we do try to take turns I worry about my DS sleeping on his chest as DH isn't as alert as I am and is a 6 ft 6 giant who is a very heavy sleeper and can easily squash DS (we have had this scare before).

My DH can easily sleep through DS cries whereas I am going out of my mind and hate the thought of leaving him in the crib to cry it out (which doesn't work anyway as he would cry for hours if I let him). I took DS to the GP, he doesn't have any colic or reflux and nothing medically is wrong with him so I have just been suffering at home trying to work it out. Any suggestions?

Even now at 3 my twins struggle to sleep when it’s completely quiet. I reckon a sound recording of the nicu might have helped them 😂

Has he got cmpa? My first was a terrible sleeper and had constipation a lot and once we cut dairy he got better. And your husband is a cruel, selfish shit who doesn't deserve a lovely son.

No practical advice but I read this piece this morning and it helped me.

Dear mama,

Could you wake up for a minute? I know it's hard for you to open your eyes - we haven't slept a lot yet tonight. But mama, I kinda need you right now. You see, the thing is, I feel a bit lonely at the moment. I'm laying here in my crib and I'm somewhat cold.

I didn't mean to cry so I'm sorry I did. I've been trying to get your attention by making some noises for a while now but you were in such a deep sleep, you couldn't hear me. I don't know how else to get your attention. During the day, I see and hear you all make noises and I see you respond well to each other. You talk to me like that too. And I try very hard but I don't know how to do that yet. So I cry so you'd listen to me.

Mama, I'm sorry for crying. Like I said, I feel a bit lonely. I just spent nine months inside your belly where I've always felt safe. It's a bit scary to me to be in such a big bed all by myself. I miss your heartbeat, the rushing of your blood, the warmth and the food.I miss your breathing and your hands you put over me to protect me when I still was inside your belly.

So mama, would you please listen to me? I'm calling for you in the only way I'm able to. I feel really alone. I need your warmth and your peace for a moment. I need to know for sure you're still here. So can I come lay with you for a little while to feel your warmth?

Some cuddles first. Mama, this feels so nice. When I feel you holding me while you gently rock me and when I can smell and feel you, I feel so safe. I can feel your hand on my back and my ear is placed just right on your heart. Mom, this is home to me. Do you remember back when we were always together? I always felt like this back then. Sometimes I miss that time. It was so nice to be close to you.

I hear you softly whisper into my ear "Everything is okay little one, everything is fine". Your voice is so soft and familiar. You smell good mom. A bit like me and a bit like you.

Mama, will you hold me just a little longer? I'm really tired and I feel so relaxed in your arms. It almost feels like before. I'm going to close my eyes for a little while, okay? Can I please stay with you here a little longer to enjoy your love and your presence?

And can I drink some more? Mama, since we're laying like this anyway...I'd like to ask you something. I know, it sounds pretty sad because I can't talk like you can yet so I'm sorry for crying again. But mama, can I please drink some more? My throat is dry and my tummy is empty and since we're here anyway...maybe I can have a few more sips? Your milk tastes delicious and is so warm and familiar.

Thanks mom, that's exactly what I needed. I was really really thirsty. Your finger on my cheek feels great by the way. And you're smiling at me. Nothing makes me happier than seeing your smile and feeling your presence. I'll close my eyes again, okay? Please don't put me away straight away, I really enjoy falling asleep here. This feels really good. Can I stay with you for another hour or so?

My tummy hurts. What is that?! Mama! Can you feel this? Mom? My tummy hurts so bad. What is happening? Please help me mama, I don't know what's happening. I've never felt anything like this.

Thank you for rubbing my belly mom. It's late and everyone is asleep. I'm so happy you're here for me. I don't know what I'd do without you mama. My tummy already hurts less and when you hold me like that...I feel pretty tired. Maybe I'll close my eyes again. Please hold me a little longer?

Can I have more cuddles? You won't believe this mama! I'm a bit scared. I just woke up and I didn't know where I was for a second. It was all dark and a little cold again. I know you're tired mama. But I really missed you, can I please be with you again for a while?

Mama, I can see that you're tired. There are tears in your eyes and every now and then a tear rolls down your cheek. I'm sorry mama but I feel really strange in this new world. I miss home. I miss always being close to you.

Sometimes I feel a tear fall on my head while you gently rock me. You're singing me a song so that I can go back to sleep. You softly dry the tears that fell on my head with your hand. That feels nice mom, do that again?

I fall asleep on your chest. You feel so soft, so familiar. There's nowhere I sleep better than here. My legs are pulled up, just like they were back when I still lived with you. I can hear your heartbeat again and I move along with your breathing.

I will learn soon. Mama, you're the best place to be. I'm so glad I get to come to you over and over again. I don't like being unable to just ask either but I'm really happy you listen to me when I call for you.

Soon, I'll be able to be there for you. Or for my brothers or sisters. Or for my friends in school. You're teaching me how to take care of someone. You're teaching me that you listen, even when I can't ask. You're teaching me I'm safe, even when sometimes it feels like I'm not. You're teaching me that you love me, even when you're very tired. Thank you.

And mama, I love you.

{author unknown}

😍😍😍😭😭😭

@Botanica I read this earlier with with my DD3 (1 month) on my chest. Had me in tears.

@Botanica that was really beautiful brought me to tears! I’ll just have to ride it out and accept that my beautiful baby wants to constantly cuddle and sleep on mummy! I guess I’ll miss this time when he grows up so I’ll just have to take it as it comes for now no matter how tired I am. Thank you xx

I was thinking along the same lines as winnie. DD has reflux and she was similar. It was a nightmare trying to get her down for the night, although it was better in that she did eventually go to sleep in her cot, even if it was at 5am

DD had all the signs of silent reflux, which is basically where the stomach contents are escaping back up but they don't actually vomit them up. She was coughing, making gurgling noises in the night like she was vomiting (but no sick when I jumped up and checked), and she would wake and cry if we tried to put her down after a feed even if she'd fallen into a "deep" sleep on one of us. She fed a lot for comfort, was gassy (still is tbh!) and very, very irritable- the only thing that would settle her was being fed or walked around whilst being held upright. These symptoms didn't kick in until she was a few weeks old-I'm not sure whether their throats become irritated and sore over time. We were ultimately prescribed carobel to add to her feeds and within a day or two she was like a different baby.

If any of that sounds like your DS I would go back to your GP. The lack of vomit isn't a reason to discount reflux. We caught it early partly because I knew of it and the symptoms from MN but we're also lucky in that our GP was very familiar with it- he said it's really, really common.

Some prem babies do suffer disproportionately with reflux. It might be their immature gut. I wouldn’t rule out reflux. I would try to persevere with safe Co-sleeping and see if that helps.
If DH can’t stay awake with him then he can sleep on the sofa or the floor or wherever and you sleep with your son. He can’t have everything his own way. In his ‘job’ he gets to have a lunch break, a cup of tea and can go to the loo in peace. Plus he gets leave. Do you? Does he do his bit on the weekend? When do you get a break from your ‘job’? Sadly fatherhood highlights the genuine selfishness of so many men.

You poor thing OP!

I have had two babies like this (although not premies) and it's so hard. Your husband seems to be totally useless, which cannot be helping the situation. Mine would sit up and hold a sleeping baby for at least a few hours while I slept. He used to play on his XBox while baby slept on him.

I have to say I let both of my babies sleep on my chest if they needed to, and I slept slightly propped up with them there. In the middle of a totally empty bed. It wasn't a deep sleep for me, but I was able to at least partially rest.

I really hope this phase passes for you soon.

My baby was like this too! I was going out of my mind! It turned out for us she has trapped gas in her tummy, so she liked a) the snuggle factor and b) the pressure against her thmmy- we tried colic calm and it got a lot better. Not perfect but better. The only way I got through it was to hire a night nanny a few nights a week, is that an option for you?

Another thing that is a long shot but may help. Now we hold dd to sleep, gently lay her down and then put a weighted glove on her tummy so she thinks that some one is still holding her and then tightly tuck her in. They use weighted gloves for prem babies at great ormond Street. We just got extra large light weight gloves and filled it with rice until it was the same sort of size as hubby’s hand.

It might work?