Newborn only sleeps on my chest? Going CRAZY!??

[Anonlady2]

My 5 week old doesn't like sleeping in his crib and the only place he will sleep is on my chest day or night. I have tried absolutely everything. Swaddling, a sleeping bag, covers, a dummy, raising his cot, sleeping him on his back and feeding him to sleep (he is bottle fed due to medical reasons).
He spits out the dummy and will kick the sheets away or try to get out of the swaddle/sleeping bag and start screaming like mad. I even try to put him down in crib after he has been sleeping on me for a while and is in a deep sleep but it's like he becomes aware straight away that it isn't my chest and will wake immediately and start crying again.

He will be fully fed, nappy changed and clean. No matter what I try he starts crying. He yawns and rubs his eyes and is really irritable and cries because he is so tired. In the end I give in. (BTW I only rest lightly with my eyes partially open so I can keep an eye on him whilst on my chest as I am very aware of SIDS.)

I only get about 3hrs of sleep every 48 hrs. I am exhausted! DH works full time so I stay up more with baby but even when we do try to take turns I worry about my DS sleeping on his chest as DH isn't as alert as I am and is a 6 ft 6 giant who is a very heavy sleeper and can easily squash DS (we have had this scare before).

My DH can easily sleep through DS cries whereas I am going out of my mind and hate the thought of leaving him in the crib to cry it out (which doesn't work anyway as he would cry for hours if I let him). I took DS to the GP, he doesn't have any colic or reflux and nothing medically is wrong with him so I have just been suffering at home trying to work it out. Any suggestions?

Aw, the wee sausage. It’ll get easier, he still thinks he’s part of you just now.

Not got many suggestions sorry, my youngest would only sleep in bed with us when he was tiny but not just on us x

He's upset because he wants to be back in the womb. I can't blame him, it's a cruel world!
Sounds so normal.
It'll get easier. We used a dummy and white noise (app on phone).
Having said that I am awake in the night now and have a 20 week old, but it does improve.

I must add, I tried co sleeping, but he hates that too and only likes sleeping on someone's chest weirdly enough and with co sleeping I don't get much sleep as I am paranoid about squashing him, especially as our bed isn't that big and DH takes up most of the space.

DD1 was like this. In the end we bought a co-sleeper cot which has sides you could drop down so I could post her tummy and hold her hand. We also did a lot of co-sleeping. I'd sworn I'd never do it but needs must and she slept much better for it. There's lots of good information on how to do it safely. Good luck!

Cross post OP. Have a look at the guidelines on how to do it safely.

I used to let them fall asleep on my chest then roll onto my side & co sleep.
You don’t fall off the edge of the bed because even in your sleep you know it’s the same with baby.

Whilst it's not in line with the current suggestions, both my children would, and still do, only sleep on their fronts. My gp commented if that's the only say they sleep dont sorry too much just make sure they aren't over heated and they have enough space around their face. It worked for me. Its the fact they like lying against something. Try it in the daytime while you are round and see if it helps.

I had exactly the same thing. He grew up to be a very cuddly loving child. But the newborn stage was beyond exhausting because I just couldn't put him down.

Best solution is just to go along with it. Get as much sleep as you can - night or day. Wrap yourself up warm around your shoulders and use light blankets that stay off LO's face.

And it won't last forever. It'll all be OK xx

Please please read all the guidelines about safe sleeping. If your partner is a heavy sleeper then please don’t take any risks with baby sleeping on his chest or in bed with him. Sorry you’re struggling

Hi. Currently awake feeding my 2 week old having not slept yet tonight. She is not keen on sleeping on her back in a crib either. We've had some luck with putting her on her side with the crib raised at one end. She's just too windy to sleep on her back and still has some mucus on her lungs from birth (c section baby).

The only thing keeping me sane is DH. We take turns being awake with her. Usually he does until 11/midnight and then takes her from 5am. We give her one bottle of formula last thing at night, but otherwise he brings her back if she needs feeding. Tonight she's been on a cluster feeding rampage since early evening and wouldn't settle for him at all so he went to bed early and is taking over at 3. I cannot wait! Can your DH not stay up with baby to let you sleep? Rather than try and sleep with baby on his chest? My DH takes her downstairs and paces/sits on the floor with her if he feels tired.

@Discoballs me and DH actually had an argument about this as I asked why he can’t just stay up with DS and let him sleep on his chest whilst it’s his turn (as in be awake and keep monitoring him) but he refuses saying we should let poor DS cry and get used to sleeping in his crib and because he works full time and long hours needs as much sleep as possible so is unable to stay up for hours with DS on his chest!!

I remember this, it's awful.
Have you got any other support who can come and hold him or take him for a walk while you sleep?

I'm currently up with my nearly 3 week old who's the same. Until he went back to work I went to bed at 8 and dh had him until 1 with expressed breast milk. I then did 1 am for the rest of the night. Now dh is back in work my DM has come to stay and do the early shift. I could not cope without those few hours because I'm on the go all day with a really clingy toddler. You need someone to do a regular shift every day so you can get a few hours together.

@BlodwynBludd it’s hard as I live with DH and his family temporarily until the house we just bought is move in ready (will be another month or two at least) and his mum works full time and studies so it’s hard to get help from her during the day, and we are not on good terms (long story see my other post) so I’ve being steering clear of her. His other family all work full time and some even do night shift so again no help. I don’t have family as my own mother passed a few years ago and my dad lives in a different country, and I have very little extended family or friends :(

I'm so sorry that's really tough. Are you eligible for something like homestart? Just someone who can hold the baby for a few hours.

You’ve had 3 hours sleep in 48 hours and your husband is refusing to stay awake so you and the baby can safely sleep? And wants to just let a 5 week old cry? What a fucking dick he is.
If he likes sleeping on your chest, it may be because he wants to hear your heartbeat. Have you considered trying a lulla doll? Ours changed our lives. Even if you were cosleeping, it might help. 💐

We managed to get our newborn to sleep in her crib by warning it first - we put a hot water bottle in the crib, then let her fall asleep on one of us. When she was in a deep sleep, we took the bottle out and put her down. It meant the temperature change wasn't big enough to wake her. Now she goes down fine in the cot.

Our baby also doesn't like a dummy but does like sucking on my finger to go to sleep - worth a try? A hand on her tummy also works. With a co-sleeping cot, I can lie down and sleep while doing this.

I know this doesn't help right now, but it is phase - they change so quickly at this age. I'm sorry it's a struggle right now.

Oh, and we also had to get a room thermometer to check the temperature of the room and make sure she was wearing the right amount of clothes to bed. Otherwise she was cold and just wanted our body heat!

@Anonlady2 the early weeks are so hard but it does get better.

Regards to ideas 💡 on how to help baby sleep in crib try putting a sheet down top for a few hours of sleep with it so it has your smell and place in cot ( slightly helped )

Also potentially needs to be on chest as has trapped wind ... as the angle relieves the pressure ( it’s very painful ) try infracol before feeds ( suitable from birth ) and rub tummy and back when in cot / crib which will alleviate the pain again and comfort baby. ( full back rubs and circular motions on tummy) sometimes a warm water bottle helps too ( I found small ones on eBay when my little one was new born always warm water / Hotish and I would have cover and blanket between baby and check regularly ..upside of a winter baby ) the hot water bottle he was prob about 3-4 months so please use your own judgement I used to pull it out for the big pains where he had screamed for 3-4 hours non stop x

And what Sunday morning sun said! I used to place a hot water bottle in crib for night feeds and then slide bottle out and baby in when done ... didn’t wake my son up so easily

Are you using a dummy at all? Might help build as a sleep cue if you introduce now. My 4 month old will sleep in his crib with enough persuasion now, maybe the position change is what your baby is objecting to? If you can get them to fall asleep on your arms rather than on your chest (ie already in a back/side lying position) then they might not wake if you can transfer very carefully ( I mean seriously take at least 2-3mins putting down and slowly getting your arms out!) once asleep.

Sleep deprivation is torture and it sounds like you don’t have much support hope things improve soon

I’m sure if you’re that exhausted you could sleep whenever. Would he be ok for you to go to bed when he comes in? He should be. If he comes home at 6, you could have 4 hours for starters. This is his baby too and if you are that sleep deprived, it’s putting your dcs at risk.

I co slept with dd at this age. I has maternity / breast feeding night dresses. You could try having your ds on you inside one of them and roll onto your side when your ds is asleep.

We also have a front sleeper. We went from sleeping on chest, to co-sleeping (with only one adult in the bed), to using a bedside cot. We follow all the other SIDS guidelines but honestly, we weren't going to get any sleep if we kept trying to get him to sleep on his back. At 14 weeks we now get nearly 12 hours overnight with one feed in the middle.

Hey OP. I feel for you. My DS had a few nights like this but with a DH who didn't do Any night feeds (slept in a different room, runs his own business, uses machinery needs to be alert) I found that using a dummy helped, rolling from chest to cradle position in your arms, then using the blanket to wrap around baby, lower in to cot.

White noise is an absolute god send and should help you get some better sleep to.

It may seem like it will never end, but remember "this too shall pass".

All the best

Huge sympathies OP as I have experienced this with both my babies and the sleep deprivation was utter torture. Like you I tried EVERYTHING and even swaddling, dummy, sheet smelling of me and warmed with hot water bottle did nothing to persuade them to sleep anywhere but on me. The slightest change in movement to suggest I was putting them down would wake them, and I would have to start the whole process of settling them. I also had the anxiety about falling asleep with them on me having seen some truly tragic cases at work of babies being rolled on / smothered accidentally so spent the first few weeks literally staying awake most of the night and surviving on 2-3 hours of sleep. The only thing that kept me sane was my husband doing the early ‘shift’ and sitting up (awake) with baby in living room until midnight so I could bank a few hours sleep then. He would then take over again from 5am. All this went on with both children until the 10-12 week point when they eventually moved out of the fourth trimester and would tolerate their moses baskets. Both had reflux and although treated for this, I wonder how much was due to this or just them being babies that needed to be constantly held.

It will get better and although it feels interminable now, the phase will pass. And get your husband to pull his finger out and help. Unless he is an on-call neurosurgeon he can afford to function at work on a bit less sleep by staying awake with baby while you bank some sleep. I would have been lost without my husband doing this, and for context he does a pretty vital medical job, so I really would insist on your husband rethinking his priorities whilst you are struggling.