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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

Newborn only sleeps on my chest? Going CRAZY!??

59 replies

Anonlady2 · 01/12/2019 01:58

My 5 week old doesn't like sleeping in his crib and the only place he will sleep is on my chest day or night. I have tried absolutely everything. Swaddling, a sleeping bag, covers, a dummy, raising his cot, sleeping him on his back and feeding him to sleep (he is bottle fed due to medical reasons).
He spits out the dummy and will kick the sheets away or try to get out of the swaddle/sleeping bag and start screaming like mad. I even try to put him down in crib after he has been sleeping on me for a while and is in a deep sleep but it's like he becomes aware straight away that it isn't my chest and will wake immediately and start crying again.

He will be fully fed, nappy changed and clean. No matter what I try he starts crying. He yawns and rubs his eyes and is really irritable and cries because he is so tired. In the end I give in. (BTW I only rest lightly with my eyes partially open so I can keep an eye on him whilst on my chest as I am very aware of SIDS.)

I only get about 3hrs of sleep every 48 hrs. I am exhausted! DH works full time so I stay up more with baby but even when we do try to take turns I worry about my DS sleeping on his chest as DH isn't as alert as I am and is a 6 ft 6 giant who is a very heavy sleeper and can easily squash DS (we have had this scare before).

My DH can easily sleep through DS cries whereas I am going out of my mind and hate the thought of leaving him in the crib to cry it out (which doesn't work anyway as he would cry for hours if I let him). I took DS to the GP, he doesn't have any colic or reflux and nothing medically is wrong with him so I have just been suffering at home trying to work it out. Any suggestions?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

IDontDrinkTea · 01/12/2019 06:04

I remember this. In the end I coslept and kicked my husband out the bed. He slept on the floor instead as I didn’t trust him in bed with us as he’s a heavy sleeper

Original poster

Anonlady2 · 01/12/2019 07:18

@RichTwoTurkeyFriend after a long argument and showing him this thread he changed his mind. Omg looks like I might get a full nights sleep tonight!

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RichTwoTurkeyFriend · 01/12/2019 07:21

@Anonlady2 oh good on you! I hope you have a night of blissful, uninterrupted sleep! You’ll feel like a new woman 💐

stucknoue · 01/12/2019 07:23

Mine were like this except they were breastfed so I switched to feeding in my bed lying on my side, they would fall asleep feeding (yes I broke all the "rules" but it worked) not sure if this would work for bottle because of more wind.

It's the first 3 months really, after that it really does get easier (well until they are teens and up all night for other reasons!)

stucknoue · 01/12/2019 07:26

Ps, hand the baby over as soon as he's home and eaten (I'm not that cruel) and go to bed, you can get 3-4 hours sleep, he can give the late feed (I'm not sure how bottles work I admit, I demand fed)

Lotus90 · 01/12/2019 07:27

Welcome to motherhood ah yes this phase is tiring but very normal. It'll pass when baby's ready

Zebrasinpyjamas · 01/12/2019 07:28

Dc3 was the same. Only slept upright when cuddled. At night dh propped himself up in the corner of the sofa and slept with her at a slight angle until midnight and then I co slept (not sleeping well ) . DH felt he couldn't accidentally squash her like that (I was still worried about her suffocating). It was the only way I got any sleep though.
Your DH does have to take a stint at some point even if he works.
It does get easier every few weeks (not "easy" though ). Do what gets you through each week imo.

Namechanger23455 · 01/12/2019 08:13

Have you tried a Ewan the sheep on the heartbeat setting? Maybe with a top that smells like you.... baby might be settling on your chest because of the soothing heartbeat sound...

Sneezewitch · 01/12/2019 08:14

DH needs to sleep in the spare bed for a bit. You sleep with baby on your chest and roll him off once down if you can. It got better for us when I started putting DS on his front but I didn’t work up the nerve to do that until 20 weeks.

stellarfox · 01/12/2019 21:09

We had the same until 7 weeks! I’d stay awake with her until 4am bad then my partner would take her 4-8am and go to work.

The game changer for us was buying an electric heating pad to warm the bedside cot before transferring her in (remove heating pad first). She then doesn’t realise she’s not on another warm body. We still use it now at 6 months. We also had to wait 20 mins before transferring and try the arm drop test - only in deep sleep if arm is limp.

Your baby is just getting used to the world. Research the fourth trimester and it will make a lot more sense!

If you’re going to cosleep I’d suggest getting a firm mattress and sleeping on the floor with baby and not your partner. We persisted with the adjoining cot but if I could have done this I think I would have got a bit more sleep!

Good luck - there’s also some great sleep groups on Facebook. The beyond sleep training project is fab

Original poster

Anonlady2 · 02/12/2019 02:58

@IDontDrinkTea I think hell would freeze over the day my husband agrees to sleep on the floor! I could only wish

OP posts:

Original poster

Anonlady2 · 02/12/2019 03:23

@Zebrasinpyjamas @stucknoue @RichTwoTurkeyFriend scratch everything I just said about almost getting sleep and DH agreeing to stay up, he tried to stay up with DS on his chest whilst he watched tv downstairs and then fell asleep with DS on his chest! DS was born prem so is very small and DH is definitely not. Poor baby fell out of DH hands onto the sofa, I ran downstairs just in time as I was alerted by snoring and knew the DH had fallen asleep, even though he agreed to stay up. And luckily DS was ok and nothing happened but it was too much of a close call. Then we had another huge argument as DH says I should try to get more sleep during the day whilst he’s at work and in the evening (very hard when you have so much to do and can only get in a few hours before DH decides to fall asleep snoring!) and he has said he doesn’t know how to stop himself falling asleep and that he is tired from work blah blah blah and can’t control it when watching DS at night. It’s too dangerous him trying to stay away with DS on his chest. I have given up
... :(

OP posts:

BetterABird · 02/12/2019 03:39

. I remember these days and mine are older now. Could you buy in some help - someone to look after your baby while you sleep?

Mesacasa · 02/12/2019 03:41

Oh you poor thing, your husband sounds completely useless. You're going to have to set up your bed in such a way that it's safe for you to have baby sleep on your chest and roll
him off to sleep so you can both sleep. You need to be doing this all through the day as well during every nap, forget housework or any other task. As the baby grows and gets stronger you'll feel more confident about co sleeping. The husband needs to leave the bed, I'm sure he can set up
on the sofa. You need that space for you and baby at the moment. I wish you lots of luck.

SundayMorningSun · 02/12/2019 04:31

Oh no, that is useless.

Echoing PP's advice - set up for safe co-sleeping. If the only solution your husband will offer is you sleeping more in the day, DO IT. Don't try to get any housework done in the day, just focus on baby stuff and resting. Say DH comes home at 5.30pm, he needs to do any essential chores and cook dinner, then take baby 7.30-11 so you can sleep before DH's bedtime.

Possibly this will work for you all, possibly not. But DH needs to understand that he needs to pick up a lot of slack SOMEWHERE.

AxeOfKindness · 02/12/2019 05:28

If your DH is still reading this thread, he needs to stop being such a useless arse and accept that although he works full time, essentially so do you and his life has to change as well as yours. If he pulls his weight, he is going to get less sleep than he did, just as you are.

If his only solution is that you sleep during the day (and never get a break from the baby) then at the very least all household chores become his to do when he gets home and he needs to actually do them, not come up with excuses for why it's not really necessary that they get done.

Honestly, I'd be fuming.

RichTwoTurkeyFriend · 02/12/2019 06:11

Oh @Anonlady2💐. Your husband really is a selfish fucker, isn’t he? All well and good for YOU to have to stay awake but poor widdle him can’t 🙄
Could you possible hire a night nurse/nanny in the short term to ease things? Even a baby sitter for a few hours one day to help your immediate problem?
In the long term, your husband needs to piss off out of the bed and let you safely co sleep. I really think a lulla doll or the Ewan the sheep mentioned up thread would also help.

Kyriesmum1 · 02/12/2019 06:23

Is it possible that he is soothed by your heartbeat?

We have an Ollie owl from the gro company and it has a heartbeat noise which may help?

My little one prefers the white noise!

It's cheapest at John Lewis at £25! Well worth it if it works x

SinkGirl · 02/12/2019 06:36

Co sleeper cot, hot water bottle in it before laying him down (removed when you put him in obviously), sleep with your hand on his tummy. We had twins so I literally couldn’t let them sleep on my chest at the same time so we had to find work arounds that worked for them. White noise made a huge difference too.

winniesanderson · 02/12/2019 06:44

Im sorry, I haven't read the full thread, so ignore me if it's already been mentioned. But could your baby be suffering from reflux? Wanting to be held upright can be a sign of this.

SundayMorningSun · 02/12/2019 07:50

although he works full time, essentially so do you and his life has to change as well as yours

^ Exactly this.

SinkGirl · 02/12/2019 08:41

It may be that he will only sleep on his front. Some babies don’t get the monitor. I had to do this with one of my twins and an o2 monitor for the first few weeks out of nicu as he got used to sleeping on his front there. You said your baby was a preemie - was he in nicu for a while?

Kyriesmum1 · 02/12/2019 09:43

The white noise function may help too, that's what my little one likes anddshe was in nicu for 11 days. I think she's used to the noise.

https://www.johnlewis.com/gro-company-ollie-the-owl-sleep-aid-with-crysensor/p3348089?s ppc=1dxDSA-CWEAR-PP39700045867385396&tmad=c&tmcampid=1&gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=Cj0KCQiAiZPvBRDZARIsAORkq7cf-lb7RteGPfXF6w3DzsbYjnFcqtf2V72c4pCqwKUtPKKqZZPeaIIaAl-wEALwwcB

Original poster

Anonlady2 · 02/12/2019 09:43

@SinkGirl he was born at 34 weeks and was in the NICU for 2 weeks. Strangely enough he was slept on his back the whole time he was there and slept seemingly fine, as soon as I took him home it became a different story. He has a chicco next to me cot. Hated that so i assumed it was too big and open for him and bought a small bassinet similar to the confined space he was used to in the nicu and it worked a bit at first but now he hates that too

OP posts:

Original poster

Anonlady2 · 02/12/2019 09:47

@winniesanderson well I feel like we are hauling DS down to the gp every week but so far they have said he doesn’t have reflux but I reckon you’re right he might do. He had constipation (sorry tmi) and wind issues and spits up some of his milk which I was told is 100% normal and not enough to class as reflux so they won’t give me anything and I don’t want to try giving him anything myself taking any risks. I tried sleeping him on his back in the crib I make it warm and use a white noise but he doesn’t care. Very strange! Guess I’ll have to just ride this out...

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