Newborn will only sleep in our arms

[BL24]

So I’m getting rather panicky about my partner going back to work soon as I’ll be doing the nights all on my own. But our little boy will not sleep on his own and will only sleep when he’s held. We’ve tried letting him go in to a deep sleep and then putting him down but he always wakes up. I’ve even tried putting my tshirt next to him for comfort.

I tried talking to the midwife but all I got was “he’s a newborn he will want comfort” which I get but I’m literally getting no sleep at all. On top of that I’m literally getting sick of people saying to sleep when he sleeps. When I physically can’t because he wants to be held. We’ve tried different places for him to sleep. Such as his Moses basket, carry cot and cot but nothing works.

I’m becoming so stressed about it and I hate when night comes because I know I’m literally going to get no sleep.

Any advice would be great!

My 10 month old was like this straight from birth, we had a nightmare getting her to sleep and it often resulted in me being awake. In the end I had to practice safe bed sharing as it’s the only way she would let me put her down, meant I could get some sleep too.
Bedsharing isn’t for everyone, good luck but it’s deffs normal he’s wanting held, he feels safe and secure with you!

Co sleeping??

Honestly, you have to let this needless stress go. A newborn always calls the shots. You simply have to forge ahead with whatever their demands are. I promise it won't last forever. Take the baby to your bed during the day and nap with him.

What an unhelpful thing for the midwife to say! You can't just stay awake 24 hrs a day. And yes newborns need lots of love and cuddles but it's not physically possible to always hold them.

My advice would be to try swaddling. I got a gro bag swaddle (£10 on Amazon) which makes it really easy. My baby girl used to do exactly the same as you described, she was basically struggling with having so much space and has a really strong startle reflex.

A few other things to try:

• Practice being put down in the day
• White noise app
• Doing a big feed before bed
• Quiet and dim lights before bed with set routine in place.

After 5 days no sleep I thought I was going to go mad so I literally did all of the above. With a bit of hindsight I think swaddling helped the most along with big nighttime feed, but all babies are different!

On a side note, during the day a sling is really useful if you still want to get things done. Baby is close to you, comforted but you still get use of both arms.

Good luck getting some sleep OP 💐

Thanks for the advice I’m tempted to try swaddling and have started to look at cosleeping cribs. I’m ready to try anything!

My ds was like that, turns out he wanted to sleep on his tummy, we bought a breathing monitor be let him x

I second the swaddling with a gro bag. Your DS has been living in a cramped place for 9 months - he isn't used to all that freedom. Swaddling makes them feel safe and comforted. Slings during the day are great too - you can get things done and baby still has the comfort of being next to your body.

Firstly how old is your LO? If he is still tiny tiny e.g. a couple of weeks then don't panic yet as they change so quickly.

Swaddling can help some kids. My youngest loved it. Just be mindful a baby can't regulate their temperature well, so don't over dress or have heating on as it's dangerous if they overheat.

Putting your baby down every time they sleep can help. (My eldest just knew when we were going to do this and woke up....every blinking time....but if you can start, then do).

Co-sleeping is a godsend. But again you must follow all the safe sleeping advice. And this will be long term. So make it work for both you and your partner. (The ideal is your partner sleeps in another bed for now). But a next to me cot would be great if you have the space. These weren't common when my eldest was little so I just kicked out hubby and made my bed safe for a baby.

May sound random but take the fitted sheet off the crib and wear it around you (next to your skin) for a day, then put it back in the cot. Your newborn will be able to smell you and get some comfort from that. I would also definitely try swaddling. They have a startle reflex that is very active when they are new so when they are on their own, they startle themselves awake...they can't do this when swaddled.

I had this with dd2. We co-slept a lot, she us3d to try and burrow under me while we slept she was such a squirmy cuddler. So d3finitely try the cribs if you're is like this, it was so nerve wracking I didn't go into a proper sleep as it was so scary - I didn't know about the cribs at the time.
Sleep is so precious, I get your anxiety. Worth spending some money to try to get a good resolution for this! Good luck and congrats on your baby.

Yes very similar to pps 3 things worked for me/dd

Swaddling

Co-sleeping

Warm where they'll be sleeping gently with a hot water bottle you remove just before you lay them down

They want to feel warm and secure.

Remember too (and some on mn hate this phrase but it still gets me through some tough shit)

This too shall pass - nothing lasts forever it's all a phase.

I've a lanky streak of 18 year old in the next bedroom starfishing who went from being that clingy baby to a an early rising toddler to a teen that needed needs a bloody bomb to wake her and who is MURDER to share a bed with now cos she likes her space and it's like sleeping with a wrestling 6 foot octopus!

We co slept on a regular basis but not always until she was about 5/6 and after that weekends and holidays if she fancied but when she hit 12/13 I had to stop for self preservation! Cos I'd wake up ruddy battered and bruised

Honestly you WILL get through this even though it might not feel like it.

Have you tried putting a hot water bottle on the crib before putting him back down? (Taking it off before you actually put him down) so they can feel the warmth when you put them Dow could keep them sleepy enough that he doesn’t wake up x

My dd was exactly the same so we coslept. I know it’s not for everyone but I’m a big believer in just doing what you have to to get as much sleep as possible

Also, I know your partner is going back to work but that doesn’t mean you should get zero sleep and he should get uninterrupted long nights of sleep - that’s dangerous.

When our twins were small we had to sleep in shifts on many occasions. You both need some sleep.

I second the co sleeping. Saved my sanity.

Someone from work also gave us a dream sheep thing with white noise and when I lay her down now I play that and she goes straight to sleep. My friends use the white noise app too so try that!

Also, we have a next to me crib which I believe helped too. Like pp says, it will pass so just do what you can to get through- your mental health is just as important as the needs of a newborn xx

As far as newborns are concerned, they are part of you. They have just spent 9 months, curled up inside you, constantly feeling held. They want to be close to you as that is what they are used to.
Try swaddling, a sleepy head or two blankets rolled up under the crib sheet and place your baby in between.

We swaddled and had the snuz pod which seemed to help

Hope it gets easier for you soon OP

DD was like this and I was at breaking point! What worked for us:

-very tight swaddle- we used a miracle blanket as she wriggled out of anything else!

• once swaddled, into sleepyhead

-dummy

-white noise

• gently patting her chest in a heartbeat rhythm

She was in a snuzpod next to me crib so I could lay next to her, patting her whilst I dozed.

It is exhausting but it does improve. DD is 2 now and has slept like a dream for nearly as long as I can remember!

I co-slept with all my 4. My eldest, 13 next month, was the one who drove me the hardest. Waking every two hours when we co-slept. I gave up bf at 10months to help her sleep. From then on she was my best sleeper! Sleeps all night, never crawls into our bed, but still loves cuddles and kisses from Mum (incidentally, still a bit demanding of time with me!).

Ours was like this. She ran colder than most babies and needed an extra layer. Took us ages to work out.

In this order: warm the crib with a wheat pack (a next to bed one with a fold down side as others have suggested), change nappy, check they're dressed to the room temperature (lots of handy infographics on the web about how much they should be wearing), swaddle (love to dream if they like their arms up, any other zippy one or velcro one of not - make life easy for yourself!), big feed (keep waking them to ensure they have a full feed if they're a sleepy snacker), wind really well during and after feed (look for tips on the internet- it's really important to stop them being uncomfortable lying down), soothe (have them turned into you so their tummy is against yours and pat their back/bottom firmly and rhythmically), remove heat pack, put down in crib, repeat soothing if needed until they go down to sleep or are at least quiet in the crib (Experiment with how sleepy you need to get them before putting them down).

A bedtime routine including something you don't do at other times of day, like a bath, can help signal nighttime to them as time goes on too.

Go to sleep as soon as they do, don't sit around wondering if they're about to wake up again, like I did! They might, but you'll soon know about it and you'll have gained nothing from your vigil.

If you're nervous about leaving them to sleep without watching over them, invest in a good breathing/heart rate monitor. It's not really for them, as they are likely to be absolutely fine, it's for your peace of mind to allow you to sleep.

Agree with your partner some form of sharing the load for a few nights at least to get some sanity back. You might alternate responsibility for feeding and soothing on an alternate nights basis or, say, them on duty for the first half of the night, you for the second. If you're breastfeeding, partner just brings them to you for a good full feed before taking them away to settle back. Sleep somewhere else when you're 'off duty' to get a proper stretch of sleep. Spare room, currently unused nursery, sofa... Wherever your not going to be woken immediately by baby being up.

Step 2 - kill the unhelpful midwife who suggested you ought to martyr yourself to your child to the point of getting no sleep. This makes me so angry. Sleep deprivation is a recognised form of torture and it seriously messes with the human body and mental health. Honestly, no wonder postnatal depression is rife!

Good luck!

Also - swaddling

Also white noise!

Swaddle, sleepyhead, co sleeping cot and white noise here too

I was adamant that I wouldn’t co sleep by my first baby was just like yours. So we co slept. I had a couple sleeper but he wouldn’t go in it. Little bugger. Anyway, I started by having him on me in bed. Then moved to having him next to me in bed. Then but by bit moved further away. This also helped with night feeds as I didn’t have to get up.
I drove myself mad thinking that it would never get better and that he’d never sleep in his own bed but he loved into his own bed at 6 months perfectly well.
I totally sympathise with your worries. I had terrible pnd and was very anxious. I wish I had been able to see into the future and had known that it would be ok in the end. When baby number two came along I didn’t even bother with the cot. She came in with me straight away. I was much calmer with baby 2 (still got pnd but it was over much quicker).
Good luck.