Going to stop bfing at night tonight

[Lovage]

Saw my GP today who reckons nightfeeding is probably affecting my (already dicey) fertility. I really want another baby, and soon, since I'm getting old and it took 5 years and infertility treatment to conceive DS. Also I'm knackered.

I've been trying to stop bfing in the night for months now. DS is now 1 and I'm really pretty confident that it's not hunger. It's that he wakes up, is unhappy because he's woken and bfing is the way he wants to go back to sleep (which I can quite see, from his point of view). We've been trying gradual withdrawal but most nights I do end up bfing him after DP has tried to soothe him for an hour or has got him back to sleep but then DS wakes up again 45 mins later etc. We're not prepared to leave him to cry on his own but are going to try DP holding and rocking him while he cries/flails around/screams etc. We have been doing this for months but this time I really am not going to end up bfing him.

Really not looking forward to this. And poor DP is going to have a really rough night and is knackered already from bad night last night. So we did the sensible thing and finished off a bottle of wine with dinner... Ah well, maybe I'll be in too much of a drunken stupor to hear DS cry. Fat chance.

Hope you all have better nights than us! (Secretly hoping that posting this will make him sleep through, which he has done about 6 times)

No advise, but wanted to wish you luck.

Good luck. I know it's really hard but it will be worth it. We had real problems with ds's sleep and I found it really hard to stop feeding him in the night, but he really didn't need it as a hunger issue he just couldn't settle himself. We took it in turns to go in and soothe him and left it longer inbetween times. There were times when we felt like tearing our hair out but once we got more than 3 hours uninterupted sleep it was difinately worth it.

Hope it all goes well.

Thanks! He does usually only wake once between 10.30 and 6.30 and he doesn't need to bf to sleep, although he prefers it. so it is possible. Just daunting...

Good luck. dd suddenly cooperated at about 13 months. Partly coincided with dh stepping in & rocking her wherever possible, but I think it was largely that she'd started walking or had reached the right stage in maturity.

...so good luck! I lacked the willpower to do this, so envy you your determination. Hope it works quickly & that you conceive quickly, too.

Absolutely nothing constructive to say but GOOD LUCK!!!! Stick to your guns and I'm sure in a week or two it will be a distant memory [optimistic emoticon]

Good luck from me too!
Have you got a cup of water handy by his door? When I went cold turkey with DD it was quite warm so I would let her have a sip in case she was thirsty and it seemed to settle her.
And if at all possible don't let him see you or hear you as, even if he has started to calm, he will remember he wants milk!

Fingers crossed for you...

Good luck - let us know how it goes tomorrow won't you?

(enjoy your sleep )

Good luck.
Was happy to b/feed at night for yonks but at 12 mths,decided THINGS HAD TO CHANGE, and it was fine.

Good luck Lovage.

I stopped bfing ds at night at about 12 months - he was waking twice a night for a feed and I was just tired (also wanted to start ttc again like you).

The first night he cried in fury for about an hour, off and on, when he woke for his midnight feed. We co-sleep so I cuddled him and rubbed his back until he went back to sleep. He woke again at 3 for his second feed and cried again but not for long thankfully.

The second night he only woke once, had a bit of a cry but settled down again quite quickly.

And that was it. He basically slept through the night from then on.

How did it go Lovage?

Aw, thanks for all your encouragement and support. This is really hard (as I knew it would be).

He woke at about 2.30 and was quite easily settled by DP with rocking, music, sips of water etc. after about 15 mins. But then he woke again at 3.10 having filled his nappy. DP changed that but by that time DS was very unhappy (doesn't like having his nappy changed at the best of times, and especially not when he's tired). There was lots of crying and screaming and DP eventually got him to sleep by about 4.15, having dosed him with Paracetamol and then Ibuprofen and Dentinox and Bonjela (DS is cutting 6 teeth at once which isn't helping). So we kind of feel we drugged him into sleep, which isn't what you really want.

But I did manage to not feed him for the first time ever. And he then slept til 6.30, his usual time. He's seemed okay today - a bit grizzly and clingy but I think that's the teeth. In between toothy times he's been happy and his usual self. Wanting to breastfeed constantly but he was like that the previous day as well so I'm pretty sure that's the teeth too.

But I'm loosing my confidence that this is the right thing to do. He was so unhappy and having always been resolutely anti CIO/CC I'm now feeling that an hour of crying and screaming in his dad's arms isn't much better than being left to cry on his own (it is better, I'm sure, but still really horrible for him). I think the thing that makes me think that is is right to continue is the longterm gain to us as a family of his parents being less knackered and him hopefully having a sibling. Mind you, at 4am I was convinced that we'd never manage to have another anyway, so I was making him suffer for no point...

Good luck sounds like you had a tough time. We found GR/GW helped for us. But at around 8months my DD would not sleep if I was in the room. I put her down very sleepy after feeding her, with her blanket and her duck Ruby. Leave her for 10mins, 90% of the time she goes to sleep there is some screaming though. If she isn't asleep I go back in feed and do the same put her down semi-awake - now 99% of the time this works. If this doesn't work after 10mins then I go back in and feed to sleep. I stop the process at any time I either think she is getting hysterical or I can't face it. I do hate her screaming but I've found its the only way. Its not CC as I do pick her up and feed her. Works for us, may be worth a go. Millpond book said that if a baby is going to settle asleep alone it should take max 10mins if not unlikely to settle.

Lovage, wanted to wish you good luck. From what others have posted it sounds like you may have had the worst already. I think you should stick with it.

Thanks all!

Last night was v good. A squeak at 3.30 which woke me but not enough to even get out of bed. Then intermittent fussing from about 5.15 (apparently, I didn't hear anything so can't have been much) then he woke up properly at 5.45. DP went to him and tried to calm him til 6.05 when we went 'sod it' and I bf him - it was so nearly morning we just couldn't be doing with perservering. We hoped he'd then go back to sleep for another hour or so but that was him up for the day. So we're pretty tired still but another night where I didn't feed him. We had taken him swimming for the first time on Sat, so I suspect that tired him out.

Not confident that last night wasn't a one off (he has slept through about 6 times before this, but never 2 nights in a row) but feeling cautiously optimistic. It would be so good if he could start sleeping through (British understatement...)

Lovage, sounds like great progress, good luck tonight! And it's definitely not CC if he's crying but being comforted by somebody who loves him, sounds like you're doing really well. and best of luck with becoming pg.

Hope it's okay if I keep posting here - don't want to be all me me me. But the 'sleep is for the weak' thread looks so huge it makes me feel shy! Would love to hear from anyone else trying to stop feeding at night at the moment.

Last night was good, I suppose. Just a few squeaks til 5am. I guess eventually we'll stop hearing the squeaks once we're confident he's not going to wake up. I suppose we could even shut our bedroom door! Seems a bit radical...

But then he just wouldn't go back to sleep after 5. I didn't feed him, but DP was up with him trying to get him back to sleep. Gave him Ibuprofen in case it was his teeth. He stopped trying to get him to sleep at 6 and DS was then perfectly happy (DP was less than perfectly happy...) I woke up again at 6.30 so fed him then (he always want to bf when he first sees me after we've been apart - I keep ending up bfing him sitting on the loo!)

Not sure whether to persist after about 5 because that's awfully early to have to start the day. DP is absolutely knackered. If I fed him straightaway he might then go back to sleep. And we would still get 6 hrs sleep in a row which is pretty good.

But no, I will be determined. 5 is still the middle of the night for me, so that will still be reducing my fertility. And 2 nights of waking around 5 does not make a pattern, it's just 2 nights. And this is now 2 nights in a row that he's almost slept through, which he's never done before. And 3 nights that I've not fed him. Ho yuss

Lovage, i'm a long term member of Sleep is for the Weak. Do come and join us we're very friendly.

I stopped feeding at night at about 8 months but we were co-sleeping so I feel it was easier for me as DD had comfort in me wrapped around her. My approach was, do everything before offering feed rather than flatly refusing. So cuddle, water, nappy, calpol if teething and if still not settled after say 30 mins then feed. I never needed to feed because she didn't kick up a fuss. About 2 weeks later she was poorly so I went back to it for a week or two but easily managed to stop again. She's still not sleeping through but the nights are a lot easier and it helps that DH can settle her sometimes too. Also she has a dummy which obviously helps too.

A friend tried the approach you are using and it took about three nights and I think you're right the long term benefits to you all are massive. FWIW I don't think what you're doing is CC or CIO. Your DS has the security of someone with him all the time. He's just confussed because it's not his normal method of getting back to sleep. We had (still do) lots of occasions when DD was very unsettled for hours in the night and we were co-sleeping and feeding so sometimes their reasons for being awake and crying are not obvious.

Hi, I've also decided that now is the time for my dd to drop her night feed. She is 14.5 months and I've kept feeding her for so long for two reasons, 1. It's been easier cos i feed her and she goes straight back to sleep instead of trying to settle her for hours and 2. I've been convinced until now that she is actually hungry in night.
She is bottle fed (since 5 months ish) though so it's a slightly different situation-before i have tried watering down the milk etc but she just wanted more an hour later so must have actually been hungry. This time though i've managed to water down the milk to 3oz milk to 6oz water so am no longer sure it is hunger that is waking her but thirst. soooo the plan is to cut down the milk again tonight, then from tomorrow go to just water,see how that goes and then hopefully at some point in not too distant future i'll be able to just leave her beaker within her reach for her to help herself to water if she wakes. Until then though, like you I won't be leaving her to cry but trying to settle her by other methods than feeding her. It's hard work isn't it but should be worth it. Good luck!

Oooohh, Good Luck both of you.

Lovage - it sounds as if you're making progress! The first few days are always the hardest, and the long term gains for you are so huge it has to be worth persevering!!

Claireybee - really hope it goes well for you too - it'll be such a relief to have a night to yourself!!

Ginjaninja - the example of your friend is very encouraging! I really wanted to do this more gently but it just wasn't working. If he wants to BF he wants to BF, it seems! He did used to be much worse - waking every 45 mins for 3-4 hour patches a few months ago. We did like you, feeding if he wasn't calm-able in about 30 mins and DP thinks that got him out of that patch. I pessimistically think that it was just a bad patch that he grew out of and that our actions didn't make much difference. But maybe they did.

Claireybee - that's why I carried on so long too - wasn't sure he wasn't hungry and knew it would only take 10 mins and then we could all go back to sleep. I really don't understand how some of my friends could say so confidently 'he's 6 months now, he doesn't need to feed in the night'. I guess their babies got into solids more quickly than mine who is not a great eater, but even so... Hope it goes well tonight!

Lovage three nights is brilliant, I think it sounds like you can keep going now

I did this with DS at about 12 months. I also had the early morning problem, and used to feed him if it was after 5, then he would go back to sleep. At 14 months I stopped doing the 5.30am stuff because although he went back to sleep, I couldn;t!

To crack the 5.30 thing I'm afraid I did leave hism to cry a little (I stress this was fussing / squeaking rather than anything resembling a proper cry), with a limit of 10 minutes, after which I would go in and feed him, and it took about 5-6 days (fed once at 5.30 during that time).

I found DS actually hated being picked up / rocked etc and patting & shhing was way more effective.

It seemd to me to be the right age to do it. If I had left it until he was 18 motnhs or so I think it would have been loads harder.

I had to stop as it was affecting my health really badly, had thyroid problems, and was at the end of my tether, etc, but did carry on daytime feeding (dropping to one feed at bedtime) until DS was 19 months.

hTH, hope it goes well tonight!

How was your night Lovage?

After posting on here I decided to not bother with the 2 oz and just go straight to water.
So, dd went to bed at 7.30, and slept until 2.30ish, after leaving her for the usual time (not crying but grizzling a bit)to see if she would settle herself I went in, picked her up and gave her some water. She drank some, but not loads (probably 2ozish) and then pushed it away and put her dummy back in. I then sat with her cuddling her until her breathing was sleepy (which was actually only slightly longer than if i'd fed her)then popped her back in her cot, still awake and left the room. Before when i've tried this she has screamed when i've put her back down and not quietened until i've fed her but last night she just snuggled down quite happily. About half an hour later she cried out, which she kept doing intermittently until 6.50 this morning, when she properly cried so I went in, changed her nappy and gave her milk, which she drank, but didnt guzzle like i was expecing her to after not feeding in the night. She was still really sleepy so I put her back in her cot where she stayed for another hour before deciding it was time to get up. So all in all it was nowhere near as bad as I was expecting, and much more successful than previous attempts so I think she must be more ready than before.
We're both tired today, obviously she didn't sleep too well what with all the crying out, and i lay there waiting for her to wake up properly again and demand milk but I feel much better about it now. I think the crying out was maybe due to her being used to having a full tummy to settle back down, and although she wasn't starving, it must be difficult for her to get used to. Hopefully last night wasn't a fluke and the good nights will commence!

Hi, I'll be watching this thread with interest as I am debating whether or not to start this with DS (almost 14 months). He has only slept through about 5 or 6 times, and I am absolutely knackered from geting up in the night. At the moment, though, he is very insistent on bf when he wakes up; last night I went in and tried to just cuddle him/shush him, etc., but eventually had to give in and feed him as he was so upset. He goes through phases of falling asleep feeding or just calming down while bf and then falling asleep on his own in the cot- just now he gets really annoyed if I put him down when he is still awake!

Alberta, I do think it must be harder if you bf cos when they see you they just want boob. I used to have to feed dd constantly through night when i was still bf and it was only when bottle feeding that i was able to delay her and use other methods to get her to sleep (although night feeds are soooo much more hassle when bottle feeding than bf!). In the beginning though she was still having just as many bottle feeds through nght as had been having bf but it got easier to drop feeds once bottle feeding. It could also be partly cos it was her decision not to bf anymore, if was up to me I'd have kept going longer but she just started to refuse it. I've tried cutting down dd's milk in night a few times (the last time was about a month ago) and she just wasn't ready but this time I do feel she is more ready for it...I think all you can do is try really!

Thanks claireybee, yes, we'll just have to keep persevering!