Losing my mind with newborn

[Kara4]

My daughter is about 8 weeks old and has never slept well during the day. She’s FF and sleeps well at night.

At first she’d only sleep during the day if I held her, so I got a sling. I’ve been wearing her most of the day and still trying to set her down for naps occasionally.

She used to sleep in the sling but has always fought it. Now she won’t go in at all. She won’t sleep when I hold her, won’t sleep if I set her down next to me, won’t sleep in her cot, won’t sleep in the car, won’t sleep in her pram.

I watch her cues, I watch her wake windows, I know she’s tired. But she fights it and I don’t know what else to do for her. She wants to look at everything all the time and even health professionals have commented on how alert she was from a very young age.

Things have gotten worse since she got her jabs this week plus it’s been so hot. But to tell the truth, she was resisting naps last week too so I can’t blame it on that.

What more can I do for her?

My DD is 8 weeks too.
She hardly naps in the day! Is amazing at night, does 7 hours sleep then a bottle then another 2 hours.
The only way ive found to get her to nap is to wait until shes yawning, give her a rock and then into her swinging chair.
She will not sleep in the crib i have downstairs at all which is flat (even though her cot is flat of a night)
Yesterday she had a 1 hour nap then a 20 minute nap all day and was awake from 4pm - 9pm!
I thought i was alone with this x

What more can I do for her?

Have you given her a dummy? If you have, preserve with it until it's accepted. It's worth it.

Aside from that, firstly try a swaddle. Don't buy anything fancy, just cut a cot sheet in half along the short edge - you want a long, thin rectangle step so that legs/hips are free to move.

Nice and snug and tight around shoulders and arms to dull the startle reflex and reduce external stimulation. Hold in arms, swaddled with dummy and sway.

Try to very slowly put down once falling asleep. Do this by keeping baby close to your chest for as long as possible. Slowly bend and the waist, keeping baby held next to your chest and lower your whole body into cot so you are lying horizontally over baby as lowered the final few cm onto mattress. Place your hand firmly on baby's chest to replace the closeness of your chest next to baby's skin. Stay close, face next to baby's face to baby can feel your breath and hear you close. Some quiet shushhhhh may help. Keep hand on babys chest. Stay there, be patient. Keep replacing dummy as needed and very slowly raise your body, keeping hand on baby's chest.

If at any point baby crys, try dummy and if that doesn't work lift and sway to sleep again, starting again. Some naps are harder than others and that's normal.

If all else fails, get baby to sleep with constant and rhythmic bouncing in the bouncy chair. Not swaddle here, but use dummy and consistency.

Thanks @FATEdestiny. I have tried several types of dummies, yes. She will take the NUK ones very occasionally if I’ve managed to get her in the sling. She won’t take them at any other time. Sometimes I see her push it out with her tongue and then try to put her hand in her mouth! So I keep persisting with dummies.

We do swaddle her at night but during the day it doesn’t work at all. She doesn’t get the slightest bit drowsy in her bouncy chair.

It’s not a question of being able to put her down, I don’t have any way of reliably making her sleep during the day. There is no swaying or rocking her to sleep, it doesn’t do anything for her.

Have you tried a walk in the pram

Yes, she doesn’t sleep in the pram.

Give it up and try to find things to amuse her/wear her out during the day!

Will she sleep propped up in the pram?

What about a baby chair with nothing going on? Or in front of the washing machine?

My 15 week old only naps in the sling. If I time it right it's easy to get him to sleep. If not, I go into a very dark room, crank up the white noise and bob about until he drifts off. Sometimes I have to kind of hold his head close to my chest. I don't give up because I know, going by the clock, that he's tired. I also try my best not to get stressed because it makes it so much harder.

I feel for you because if I lost this I wouldn't have any way to get him to sleep during the day.

Have you tried white noise and darkness? I find the darkness is key. Otherwise there's too much for him to look at.

Hoping for the best for you.

@GreenTulips propped up in the pram? Like with a pillow?

I think @SecondTimer2019 is right, I probably need to find a way to make things totally dark. I feel like as long as there is something to look at she will keep herself awake. We have blackout blinds but it's not total darkness.

We do have a white noise machine (several) plus fans, etc. They might help if she’s already very drowsy and on the verge of falling asleep, but I don’t know how much of an effect they have otherwise.

Honestly, it helps simply to be heard and understood, because it sometimes feels like no one really gets it. It’s hard not to panic when she won’t sleep in the sling.

If I want to stay downstairs and watch TV while he naps in the sling then I put a muslin over the sling so he can't see out. Initially it makes him really angry and he may scream for a couple of minutes but that works for us just as well as the dark room.

I've had two very alert children who have trouble switching off but in the end it's a good thing. My toddler is extremely bright and did (eventually) become a great sleeper and napper.

Everything crossed for you. It's so hard but you're trying your best and that's all you can do. You provide the conditions and all the help you can but the baby has to do the rest.

I don't give up because I know, going by the clock, that he's tired. I also try my best not to get stressed because it makes it so much harder.
Yes, the persistence is key! DP will stop after like 3 minutes and go "maybe she needs milk, maybe it's her nappy, maybe she wants to play" and it drives me batty. I don't fall asleep in 3 minutes, why would my kid? Pram naps take many, many laps of the park; the ducks know me by name by now.

Conversely though I've found she falls asleep better if she can see stuff; if we cut her straight off with a snoozeshade on the pram or cover on the sling she goes nuts. So long as she can stare at the world as she falls asleep she's happy; then we add the darkness afterwards to keep her asleep.

Sorry if you already said, but have you tried a bouncer? When my son was around this age he suddenly didn't want to sleep as there was too much excitement everywhere - I got a cheap bouncer, put him in and started slowly and rhythmically (and gently!) bouncing him. He grizzled a bit at first but quickly drifted off, even with lights and sounds all around the room. Hope you find something that works soon!

My daughter was the same. She was super alert from birth, and just didn't seem to need to sleep in the day. My friends would come round with their babies who'd sleep throughout our coffee and chat sessions, while mine would be wide awake on my lap.
In the end I just stopped worrying. It was hard to get things done round the house, or to get rest myself, but it didn't bother her. I'd read to her (she stared as picture books intently) walk around with her..I dunno. The time passed somehow!

I meant not flat - most proms will lift them slightly

It is so knackering isn't it and can make you feel quite desperate.

But it does pass - honestly!

I did try a bouncer, yes.

I appreciate all the replies. It’s been so hard, she wouldn’t even sleep if I held her, rocked her, anything. I had to set her down because she kept crying and I couldn’t settle her and I needed to cry too.

I feel so guilty but she did cry out a bit and then eventually fell asleep. It probably won’t last very long and I feel so bad about letting her cry. I didn’t want to sleep train her or make her cry it out. She’s still so little. I’m sitting here crying even more now because I feel so guilty.

@saraclara that’s exactly how she’s been from the start. I looked around at all the other mums with their sleeping babies and wonder why mine was the only one awake all the time. Thank you for making me feel less alone.

Have you tried going for a long walk with her in a carrier? My DD went through a phase of only sleeping in the carrier and only while I was walking! My step count for that time was very high!!

@ChocolateRaisin yes, in fact I’ve been joking about how I have had no problem hitting my 10,000 steps. That’s been the way I have gotten her to sleep in the past, wearing her and walking. But she won’t sleep like that anymore and kicks off instead.

@kara4 mine is the same - fights her naps so bad but can tell shes tired.
Do you have a swing? If you dont then do invest in one. Its saved my sanity slightly. (We have the joie serina but you can get cheaper ones also)
Shes still not a good napper and rarely accepts a dummy but the swing does the trick the majority of the time.
Agree with dark and quiet also - but still doesnt always work x

Mine went through a phase at that age where she'd only sleep if I held her on my shoulder and walked on the treadmill. I guess it was the repetitive monotony of it. Walking up and down her room in the dark also worked but took longer. It was getting to the point where when her head had dropped into my shoulder for a few minutes I'd use my phone camera to see if her eyes were closed or not

The benefit of a baby like this is that when they get older they are much more flexible for bedtimes/staying up late but I absolutely feel your pain at that age!!

@ImpossibleGirl86 lollll I do the same with my phone. We also have mirrors in every room so our baby nap route goes via these. Wonder how people managed in the olden days – periscope?

We use mirrors as well, but I don’t use my phone because of the light?

Please tell me this will get better. She’s cried so much today and I have too.

It's so hard
I have four dc, three great sleepers and then a horror.
I know it's horrible when they cry but sometimes it's necessary. I don't mean just leaving them to it, but dd2 was a monkey to get to sleep I used swaddle her tight and then rock quite firmly she would scream like a banshee but she would go after a few minutes.
Some days however are just shite and it sounds like you've had a bad one ((huge hugs))