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Original poster

Losing my mind with newborn

59 replies

Kara4 · 24/07/2019 11:54

My daughter is about 8 weeks old and has never slept well during the day. She’s FF and sleeps well at night.

At first she’d only sleep during the day if I held her, so I got a sling. I’ve been wearing her most of the day and still trying to set her down for naps occasionally.

She used to sleep in the sling but has always fought it. Now she won’t go in at all. She won’t sleep when I hold her, won’t sleep if I set her down next to me, won’t sleep in her cot, won’t sleep in the car, won’t sleep in her pram.

I watch her cues, I watch her wake windows, I know she’s tired. But she fights it and I don’t know what else to do for her. She wants to look at everything all the time and even health professionals have commented on how alert she was from a very young age.

Things have gotten worse since she got her jabs this week plus it’s been so hot. But to tell the truth, she was resisting naps last week too so I can’t blame it on that.

What more can I do for her?

OP posts:
Original poster
Kara4 · 01/08/2019 22:23

Thank you @troppibambini. Today was a better day but I have to work so hard just to get her to fall asleep for twenty minutes. I read all these tips from other people on different sites and feel like I’m in a different world.

OP posts:
AngelaScandal · 02/08/2019 00:11

No great advice Kara but feel your pain. DD sounds a lot like yours. Resorting to preheating sheets and pillows to get her to transfer to crib

Alislia17 · 02/08/2019 03:50

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ImpossibleGirl86 · 02/08/2019 10:04

It does get better. My little one went from anything from 5 to 20 minute catnaps, to 45 minutes, which wasn't great, but better. She stayed at 45 minutes three, then two times a day, until she was about 14 months I think. It was around then she started to drop her second nap, and having a much longer nap. She's now 20 months and will sleep from 11 til half 12 regularly. Occasionally if I'm lucky she'll even sleep until half 1!

Hotbiscuits · 02/08/2019 10:12

Swaddle and being walked round worked for us eventually.

Sorry it is so hard. I had a tough sleeper and the worst bits were always the transitional phases, where one thing stopped working (eg sling) and the next thing hadn’t quite been established. It’s controversial, but have you tried putting her down on her tummy? With DS that acted as a natural break to the startle reflex. I started doing it at 14 weeks and used to sit beside him with a cuppa. This is not in line with safe sleep advice but it was literally the only thing that worked.

schoolquandry · 02/08/2019 10:23

Hi, my DD was the same. She just fought daytime sleep. I tried lots of things but they didn't work. Sometimes I managed to feed her to sleep (bottle) and sometimes she would fall asleep in the car. My DS was opposite - napped in day but bad at night. They were just very different, but I tried all the same things with both. When she started nursery, all the kids went for a sleep in the afternoon and sometimes she would sleep too there, but would still fight it. I eventually took comfort that she was fairly easy at night time and just lived in a pig sty for a while!

Original poster
Kara4 · 02/08/2019 12:42

@ImpossibleGirl86 glad she’s settled into a better routine! Are you feeling much better these days now that the catnaps are over?

@Hotbiscuits I did actually try that in a moment of panic the other day. She treated it like tummy time and pushed up until she couldn’t anymore and then wailed. Probably for the best though, I’m too nervous about SIDS to let her do that!

@schoolquandry I suppose having another puts it into perspective! I can’t imagine doing this again!

So today I used advice from here and made the room as dark as possible, put on the white noise machine, got her in the sling, held her head up against me, then walked endlessly and shushed her. And I got her to sleep for a bit! I think holding her head did help, so thank you to whoever mentioned that!

It doesn’t take a village to raise a child, it takes a village to get this baby to nap!

OP posts:
SecondTimer2019 · 02/08/2019 13:05

Great news. Hopefully you've found something that works for her and it will keep doing the trick! Fingers crossed for you.

nomushrooms · 02/08/2019 20:05

Mine is one that people always commented on how alert she was. From about 6 weeks she just couldn’t drop off easily in the day.

Only thing that worked for us was pram + Snoozeshade + white noise. Initially took a lot of walking round and round the village five times a day to get her off (she was only a half hour napper) but now at 8 months I just lie buggy flat, pop her in, put the Snoozeshade up and turn on the white noise.

(Unless she’s teething, like this afternoon, where I jiggled the buggy with my foot for a few mins till she finally went off 🤦🏻‍♀️)

P.S. I keep being told that this alertness is a sign of intelligence (touch wood) but it is PAINFUL when other people send me pictures of snuggling with their babies on the sofa, while mine whines after 2 minutes in any given position....

PleasetellmeIWillsurvive · 02/08/2019 21:14

My first was like this, so alert from about 5 weeks, but he did sleep in pushchair if it was bumpy enough and I kept walking (obviously not sustainable). So I put him in a dark room for naps and sssshhh'd patted him off. He did cry and it broke my heart but I couldn't find any other way to make him nap and he badly lost it when he was OT sp I knew he needed it. He turned out to ne a stellar sleeper and napper eventually after learning to suck his thumb.

Original poster
Kara4 · 02/08/2019 21:27

I walked five miles with her over the course of the day. Not in the pram, because she won’t sleep in that. I’ve tried covering it and putting a white noise machine in it and she’s still laying in there wide awake. Even in the sling I can’t sit or stand still or she will wake up.

OP posts:
lorisparkle · 02/08/2019 22:16

Ds1 was a terrible day time sleeper, my dm said it was like he had match sticks holding open his eyes or he just slept with his eyes open! I made the decision that I would just persevere until he went to sleep. My sister discovered running with him in the pram on a bumpy path and my dh discovered rocking him in a vibrating chair with a white noise machine on. It sometimes would take him just as long to go to sleep as be asleep but he was a happier baby for it. I often would drive around for what felt like an eternity! Have you seen the Dr Sears stuff on high needs babies or the baby whisperer stuff on spirited babies. I found it quite reassuring that mine was not the only baby who did not sleep!

MaltedMilk88 · 04/08/2019 20:31

Hi
My DD is 4 weeks today and sounds exactly the same! Angel from circa 11pm-6am. Devil the rest of the time! She gets so overtired and like you next to nothing works, occasionally I think we just get lucky! No advice sorry but just wanted to say I feel your pain and reading this thread, I know we aren’t alone x

Original poster
Kara4 · 05/08/2019 12:57

@MaltedMilk88 definitely not alone! Sorry to hear you are in the same boat.

@lorisparkle I haven’t seen that, I will look into it.

She wouldn’t go in the sling at all today. I’ll manage to get her sleepy and try to put her in the sling or set her down and she will wake up and be upset. Should I try sitting on the sofa with her? She won’t fall asleep like that but maybe if I get her asleep she would stay asleep?

OP posts:
burritofan · 05/08/2019 13:25

Kara, I got mine in the sling today … FOUR HOURS LATER she finally slept. For 30 minutes. She's 15 weeks tomorrow and apparently that's old enough to stay awake and wired for four hours. It's like she drinks Red Bull for breakfast, not breast milk. I don't even consume much caffeine!

Original poster
Kara4 · 05/08/2019 14:42

@burritofan I thought you were going to say she slept for four hours! Did she stay calm in the sling that whole time? Mine screams in it if she’s not asleep.

Do you worry about her not sleeping enough? Have I completely messed up her development? I thought they were supposed to start sleeping for longer stretches at twelve weeks, I was trying to make it the next few weeks until we got there!

OP posts:
burritofan · 05/08/2019 14:53

She screamed like a wet cat when I put her in, calmed the minute we went outside – she LOVES fresh air, looking forward to winter Confused Got caught in the rain so hid under a tree and she stayed calm til she screamed for milk; fed, she dropped off for one whole minute then got cold; back in the sling, etc. She stays calm on and off, only yells when she's trying to sleep – rubbing her head on me, making her growly sleep noise – can can't/won't.

Do you worry about her not sleeping enough? Have I completely messed up her development? I thought they were supposed to start sleeping for longer stretches at twelve weeks,
Haha, Mine was doing long stretches before 12 weeks then went backwards. I worry CONSTANTLY but then I read every single MN sleep thread ever and conclude that it's all bollocks, 99% of them sleep in the end, none of them end up as Romanian orphanage soup brain babies. Their mothers might...

lorisparkle · 05/08/2019 15:07

After having three children and talking with lots of other parents sleeping (or not sleeping) is pure luck. Whilst there are things that can make a small difference overall it is just the way they are.

Ds1 was shocking in the day and good at night until he became shocking at both! We put hours into gentle sleep training and then he was amazing- day and night!

Ds2 has always been random day and night and still is!

Ds3 was amazing in the day and just self settled from a few weeks old!!! I was in shock but he only self settled in the pram or car seat and never in his cot! He wasn't fab at night but that didn't bother me.

When ds1 was at his worse the health visitor recommended the book 'teach your child to sleep ' It literally saved my life and certainly saved my sanity!

SecondTimer2019 · 05/08/2019 16:18

I can confirm that it really doesn't matter. My first DS was constantly exhausted and I worried no end. His sleep (and naps) went up and down all the time. It wasn't until dropping to one nap that he started to nap well and he didn't sleep through the night fully until 19 months (when I was pregnant again and my milk dried up, effectively leading to night weaning).

But since 19 months he's slept through nearly every night bar teething and sickness. And he's absolutely fine. No lasting damage. Meets all milestones and very bright.

CottonSock · 05/08/2019 16:22

Perhaps she just needs to cry a bit before dropping off. I'd keep trying with pram or sling as at least you can get out.

CottonSock · 05/08/2019 16:24

Ps. My second one would scream too, but into sling she went. I had no choice as had a toddler. She usually dropped off after a very noisy while.

Original poster
Kara4 · 06/08/2019 10:28

How long would you let them cry/scream in the sling? Sometimes she gets upset but I can eventually get her to calm down, other times she simply gets more worked up. I don’t know how long to give it. She calms down less and less these days.

OP posts:
burritofan · 06/08/2019 11:04

For me it depends on the screaming. DD likes to howl to sleep (v relaxing at the library, baby groups, cinema etc) but her body is relaxed so I leave her to it. If she's flailing her lil arms around and arching her back I take her out and check nappy, hunger, hair tourniquets, clothes pinching, etc, or see if she wants a chit chat ie isn't ready for sling yet. Sometimes I can take her out and pop her straight back in and she's fine, it's like she just needs a hard reset.

burritofan · 06/08/2019 11:04

For me it depends on the screaming. DD likes to howl to sleep (v relaxing at the library, baby groups, cinema etc) but her body is relaxed so I leave her to it. If she's flailing her lil arms around and arching her back I take her out and check nappy, hunger, hair tourniquets, clothes pinching, etc, or see if she wants a chit chat ie isn't ready for sling yet. Sometimes I can take her out and pop her straight back in and she's fine, it's like she just needs a hard reset.

burritofan · 06/08/2019 11:12

Ugh, forgive me my multiple posts