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Original poster

Fucking wanking bastarding sleep

23 replies

NeverGotMyPuppy · 15/07/2019 17:59

Just that.

Spent 10 months trying to get it right and I still haven't. If I'd spent the time I'd spent thinking about sleep thinking about other stuff.. who knows what I could have achieved. Fuck all of it.

Sorry. As you were.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeverGotMyPuppy · 15/07/2019 18:28

Just me then?

OP posts:
Kungfupanda67 · 15/07/2019 18:30

Whose sleep are you talking about? Yours or child’s? I can’t remember the last time I slept more than about 2.5 hours in a row or got up later than 5am, so I feel your pain

Original poster
NeverGotMyPuppy · 15/07/2019 18:34

Oh I'm sorry Sad
My DS's. I suppose by extension mine- he thinks 5.30 is a lie in

I've just tried so so hard to get it right. The things I have done to get him to sleep.
It just makes me sad. I would love another baby but I cant see how I would cope.

OP posts:
Fatted · 15/07/2019 18:35

I take it this is your baby's sleep?

If it's not sleep, it's something else. My DC slept through. But I constantly tried to fix DS1 because he screamed all day. I tried to fix their naps Then it was reflux. Then it was teething. Then it was weaning. Then it was crawling because my DC were late crawling. Then it was walking because they were late walking. Then it was potty training. Then it was talking because DS2 was a late talker. Then it was school. Then it was me going back to work. Then it was settling in with the childminder. Then it was full time school with DS2.

There is always something to worry about and over occupy your brain with. Having kids is exhausting!

homemadegin · 15/07/2019 18:35

Nine months here, I hear you. Unfucking believable. I don't know what else to try. It's such a mess. Nobody gets it in real life, surrounded by perfect sleepers. Sick of it

Original poster
NeverGotMyPuppy · 15/07/2019 18:51

@Fatted I fear you are right. I worry that I am just going to feel like this all the time over something.

@homemadegin I'm sorry - it's nice to know I'm not alone because I usually feel like I've lost my mind but I'm sorry you feel like that too. Do u want to talk about it?

OP posts:
homemadegin · 15/07/2019 19:03

@NeverGotMyPuppy I don't know what to do anymore. It's really getting to me. I'm so angry with myself and feel like such a failure.

She just won't sleep.

I can't sort naps either. Will only nap in car or on me. Never in cot. Never in rocker.

Night time is a joke. We had a slight improvement where she started managing about two hours then awake. Now she's not even down ten minutes and it starts.

I've read so much stuff, like you. I've tried all the suggestions. I just seem to have no routine and no idea of what to do next. Friday night she excelled herself and was still carrying on at midnight having been wake since three in the afternoon. She like some kind of machine.

I think what gets to me most is that she's clearly tired, so it's not just the nights it's dealing with a moany crying baby all day.

I tried to start gentle settling on naps today. She was absolutely hysterical. It was horrendous. I'm so fucking sick of sleep.

How about you? Other than pissed off? It's soul destroying.

Chefwifelife · 16/07/2019 06:31

OP I feel you lovely. Sending you a massive virtual hug. My DS didn’t sleep through for 14 months. Hit and miss for a few more months. Other than CIO; you name it I’ve done it. Sarah ockwell smiths book gentle sleep and her online videos and posts made me feel better and changed my expectations.

His sleep has since been much better (he’s 2 this week) but he has been awake since 3am this morning and has just gone back to sleep because he’s exhausted of being a twat. I swear to god once upon a time I would have given both ovaries to have five hours sleep in a row but today I want to rip my face off I’m so tired. A crazy busy day of work ahead and I just can’t be bloody bothered.

My biggest advice is routine. Same routine every night (unless away or on holiday and it’s just not possible).

Ours is:
6:30 bath
6:45 (ish) get changed, moisturise, nappy on.
Then timings Vary but 3 books, say night night. Into cot and I sit while he falls asleep pisses about and read my kindle.

You’ve got this Mumma. Good to vent on here though x

Kungfupanda67 · 16/07/2019 08:23

I feel your pain - I too have broken children who don’t seem to match the instruction manuals. My sister’s son has always slept 12-13 hours and when I moan about being up 5 times in the night with my 3 year old, or getting up at 5am she says ‘oh I wouldn’t put up with that!!’ 🙄👊

I’m on baby number 3 now though, and what I have found helps my sanity (not my sleep!) is just accepting that some kids don’t sleep like others. Try stuff by all means but sleep, early rising in particular, is very very difficult to fix. I was up at 5.15 this morning, I just dozed on the sofa. My 6 year old still gets up early, some kids just do.

Try and just accept it and stop trying to fix it, that’s what helped me anyway :)

Pineapplefish · 16/07/2019 08:28

I have 3 DC - one poor sleeper, one amazing sleeper and one terrible one. I agree with everything Kungfupanda67 says!

Original poster
NeverGotMyPuppy · 16/07/2019 08:53

@Kungfupanda67 yes that drives me mad I 'I couldn't live with that'- I HAVENT CHOSEN TO!!

So DS was a dreadful sleeper. I tried everything but he woke many times a night and naps were all in the car or in the sling really. It was exhausting.

At 8 months we got a sleep consultant in. After about 6 weeks hard work he now often sleeps through and will nap in his cot. Which is amazing. BUT - we still have the silly o'clock waking.
I am constantly unsure about how to play it. She said to give him an hour max in the morning then up to 2 in the afternoon. But the only way I get 2 is if I drive him round. At home it's usually 50 mins to 1hr 30.
Friends of mine wake theirs up after 30 mins from the morning nap and seem to get longer lunchtime naps. He woke naturally after 30 once last week and did an hr 50 at lunch but I'm scared of it not working and making him even more tired.

I just can't seem to decide on a strategy so I'm constantly second guessing.

I'm so grateful that he is sleeping better and I remember the utter despair or sleeplessness @homemadegin. I just thought once I got the consultant in I could stop bloody agonising.

OP posts:
Kungfupanda67 · 16/07/2019 09:21

I think that’s what I was trying to get across, don’t try and decide on a strategy or you will spend every day feeling like you’ve failed. Just do whatever you can do each day, it doesn’t have to be the same thing every day - my third baby is a dream, she’s a good sleeper at the moment, she has zero routine (apart from what time she goes to bed) but naps are all over the place. Just go with it, if he only wants to nap half an hour who cares? Drive him round if you want to but if you don’t, don’t - he might be a bit grumpy but he’ll get over it. Make him fit it with you, it might not make him sleep more but it might make you feel like you’re spending your life trying to make him sleep

MummyToABoyy · 16/07/2019 09:41

Just popping up to say my 13 month old DS is also a terrible sleeper and I have tried everything, also seen a sleep consultant! When he calms down and starts to sleep 'better', more teeth come or a cold and it all goes out the window again.
They are all so different and you can't force them to sleep and I don't think different bubble baths, massages, lots of fresh air and play time and whatever other ways there are to help, work with every child. I know it doesn't with mine so we just take every night as it comes. Totally draining mentally and physically but I have never loved anyone like I do my little sleep thief.
Hang in there everyone!

Original poster
NeverGotMyPuppy · 16/07/2019 09:42

Thank you. That's really helped!

I dont know why I have struggled with it. I think in some ways I'm looking forward to having a 2md because I just wont be able to walk round the bloody park 3000 times!

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AllTheCakes · 16/07/2019 10:17

I second the Pp who suggested the Ferber method. I was at the end of my tether but it has worked for us within three days. My baby was crying anyway regardless of what I was doing to put him to sleep, so I tried this and haven’t looked back. Some babies don’t react well to it, but it worked for us.

Jemima232 · 16/07/2019 17:44

The Ferber Method was what saved my sanity.

It took three nights. Yes, it was a fucking nightmare quite difficult but if you follow the advice in the book it's quick.

I couldn't have coped any longer with the sleep deprivation.

Original poster
NeverGotMyPuppy · 16/07/2019 17:52

Luckily we did gradual retreat which has worked. He can self settle no bother and usually when he wakes in the night he will put himself back to sleep. It's just the early wake ups and short lunchtime naps that are doing my head in because I have convinced myself they are linked.

OP posts:
MummyToABoyy · 16/07/2019 18:28

I did CC just after my DS turned 1 and it took about 7/8 nights of hell as he would not fall asleep unless I was in the room which resulted in waking constantly in the night and wanting me there with him to fall asleep again so he could never stay asleep.. he will now go to bed happily but still wakes up for so long in the middle of the night! There's no winning with us Grin although today I've noticed quite a few teething symptoms so I'm wondering if the CC worked but now he wakes because of that!
It will not last forever Smile

bangwhistle · 18/07/2019 01:35

Fucking fucking sleep. The people who say that they wouldn't put up with that can do one. My 8 mo has never, I mean NEVER slept more than 3 hours in a row. So I have never had more than three hours without him physically on me in some fucking way. Tonight, for the third night in a row (possibly more, I can't tell any more) he was up between 10pm and 1.30am. I had to shut him in his room for 20 minutes whilst I gathered my thoughts for fear I would do something terrible. Sleep deprivation is no joke. He's my third but all the others slept through by now - through no doings of my own. I've just run out of energy and patience's to laboriously resettle him every 30 minutes. And of course he'll be up at 5.30am to start it all again. Husband works away during the week so no other adult to help out at night. FML FML FML

bangwhistle · 18/07/2019 01:37

Obviously I would never do anything to harm my baby but it's just so hard when you have no respite from month and months of no sleep.

Original poster
NeverGotMyPuppy · 18/07/2019 09:15

@bangwhistle honestly since having children I actually have some sympathy with people who shake their babies.
They can take you to the absolute edge. Do you have any support? It must be tougher with others to look after

OP posts:
Fedupatforty · 18/07/2019 09:26

Hey, DD (3,6) was a terrible sleeper when younger: we tried so many things - the sleep industry definitely made a profit from us. My favourite phase was around two when she’d wake several times and have insane tantrums if we tried to settle her - awful!
Nothing seemed to work she just gradually improved and now she still wakes a few times but settles easily so it’s manageable. I wish I hadn’t bothered trying to ‘fix’ It as that just caused more stress.
OP her sleep definitely meant we felt we couldn’t have a second as quickly as we’d planned. We’ve now got DS (9weeks) and I’ve got my fingers crossed he’ll be a bit easier. On the plus side the hideous newborn sleeping patterns make DD seem comparitvely easy

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