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Sleep

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Original poster

I'm sleep training (cry it out) my 9 month old and my husband is on holiday I call for support and he calls me a drama queen

69 replies

RAP0206 · 30/06/2019 23:50

I'm on my 4th day of sleep training my little girl and I call my husband who is on holiday with my cousins (boys trip to watch F1), he finally calls me back and I'm so upset and asking why in 3 days he hasn't checked in, messaged more or video chatted to us (whilst I have a screaming baby upstairs), I tell him I'm going through hell here at the moment and he says he cant talk because hes In The car with them excuse my language but WTF I'm sleep training a baby and am hurt and upset that he hasn't called, messaged or showed support by even checking in.
My husband argues that a few messages in the day and 1 phone call at 1am (bear in mind dude we are sleep training and 48seconds is not long for a phone call) is fine (photos of the race, mesaages talking about his school not asking how we are or what is involved in the training at all)

I literally broke down into tears, am I being unreasonable for asking for a bit more support when my little one has been screaming for 1 hour and I have been doing this for 4 days??? Help me out here please

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ICJump · 30/06/2019 23:57

Yeah a bit.

My other half ent camping last weekend out of mobile range. I looked after our three kids (including a 4 month old) while I had a cold. I could have texted a whinged but what was he going to do? So I batteries down the hatches did the bare minimum and got through

You could stop sleep training until he’s back.

FannyFeatures · 30/06/2019 23:58

I think you're baby needs more support than you do right now.

An hour is WAY too long to leave her to cry! 😡

Bluestitch · 01/07/2019 00:01

I don't understand this. Why are you leaving your baby to cry for an hour? What is this supposed to achieve?

Amara123 · 01/07/2019 00:02

This is madness..I have a baby the same age who is a terrible sleeper, although he is getting better naturally.
It's not working. You're not sleeping and there is no way a baby who is wailing for an hour will go to sleep either. Stop and go back to what you were doing before, wait a few weeks and see if they are ready then. Your husband will also be back and able to help.
Be kind to yourself, I understand the exhaustion very well!

HeddaGarbled · 01/07/2019 00:03

I do think you are being a bit unreasonable. Why pick the time he is away on holiday to sleep-train and therefore need his remote support? Wouldn’t it have been more sensible to do this when he was at home? It’s like you’re trying to make him feel guilty for having a fun break without you. Are you? Is there more to this? Do you think he shouldn’t have gone?

HeddaGarbled · 01/07/2019 00:10

If the truth is that you resent that he’s gone away on a jolly leaving you behind with the baby, I’m more sympathetic. But you need to be honest with yourself and with him and not make up a spurious reason to be resentful.

TildaTurnip · 01/07/2019 00:16

You wouldn’t leave a baby to cry for that long during the day so it isn’t ok to do it at night. It’s not working so you would not be unreasonable to stop the ‘training’

However I do think he is unreasonable not to call or message.

Mayday19 · 01/07/2019 00:35

Who actually does cry it out (as opposed to some form of controlled crying) and at 9 months too? You should be going through hell as you put it as that's what you're inflicting on your baby by letting her cry for her mother for an hour.
I actually think you're making this up as no one could post this and expect a "there there dear" type of response.

SemperIdem · 01/07/2019 00:37

Calling troll. Nobody would actually leave their baby in distress for an hour plus.

MrsXyzAbc · 01/07/2019 01:01

Stop sleep training until he gets back.. And stop doing it for an hour, even 10 mins is too much imo

NerrSnerr · 01/07/2019 01:42

I agree. Stop sleep training until he gets back or until the baby is older. I also agree that one hour is far too long to leave a baby to cry.

Original poster

RAP0206 · 01/07/2019 08:06

I kept going in every 10 minutes to reassure her so didn't leave her the whole time, stopped her crying and calmed her down then went out again

OP posts:

Constance1234 · 01/07/2019 08:09

YABU to keep trying to sleep train a baby who is clearly not ready for it. Poor little thing.

fromthefloorboardsup · 01/07/2019 08:11

Yeah I also think I'd just let him enjoy his time away. I'd appreciate the same if it were the other way around.

WellThisIsShit · 01/07/2019 08:20

As above, if this is true. Stop sleep training until he gets back or until the baby is older.

I also agree that one hour is far too long to leave a baby to cry, even if you did pop back in to give her hope and a tiny bit of comfortable in between.

...or you could ignore your baby’s distress and just ficus on how distressed HER distress is making you?! Hum.

newmomof1 · 01/07/2019 08:25

He's unreasonable for leaving you to be upset with no support but you're happy to leave your baby upset with no support?

Original poster

RAP0206 · 01/07/2019 08:32

Of course I support my baby, I go in every 10minutes to comfort her and tell her I love her and that shes fine. Always check her nappy and offer water in this heat.

I tried doing this with my husband but each time he would resort to bringing her into bed, that's why we decided i would do it whilst he was away

OP posts:

MonstranceClock · 01/07/2019 08:32

Your poor baby.

coffeeforone · 01/07/2019 08:33

OP I'm sleep training my 9 month old at the moment (last night was night two) so I'm not judging your method.

But I wonder why you chose the time when your DH was away to start sleeping training? It's much easier when you're both there and in theory should only last a few nights (fingers crossed for both of us!)

coffeeforone · 01/07/2019 08:36

tried doing this with my husband but each time he would resort to bringing her into bed, that's why we decided i would do it whilst he was away

So he is not 100% on board with it - this is your problem and it's never going to work unless you both agree to it. Your baby will be getting confused. It's took us a few months to start as once you start there should be no going back if you want to make it as quick as possible.

coffeeforone · 01/07/2019 08:42

OP, out of interest, an hour is an awful long time for night 4. Do you think going in to comfort every 10 minutes might be making her worse? Could you stretch to 15 mins. It might drastically reduce the total crying time.

anothernotherone · 01/07/2019 08:43

Cry it out is unreasonable - perhaps he's not discussing it because he disagrees with it. It's a shitty sleep training method and if someone, including DH, had done it to any of my babies while I was away I would have been furious. You both have to agree to put your baby through that, you can't expect to be supported doing something so brutal to a 9 month old if you're not both equally sure it's right.

If it weren't for the cry it out I might agree with you, but if he's upset you're doing that I can see why he can hardly bare to talk to you and is avoiding the subject. He should have been clearer that he isn't on board and researched kinder methods or agreed to take on night parenting though.

Waiting1987 · 01/07/2019 08:45

9 months is still so young. They need you during the night for such a short space of time. Maybe he disagrees with what you are doing.

Passthecherrycoke · 01/07/2019 08:46

When your husband kept bringing her into bed, he was telling you he doesn’t support the sleep training. I’ve been there OP it will never work unless he’s supportive.

Tbh, sleep training doesn’t have 100% success rate.
It didn’t work for us, especially with the unsupportive DH. And you know what OP I was so bloody sleep deprived I would’ve kept mine crying for an hour and not really given a shit. It wasn’t really possible though as she was so bloody loud.

She’s still co sleeping at 5.

Seeline · 01/07/2019 08:51

Mine went back to 2 hourly feeds at about that age! I'm with your husband on this one. Too young for such harsh treatment. Your baby is crying for a reason, and even if that reason is tiredness, they still need you to help with that.

I wouldn't keep calling in to support someone doing something I wasn't on board with.

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