Am I crazy? Do I need to take boob off the menu?

[SaltK]

Hi all. Will try to keep this brief. DS is 9 months and has never been a good sleeper, but recently it's been terrible. I've assumed it's to do with the 8-10 month sleep regression, but I think it might be more than that.

Don't take boobs off the menu, formula fed babies sleep rubbish too. My baby is same age and not sleeping great either (bf), also in the middle of a leap. My friends baby is FF and is awake most of the night it makes no difference. Stay strong mumma, sleep regressions are hard...

Whoops, posted too soon!

So, he's been waking in the early part of the night crying but easily settled, then waking any time from 1am and absolutely screaming until I feed him. But it seems at least partly for comfort; he screams if i take him off before he's asleep. If i don't put him on the boob, it just goes on and on and on. Recently, I've had to have him in bed with me. Thought it might be separation anxiety, but he screams in my face in bed until he goes on the boob. This happens whenever he wakes up in the night.

BUT, he reliably sleeps 10/11 hours at my parents house once a week, and has done for about 2 months now! So i really don't think he needs to eat. He's on 3 good meals a day plus puddings and sometimes snacks, and 3-4 breastfeeds. His weight is not an issue at all. Haven't been to the GP, but no obvious signs of any medical problems. Have tried calpol in case it's teeth, but makes no difference. He has two teeth that weren't much bother, no signs of any more as yet.

Am I being daft? Do I need to stop feeding in the night and sleep train him? I'm exhausted and going back to work soon. I'm also keen to stop breastfeeding and have been for ages, but he refuses a bottle. He drinks well from an open cup now, although won't take much formula. I worry if I stopped BFing he wouldn't get enough milk, and I'd be completely unable to soothe him at night.

Any advice or "been there, my friend" comments welcome!!

I read it as ds is 9 and though WTF? BREASTFEEDING A NINE YEAR OLD and then read the next line

Don't take the boob of a nine month old he will need it for a few more months yet x

Ok well with your update maybe stop the boob at night are you alone or do you have someone who can settle him at night

Thanks loosemoose. I know what you're saying, I know it's not necessarily the fact that he's BF that makes him wake up. But it's the fact that he sleeps through at the GPs. I worry that we're in a bad habit here, and he wakes and is unsettled because he's used the being put on the boob. I wonder if he would get a better night sleep if he if i just kept him in his cot and helped him settle there.

God, it's a nightmare of second guessing yourself, isn't it?! Thanks for your input.

I could have written this! Right down to dd sleeping through perfectly at my parents.

Dd gradually reduced night feeds by 1 and now at 2 she sleeps through with no wakings at all (please stay that way!)

The thing about bf is when they’re older and starting to tantrum it is an excellent way to stop them in their tracks. It’s worth it just for that IMO.

slippery lol BF a 9 year old!!!!

Thanks, I have a DH but he's not wonderful with lack of sleep, but it might be for the greater good.

I suggest that you night wean and sleep train. But carry on breastfeeding during the day (morning and evening when you are working).

Breastfeeding feels a lot less difficult when you're not doing it on demand through the night!

I cut out night feeds when DS was 10 months (and a terrible sleeper) and did sleep training, it was hard work but paid off and the improved sleep saved our sanity. I am still breastfeeding him at nearly 2, just not during the night.

I finally took night time boob off the menu for my 15 mo a month ago. It hasn't solved everything, but she is now waking once a night rather than three times, and I send my husband in because "If I go she'll want boob" . Obviously she has had the occasional bad night since.

As he eats well and is a good weight I probably would night wean.

Night weaning improved my dc1's sleep (ate well, good weight) but my dc3 who didn't really like food and still avoids whole categories of food at nearly 8 (years) actually got worse when I night weaned, even though he was already 13 months!

You'll never know unless you try really - I wouldn't stop breastfeeding but in balance would try night weaning in your case. Ideally his dad takes over nights for a week to break the cycle, or if you're a lone parent wear a big jumper over your night clothes when you go to him (that's harder though).

The reason baby sleep better at GP is because your not there. If you are around you are their world and safe place. If you are not around they have no reason to display being upset as their needs won't be met in the same way ie Boob. Not sure how to explain in bit babies are so different when we are not around as emotionally in their heads we are the only ones to meet every single need. When I am not here she feeds 6oz in 10 hours but when I am she feeds every bloody hour. They are funny little things emotionally- it's why I hate sleep training so much because you are essentially cutting off that emotional switch by saying "I am not going to meet your needs"

I disagree. No 9 month old baby needs to breastfeed hourly in the night. That's a want, not a need.

Babies do actually need sleep and they need parents who are not so sleep deprived that it affects their mental health and their ability to parent effectively.

I loved my DS more after I was getting more than one hour's sleep at a time, if that makes me a terrible parent so be it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thanks for all the responses. I'm starting to feel terrible about this - I'm so sick of being awake for hours in the night and sick of breastfeeding, and worried about how I'll do this when I'm back at work. But then I feel awful and selfish to think that I'm not meeting my baby's needs. It's good to hear other people's experiences.

Don’t feel guilty for wanting to sleep! That doesn’t make you selfish in the slightest, it’s bloody awful being sleep deprived and no end in sight.

If you want to stop then stop. You’ll have a few nights of furious baby, and then it will be ok. You need to do what works for you as well as your ds, or you’ll go crazy. He won’t remember it and hopefully you’ll both sleep better for it!

It's a habit. He wants to do it because it's lovely and cuddly, but he doesn't need to bf. We had this with DD years ago when she was the same age. In the end I was just basically awake all night and had a 4 year old too. I got really bad bronchitis and just thought I was going to die, truly.
I stopped Bf at night and sat and shushed and patted instead. She screamed and screamed the first night but after about half an hour (and I was there the whole time shushing and patting) she conked out and slep through. We continued bf in the daytime until 17 months when she lost interest.

Taking the boob off my two year old did not help with her sleep. She got it herself in about six months but still wakes occasionally if ill. Boob is a magic cure all and I seriously regret giving up bf.

NameChange30 no 9 month old baby needs feeding in the night. Its a habit.

Meant to say i agree

"But then I feel awful and selfish to think that I'm not meeting my baby's needs."

Ignore the smug twats who say that, they are talking nonsense and probably never had to deal with extreme sleep deprivation.

Of course you are meeting your baby's needs.

You can't meet their every need for every more and at 9 months bf all night isn't a need. It's something they will do if allowed because it's nice and snuggly.
You mentioned going back to work, you can't if you're not getting any sleep.
Sleep is a need, for you and your baby. Your baby needs to learn to sleep and to settle himself. If night bf is working for all concerned, well, fabulous, crack on. If it's not then it's fine to say you're going to night wean. It doesn't have to be the end of bf, I night weaned at about 10 months because of a very similar situation and she continued to bf during the day til 17/18 months.
While she was waking so much she kept getting ill and looked knackered and pale all day. I don't think it was good for her either. Once she was sleeping through she seemed better all round.

I could've posted this today. I'm so knackered I feel like I'm living with a tiny torturer and I have Stockholm syndrome. Night weaning being googled by me today. You aren't alone OP, good luck

Thank you so much for all the supportive and kind comments. I really think the night weaning might be the way to go, although I am terrified it'll backfire. But he needs the sleep and I need the sleep, especially when I'm working. I drive a lot as part of my job and worry I'll be too knackered!!

Good luck to you avocado if you decide to night wean. Sorry you're in the same boat!

My two had dummies and slept through the night from 8 weeks. I’d recommend trying it, OP, before sleep deprivation drives you completely round the twist!

She needs comfort but she also needs sleep, so you're not hurting her by sleep training. She'll be pissed off for a few days and then she'll get the idea. (Says me, awake at 5am because we are dropping the 5am feed, the last bf, and DD is pissed off.)

Our sleep consultant said that sometimes babies get the idea that it's their job, so to speak, to feed often at night, and sleep training can help them get the idea that their job at night is to sleep. Certainly once we night weaned DD has been much more well rested and much happier. Maybe it'll work for you.

Thanks babdoc, have tried a dummy on and off since he was 6 weeks, but he doesn't want to know!

Aidelmaidel thanks for sharing the advice you got. I would be okay with a 5am feed (for us, obv what works for you will be different), I think he probably does need that one, and often goes back to sleep for another 1.5-2 hours after it, which is bliss after being up half the night!