Am I crazy? Do I need to take boob off the menu?

[SaltK]

Hi all. Will try to keep this brief. DS is 9 months and has never been a good sleeper, but recently it's been terrible. I've assumed it's to do with the 8-10 month sleep regression, but I think it might be more than that.

Could you try a comforter. Ds has a peter rabbit snuggly thing that i put in my bed and then i give it to him if he stirs and has when he goes for naps. He cuddles it.

aidelmaidel then your sleep consultant (wtf?) sounds like an idiot! Babies don't get ideas about what their job might be FFS! They have natural inbuilt expectations of simply getting their needs met. Their instincts for food, comfort and sleep will all be met perfectly if we just listened to them. Problem is that we no longer have the support of an extended family or tribe so we understandably find it difficult to cope with our babies rhythms of feed, comfort, sleep. Its fine for a baby to feed all night long if it's momma is supported in providing for it. And thats where the problem is.

Stop the Sarah Ockwell-Smith disciple

Reminds me of a stupid baby book I read which had a little story about a cave woman mother at the beginning of every chapter

Oops, typo, meant Spot not stop!

Haha! Nah, I think you meant what you wrote first time Name Never heard of her, but forgive me for sticking up for babies on Mumsnet. Was was I thinking? Me and my stupid attachment theories!

Yes you must be the only person sticking up for babies! The rest of us don't give a shit about them!

How was last night @SaltK

I stopped bf DC1 at a similar age, partly due to this, it didn’t change DC1’s sleep at all, but DH could do more, so I got more rest.

With DC2 did Dr Jay Gordon’s night weaning method at 13 months, his website didn’t recommend night weaning under 12 months. Five awful nights, but then no more night feeds.

I’m no bf expert, but I would try and stop bf overnight. You must both be exhausted! I am definitely a more patient, fun parent when I have had a decent sleep, and DD is a million times happier.

Not feeding overnight doesn’t mean not giving any comfort - I would wean off gently by moving to rocking / patting in the cot. Then you can gradually stop doing this. There is a mumsnet thread called ‘what worked for us’ which might be helpful.

My baby woke about 7 times last night, teething, I shoved a boob on, fell asleep feeding her, she fell asleep too. Feel alright this morning I am clearly that smug twat who is not sleep deprived because I give in to her every need and co-sleep....

Yes you are, congratulations

Yeah that's fine until they start to wake 10 times a night and want to feed but won't just go back to sleep, but stay awake and you've got other children/a job to hold down and are getting NO sleep.
Co sleeping and bf at night works for you? FAB, thrilled for you, why would you come and post smugly on a thread where it's NOT working for someone else? There's always one, isn't there?

Last night was hard work, thanks for asking avocado. How was it for you? I ended up co-sleeping all night, he woke up 4 times, which was okay, but I hardly slept and am so physically sore today.

I know the occasional bad nights would be easier if I kept bf, but every single night is hard now. I genuinely feel as though he can sleep through and get a great night's rest, but at home he is aware of the lure of the boob. Wouldn't he be happier sleeping through (as well as me!)? Or am I being selfish? It makes me feel really terrible when people suggest that I'm not meeting my sons needs. I would be wonderful if I could breastfeed him all night and be looked after all day, but unfortunately that's not the case. I feel guilty enough at the idea of weaning him off and getting him back in his cot, where he used to be happy for most of the night!

Don't feel bad at all.
Basically I'm in the sane boat. My dd has never had a bottle only breast and she's never slept well. I co slept with my first and it was a dream. Everyone slept and she feed maybe once a night (as I remember) but this one is up all night if I try and cosleep and she takes it as a cue to graze on milk all night. I'm like you, waking up so sore and knackered. I stopped enjoying feeding and parenting.

Then I decided to put her in her own cot and do the dreaded sleep training and it worked for us. It was awful at first but after 3 days we'd broken the back of it. Bliss. Once a night feeds then disappeared and I had some whole night sleeps, albeit with a 5 am get up (but who cares).

Then she became ill with hand foot and mouth and obviously they need more from you. She was in pain and I was happily up in the night feeding to keep her fluids up and generally snuggle and comfort her. But of course after she was better she liked this up all night co sleeping thing again but I'm on my knees like a walking zombie and feeling back to square one.
So reluctantly I've let her cry the last two night at bedtime and within half an hour she's asleep. Some people won't like my methods but she's screaming with exhaustion and whether I go or not she still screams. The difference is now that she slept for 6 hours till midnight and then woke up at 3. I can live with two feeds...but can I live with the guilt?... the answer is yes because we've both had a great few days. I feel energised by having sleep

Basically I have no intention of giving up breast feeding but I do intend on keeping my mental health intact and getting some sleep. Baby looks great on it too. Good luck op. I'm
Not saying my method is the best or recommended but it worked for me (so far)

"It makes me feel really terrible when people suggest that I'm not meeting my sons needs."

And that's why they are twats.
IGNORE THE TWATS.
It's an excellent motto for parenting, or just for life.

Totally agree with Name. Your son needs to sleep and to learn to self settle. He needs a mother who isn't half mad with sleep deprivation.

As soon as someone refers to mothers generally as "momas" you know not to listen to them any longer. It may be delightful for an individual child to call their mother moma, or mumptie, or mumum, or indeed almost anything else... The collective word for female parents is not "momas" though!

I liked the idea of cosleeping and tried it from about 9 months with dc3 who woke hourly - turned out he slept quite well if he could actually sleep on top of me, with his face on my face, his body on my stomach, whilst twiddling my ear - in that very specific position he'd do the longest stretches of sleep of his life. He would not sleep next to me at all and if I moved, let alone tried to move him to lie next to me, he woke up crying. By the time he was 2 I could barely walk, my entire body hurt all of the time, I had a few odd incidents with racing heart and had to do a 24 hour hate rate trace (very hard with a child sleeping on you), and I felt as though I was 90 years old though...

"As soon as someone refers to mothers generally as "momas" you know not to listen to them any longer. It may be delightful for an individual child to call their mother moma, or mumptie, or mumum, or indeed almost anything else... The collective word for female parents is not "momas" though!"

🤣

Hiya mama

This is so me right now. Except I have twins but they are 9 months old.

I don’t have time to read all the posts right now but I will return to! I’m very much in the same boat and would like tips etc.

So mine just feed normally every 2-3 hours not necessarily the same time. I’ve mastered lying down feeding which helps me get some rest but I hardly sleep.

Before teething they slept 4-5 hours without waking. I’m sure they wake due to teething but when they wake they aren’t crying in pain (I think) and like you say calpol has made no difference when I knew they were cutting teeth I tried that. They don’t nap well either so I don’t think they can self soothe. They only nap after a feed or when in the pram or car. I’ve never been able to put them down awake to sleep even if very very tired. They’ll wake up and cry until I hold them or feed them. They stand in their cots so I can’t really leave them.

I’m stuck because I feel like sleep training twins is impossible but even with one baby I struggled doing it with my toddler. I couldn’t handle the crying and it wasn’t better after a few days even.

So really I need to find ways to get them to self soothe but have no idea how to. They hardly swallow so I know it’s comfort feeding if between 11pm-5am sort of time. If daddy seems to them they just cry until I breastfeed them. If given a bottle by daddy they’ll take 1-2 onz and cry after it. Rocking hardly works. White noise and lullabies rarely work. 90% of the time they need 10-15 mins breastfeeding then they’re back to sleep.

I feel like I’ll be breastfeeding them forever! So not really any advice but sending my love I know what’s it’s like and it’s pretty horrendous having limited sleep and I’ll read this post for tips ! Thank you for posting X

Good sleep is as important for a baby's development as nutrition. At 9 months old you absolutely are meeting his needs by encouraging him to sleep through.

OP I think sleep training will do no harm at 9 months, Babies get into habits, and this habit is bad for your physical and mental health, if you're getting so little sleep.

I had to sleep train years ago when I went back to work, and in any case I had other children to need to stay alert for after the first. My children, now late teens and young adults, are all well adjusted and happy.

Do what you feel you have to do, for yourself and your family, and ignore criticism.

Thanks so much for the kind and supportive comments, and for the tips on what has worked for others. I know different things work for different families, and I'm grateful for the validation that I'm allowed to be shattered and at the end of my tether, and that I genuinely am trying to help DS as well as myself. I think I will try some night weaning techniques - DH and I are just trying to decide what method we think will work/we can stick to!

Jenniferb21 my hat goes off to you, it must be so hard coping with this with twins!! I hope you find some of the comments on here helpful!

There are gradual night weaning methods, such as the "Pantley Pull-off" and the Jay Gordon method. I tried to do it gradually at first but didn't have much luck unfortunately. We decided to go cold turkey in the end, I got advice from someone I trust who said that in a way it's kinder because they won't be confused - with other methods they don't understand why they can sometimes have milk and sometimes can't. When we went cold turkey, DS was pretty furious to begin with but he understood very quickly. Because it was a clear and consistent "rule" to follow I think it was easier for us and him. That's just our experience though, others might be different.

I night weaned my 3rd DD at 14 months. It took 3-4 nights of wailing and then she slept. I wouldn't advise introducing a 5am feed at all, as it'll send mixed messages. I told my baby that there would be no more feeds at night time, and that was it. I offered water instead. Tough 3 nights, but worth it.

I think you need to step away from worrying about meeting his needs, and analyzing why he wants to bed fed. You're going back to work, and he'll be starting daycare or being with another carer, so you'll both need more sleep. Take this as your only focal point and hopefully you'll avoid all the exhausting guilt.

I weaned my twins aged 3 and it wasn't any easier, so I think it's worth trying to get more sleep earlier on!

You're doing amazingly well... remind yourself of this as it's too easy to be self-critical, especially when you're exhausted.