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Original poster

Do I have anything to lose from sleep training early?

72 replies

AllesAusLiebe · 25/12/2018 23:55

Hi folks, has anyone attempted sleep training earlier than recommended? Did it work?

DS is 3 months and I’m at the end of my rope. He takes an eternity to settle, sometimes upwards of 2 1/2 hours and doesn’t stop crying when he’s picked up. He only stops crying when he’s able to look at things (lights, pictures on the wall etc), which leads me to believe that it’s not contact that he wants.

He’s a very cuddly little boy usually and loves contact, except when it’s time for sleep.

I’ve tried the baby whisperer EASY method, swaddling, white noise etc. He has fallen asleep in the sling before but even that takes a long time. I wonder whether he actually needs to learn to self settle and whether that would actually make him happier because even when he’s rocked to sleep he still screams and cries until he wears himself out.

Any thoughts?

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tittietinsel · 26/12/2018 00:04

Is he actually tired?

converseandjeans · 26/12/2018 00:08

Nope. We did routine from day 1 literally as soon as we got home. Both settled with no fuss & never had a problem with them crying. Everyone else will disagree with me!
Not sure how you would go about starting @ 3 months tho.

converseandjeans · 26/12/2018 00:15

chips why is it assumed babies in a routine will cry? Honestly mine didn't cry going to bed.

Original poster
AllesAusLiebe · 26/12/2018 00:17

@tittietinsel yeah, I made the mistake of letting him get overtired a few weeks ago but I’ve kind of figured out his sleep cues now, even though I sometimes miss them. Generally he manages about 90 minutes, then he’s ready for sleep. He gets quite whiny when tired so I’ve been trying to catch him before that point. Does 90 minutes sound about right for his age do you think?

@converseandjeans I think that’s exactly it. We have a routine but it’s so difficult to stick to because he’s not used to settling himself. I’m starting to think that the earlier I try and do this, the easier it’ll be in the long run. I also think he’s quite often unhappy because he’s too tired and I’m hoping to solve that. Did you leave yours to cry for a while and settle them intermittently?

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BuffaloCauliflower · 26/12/2018 00:19

He’s only 3 months old, he’s too little off anything. Look up the 4th trimester - 3 month old humans should even be born yet let alone trained. Day/night sleep patterns are for adults and much older children, babies don’t know what time it is or about sleeping all night. If he’s taking 2 1/2 hours to settle he probably doesn’t need to sleep then

BuffaloCauliflower · 26/12/2018 00:19

Shouldn’t even be born yet*

Original poster
AllesAusLiebe · 26/12/2018 00:23

@chipsandgin I’m not wanting to do ‘extinction’ by leaving him to cry endlessly, though. All I’m really meaning is to enforce a routine and allow him the time to learn to self settle, with me being present albeit intermittently. I’m thinking of a much softer approach.

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Thesearmsofmine · 26/12/2018 00:26

At that age my babies were downstairs with me and went to bed when I did and slept in or next to my bed. Have you tried cosleeping or cosleeping crib?

gingerfoxcub · 26/12/2018 00:27

Both mine wanted to self settle from birth. They are cuddly all day, people focussed and turning out to be quite extroverted. But if I did anything other than swaddle then and put them down and leave they’d scream for hours. They just needed 5 minutes of shouting and then they sleep. I kept trying to shush and quiet my first, because people kept telling me not to let them cry but it invariably ended in hours of screaming. The one night (at about 3-4 months) I left him for 10 minutes he went to sleep after 5 mins of shouting, so I kept doing it and it kept working. I didn’t initially differentiate between distress cry and “hey I was having fun cry and I don’t want to stop” crying, so every time I went in to try and settle him I was actually waking him back up and he was getting over tired, overwhelmed and hysterical.

If he is happy to look at stuff then I’d try swaddling him, put in the cot and put up pictures or a mobile or one of those projector lights and see if he goes to sleep on his own.

You’ll get a ton of opinions, usually negative, about sleep training, leaving a baby to cry etc but actually it’s not one solution fits all. Everyone swears by the one that worked for their kid, but it’s just finding the right fit for you sons personality I think.

BuffaloCauliflower · 26/12/2018 00:27

3 months old is far too little to self settle. Babies are biologically designed to want and need to be close to mum all the time, that’s what’s safe. Self settling and independence are for when they’re much older

Original poster
AllesAusLiebe · 26/12/2018 00:27

@BuffaloCauliflower I know what you’re saying and honestly I never thought I’d be even contemplating this so early. It’s just that he really doesn’t respond to be cuddled or rocked to sleep. My instinct is to be with him all the time and I’m not trying to circumvent that at all, it’s just that I’m really not convinced that he’s happy with what we’re doing at the moment. Surely after 2 1/2 hours awake time he must be tired?

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OliveOrTwist · 26/12/2018 00:35

For some babies, yes, 3 months is too early to self settle. But not all babies are the same, they're unique. I don't understand why people insist on treating all babies as if they are the same.

Fwiw, my 3 month old self settles and has for a couple of months. She's happier doing that

Original poster
AllesAusLiebe · 26/12/2018 00:36

@Thesearmsofmine yeah I’ve got a snuzpod right next to my side of the bed and a sleepyhead (honestly, I’ve tried everything! Confused). It’s still a battle. I breastfed for the first 2 months and thought that cosleeping would work a treat and didn’t mind how frequently he wanted to feed (I don’t need much sleep myself because I’m getting old!). We’ve got the Moses basket downstairs with us so he knows we’re there and have spent almost every evening sitting in the dark for 2 hours at a time, he still fights sleep. When I take him up and transfer him to the snuzpod, he’ll sleep for a 6 hour stretch. It’s just the initial getting him to sleep that’s problematic. Would you persevere with the sleepyhead? I didn’t really think it was making a difference if he was next to me or not.

OP posts:
AntiHop · 26/12/2018 00:40

He's tiny. Don't sleep train him. It's bloody tough but he's only little for a short time.

Original poster
AllesAusLiebe · 26/12/2018 00:40

@gingerfoxcub that’s really interesting, i think DS is similar. He loves being around people and loves attention and responds really well when he sees that he’s entertaining!

We don’t have a mobile currently so I’ll try that. I dash to him whenever he cries at the moment, never occurred to me that he might just want to shout.

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Original poster
AllesAusLiebe · 26/12/2018 00:42

@OliveOrTwist that’s exactly my motivation, to be honest. It’s not that I want an easy life, it just that I want him to be happy.

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FestiveNut · 26/12/2018 00:43

We had an issue like this at 3 months, turned out that the 4 month sleep regression had hit early. You can't teach them to self settle before they're ready, u believe, it's something they learn in their own time. We started following the little ones sleep routine for 3-6 months. It offers troubleshooting for when things are going wrong. I'd give that or the Huckleberry app a try. We also started co-sleeping and that was a life saver (but controversial and if you're doing it, use the safer co-sleeping guidance).

Also, at three months you should still be with them for sids prevention whenever they're asleep. Just in case you didn't know.

FestiveNut · 26/12/2018 00:43

I believe, not u Xmas Hmm

Original poster
AllesAusLiebe · 26/12/2018 00:44

@AntiHop thanks for your reply. Honestly I’m having a real debate about this (as you can probably tell!). Is there anything else I could maybe do or do you think it’s just a case of riding it out?

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Original poster
AllesAusLiebe · 26/12/2018 00:47

@FestiveNut thanks that’s interesting because I’ve been following the Wonder Weeks book and hes consistently done everything earlier. Maybe it is the sleep regression. Thanks for the tips, I’ll look those up.

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converseandjeans · 26/12/2018 08:32

allesausliebe no they didn't cry. So self settled. I think they were happy to be put down in the quiet and dark away from everything. I honestly think some babies are over handled and cry because they want some peace. People assume they want constant handling.
I was back at work - part time but still needed sleep - at almost 5 months. I teach and know it's not hardest job ever but I was keen to get a routine in place

It was hard to do as you need to wake them up from naps and also make sure they are up by 7 to start the day. Mine always went up to bed for two hours in the middle of the day which again meant being home some days a week. But for me it was worth it for the sleep at night

lorisparkle · 26/12/2018 09:01

The problem is that babies are rapidly changing when they are so little so lots of things will impact sleep e.g learning a new skill, teething, 4 month regression etc. You may find that no matter what the sleep will change. You also find that every baby is so different when it comes to sleep. I found the book ‘teach you child to sleep ‘ really helpful as it gives lots of facts and information about sleep

Surfskatefamily · 26/12/2018 09:04

Routine is fine but if you mean cry it out technique then its not recommended and can be damaging

SoyDora · 26/12/2018 09:04

converseandjeans but she’s not talking about simply having a routine is she? She’s talking about sleep training, which generally means some crying.
We had a routine... that wasn’t ‘sleep training’ and as far as I can see, isn’t what the OP is agonising about. She’s agonising about whether to sleep train.