My husband says I'm taking the easy route out.....

[lettie88]

Please help me my husband is usually so supportive but has tonight told me I keep taking the easy route out!

Our 3 month old hasn't been the easiest with colic, tongue tie, and reflux!!

She used to regularly be put down during the day for naps but gradually got worse and worse. She will sleep in her next to be crib during the night but wakes instantly when put down in the day.

So I've taken to regularly putting her in the sling during the day so that she sleeps and I can get some jobs done.

Am I wrong?? Should I be doing something else?? I'm feeling like a rubbish mum right now x

Does he honestly think that having a three month old in a sling while doing housework or whatever is easy? I suggest he dons the sling and see how he gets on.

You're not doing anything wrong.
Your DD is happy and safe in the sling. You are able to do things that need to be done and/or you want to be doing.
What could possibly be wrong in that?

The easy option? A) it isn't; and B) so fucking what if it was?

Nothing about having a 3 month old is easy, let alone one with reflux, colic and tongue tie. What exactly does he think is the problem with using the sling, anyway?

I think thr only relevant answer to his point is 'and...?'

If a mum to a 3 month old can make any of her say to day existence easier in any way shape or form then who is he to deny her that? I mean really?! Ask him if he thinks you should be having a harder time of things? Watch him backpedal furiously.

As someone who has come out the other end of babyhood twice do whatever makes life easier, ESPECIALLY if it involves sleep. Whatevet ensures the most amount of sleep for everyone in the family is absolutely the answer.

And tell him to do one. Twerp.

There is nothing wrong with taking an easy option why make it hard for yourself? I love my sling DS is 12 weeks and sleeps so soundly in his and I have hands free to do things with my 4 year old. What does your DH want you to do instead?

You are far from a rubbish mum.

Your DH needs to shove his opinions where the sun doesn't shine.

I did this all the time! I never once felt like it was the easy option! Don't let him judge you like that, you sound like a great mum. Don't put so much pressure on yourself, do what you need to do!

The easy route out of what? does he think it should be hard? Why on earth wouldnt you comfort your baby?

What does he think slings are for if not for carrying babies?

You can take whatever route you like. If it gets you through the day it's worth it.

Has he ever looked after the baby for any period of time on his own?
He might be saying something different if he did.

As far as naps are concerned I've always taken a pragmatic, path of least resistance, approach. It's not as if your teaching your baby an essential life skill, they will have stopped napping completely by the time they reach an age which they are capable of recalling later in life.

When daughter was tiny she either napped in sling whilst I was walking the dog, or on me. She then went through a phase of napping in her sling or cot, then pushchair parked up in the garden. Then we got to the 3 naps down to 2 transition (which was tricky) she had both naps (over 3 hours in total) in the pushchair whilst I walked the dog, as she would wake as soon as movement stopped. It was late summer/early autumn, I was on maternity leave, and the dog thought he'd won the lottery.
DD is now 10 months and just transitioning down to 1 nap, so dog walks are now with her on my back , so that she hopefully doesn't sleep (epic fail yesterday), and then she naps either in the car (I park up outside the house and put the baby monitor in the car) or in her pushchair in the garden (or the porch with door open when the weather is really bad).

I really just see what works best at any given time. They change so fast, so what works one month won't necessarily work the next.

Seriously? DD had reflux and hated being laid down. She slept on my for all naps until about 5 months old. Do barely any housework got done. DH never said a word, trusted me to know what was best for our tiny baby.

He is being a dick. You’re still getting stuff done ffs.

A three month old baby should be able to sleep wherever they want to sleep! They're still so new at that age and just want to be close to you which is really fair enough.

Tell him you're doing better than me, my 3 month old won't sleep anywhere but on me or next to me! Easy it is not!!!

My DD was the same, she had silent reflux and even when it calmed wouldn't lie down for naps. She lived on me in carriers. Not the kind of parent I'd expected to be! However, I certainly didn't do chores while she slept - I watched box sets and ate chocolate.

She's nearly 8 months now and sleeps brilliantly in her cot, both overnight and for naps.

Ask your husband how on earth he thinks having a baby strapped to you all the time is the easy option. It would be much easier for you if she slept in the crib and you were free to go about your business unencumbered. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Reflux graduate here too 🙋🏼‍♀️

Been through it twice now and you're not doing things the "easy" way, you're doing the the smart way! Honestly I wish I could travel back in time and give myself a bloody break from trying to do everything "right". The second time around, I just went with it and everyone (myself included) was a lot happier.

You're giving your child what it needs.

Oh god that would make me so mad.

Tell him to qualify exactly what he means.

Honestly I just described this thread to DH and he found it ridiculous, specifically he said “the easy way out of what, she’s doing housework and taking care of the baby”. We’re both kinda incredulous considering in your situation I’d be sitting around resting as much as I can. You’re seriously amazing for doing both!

Please tell him to fuck off. Also, tell him to try wearing the sling all day.

If you were to try and put him down and he instantly woke up, he would get no sleep all day! No, it's not the easy route - if it's the only way he will stay asleep it's the only route!!

It might be nice for you to get a chance to do something without the baby clinging to you, so maybe have one attempt per day at putting him down. It won't work very often but when it does you'll be winning! We always found putting him down way easier in a busy, noisy cafe, I think he liked the noise!

Slings are a perfect way of keeping little one feeling safe and secure. If it feels right, do it. Three months isn't easy at all, just keep doing what you're doing.

My four month old is a terrible napper. Often a sling is the only way to get him to have any sleep at all. I can spend and hour trying to get him down in his crib and he’ll only sleep for 15 minutes there. Just not worth the stress (for either of us!).

My baby is a far happier baby when he is awake for having a good nap (anywhere) than being awake all day which is (IMO) way more important for his development and mental health than sleeping in his crib. I go to a great parent-baby group which advocates this too, and who like to remind us newbee parents that the idea of ‘habits’ forming in young babies is pretty much rubbish, as that doesn’t take into account the fact that they are developing everyday both mentally and physically (your baby may like to be bounced to sleep today, but will need some other way to sleep tomorrow as their vestibular system no longer will react to the same sleep triggers). That thought helps keep me sane when the internet is telling me to put down my baby ‘sleepy but awake’. Ha! Have they met my baby? Fat chance of that happening! Sling, buggy, car, whatever works, go for it!

For some reason a lot of people are hostile to slings. They never seem that able to explain their objections, perhaps because they seem to boil down to babies liking slings too much and that somehow being bad, with vague threats of 'rods for your own back'.

You’re doing better than me. When mine were that little I’d just go to bed with a book when they wanted to nap so they could lie on me and sleep happily.