I’ve joked about this but it’s now actually breaking me

[fruityb]

My son is two years and two months. Since turning two he has been what I can only describe as a fucking nightmare at bedtime. Since he was 8 months old he’s gone to bed awake and slept all night without any problems. And would sleep anywhere - so sleepovers with or without us were fine.

Since he turned two he’s been horrendous. He was in a cot still and started waking in the night, which was unheard of. We made the switch to a bed and things got better for a time. This last week it’s been absolutely awful and my anxiety at bedtime is escalating. I’m actually sitting here crying while DH deals with him. In the day time DS is a normal toddler - he plays, he chats, he has a nap, he’s a little bugger at times but generally good company. When he goes to bed it changes. You put him in bed and he starts making noises that lead up to full on wailing. He goes “uh uh uh”
Louder and louder and as soon as you leave the room the shrieking begins. He comes out onto the landing and stands at his stair gate screaming blue murder like something awful has happened. Got him a night light and that helped for one night but we’re now back to this. I dread bedtime massively because this is driving me insane. He will not lay down, he gets back in when you go up only to get right back out again seconds later. We tried putting the stair gate on his bedroom door but he shook it and slammed his door shut which took his door off its hinges!!!

He is screaming like his world is ending. We’ve both taken it in turns to sit upstairs till he goes off but we can’t keep doing that - i was there for over an hour the other night and he didn’t talk to me or bother with me other than to start the uh uh noises if I tried to move.

I feel like my toddler is manipulating us and I know that’s not true - he’s still small I know but I just don’t know why his personality has done a 180! He’s also been really clingy and crying when being taken to CM yet I then have to fight to bring him home at night!! I cannot cope with the shrieking when he’s going to bed. When he’s asleep he doesn’t wake up till morning but it’s getting him to sleep that’s hard. He’s going to his aunties for the night on Friday and I’m seriously considering cancelling it as she has a 6 and 2 year old herself and I cant even think of him behaving this way somewhere else.

My husband is much calmer so he is dealing with it most of the time but this needs to stop. How the hell are we supposed to go anywhere or leave him anywhere when he acts like this?? Part of me wants to put him back in the cot so at least he can’t run out but then knowing him he’d just climb out now!!

We haven’t changed routine, his nap is only an hour which he still needs as he’s worn out by lunch, NOTHING has changed! Why is it like he’s broken in the last month! If you try and leave the room when he’s in bed he just starts wailing if he’s not ready for that. I feel like I’ve tried everything - rapid return, slowly moving myself away, shushing, being calm, winding down before bed... you even mention bed and he just grins and then makes it hard to take him up as he won’t walk but fights if you carry him.

Any advice would be appreciated!!

The Super Nanny back to bed technique works- first time they come out, say 'it's bedtime, darling, back to bed' and calmly put them back in; 2nd time just say 'bedtime' and put them back; all subsequent times say nothing but put them back in bed. No discussion. The videos show parents putting toddlers back into bed hundreds of times the first night but by the third night the child stays in bed. Good luck.

Yes - agree with this - plus a few years back i think Tanya Bryant did a similar program.

Also agree drop the nap - mine had both stopped napping by 2years

"It’s just so hard when he wakes at 1am and you think what’s the quickest method!"

Remember short term pain for long term game. You might have a few episodes of being up a lot in the night but then it will pay off.

Today's Friday so it's a good night to start if you and DH dont have work at the weekend.

Long term gain

Yep tonight is going to start. I’m happy to sit on the landing without any lights. He had a gro clock but isn’t bothered with it as yet.

I’m going to do rapid return if I need to. He stays in bed if I’m on the landing so I’ll just lay down on there for a bit later. Later bedtime is helping a bit. Nap will be dropped ASAP - he does love it but maybe he just needs wearing out a bit more!

7 is too early at night now so pushing it back. He loved going to bed for so long! I’m also blaming fireworks as they really spooked him the other week.

Thank you for your support everyone (well not everyone but thanks!)

Your welcome

Hope it all works out for you

I’m past all these years now so may be helpful or not......

I don’t believe all this sleep regression stuff it doesn’t really make sense when you get out of the fog. I would put money on it being something about his room. He sounds frightened.

It could be absolutely anything, the way the curtain falls, a loved teddy looks different in the dark, a sound in the walls..... years later he may be able to tell you.

If you can change the room, see if that works. Or change the room around, take stuff in or out, ask his what he likes - duvet cover, toys etc
Go in there at bedtime on your own, lie like he would and look around - see what he sees, Listen to what he hears.

If he sleeps in other places then that might give you a clue.

Could you do marking/work on the landing with his door ajar? That might give him the reassurance he needs right now without you spending your whole evening in a dark room. Audiobooks help my son too.

Aargh it appears he has hand foot and mouth 🤦🏻‍♀️

This might explain a lot.....

Spots have appeared today.

So we put him to bed at half 8 as we were having some time for cuddles and to check he was feeling ok (he’s spotty but he’s fine). He still played up at bedtime - not laying down or settling but I stayed in there in the dark and just laid him down every single time he sat up. Just laid him down over and over again. He kept trying to edge his feet out, he laughed at me till he realised I meant it and then after about twenty goes he stayed down, wrapped himself up in his quilt and went to sleep. All told I was up there twenty minutes.

He was white as a sheet as he’s knackered and was cocking about but he’s asleep now. Fingers crossed he doesn’t change that too soon!!

Well done OP, best of luck for the night ahead.

I have no advice but I wanted to offer sympathy. Our 18mo will go the entire night sometimes without so much as shutting her eyes. Work after 30 hours awake is no joke. I’m hoping it’ll pass. Hang in there x

He woke up 20 minutes ago screaming the most ear splitting scream like I have never ever heard from him. Neither of us could console him well but he’s calmed down and is now downstairs with husband and a duvet. Fuck sleep training he needs someone tonight.

I have never heard a scream come from a human that horrific. Ever.

OP I really feel for you. DH and I always say that all bets are off when they're ill. Sleep training can wait a few nights until he's better and then you know he's not crying becaise he's ill. Hope he's ok and you all get some sleep x

He sounds scared to me. I have 3 boys, 2 are teens and one almost 10.
2 of them suffered from night terrors. Its very frightening for them. But it will pass.
My youngest boy, was terrified of going to sleep at that age. We eventually figured out it was because he thought he could see a face in the door of his bedroom.
There were, knots in the wood, that looked like 2 eyes and a mouth. He used to scream going to sleep and if he woke uo he would start again.
Its very hard. My heart goes out to all of you.
Have a look around his room for anything that might be a trigger.
We ended up, covering the part of the door with one of his drawings so the "face" wasnt visible to him. It worked.
It is very hard, but it is a stage, and you will get through it.
Then when you think you have it sussed, the teenage years kick in and then you wish they were small again!

My DD was like that with HFM. It passed in a few days.

I think that if you don’t want to drop his nap, then perhaps put him to bed at about 8/8.30pm so that he is actually tired.

My DD is a bit older than your son but is never in bed before 8pm. She does nap sometimes still, which then means she can be up very late. Thankfully, she is naturally dropping her nap and about half the week she had a reasonable bed time of about 8.30pm.

I try not to put her to bed before I know she is tired. She knows there is no getting out of bed once the light is off and she gets very upset if she’s not tired. That does mean I don’t get much time in the evening but at least it’s spent pleasantly rather than listening to a screaming toddler.

If you push his bedtime back you can bring it forward again once he ready to leave his nap behind.

I agree no point doing sleep training when they are ill. They need comfort.

Hope he gets better soon!

Poor thing, he must feel poorly.

DD has awful night terrors at about 2.5, which lasted about 6 months, she’d wake hysterical at about 9.30pm and it was really hard to calm her down, we had to put on all the lights and the Clangers and give her a drink. She couldn’t be reasoned with at all.

HFM normally passes quickly doesn’t it? Write off this weekend and hopefully things will improve in a couple of days.

We had something a bit similar when did was 2.5 and sticker charts sorted it. Worth a try?

I have tried but my husband just keeps shouting to bring him downstairs as he’s obviously not going to bed etc.

This is part of your problem. He has learnt that if he makes enough fuss he will get to come downstairs again, and by the time that's happened he's thoroughly awake.

As others have said this is a really hard stage, I also remember it well. Feel free to vent here and ignore the awful comments. Both my kids spent many a night in with us when they would not stay in their bed. I was exhausted and couldn’t keep getting up during the night and had tried everything you’re doing. I really wished at that point I had a spare bed in their room. You need to catch up on sleep when you can!

He slept all night on the sofa on his own - my husband slept on the other one. He just needed a change of room I think.

I’m going to have a good look in his bedroom as to what might be scaring him. Something is I think you’re all right.

That scream will haunt me for a while - it was absolutely horrific. He’s happy as this morning - he’s eating his way through everything and is watching Fireman Sam.

Sounds like something is unsettling him (possibly nightmare) and he’s needing one of you there at night times just now. That’s good you all got sleep last night...what a difference that makes. You might just need to ride this one out and take turns for a bit.

I think so - we’ll get there. It’s bloody hard at the moment though! He doesn’t seem to have got any worse re the HFMD so well keep an eye on that. Pretty sure it’s not the pox.

So this was a turn up! I’ve been out all day and came home about 8. I could hear DS wailing but DH came and opened the door and he wasn’t upstairs with him. He’d let DS kick off for a bit and when I asked him about it he said “he’s got to learn to go to bed hasn’t he”. He went up after a few minutes to tell ds to go to bed and while the crying carried on for a bit it then stopped and ds went and got into bed. Dh has been and checked and said he’s not quite asleep but he’s stayed in his bedroom and is quiet and perfectly calm.

We shall see!