I’ve joked about this but it’s now actually breaking me

[fruityb]

My son is two years and two months. Since turning two he has been what I can only describe as a fucking nightmare at bedtime. Since he was 8 months old he’s gone to bed awake and slept all night without any problems. And would sleep anywhere - so sleepovers with or without us were fine.

Since he turned two he’s been horrendous. He was in a cot still and started waking in the night, which was unheard of. We made the switch to a bed and things got better for a time. This last week it’s been absolutely awful and my anxiety at bedtime is escalating. I’m actually sitting here crying while DH deals with him. In the day time DS is a normal toddler - he plays, he chats, he has a nap, he’s a little bugger at times but generally good company. When he goes to bed it changes. You put him in bed and he starts making noises that lead up to full on wailing. He goes “uh uh uh”
Louder and louder and as soon as you leave the room the shrieking begins. He comes out onto the landing and stands at his stair gate screaming blue murder like something awful has happened. Got him a night light and that helped for one night but we’re now back to this. I dread bedtime massively because this is driving me insane. He will not lay down, he gets back in when you go up only to get right back out again seconds later. We tried putting the stair gate on his bedroom door but he shook it and slammed his door shut which took his door off its hinges!!!

He is screaming like his world is ending. We’ve both taken it in turns to sit upstairs till he goes off but we can’t keep doing that - i was there for over an hour the other night and he didn’t talk to me or bother with me other than to start the uh uh noises if I tried to move.

I feel like my toddler is manipulating us and I know that’s not true - he’s still small I know but I just don’t know why his personality has done a 180! He’s also been really clingy and crying when being taken to CM yet I then have to fight to bring him home at night!! I cannot cope with the shrieking when he’s going to bed. When he’s asleep he doesn’t wake up till morning but it’s getting him to sleep that’s hard. He’s going to his aunties for the night on Friday and I’m seriously considering cancelling it as she has a 6 and 2 year old herself and I cant even think of him behaving this way somewhere else.

My husband is much calmer so he is dealing with it most of the time but this needs to stop. How the hell are we supposed to go anywhere or leave him anywhere when he acts like this?? Part of me wants to put him back in the cot so at least he can’t run out but then knowing him he’d just climb out now!!

We haven’t changed routine, his nap is only an hour which he still needs as he’s worn out by lunch, NOTHING has changed! Why is it like he’s broken in the last month! If you try and leave the room when he’s in bed he just starts wailing if he’s not ready for that. I feel like I’ve tried everything - rapid return, slowly moving myself away, shushing, being calm, winding down before bed... you even mention bed and he just grins and then makes it hard to take him up as he won’t walk but fights if you carry him.

Any advice would be appreciated!!

OP your post resonated with me so much. My eldest was a nightmare at this age and you had to lie with him for hours til he went to sleep, slowly getting more and more resentful of it. I honestly don't remember when it changed but from about 3 he has gone to bed with no trouble.

This too shall pass.

He’s still screaming blue murder. I tried just putting him back to bed and he got madder and madder and so did my husband. He’s screaming and wailing and no chance is he doing to sleep. He’s exhausted and wound up now and I feel like I could pass out quite honestly.

I’m dropping that nap and if I have a grumpy child in the evenings for a bit but one that goes to bed then so be it. I cannot cope with this any more. I am so so resentful right now.

I am wondering whether your childminder has been entirely honest with you, in that possibly your son's daytime nap is longer, or ends later, than you've been led to believe.

It may be best to cut out the nap altogether, as others have suggested.

She says he has about an hour and a bit. I know on a weekend he has about an hour - he napped on the sofa this afternoon and in the car yesterday. He had a late night last night and I think he had tummy ache as he was farting a lot before he calmed down!

Maybe he is sleeping too long. But even she has said she hopes he’s done with them by January as she has another one coming and hasn’t the space for three nappers lol.

I’ll suggest chill time rather than naps. It’s what I’m going to do from now on.

I’m in tears - I’m already exhausted for tomorrow and I haven’t been to bed yet! He’ll be a grumpy sod in the morning as well!

Thank you for listening to me - this is so hard. He’s been a great kid till now truth be told - and he’s always slept well at night. He wasn’t sleeping well in a cot and it’s like now he knows he can get out he does.

I’m not having another one!!

Send him to his aunts and let her be fully prepared for what 'might' happen. Chances are if they have a good bedtime routine it may encourage the same behaviour.

You guys need a night off.

Just to lighten the tone - he’s now fast asleep after my husband got in bed with him... they actually look adorable in there but I did say to my husband don’t fall asleep and don’t wake him up when you get out!!

I'm going through the same thing right now with my 21mo.

It started off as though he was afraid to sleep or be alone, it's slowly getting better & that's only because we do what@EveMoneypenny did! I'm usually the one to deal with him at bedtime but last night my dh put him to bed and was out within 7 minutes and DS fast asleep.

All people say is it'll get better but what about now!!!!!! That doesn't help sleep deprivation!

I genuinely do hope you crack it and get some well deserved rest, it's difficult to remember at that moment that they are tiny & there's absolutely no malice in it - he just wants to be with you.

Fx for you this evening

I put a stair gate up so he can’t get out of his bedroom. After him making a game of coming out of his bedroom last night I decided to just keep him in there. He’s been stood at it screaming mummy and daddy for the last 8 minutes so been and put him back into bed. He’s still going but it’s getting a little more intermittent. Have left the bathroom light on up there so it’s not too dark. There’s no tears it’s just sheer temper. I’m doing the bed equivalent of controlled crying!

He will be shattered - he has had a shit night of sleep the last two nights as he woke up at 3am and ended up in our bed this morning. I cried at tea time as he didn’t like his tea - he was such a good boy and just said “I don’t like it” and I got so upset. My husband gave me a hug - I just feel like I’m doing something wrong at the moment!!

As it is tonight he is corralled in there and he is not coming out. He needs to learn it’s bedtime and that he is not ruling the bloody roost. It is just constant “daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy” (or mummy) and he won’t stop!! He went to bed like an angel for so long and now hes just an absolute crap head at bed time!! He does a high pitched wail and it’s just like a woop woop woop noise. I knew he was going to start as soon as we went to leave his bedroom after him getting into bed - he won’t lay down fully. It’s like he’s spring loaded and waiting to come out.

One day I’ll laugh at this - one day.

I hope he's settled down now. He needs his sleep and more importantly so do you, so you can look after him.

He’s asleep - went off about 8:15 with husband in there. Hoping he stays that way.

Thanks for listening to me people - I really appreciate it. I don’t really have anyone I can let it out to!

I think it just happens. Mine is yet to sleep through at almost 2
I live on 4 hours of broken sleep. But I hear sometimes it is a reverse.

Why. Why?😫😫😫

We had this. It was horrendous and drove me to the brink. I honestly felt like I was losing my mind. The only thing that solved it was dropping the nap, which in itself presented a few problems, such as needing to swop the ‘main’ meal of the day to lunchtime as DC was too tired to sit and eat a full hot meal by the end of day and would just want sandwiches. She would also be exhausted and usually mood by 4/5pm, but she would at least go to sleep without a fuss, so the benefits outweighed the cons for me. She soon got used to it anyway and now does the whole day without any issues.

Moody*

I didn’t say anything about his nap to CM today purely because he would have been shattered from the last two awful nights. But I will tomorrow - we’ll work on shortening it together. She’s great and I’m sure she’ll be with me on this.

Small update 😊 he didn’t sleep till half 8 on Tuesday so we put bedtime back last night to half seven. I stayed up with him on the landing so was out of his room but where he could see me (even though I was sitting in the dark just doing nothing...) and he was asleep in ten minutes.

Tonight he went to bed at half seven and took nearly an hour to go off but my husband did it tonight so think it may be him on his phone keeping son awake - he was up here on his laptop on Tuesday so again think it was too bright. Husband has an insanely annoying habit of watching shitty Facebook videos so he was probably doing that too. Anyway I came to bed half an hour ago as husband is still working on his laptop and I also think he’s a dick today (but that’s another story) and I was bored. Full intention of watching Masterchef on my kindle via iplayer when I hear son crying. Tiptoe in and give him a dummy which he lobs and won’t lay down. Carry him to our bed for ten minutes where he promptly goes back to sleep in 30 seconds.... lift him back to his own bed which causes some more whinging so I decided it’d be a good idea to get in his (toddler) bed where I then get stuck... ds settles down and I somehow manage to slide onto the floor and just lay my head next to him for a minute. He’s then snoring while I commando shuffle out of the room and creep into bed.

Marcus and his beautiful eyes will have to wait tonight it would appear. But I have made myself laugh getting stuck in his bed... at least I have stuck to my guns and he’s gone back in his own bed - for now maybe but he’s in there.

At least he’s stopped being a Velcro child when I take him to his CM so small victories and all that. And when he is awake he’s a gorgeous and well mannered funny little dude. I just wish bedtime was as easy as it always has been till now!

Cut out his nap.

It will be difficult, he will be demented with tiredness, but he should go off a little bit easier in the evening.

I’m also going to the doctors for depression I think. I am miserable. He made constant noises and then woke up at half one and wouldn’t settle. I put him in our bed and he still won’t settle and I’ve just come and got in the spare bed to try and get some sleep as I have barely had any and I can now think is I’m up in less than four hours.

I am mentally shot right now. I have nothing left. He’s been shuffling about and not sleeping for over an hour and my husband is being a dick. This is on the same day he said he’d take our son to CM and I ended up doing it as he went back to sleep. I am emotionally and physically exhausted right now. I cried when I got to work and I’m crying now.

I am cutting that nap. I am going to the doctors and I am having a day off on Saturday. The mental load has come to a head and I can’t do this anymore - not on my own which is how I am feeling right now.

Just cut the nap out completely today
People keep telling you

You haven't taken the advice and continue to complain

Please don't listen to the posters who are advising being even more strict with him. He's a baby and he's clearly signalling that he finds bedtime distressing. Just lie down on the bed with him and give him the company and reassurance that he needs as he falls asleep. It won't last forever and you'll all feel happier.

I loved the house of tiny tearaways, tv prog ?15 years ago with Prof Tanya Byron.
Parents brought difficult children to stay in supervised house.Bed time came up regularly.
The record for putting child back to bed, tucking them nicely but NOT engaging was 39 times. If you were that steady and determined I'm sure a two year old would give in. And remind yourself you are teaching them to snuggle down and sleep at bed time, a useful life long skill.
The problem was fixed by the third night I think.
The calmer and more unconcerned you can appear the better (no matter what you are feeling underneath).

I am assuming it is a normal size house, perhaps his bedroom door open to let the light in, he can hear you moving about, and not the munsters and he is on alone in the attic with bats fluttering at the windows.

nutty I am rolling my eyes hard at you

His nap will be cut out but as he’s at childminders all week and has slept like shit all week it’s very difficult to monitor that.

I am trying to be consistent but it’s hard when my husband isn’t on board with it the same way as me.

I really don’t need people just saying “ffs just cut out his nap it’ll solve everything”. I. Can’t. Do. That. Right. Now.

I have talked to Cm about shortening it and we’ll go from there. I am trying but I can’t do a lot this week. It’s the nights and I’m struggling.

His door is open. And have left bathroom light on.

As for continuing to complain I just need somewhere to vent. Clearly it’s not welcome - I’ll just shut up and do as I’m told. Thank you for that.