Starting Controlled Crying Tonight 6 month old

[ChampooPapi]

So my baby is now 6 months old and I am starting Controlled Crying Tonight. I know some people don't agree with it and I do understand that but I have made my mind up to do this.

Advice needed on techniques, and also do you do the same for when you put them to bed as when they wake in the night?

Hello! We did this when my DS was 6 months, and it was the thing that saved our sanity and gave us our evening back. Truthfully we started off going in to comfort him every 10mins but just found that made it worse. So eventually we used the monitor for peace of mind and just left him. He never cried for more that 20mins and that only lasted 2-3 days. Did the same thing during the night. Would check on him once, reassure him, then say it's bedtime, and leave him. I won't lie - I did find It very stressful but the training period is such a short period of time and worth it to have a little one that can settle themselves. Sleep is an important skill and it's true that it can be taught without a crutch. I'd say having a clear bedtime routine also helped. All the best!!!

@ImTheOnlyUpsyOne thank you for sharing your experience. I can see that during the night my little girl may be similar to your son, as when I've tried a lighter version of sleep training she just got really excited and constantly tried to sit up when I went in.

I just resorted to feeding to sleep and we've been co sleeping now this past month on a matress on the floor with her in her sleepyhead next to me.

She'll be in her own room from now on, but I know this is going to be a challenge. I have to try this now & I appreciate the advice so much as I didn't have to do this with my other daughter

@ImTheOnlyUpsyOne and regards feeding when is the earliest, or first, feed given after the night?

If she wakes at 5am for instance should I feed her then or wait until a more civilized time? She is exclusively breast fed

Self-settling is a developmental milestone.

It's tough for me to say because I formula Fed, but at 6 months my DS was definitely starting his day at around 5 or 5.30 am and I'd feed him then, he'd be up for about an hour or so and then go back to sleep. If your DD is hungry, she will let you know. I found nothing would get him back to sleep if he woke for his milk in the morning. If he'd slept through from 7 or 8pm I thought that was fair, even though that period of waking at 5 was horrible lol

@ohdeardeardear she's pretty good at self settling during the day and I honestly think she's a perfect candidate for sleep training. She hasn't cried for more then a minutes time in her whole life, she's such a content baby in the day and when she wakes at night her eyes are always closed pretty much from 7pm untill 7am, she just fusses untill a nipple is given!

@ImTheOnlyUpsyOne sounds like especially for the first week then I should definitely feed her around then but I won't before 5 as that is definitely the night still. She does seem hungry then rather then purely comfort sucking, but often it's still only a few minute feed

@ImTheOnlyUpsyOne my daughter also goes to sleep between 7 and 8 so this is so helpful, thank you

Most controlled crying advocates don’t say it for it over 1 year olds.

I’m that anyone would let their baby cry for 20 minutes!! If an adult was crying themselves to sleep it would be considered abusive. My DC never cried for more than about 2 minutes before I went in and comforted, and there was never a situation of being left to cry to sleep.

I still recall an article I read which commented that Romanian orphanages are quiet because the babies have given up on anyone coming in response to their cries. It’s not necessarily a good thing if a baby is quiet.

My DS is 28months now and perfectly happy and well adjusted. This is one of those topics that divide people, but it worked for me and my family. I have such a large group of friends with children the same age, we've all fed/sleep trained/ weaned differently, and we all have happy little ones, which is what counts

@bigbluebubble also we watched him on a monitor the whole time, and invariably I was outside of his door in case I felt he was too distressed - which he wasn't. It's not neglect - so I don't think I'd liken my household to a Romanian orphanage. It's just the first time you insist your baby does something they'd prefer not to do, of course they prefer to be cuddled/rocked/fed to sleep because that's all they've known. Three days of 20min crying is really not a lot in the grand scheme of things. Now I love listening to him chatting to himself and his toys when he wakes and is getting himself back to sleep in the night. It's a skill even some adults struggle with.

Please if you have to do this just wait a bit longer. 6 months is still so little and often they need nourishment (whether that is from hunger or thirst) still for quite some time.

Please rethink this.

@crazycatlady5 I remember you on another recent thread about this so I know you are very ani sleep training using this method.

I have read your posts on this subject and I do understand your concerns but I am going to try this for my own sanity and my family's. She no longer needs milk at night this is very obvious to me, she is purely using me as a human dummy between 8 and 5am

If she needs you as a human dummy then that is what you need to be. Parenting is a 24/7 job.

@ChampooPapi my first piece of advice should have been don't post a Mumsnet thread about this and don't discuss it, just do what makes you feel comfortable and if it works for you and your family sit quietly and smugly when those around you are complaining of broken nights sleep in the months/years to come. Please just trust your own parental instincts.

Why does a six month old not need milk in the night ?

I think going from coosleeping to controlled crying is a massive leap.

I wouldn't and I haven't. My baby stopped night feeds when he stopped waking for them not ( and it was a lot lot later than six month.)

Personally I would adjust your expectations. The baby years are just a small fraction of your life.

@ImTheOnlyUpsyOne so true! I have a very thick skin though and it was worth it for your advice. All the best to you

I don't think you should be trying to stop any feeds at that age. A 6mo should not be expected to go through the night without milk. If they choose to fine, but if they ask for it it shouldn't be refused. Please don't leave your baby hungry. Your baby still has so many development leaps to go through and will have growth spurts where they feed more. I think you're expecting too much from them.

Hi OP, we did CC (Ferber method) with our DD when she was 6.5 months old as we were past ourselves with tiredness, and frankly I was a broken woman and needed some goddamn sleep...!

Took an hour of doing the Ferber method (leave for 2mins, go in to comfort for 2, leave for 3mins, comfort for 2 and build up to leaving at 10 mins at a time) for her to go to sleep for 4 hours - the longest she had ever slept at that point! And then a further 40/45 mins twice over to get another set of 3 hours a time.

We considered that a huge success, and when we put her down the following evening she slept though for 12 hours; we woke up in the morning, realised she'd not woken up, completely panicked, ran into her room only to find her still asleep!

It worked for us and she sleeps through to this day (13 months old).

I never worried about the whole 'ohh no you can't leave them you'll damage their development/Romanian orphanages blah blah blah' because you're clearly not subjecting your child to months/years of emotional and physical neglect which is what the studies people love to quote is based on, all you're doing to teaching your child how to self-settle, and with the Ferber method you're still comforting them.

Give it a go, see what works for you. Good luck xx

@MotherofKitties we have just started and it took 25 minutes of the method you describe with my partner going in to say the 'its bedtime but I'm here' routine.

Reading you post after seeing her on the monitor snoring and snoozing like a good understanding without the boob to settle & endless rocking really cements this is the right thing for our family.

I really really appreciate you taking the time out of your evening to post your story, it might be the tiredness but it brought tears to my eyes, what you've been through and then your success. Thank you for your kind words and inspiration at a hard time.

I find this bonkers with a baby so little. She still NEEDS milk in the night, and that arguably trumps your need for unbroken sleep. You know, because she’s a helpless baby, and you’re the adult who made the decision to have her.

But well done. Sounds like you got what YOU wanted.

She really is quite young to be night weaning, I hope you reconsider feeding during the night.

I'm sorry no this what you want to hear either but too young!! Getting your child to self settle is not done by controlled crying at 6 months. Sorry this makes me a bit cross. It's completely normal for them to wake I not the night. Strap on a pair.

OP; big hugs.

It's a hard time but I'm glad I was able to offer some comfort in my post - some people will say your baby isn't ready, they're too young, you're doing the wrong thing, but do you know what? If your baby is sleeping, then they're ready to sleep. Don't let negative comments get to you, this parenting business is hard enough as it is