Starting Controlled Crying Tonight 6 month old

[ChampooPapi]

So my baby is now 6 months old and I am starting Controlled Crying Tonight. I know some people don't agree with it and I do understand that but I have made my mind up to do this.

Advice needed on techniques, and also do you do the same for when you put them to bed as when they wake in the night?

I don't agree with you at all Titty.

I don’t need to you.

Mothers health is as important as babys health. What would have been better for my baby, a dead mother or sleeping?

I don’t believe that’s the case in all controlled crying situations. Hopefully that’s at the extreme end of the bell curve. But yes, I think there are always other things that can be adjusted/tried before subjecting a baby to that process.

Holier than thou "experts" have no idea of the realities of working full time in stressful jobs while not sleeping.

What evidence do you have of that?

Aren’t most of the books written about routines and controlled crying authored by people who don’t even have children?

Wow, a lot of healthy debate as usual on Mumsnet gone on over night!

I'm very proud discussion about these things but I am definitely personally sticking to the method we used last night.

I know she is not hungry at night any more, which is why I thought teething possibly (arnt they always teething!). I know this because I know my own baby and was ready to try something else.

Any way, she woke at 4, my partner went in, timed 5 minutes (she grumbled but no actual crying) he went in, then set timer for 7 minutes and after 3 minutes of grumbling she was fast asleep. Just had to wake her up myself at 7 for a feed.

If she was hungry she would have let me know so I will continue this method. I will obviously feed her if she is distressed or hungry, but it's going really well.

I feel she is ready as I explained earlier that she doesn't actually wake up, she just fusses and squarks hourly after about 3am, and had started waking at 11pm aswell as not self settling when we put her down.

She is on the 98th centile so thriving

*pro discission

not proud!

Oh I forgot to say she's on 2 meals a day now so is also getting nice a full on solids as well as her 5 milk feeds a day

@AnnaBegins my baby wasn't left crying for 20 minutes, she was left crying/grumbling/fussing for a maximum of 7 minutes

It took 25 minutes to get her to sleep.

I do think some people are confused about what is actually happening here

I completely believe in a routine baby and now we can see (at 4years old) how amazing it is. When he is tired he walks to bed and sleeps no fussing at all.
Mine did the same at 4. Breastfed at night until 2, no routine separate to my own sleep patterns.

Oh I forgot to say she's on 2 meals a day now so is also getting nice a full on solids as well as her 5 milk feeds a day

The gut goes through massive changes when solid food is introduced. Can disrupt sleep.

@ChampooPapi just wanted to say do what works for you and your family. Unfortunately everyone has their opinion and it can be tough listening to what you should do from different angles.
Glad it's working for you 😀
We've tried a bit of CC for nighttime and it worked quite well. Left DS awake and when he cried (more like whinging) gave him a pat and a rub and that was it he went off to sleep.
Only problem is he is still waking randomly at night 😂 but only because he's either stuck against the cot bars or in his front so spend my night putting him on his back and he goes straight back to sleep 🤦‍♀️!
Good luck x

We've tried a bit of CC for nighttime and it worked quite well. Left DS awake and when he cried (more like whinging) gave him a pat and a rub and that was it he went off to sleep.

And he’s not even 6 months yet? Poor little dab.

I know she is not hungry at night any more

How, did she tell you? She's a TINY baby. Ffs these threads make me feel so sad.

I have pictures of my then toddler daughter having a middle of the night snack during a growth spurt.

But sure, babies don’t need anything at night. They’re just manipulating you to stop you sleeping.

We used the Ferber method on 3 of our 4 dc. Worked amazing for us. Still had feeds at night. Just let them settle themselves instead of us rocking them in our arms for hours on end. Why’s everyone getting their knickers in a twist I don’t understand.

@TittyGolightly so you're telling me as soon as your baby cries at anytime of day you rush to them? What's the difference between the baby crying whilst you make a bottle to the time it takes you to walk upstairs when you hear them start to cry?

Your baby did let you know she was hungry but you ignored her! It's cruel.

It's great that you're breastfeeding but you obviously don't understand much about it if you think a 6 month old is ready to drop nighttime feeds. Nocturnal feeds are different to daytime feeds. Your body produces hormones differently at night which help with milk production and getting back to sleep. I can't remember all the details but have s read up on it. Breastfeeding isn't just about milk. Your baby needs the comfort that it provides and it's cruel to suddenly take that away. Two out of my three were still feeding in the night at age 2 and a half.
I've been a single mum from before I even knew I was pregnant with dc3. He's 3 and a half and still seeks comfort from a feed if upset or ill. He now feeds only twice a day generally but he'd be very upset if I suddenly took that comfort and nourishment away from him and he's old enough to understand a little. A 6 month old baby doesn't know why you've suddenly decided that they are no longer allowed a feed to settle them. They don't understand it's nighttime now and therefore go to sleep and don't wake up until morning. My ds was still waking around 2am when 2.5 years old and then would be up for the day around 5.30-6.30am. Up until he was 2 he could wake up several times a night. A feed settled him every time. No one was upset, no crying, no distress, just a happy secure baby. Sure I was tired, I had 2 other kids to care for and by myself as was on my own. I had no help whatsoever and I was exhausted many times but I learnt to go to bed very early so that I was as well rested as could be, and knew that the night feeds wouldn't last forever but for the time being were important for my baby.
Controlled crying only teaches babies that their needs will not be met.
Good luck with that.

@TittyGolightly so you're telling me as soon as your baby cries at anytime of day you rush to them? What's the difference between the baby crying whilst you make a bottle to the time it takes you to walk upstairs when you hear them start to cry?

My baby is now almost 8.

I expressed all of her first year’s worth of milk, expressing every 4 hours night and day regardless of whether she did. With a husband who worked away and no family within 3000 miles.

My baby liked her bottle hotter than body temperature. If she woke in the night (we co-slept) I took her with me to get the milk from the fridge and microwave it to her preferred temperature. Then back to bed.

May not have been perfect in terms of biological processes, but it was as close as it got. And neither of us had to cry about it.

How did you know she was hungry and not just in between sleep cycles if you didn’t wait for her to cry?

I didn’t need to wait for anything. She was 6 inches away from my face.

But how did you know she was hungry?

0-4 months she slept on my chest and would root.

After that she was next to me and would kind of smack her lips together. We did baby signing and I think she signed “milk” at about 5.5 months.

She rarely cried, only if teething (first tooth at 4 months) or unwell, in which case the last thing I would do is withhold comfort.

Sometimes the sound of the pump would wake her in the night and I’d try her with the expressed milk. If she took it I figured she would have woken for it at some point anyway.

Mine rooted for the first few months but at the same time it was easy to overfeed them (I could tell by the ridiculous amounts of spit up) if I took that as a clear sign of hunger.

After the reflex went the only clear sign of hunger besides crying is staring at my food longingly (if I’m eating) or pulling it or a bottle toward them with mouth open (if I’m bringing one). Neither of which seem like they’d be observable I’m bed.

The older they got the longer they seemed content to go without feeding so that by 3 months or so they never cried for it unless we were out and missed a scheduled feed for some reason. By about 6 months they could miss a scheduled feed in lieu of a snack of some solid food if it was necessary due to travelling or forgetting a bottle or something.

@Papillion86 thanks its really been a great success, she is down by 8 and only stirs at 5 (slight grumbling) which my partner is going in for for a few more nights , but then sleeps untill past 7.

She actually probably feeds sometimes 6+ times a day sometimes but I was very tired when I averaged 5.

Last feed is at 7 ish, more comfort then anything as she also has a long feed at 6 after her solids at dinner.

Im glad there's been debate but one particular poster always seems to hijack these threads and make it about them.

She'll say it's about worry for babies welfare bit it's very apparent it's all about her. Women who care about babies health and welfare do not mum shame.

Women who want to educate other women do not do it by judging and dismissing there emotional and physical well-being.

Thank you for everyone else's support, even the people who don't agree with the methods but have posted in a measured way

@ChampooPapi glad it's working out for you. It's amazing how a bit of sleep can improve things.

I just wanted to add I agree about mum shaming. It's hard enough being a mum whether it's the first time or not. Honestly I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time so I just try and see what works for us. Unfortunately what really gets me down is the mums who feel the need to tell you you're doing it wrong and make out like you're terrible.
Every baby is so different and so is every mum. We're all this this together so why make each other feel like crap?
I'm not a huge fan of baby crying but sometimes, like this morning, it's needs must. My DS has been changed, isn't hungry (tried giving him the bottle), isn't cold, isn't hot, doesn't have a temperature but doesn't want to be on me, doesn't want to be on the playmat and yet is still whinging. He might be teething, he might be over tired but I am literally out of options other than keep giving him comfort....even if that is done nothing for him. I'm putting it down to one of those days 😬

@ChampooPapi I'm also very happy to hear it's been going well for little one!! Great news! It amazed me how quickly they actually do just self settle without crying at all.

Sorry I went quiet - I find all the judgemental mum shaming very distasteful! I wonder if its just caused by sleep deprivation (Sorry that was uncalled for)

All the best going forward. I found that we did get off track if ever little one was ill/teething - we'd then do cuddles/water in the night and whatever we could to make him comfy - and then when he was better we'd revert back to letting him self sooth - it was never a huge issue, but occasionally he'd make me think we were going back to the early days of CC.