Starting Controlled Crying Tonight 6 month old

[ChampooPapi]

So my baby is now 6 months old and I am starting Controlled Crying Tonight. I know some people don't agree with it and I do understand that but I have made my mind up to do this.

Advice needed on techniques, and also do you do the same for when you put them to bed as when they wake in the night?

Evidently.

If not leaving my baby hungry in the night makes me a sanctimummie, I'm fine with that. Until recently I averaged around 4 hours sleep a night. I drive, work, look after my baby. It's shit but you just manage. Babies are a massive inconvenience at times and sometimes we can't cope and need help. But you ask for help or find ways to manage, you can't just neglect their needs.

It worries me how psychologically damaging this can be. When a baby cries and no one comes. That’s not normal in animals or humans. In any walk of life this is disturbing. Babies cry, they need comforting and they need to know you are there.

@Derry

I had PND/PNA. Believe me, I know how horribly hard it is sometimes.
But I chose to have a child, and their needs trumped mine - even when I the thing I wanted to do most in the world was to put the baby down, walk out of the house and never come back.

It's not guilt tripping to say 'you chose this'. It's factual.

@Derry

It's also factual that breastfed babies will still need to be breastfed at night at this age.

If the OP is exhausted - fine. If she needs sleep - fine. If she's struggling - fine. It's shit, sometimes, mothering. It's really fucking shit.

But that doesn't mean you transfer the responsibility for dealing with that shitness to a 6 month old human, who has to moderate their NEEDS to accommodate the adults, who COULD find a workaround to CC.

The kind thing to do, is allow FF at night and for her partner to get up and do the night feeds for a while until she's recovered.

That's what irked me.

Also @Derry I'm a single parent, have been since DS was 8 mo.
I work full time in a senior creative role. I have no family support. I went back to work when he was one. I breastfed until last month (he's just 2).

And I've been on my knees with exhaustion at times. I'm not unsympathetic to the OP. But I have no truck with CC for under 1s.

Good grief. There are lots of other options for a small baby's. Co-sleeping, the no-cry sleep solution. Just be glad your baby won't actually remember what you're doing. 25 mins?!

I did cc with both mine well before 6 months (not breastfed though) and they are not damaged.

And the whole thing about they just learn to not cry because nobody comes is bs because my babies still cry and now that they’ve learned to sleep I always go to them because I know they’re not just crying because they’re tired and want me to magically fix it but there’s always a reason. Like I can completely confidently go to them, knowing it’s not going to “ruin” the previous sleep training because 90% of the time they are happy chilling in bed, babbling (talking to himself for the older one or “reading” the books he’s memorised) and rolling about if they do wake up and if they cry they’re invariably having a dirty nappy or feverish or cold or hot or whatever and I can fix it say “back to sleep now” and everyone is happy.

It’s literally wonderful. The first year of your child’s life does not have to be a blur of sleeplessness and misery. That’s not good for you and it’s not good for your child.

I fully recommend Alison Scott Wright's - sensational baby sleep plan.
It is from birth but I have never done it before six months. We currently have a 5yo, 3yo and 18 month old who still sleep 6-7. (The 5yo wakes earlier, early bird, but plays in his room till 7)

We have zero bedtime drama unless they're unwell or teething. It's saved our sanity

From 6 months I was co sleeping and bfing and was neither sleepless nor miserable.

@Ballsofmush : ditto.

There is no excuse for doing this to your 6mo baby.

@Ballofmush genuinely and not in a sacrastic way good for you, but there’s plenty of people who are not in that position, I meet them all the time at baby groups.

I could never cosleep. I can’t even sleep in the same bed as my husband. One night when my eldest was ill I brought him into bed with me because I wanted to keep an eye on him (paranoid about febrile seizures even though he’s never had one) and I didn’t sleep a wink, besides the hell of trying to stay still and not disturb him with my fidgeting every time I did fall asleep my snoring woke him up, causing him to cry which woke me up. Was one of the worst nights sleep I’ve ever had. Worse than even when he was a newborn and woke regularly for feeds.

Sounds legit. Why would a baby that biologically should still be inside it’s mother need night feeds other than it being a manipulative little bastard?

I was horrified at people telling me my night owl 4 week old should be going to bed at 7pm to make it easier when she started school. Now we’re training newborns to follow military schedules. Awesome!

Sorry if it's been mentioned somewhere in the thread, but what time will you give your baby a last feed and what time put to bed?

My girls are now 13 and 15 and from memory we would put them to bed at maybe seven or eight then give them a 'dream feed' at eleven, wind, change their nappy then put them back down without them even waking. That would see them through the night, in fact often I would go to bed at the earlier time and my husband would do the dream feed routine while I was also asleep! (an expressed bottle I should add ).

Re: the controlled crying, no two babies are the same, it worked like a charm for my eldest, the same technique was traumatic for my youngest who went on to be diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder from age 6. I don't believe this was caused by the controlled crying method, rather the condition was exacerbated by it.

Do what works for you, you're the best judge, good luck xxx

I am pro sleep training. We did controlled crying as well, and it was tough at the beginning but a life saver afterward. I completely believe in a routine baby and now we can see (at 4years old) how amazing it is. When he is tired he walks to bed and sleeps no fussing at all. Its totally worth it. Night time is sleep time, no babies should be up at night! Routine is key! Controlled crying is tough but its worth it! Good Luck

I completely believe in a routine baby and now we can see (at 4years old) how amazing it is. When he is tired he walks to bed and sleeps no fussing at all. Its totally worth it.

We have never done routine. My then 4 year old would also go to bed and go to sleep without any fuss. Still does at almost 8. No bother at all.

Night time is sleep time, no babies should be up at night!

Bollocks. Some of us are owls. I was as a baby and so was DD. We still are. Works for us. Also, lots of other countries have very different timetables which see children up at night. They’re generally societies where children are not seen as a nuisance. Coincidence?

Routine is key! Controlled crying is tough but its worth it!

Totally disagree.

@zaida

that is bollocks

Babies are fairly nocturnal for the first couple of months of life. This is a scientific fact, and is how it should be. They slowly shift their waking hours to daylight over the first three months.

There is also evidence to suggest night waking protects against SIDS.

Your post is bobbins.

There does seem to be very little scientific/evolutionary knowledge amongst the proponents of controlled crying.

It’s a bit like brexiters with economics and politics.

Titty I've read the evidence. But my anecdotal evidence is me and my siblings are fantastic humans and our parents used cc.

I was cracking under the pressure of working full time in a physically and mentally demanding job, BF, and not getting much sleep. My then 8mo slept through after 3 nights and about 20 minutes cumulative whining. My suicidal thoughts dissappeared within a week, I was able to function at a legally acceptable point and the cloud hanging over my whole life was gone. Obviously compared to you I'm a shit and selfish person. I'm happy with my choice. It saved my life.

This makes me so cross. 6 months old is so tiny. I wouldn't leave anyone to cry themselves to sleep let alone someone who has been on the planet for less than a year

My suicidal thoughts dissappeared within a week,

There’s no study that I’m aware of looking at adult mental health following CC-like interventions as a baby. Clearly, there are way too many factors to control for (and which can’t be controlled). But isn’t it possible that the impact of the controlled crying techniques applied to you as a baby - with raised cortisol levels affecting existing brain structures as well as the development of new ones even after “training” was complete - increased your risk of mental health issues as an adult?

I don't agree with you at all Titty. Mothers health is as important as babys health. What would have been better for my baby, a dead mother or sleeping?

Holier than thou "experts" have no idea of the realities of working full time in stressful jobs while not sleeping. Yay for those that can cosleep indefinitely and nap during the day. Not all of us have that option and you should stop beating up mothers that choose a different lifestyle to yours. What help are you doing on this thread?

I’ve forgotten, but isn’t the 8 month separation anxiety peak due to babies becoming aware that they aren’t part of their mother anymore? I’m not sure that a 6 month old knows that the parent that has left them will come back.

If you feel she's using you as a human dummy maybe try an actual dummy? Then she gets the comfort of sucking and you don't get such a disturbed night? I didn't use dummies for DC 1 and 2 but did for DC3 when I night weaned and it worked like a dream. I had three terrible sleepers so I understand the horror of sleep deprivation but they all sleep very well now, we never did controlled crying. 6 months is very young, it will get better even if you carry on cuddling her to sleep when she wakes.