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Sleep

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Original poster

Please don’t judge; experiences and opinions welcome: baby in own room from first night at home.

86 replies

Paraketamol · 28/08/2018 12:38

So, let me start with I’m not very, very pregnant yet and things may change, and I suffer from anxiety and I am aware that I benefit from being able to hear others experiences.

Has anyone put baby in it’s own room from the off?

My baby is due in Early February. Between my partner and I, one of us has night terrors - shouting and yelling and very unpredictable. This has recently gotten worse. We are hoping it imwill improve before baby arrives.
My plan had been to have baby in a Moses basket in our room but now I worry baby will suffer because of the night terrors. I am now considering putting baby in their own room from coming home; and having a monitor that monitors breathing and movement. Baby will be across the hall - 7 big strides - I’ve just measured - but away from the sudden shouting.

I will be following all othe guidance, sleeping on their back, using a dummy is baby takes to it etc. My midwife is obviously non-commital and said she’d prefer not to say her opinion.
From talking to the in-laws etc, I think baby in own room used to be more the norm when I was born in the early 80s but SIDS awareness has grown so much now...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

Paraketamol · 28/08/2018 14:28

I assure you I’m trying really hard not to catastrophise, but I’m tired and anxious today!

Probably not helped by being told the baby will die without hearing us breathe..
“but the alternative is baby dying because it doesn't have parental breathing to regulate its own.”

OP posts:

wintertravel1980 · 28/08/2018 15:33

Probably not helped by being told the baby will die without hearing us breathe..

OP - there is no explanation why room sharing appears to reduce the risk of SIDS by roughly 35%. 35% may sound alarming, however if you read the actual research you will see it is not a significant risk factor. Having baby in a separate room carries roughly the same level of risk as so called "safe co-sleeping". Other factors (e.g. tummy sleeping or drinking/smoking near the baby) introduce much higher risks.

There is a hypothesis that baby sleeping in the same room as parents may be waking up more often and therefore may be spending less time in deep sleep (which may lead to SIDS). However, as I mentioned, it is just a hypothesis.

Of course, it is true that the SIDS trend has gone down over past 20 years but the general consensus is the change has primarily been driven down by "back to sleep" campaign (tummy sleeping is a major risk and I would have never taken it with my DD). However, I was comfortable to move DD into her own room when she turned 12 weeks. Of course, it was my own decision and I have reviewed the actual SIDS research (rather than the summarised guidelines) before doing it.

Original poster

Paraketamol · 28/08/2018 16:07

Thank you wintertraveller. I’ve literally just read that own room vs safe co-sleeping carry the same level of risk.
I’m not comfortable with co-sleeping for the same reason as I’ve started this thread. But it is a reassuring statistic should baby end up in their own room.

Interestingly many other European babies sleep in their own rooms from day one...

OP posts:

SoyDora · 28/08/2018 16:10

I’d send DP to another room.

Sparrowlegs248 · 28/08/2018 19:52

I had night terrors which have stopped altogether since having children. So it may not be an issue if it's you that has them. I'd try to keep the baby in the same room and IF it becomes a problem, then the night terror sufferer moves. If that's you, then dp brings the baby to you to feed if bf.

Soulqueen · 28/08/2018 20:01

Does the person with the night terrors wake up? My child has night terrors and they can be scary and unpredictable So I understand your fears. Agree that the person with night terrors should definitely be in another room.

buckingfrolicks · 28/08/2018 20:07

I wouldn't. Couldn't.

KMoKMo · 28/08/2018 20:10

DH and I also slept in different rooms from the start. And only went back into the same room after 6 months. There’s no point both of you being sleep deprived and if you have a newborn waking every couple of hours plus a partner waking with night terrors it sounds like you may be up all night.

GinIsIn · 28/08/2018 20:16

OP because you have been so evasive and because you seem so anxious, I am going to assume they are your night terrors. I really would suggest that you and your DP sleep in separate rooms, with the non-night terror sufferer in with the baby. If it’s you, your DP can bring you the baby to feed, then take it back. If it is your partner who has the night terrors, even if you do have a section, you will be better off in the same room than having to get up and go to another room every time the baby needs feeding.

SoyDora · 28/08/2018 20:18

DH and I used to take it in turns to sleep in the spare room when we had a newborn. If he was in there he got an uninterrupted nights sleep. If I was in there he brought the baby to me when she needed feeding (or I heard and went in there to feed) then I went back to bed. Our newborns were noisy sleepers so it meant I got a bit more sleep even if I was still waking to feed.
You and your DH don’t need to be in the same room. Surely that’s a preferable solution to the newborn going in their own room?

littledinaco · 28/08/2018 20:19

The breathing monitors are not shown to reduce SIDS. This is one of the reasons why they are not recommended as people often mistakenly think they can put baby in another room and they will be ‘protected’ by the monitor.

I’m not sure where you read that co-sleeping and sleeping in a separate room carry the same level of risk or whether this was planned safe co-sleeping (which is totally different from just putting baby in bed with you). Countries like Japan where they co-sleep as standard have one of the lowest SIDS rates in the world.

Knitjob · 28/08/2018 20:22

QMy ds slept in his pram, it was designed to be ok for sleeping overnight. With ds1 we took the carrycot part off the wheels every night and put it lovingly on the stand with the frilly cover. With ds2 we just left it on the wheels and wheeled it into the bedroom each night.
He was an incredibly noisy sleeper, I hardly slept at all for jumping awake every time he snorted or cried out in his sleep. One night I cracked and wheeled him out into the hall at 3am. We both slept solidly for 3 hours. He then slept in the hall for about a month before I decided it was ridiculous and put him in his own room at about 6 weeks old.

So he was in the hallway with the door ajar from about 10 days old and in his own room from 6 weeks.

I'm not sure what advice I can give you though, it was much harder mentally to get up and out of the room to see to him, rather than having him right beside me. But I did it all the same. I don't think I fully appreciated the sids risk at the time but I don't know if that would have changed my decision.
Without wanting to sound uncaring, this risk is very small anyway, so having your baby a distance away, the risk is still going to be very small. But it could happen. It could happen to anyone.

Play it by ear, you don't need to decide right now. Hopedully the night terrors will calm down a bit once the baby has arrived and the stress of imminent change has gone. Or maybe they will be worse because sleep is so broken, I don't know. Maybe your baby won't wake up anyway. If they grow used to the noise it might not affect them.

ElioElioElio · 28/08/2018 20:28

I'm not convinced a newborn will be woken by night terrors. Perhaps all sleep together until you're recovered from CS and then move the night terror sufferer out.

zzzzz · 28/08/2018 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mosret · 28/08/2018 20:39

I used to suffer from night terrors where I would scream the house down. I would jump out of bed and run around the room tearing things off the wall. I broke a load of ornaments by shaking a chest of drawers violently. I'm lucky enough that I no longer have them. I feel for you as I would not be comfortable sleeping in the room with a newborn while being like that.

If on the other hand it's the type of night terrors where you scream the house down, but it's just that- screaming, you're not getting out of bed, I would probably keep the baby in the room with you. Maybe not right bedside your side of bed just in case. Of course it will wake baby but it's just a sound, and they'll soon go back to sleep.

mumofone234 · 28/08/2018 20:43

Discussions about SIDS aside, I’d be really surprised if a newborn baby was content to sleep in its own room from birth. It may just be my DS, but I couldn’t even get him to sleep in a Moses basket with my hand on him, sleeping next to him, initially. For the first few nights the only way I could make him sleep was to stick him down a vest top and sleep propped up (I do know that’s not great, before anyone points it out). So you may find that you’re not actually able to do this.

Iwantaunicorn · 28/08/2018 20:47

No experience of night terrors, but I put my DTs in their own room from 8 weeks. We got an angelcare sleep sensor (well, two obviously!) and it’s fab - it goes off if either baby stops breathing/doesn’t move/shuffles off the mat etc. They’re about £100, but it’s the only reason I felt comfortable putting the babies in their own room.

tried20names · 28/08/2018 20:49

OP, just to reassure you - I have had 2 c sections and was able to get up and care for both babies from Day 1. I didn't get much help whilst in hospital both times, even the night they were born I was left to look after them alone as there were no midwives available to help. When I got home my husband moved into the spare room because I found it easier to deal with baby without having to worry about keeping him awake when he had work the next day. So much so that I often encouraged him to sleep there at weekends because I enjoyed the time I spent alone with baby at night.
Having said that I have friends who moved their babies to their own room really soon, including from week 1. So you need to do whatever works best for you and your family when the time comes, try not to worry about it now.

trilbydoll · 28/08/2018 20:50

It would just be so much hassle to be backwards and forwards all night. You'd almost certainly end up falling asleep in the nursing chair or whatever you have in the baby's room.

Do you need to be in a deep sleep for night terrors? Chances are you won't get to that point for the first 6w or so anyway.

littledinaco · 28/08/2018 20:54

@Iwantaunicorn angelcare (and similar) monitors don’t prevent SIDS. So the risk of putting them in their own room with a monitor is the same risk as putting in own room without a monitor. Everyone needs to obviously make their own choice and do what they feel comfortable with but just incase anyone is reading who thinks baby will be safer in their own room because they have a breathing monitor, it’s not the case.

tenbob · 28/08/2018 21:01

Please don't assume night terrors will wake the baby

When DS was tiny, I used to take him to the baby-friendly screenings at our local cinema, which were the same volume as normal screenings

I would watch action films with loud explosions and screaming, and all sorts, and he would sleep through it all

Same with the dog barking every time anyone walked past our front door

Sometimes he would do the flailing arms reflex but very very rarely did he wake up

I think that was pretty typical of a newborn...

ItsJustASimpleLine · 28/08/2018 21:01

Baby being in your room is so it can hear and follow the rhythm and sound of your breathing.

With my first she was a good sleeper and we were waking her up so she went in her own room from 8 weeks and slept through.However my second wasn't disturbed by us and I liked having him with us so he was moved at 4.5months when the crib was simply too small for him and his night time wriggling around.

So I would try to have baby with you as long as possible and see how it goes. Or as others have said non-night terror parent in room with baby.

Good luck

EggysMom · 28/08/2018 21:09

Our DS was moved into his own room with a baby monitor two days after coming home. However, he had just spent 11 weeks on NICU so wasn't newborn, he'd developed a good sleep routine, and by then my c/s had healed so I could get up to him easily. Plus this was nine years ago - advice seems to change every couple of years.

Soulqueen · 28/08/2018 21:11

With the night terrors I wouldn’t be so much worried about the baby waking up as what the person having the night terrors could do while in that state eg thrashing about, getting out of bed, confusion and agitated behaviour even after they have woken up.

SassitudeandSparkle · 28/08/2018 21:16

I am also assuming it's you with the night terrors, OP - just put the cot out of arms reach (so you don't hurt either yourself or the baby!) just in case you do get a bit agitated. Do you walk about? If so you could put the cot at the foot of the bed if there is room.

Would also agree not to catastrophise! Don't over-think it at this stage or assume the worst.

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