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Original poster

Please don’t judge; experiences and opinions welcome: baby in own room from first night at home.

86 replies

Paraketamol · 28/08/2018 12:38

So, let me start with I’m not very, very pregnant yet and things may change, and I suffer from anxiety and I am aware that I benefit from being able to hear others experiences.

Has anyone put baby in it’s own room from the off?

My baby is due in Early February. Between my partner and I, one of us has night terrors - shouting and yelling and very unpredictable. This has recently gotten worse. We are hoping it imwill improve before baby arrives.
My plan had been to have baby in a Moses basket in our room but now I worry baby will suffer because of the night terrors. I am now considering putting baby in their own room from coming home; and having a monitor that monitors breathing and movement. Baby will be across the hall - 7 big strides - I’ve just measured - but away from the sudden shouting.

I will be following all othe guidance, sleeping on their back, using a dummy is baby takes to it etc. My midwife is obviously non-commital and said she’d prefer not to say her opinion.
From talking to the in-laws etc, I think baby in own room used to be more the norm when I was born in the early 80s but SIDS awareness has grown so much now...

OP posts:
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ohgodnotyouagain · 28/08/2018 12:41

I personally wouldn't OP, as you say the SIDS guidelines recommend now that baby is in with you for the first 6 months to decrease the risk.

Why not just play it by ear? Moses basket in your room and see how it goes?

I'm not overly informed about night terrors, do they happen when you're in a deep sleep? I found that DH and I were only getting 1-2 hours sleep at a time at night, and it wasn't great quality as you're always on edge waiting to hear the baby.

If one of you has more improvement could the other person sleep with the baby and the other in a separate room?

villainousbroodmare · 28/08/2018 12:41

Could the baby share with the non-night-terror-suffering person?

ohgodnotyouagain · 28/08/2018 12:41

Sorry I have misread that - does only one of you suffer with night terrors?

PaddyF0dder · 28/08/2018 12:42

I agree with above.

The night terrors parent should sleep in a different room. Not the baby.

Seeline · 28/08/2018 12:43

How often do the night terrors happen?

Once asleep, many babies will sleep through noise unless they are ready to wake.

Nothisispatrick · 28/08/2018 12:43

The person with night terrors could maybe move rooms?

Seeline · 28/08/2018 12:43

can the night terrors be treated?

happymummy12345 · 28/08/2018 12:46

Definitely not.

Original poster
Paraketamol · 28/08/2018 12:48

The frequency of the night terrors has been less in the past, just seems to be worse at the moment; used to be an episode or two a week. It’s now every other day. It’s related to ptsd, or so we believe, therapy has helped.
I’m desperately hoping it settles down again.
I’m not sure how we will cope without two of us in the same room as I’m likely to have a c-section.

It’s a disaster.

OP posts:
Skylucy · 28/08/2018 12:48

Two things immediately spring to mind:

  1. You may feel differently when baby actually arrives - you may want to be as near to her/him as physically (and safely!) possible.
  2. Depending on how you choose to feed, you may find it tricky to be even a few steps away. I breastfed, and being able to roll over, grab the baby, roll her back was invaluable in those first bleary weeks!

Yes I think it was much more common to have a baby sleeping separately a generation ago, but not from the very first night. And I personally wouldn't take the development in SIDS understanding lightly.

Nothisispatrick · 28/08/2018 12:53

I’m not sure how we will cope without two of us in the same room as I’m likely to have a c-section.

But surely it will be harder for you to get up however many times a night and go to a different bedroom?

BitchPeas · 28/08/2018 12:54

Do you have the funds for a maternity nurse until your c section heals? Or a family member who can come and stay? Newborns need to come first.

anotherangel2 · 28/08/2018 12:55

SIDS has massively decreased since the current guidelines were introduced but still in 2015 191 babies as a result of SIDS.

It does not matter if the baby is 7 steps away or seven floors away. A different room is a different room as far as increased SIDS risk goes.

Your partner sleeps in another room and if you need help in the night then you ring him on your mobile or you set up a baby monitor so you can speak to him that way.

aperolspritzplease · 28/08/2018 12:55

It's not a disaster, you sleep with the baby you will be fine to cope after a c section!

thereareflowersinmygarden · 28/08/2018 12:59

A c section does not mean you won't be able to cope alone with your baby. Everyone is different of course but most mothers cope fine. I had an emergency one and kicked DP into the spare room from day one. His snoring plus night wakings was too much.

ProseccoPoppy · 28/08/2018 13:00

I had c sections with both of mine and after the first couple of nights (which I was in hospital for anyway) I could move about without any issues. It will be more of a faff to have to get up and go to a different room.

There is no way I would put a newborn in a room on his or her own (FWIW I had the angel care breathing monitor mat set up in the crib in our room as I was too anxious not to). From what you’ve said it sounds as though your partner has the night terrors? They need to go in the spare room.

neighneigh · 28/08/2018 13:02

My husband has (mild, but noisy) night terrors, and from week one he's been jn the spare room and I've been with baby. It actually works quite well because he can take baby in the evening, early morning because he's not been up all night. Try to go with the flow, it's hard I know but you'll find a way

53rdWay · 28/08/2018 13:09

The night terrors might not wake the baby at all. (Might not, of course, all babies are different, no guarantees etc etc.) Newborns can often sleep through an amazing amount of noise - remember that being in the womb is a noisy environment for them in itself, they’re not used to silence.

HMC2000 · 28/08/2018 13:17

Even without the SIDS issue, my daughter was feeding every 2 or 3 hours or so at night when she was tiny, and at the beginning a feed can take quite a long time, so the gap between me finishing the feed and settling her, and being woken for the next one was usually an absolute maximum of 2 hours. Having her close made that so much easier - I can't imagine having to factor in stumbling from one I room to another as well. OP if you are the adult with night terrors you need to speak to your GP now about how sleep deprivation might affect that. If it's your partner, I would definitely be thinking about them having a separate room for a while.

Original poster
Paraketamol · 28/08/2018 13:49

Thank you all.
I value your answers greatly and hope to go
With my original Crib/Cot/Moses basket in with us plan.
I have asked for this thread to be deleted as I think I have been a bit identifying.
Thank you again.

OP posts:
uncomfortablydumb53 · 28/08/2018 13:59

I would prefer my DP had the spare room, otherwise you'd have to go to the spare room and feed
After a CS you will likely be sore and need to get out of bed slowly even for a few days
I would get a crib next to your bed or co sleep safely

Stuckforthefourthtime · 28/08/2018 14:03

Unless you're the one with night terrors, I'd agree with others that dp is the one who moves, in any case but especially if you might have a section and if you might be breastfeeding.

zeeboo · 28/08/2018 14:07

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Sauvignonblanket · 28/08/2018 14:15

If it helps, even without night terrors I got my DH to sleep in a different room from when the baby was born. He got a better night's sleep and was on better form to help during the day (and help he did) - no point two of us being disturbed with night feeds and I liked the time with the baby without worrying about waking anyone else up.

EmeraldVillage · 28/08/2018 14:19

Op try not to catastrophise. It’s not a disaster. Babies can sleep through a surprising amount. I would try it and move the baby or the night terror person if it really is too disturbing.