Cosleeping with partner in the bed

[Suziesoo]

I enjoy cosleeping with my 3 month old part way through the night after she feeds. My partner has slept on the sofa since her birth as he gets more sleep that way, but he has since moved back into our bed.

He is very fidgety and tosses and turns a lot. I sleep next to him and baby sleeps on the other side of me but his tossing and turning is disturbing her (and me). She sleeps much better once she's in bed with me so we get a good few hours of interrupted sleep when my partner isnt in bed with us, which makes me able to face the day with energy.

Sleeping with both of them is proving very difficult and I'm getting annoyed with my partner as I cant turn over when cosleeping with DC and can't see why he can't just face one way for the few hours she's in bed with us, but it seems he can't.

Who do I choose to share a bed with? My partner or my baby? I get much more sleep with baby than partner. Is it fair to kick him out again?

Neither is being unreasonable. The baby is Not really....but you just can't win. Your partner might be uncomfortable sleeping facing the way you want him to. You can't make him...why don't you sleep wherever he's been sleeping? You could go into the spare bed when the baby wakes leaving your partner in your bed.

Well I think so!

We dont have a spare bed at the moment just the sofa and I obviously can't cosleep in the sofa

Expecting your own partner to not sleep in his own bed and sleep on the sofa until some nebulous time in the future is extremely unreasonable - sleeping on a sofa long term is bad for your health!

If you don’t have a spare bed you’re just going to have to put up with it.

Would he prefer to sleep on sofa (you could get him an air bed do not cosleep on the air bed as it's not safe) or would he like to share the night waking resettling baby in cot eg you'd do one night and he'd do the next. I think after a week of sharing the nights he'll see the sofa as the easier option.

Is it him moving about that’s bothering you, or just that there not the space for him to move about with 3 in the bed?

A cosleeper cot would give more space. As would a bigger bed (king or super king). Separate beds even if pushed together means you don’t feel your partners movement at all. If you’ve got a normal double, is there space for a single too? You’ll need one eventually anyway as the baby will use one in a few years time.

We already sleep in a kingsize.
He would prefer to just sleep on the sofa as opposed to any other ideas above. He stays up late with the baby and I do the night waking which suits him well. He would not be on board with replacing the bed with 2 singles.

Baby sleeps in a next 2 me but hates it. I've had to put a moses basket inside which she much prefers.

We have an air bed and a pull-out bed in my eldest child's room but he always opts for the sofa. He would obviously prefer to sleep in our bed above this though... bit cosleeping and us sharing a bed does not work. The pull out bed is not an option for baby and me as it's in our other child's room and baby would wake him.

If your OH does not mind it, then I would suggest he goes back to sleeping on the sofa for now.
My OH was in the 2nd bedroom for 4 years and us now on the (new) sofa bed!
4yr old is in his own bed now and I am on the pull out underneath (Just whilst he gets used to it)
#2 on the way and I expect we will co-sleep with the cosleeper cot again.

OH's snoring is just too bad for is to share a room or bed.

What ever gets us all the most sleep is good with us.

Have you got a good mattress? One of those hybrid memory foam mattresses will be much better for lessening movement in the night.

But memory foam is NOT suitable for small babies

Not a firm surface as per SIDS guidelines

We do have a good mattress but I should also mention that due to our combined weight one one side on the bed,it is easy for baby to roll onto her side and front when cosleeping with the both of us... when my partner turns over quite brutally baby always flips on to her side and even her front. Its a good job he wakes me at the same time.

Feel guilty for making him sleep on the sofa again, but cant see we have much choice if he wont sleep on the pull-out.

IMO it's really unreasonable to kick your DH out of his own bed in order to co-sleep. I would focus on helping baby learn to settle in their own bed (Moses basket/crib/cot). But DH should be helping with this.

But if your both happy with him sleeping on the sofa and you all get more sleep that way then why not? Just make sure that you are still making the effort to have intimacy. By intimacy I mean kissing, cuddling and generally being close. Because I think that long periods of sleeping seperately can make you feel more like flatmates if you forget to keep the intimacy going.

All sounds quite frightening to me if I'm honest.

Not ideal for any of you

Am I being really stupid but how do you not squash the baby?

The answer is simple...you need a spare bed as a matter of urgency.

Can you push the bed up against the wall, have the baby nearest the wall (safely obviously! I use a sleepyhead in the bed so I know he cant roll anywhere) and have you in the middle and partner furthest away from the baby?