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Original poster

Please help, I can't cope anymore!

67 replies

MissyN3 · 07/04/2018 09:03

Hi

This is my first time posting on a forum - I really feel so desperate and am willing to try anything.
My dd is 8 months old now, however, she has NEVER been a good sleeper. And I'm not talking about expecting her to sleep through or anything. I'm just asking for a few hours! She's always slept on DH's chest as she would never settle elsewhere no matter what we did. I always joke that I never had that newborn phase. She always seemed too switched on. Anyway, fast forward to now, and it's been 8 long months that my daughter wakes every. single. hour!
Nothing settles her - I feed her and usually she will become relaxed enough to go back to DH to sleep for another hour. I've heard about the object permanence but surely she's in the same place she went to sleep to begin with? I don't feed her to sleep initially.
The same goes for her naps. I spent an hour and a half getting her to nap. I tried rocking her which usually works. But she refused. I tried putting her down. That didn't work. I tried feeding her again. That's didn't work. I also tried changing, burping, singing - everything! I was almost in tears myself.
It makes things harder having a health condition which causes tiredness and physical exhaustion anyway, so having no sleep and having to rock baby for hours is no fun at all and I just can't do it anymore.
I've spoken to HV and she was no help at all unfortunately.
I don't know what to do.
We're also in the middle of a very stressful and frustrating house move! Argh... Although I guess the stress could be an element in this but this sleep issue has been ongoing for longer than the stress. She's ever so miserable and I feel so guilty for not being able to help her settle. She needs more sleep.

Please help! Thanks x

OP posts:
tulipali · 07/04/2018 09:12

Personally I would stop the sleeping on the chest- a crib will be difficult to start with because all she's been used to is sleepy cuddles but I think it means everyone will sleep better in the long run, she probably never falls into a deep sleep on his chest. And once in the crib a dummy maybe? This is just my opinion. Up to you entirely x

Original poster
MissyN3 · 07/04/2018 09:36

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. We've tried a dummy.. she hates it lol we have got a bednest and she got way too upset in that. She has a look of fear in her eyes the poor thing. Unfortunately we haven't got a crib set up (this is why we're moving) otherwise I'd have definitely given that a go!

OP posts:
Blueberrycheesecake1 · 07/04/2018 10:53

Have you tried transferring her when she is in a deep sleep? This is what we did with ds. Admittedly he was younger. But slowly he got used to the cot and now settles in it. It's a slow process!

Re naps I've found its getting the timing right. When I do he goes to sleep by himself. Too late and I have to get him into sling to get some authorities to calm him dowe as he is overtired! Too early and he gets bored so I pick him up and hug him. When he rests his head against my chest that tells me he is tired and can be put down again.

Good luck!

Blueberrycheesecake1 · 07/04/2018 10:54

*air not authorities !

Cheekylittlenumber · 07/04/2018 11:06

You poor thing Flowers No sleep is torturous. I have a 6 month old who wakes up multiple times in the night but I'm lucky she sleeps for a few hours at a time.

Have you tried warming the bed nest against a radiator for a bit so that when you lay him down the cold bed won't shock him? Also a cloth that smells like you might help comfort him- lay it in between you and baby when he's asleep on you then when you scoop him into bed he can keep hold of it to comfort him.

It's worth buying a bunch of different dummies as he may find one he likes.

How's the solids going? Is he waking up for big feeds at night or just light sucking for comfort do you think?

I've recently tackled the day time naps (my DD started to resist being rocked to sleep so decided this was the time to get her to learn to sleep by herself) So we bring her to her cot, feed her, then put her into her cot (in sleepyhead) sleepy but awake and then I hold her hand, she moans a bit, I rub her head and shush her, then she falls asleep.

Hsve you tried white noise? X

teaandbiscuitsforme · 07/04/2018 11:58

Have you tried cosleeping properly - feeding to sleep lying down in your bed? Then she's not moved and falls asleep where she's going to stay asleep.

Original poster
MissyN3 · 07/04/2018 12:49

Hi blueberry

Thanks for replying! Yeah we tried waiting a good while before putting her down but she wakes up :(

Awh bless your LO putting his head on your chest when he's tired that's so cute! I do follow and look for her cues but sometimes she just from 0-60! She seems so alert all the time!

OP posts:
Original poster
MissyN3 · 07/04/2018 12:53

Hi cheeky!

Thank you for also replying with some great suggestions. Solids are going great - I'm sure she would keep eating if I let her! She's only tiny though so not sure where she gets this appetite haha! She definitely has a full feed in the night. I say full - she's only ever at the breast about 5 minutes day or night. She's always been that way even after some encouragement.
We use white noise every nap/bedtime and through the night. I especially bought a very expensive one that does sound very soothing. It does help but obviously not a great deal!

OP posts:
Original poster
MissyN3 · 07/04/2018 12:55

Hi teaandbiscuits

Yeah ive tried laying her in bed with us on the breast but I think she's knows what I'm doing so kicks up a fuss.

We have a good bedtime routine and keep everything relaxed. As soon as the white noise goes on she gets in a fuss because she knows it's going to bed time. It's like she doesn't want to miss out on anything!

OP posts:
Blueberrycheesecake1 · 07/04/2018 12:57

I don't want it to seem I have it sorted it is still hit and miss! But slowly making progress... i get a bit stressed in lead up to nap times!

Original poster
MissyN3 · 07/04/2018 13:05

Hi Blueberry

Bless you, I get what you mean with the naptime stress! But well done you for being able to make some progress!

OP posts:
Blueberrycheesecake1 · 07/04/2018 13:08

For daytime naps does the sling work? I think (think!) that sorting daytime naps first might be easier and lead to progress in the night.

Original poster
MissyN3 · 07/04/2018 13:13

She did used to sleep in the sling - about 3-4 months but then she didn't like it anymore. I do think you're right with sorting naps first though.
We've managed to get her to nap well in the day sometimes but it didn't affect her much on the night which was a bit of an anticlimax lol

OP posts:
Original poster
MissyN3 · 07/04/2018 20:15

Is there anyone out there with a baby like mine? Managed to get her to sleep in the bednest for an hour tonight. But then she woke and it all went south. She really got wound up very quickly after waking. Ling story short, I fed her and put her back down. She started to fuss. I gently shushed but she was having none of it. She's really started to get upset and after too much crying she's back in our bed.Sad poor little baby.

OP posts:
AimeeTreece89 · 08/04/2018 20:31

I feel your pain and frustrations as my little one is 9.5 months old, and still wakes frequently through the night (mainly for feeds) but sometimes struggles to settle back to sleep. So I’ve started using white noise, and that seems to help him settle. I hope you find a solution soon, as I know how tough it is, as I am also back at work, and have a 4 year old so the lack of sleep is not good fun! X

InFrance2014 · 08/04/2018 23:16

If you're already co-sleeping but she's on your DH to actually sleep, and you are just giving milk, can you perhaps try expressing and taking it in turns to have a 'full' night with her, so the other one gets better sleep?

I have found with both mine who are/were 'bad' sleepers (actually still normal even with as many wakeups as you) that 8-10 months was an exceptionally disturbed period, from bedtime to evening to night. If you can accept that your baby is only displaying behaviour that's normal, and find ways for you to share the sleep load with DH, then you might find that it gets a bit better before too long.

Original poster
MissyN3 · 09/04/2018 03:54

Thank you for replying! I'm glad I'm not the only one. (In the nicest possible way!)
Unfortunately she doesn't take the bottle. She seems to be getting worse. Waking up even more frequently and not resettling. She's been awake for 2 hours now.
She's been rubbish with sleep since newborn.. I've never had more than a couple of hours sleep and it's really getting me down. I do try and accept it but it's just so difficult when I can barely function anymore. Plus she's stuck to me all day as well.. good old separation anxiety I'm guessing. Sad

OP posts:
TheMythicalChicken · 09/04/2018 05:03

Do they ever prescribe Melatonin for babies? My DS has just been prescribed this, but he's 12. Since going on it he sleeps like the proverbial baby. It's natural and made by the body, but I don't know if it's suitable for a younger child, I just thought I'd put it out there.

usercantsleep · 09/04/2018 05:38

Have you ruled out silent reflux?

Original poster
MissyN3 · 09/04/2018 07:24

I'll look into melatonin. Thanks!
I've tried to rule out silent reflux.. my doctor is absolutely rubbish and wouldn't have any of it. She said my DD I'd you old to have reflux... How stupid! I'm currently waiting to move to another doctors to speak to someone who's had more training Hmm

OP posts:
usercantsleep · 09/04/2018 07:54

Why don't you follow a sleep training program and change gps? X

Original poster
MissyN3 · 09/04/2018 09:05

I'm currently moving gp. We've tried gentle sleep training before and are doing so again. Even with real perseverance it just doesn't seem to be working. I just feel like a failure.

OP posts:
usercantsleep · 09/04/2018 09:15

When I sleep trained I was like some crazy lady on a mission. "Gentle" doesn't work you have to be prepared to graft it for at least a week before you would see any difference

Does your baby go to Nursery or anyone else so you can get some sleep?!

Original poster
MissyN3 · 09/04/2018 09:26

To be honest I'm not sure which type of training is best for her... She's a very alert and sensitive baby.
Unfortunately no, theres no one to have her either. As much as I try to get her to socialise she doesn't like to be left alone with anyone other than me or dh

OP posts:
usercantsleep · 09/04/2018 09:42

You've built a rod for your own back.... if you want to try to improve sleep and get your life back why don't you choose the one that's right for YOU not her.....?! Presumably the reason she doesn't like going to be held by anyone else is because she hasn't done it?
Will she be going to Nursery soon.....can you guys take nights in shifts.....particularly now she's good with solids so she shouldn't need feeding during the night x