Please help, I can't cope anymore!

[MissyN3]

Hi

This is my first time posting on a forum - I really feel so desperate and am willing to try anything.
My dd is 8 months old now, however, she has NEVER been a good sleeper. And I'm not talking about expecting her to sleep through or anything. I'm just asking for a few hours! She's always slept on DH's chest as she would never settle elsewhere no matter what we did. I always joke that I never had that newborn phase. She always seemed too switched on. Anyway, fast forward to now, and it's been 8 long months that my daughter wakes every. single. hour!
Nothing settles her - I feed her and usually she will become relaxed enough to go back to DH to sleep for another hour. I've heard about the object permanence but surely she's in the same place she went to sleep to begin with? I don't feed her to sleep initially.
The same goes for her naps. I spent an hour and a half getting her to nap. I tried rocking her which usually works. But she refused. I tried putting her down. That didn't work. I tried feeding her again. That's didn't work. I also tried changing, burping, singing - everything! I was almost in tears myself.
It makes things harder having a health condition which causes tiredness and physical exhaustion anyway, so having no sleep and having to rock baby for hours is no fun at all and I just can't do it anymore.
I've spoken to HV and she was no help at all unfortunately.
I don't know what to do.
We're also in the middle of a very stressful and frustrating house move! Argh... Although I guess the stress could be an element in this but this sleep issue has been ongoing for longer than the stress. She's ever so miserable and I feel so guilty for not being able to help her settle. She needs more sleep.

Please help! Thanks x

That's ok, apology accepted

That's ok, apology accepted

If you have the energy read Elizabeth pantly no cry sleep solution. (Google will probably find you some articles / chat on it to give you an idea if it’s for you, and there are probably chats on here too).

I’ve had 3 non sleeper bf dcs. Ended up co sleeping with all 3, which eased things greatly. Dc3 was a really unsettled sleeper, even though he coslept from the start. Turns out he’s dairy intolerant, not diagnosed until 9 months after it got worse with weaning, as nobody would believe there could be anything wrong due to him being bf. Once I cut dairy out, things got much better. He napped in his pram (he’d always slept on the move though in pram or baby bjorn, due to school run with ds1 and dd). So I would go for long walks for his naps, then transitioned to a baby sleep white noise app and pushing his pram back and forth in the kitchen.

Does she have set times for naps and bedtime? It gets easier to sort a pattern out to your day once meals become more regular times, then milk / bf and naps fit around them a bit better.

You're very welcome. Motherhood does insane things to our bodies, hormones and our brains, meaning that the immense responsibility can drive you to over-analysing, and the love and fear makes you always worry you should be doing something, when sometimes the best thing is to relax and go with it, to ride the new rollercoaster (dare I say, just as you're advised to do for contractions!)
Especially worse if you're isolated, which I also was, being abroad.

I think actually dealing with sleep along by going with a baby's natural sleep cycles and giving responsive care when they need it is not a cop out, it IS "putting in the work". You will be very tired, but you won't have to do the 'work' of feeling like crap as you listen to your baby crying for comfort for however many nights it takes for them to give up.

And I do think that what research there is indicates that sleep training isn't fully effective (even beyond the question of whether they really sleep more, or simply stop calling out to you), as it's often messed up by illness or teething anyway. Plenty of threads on here talking about that.

Best of luck

Too nice to let her baby cry when they don’t need to? Yeah, I’d hope so.

Following your baby’s cues is not the easy option whatsoever, and you’re putting in plenty of work!

Why do you think sleep training involves crying Tammy? It didn't with us.

You can't constantly run to your baby when they cry!they'll have you wrapped around your little finger!!!

You can still be nice and use methods to improve your childrens sleep. Why would you possibly just wait indefinitely for it to improve itself without trying things people are suggesting , instead of continuing to be up every hour a night after 8 months?! Seems crazy to me but we can agree to disagree

Hi daisy

Bless your LO, I'm glad you got the intolerance under control. It's these things that sit in the back of my mind. I think I'll fully be able to relax when my lo is checked properly. She does have roughly set naps and bedtime so we have got a good pattern going for the day.

Infrance - you really got the nail on the head there. I was a little more relaxed today and she seemed to respond.. whether it was a fluke I don't know lol and you're definitely right about the responsive care too, it sure is hard work.

Tammy - thank you so much - maybe I should've been clearer for others on this thread. I really wasn't coming here for help on cry it out or anything of that sort, I just wanted to help my baby sleep and get a bit of support/hear other experiences. I really am grateful for the input here.

Xx

They don't need to cry to train at all mine didn't. I changed small things at a time best advice I got was if you want to try something new to thier sleep, try it at nap time your less frustrated if it goes wrong once you've successfully done it at nap times then start on bedtime. For example I'd work on getting her off your husband or you to sleep so personally I'd lay down and nap with her. I know you've said it doesn't work but maybe just try again to lay down with her and feed or slowly move her off you once asleep Nd get her used to it. If you manage then SLEEP yourself and slowly work on bed times once nap is going well.
Just my 2ps worth bur please don't stress about it your doing great and it will eventually work.

Sleep deprivation is awful so I feel for you.

My DD and her husband used gentle sleep training with my DGD1 when she was 8 months and she was like your DD in that she preferred to be held or rocked to sleep. They used the Ferber method . It worked really well although it required perseverance and consistency and took about four or five nights and now at 2 and a half she is a great little sleeper and can settle herself really well.

The early days were hard for them and we tried to help by taking the baby off them for the odd night or two to let them catch up on sleep.

I too have a baby that doesn’t fall asleep easily. I feed her to sleep then wait 20-30 minutes before gently putting her in the cot. I remember around the eight month mark she kept waking up but just keep trying.

Teething has been a very, very slow process and sleep has been disruptive for several months now. Blackout curtains, white noise etc. really help as post above mentioned.

You can't constantly run to your baby when they cry!

You can't constantly run to your baby when they cry!

I think some people have no parental instincts at all! Babies cry to signal they need you 😒

@woopwooop ugh you sound dreadful. Go on the AIBU forum if you’re bored and fancy having a bitch.

OP months 8-10 were really hard for me, I have a high needs baby and suspect you do too. Look it up, if anything it makes you feel better for not being alone. Also apparently it’s because they’re really clever

So how do you guys go to the toilet/have a shower/ scratch your arse if your baby starts to cry?! Can you not not pick them up for a couple of minutes whilst you do some of these? !

My now nearly 10 month old was generally not too hard to get to sleep except during months 4 and 5, but was always a frequent waker until recently.

He improved slightly when I moved him into his own room and cot at 6 months, but always woke up whenever I put him down, or 10-20 minutes later.

I started getting into the cot with him at night until he was asleep. Is that an option for you at all?! I know it sounds a bit weird, but it was a game changer for me. I also then found that he was then fine when being fed and then put down in the travel cot on holiday, I think it just got him into the habit of going to sleep and staying to sleep!

useruserbored are you serious? Responsive parenting doesn't mean you can't perform normal biological functions.
If they're crying it's because they need something from you, even if it's only to be held; they're not twisted creatures trying to get one up on you. Perfectly possible to do things like go to the toilet while also comforting a crying baby.

Infrance2014 are you serious?!

I'd like to think I'm not a bad parent because I still go to the toilet and leave my baby to cry for less than a minute!

Do you sit your baby on your lap whilst you're on the toilet?!

I didn't mention anything about them being twisted, you did