7 mo DD only falls asleep on boob - need to remedy this HOW???

[lovefamily]

Ive been here before and 'know' some of you lovely ladies already. Its been a while and theres so many long threads its impossible to read through them all. Basically I co-sleep with dd of 7 months and always have - she is bf to sleep and also for day naps.

I have decided its time to get it sorted once and for all but cant decide how. Hate the idea of CC but dont know how else to get it sorted and if i did do CC what are the finer details (ie do you go in every few minutes, pick them up - how does it work?). I have the NCSS book and have heard of other methods. I am wanting to move dd into her cot in her own room but know this is quite a change to what shes used to. Any advice would be great or simply hearing what has worked for you - would love to hear from ladies on the 'Sleep is for the Weak' thread as I was an active 'poster' a few months ago

cruisemum - you had the same situation as me - hows it going?

the half term holiday is coming up so dh will be off work. want to get it sorted then. have a feeing it is going to be CC

I did Cc. It really does work. It is hard but the dividends are great

lovefamily - I remember you! We had the same problem I recall. I second crossedwires. cc is hard but it seems to work. I tried it and then went back on what I had taught ds by giving boob in the early hours of the morning to settle him. Big Mistake . this meant I hda to do cc again recently but he is back to sleeping through (almost)every night now! It is horrible to hear them cry but reassure yourself that the crying is for their 'dummy', which is exactly what I had become. don't do it if you are in any doubt but if you do want to get some sleep, it may be worth it for you all. hth .And remember, their memories are very short!

Have you tried the methods described in NCSS? How did you get on?

What is it about bfing to sleep that is causing problems for you?

The thing that worked well for me was to follow ds's lead until he was old enough to no longer need feeding to sleep. I sometimes felt tired and overwhelmed by his need for me but I used to try to get to bed early and look after myself as much as I could.

if it helps my ds was very similar. Would use boob as a comfort in a way. It didnt last forever and when he found his thumb he was content with that whilst still lying on me. Might seem like this will be like it is forever but it isnt. I didnt use CC or
anything like that. I also co-slept with him till he was a year old. He is now 7 and goes to sleep by himself although more often then not I will lie with him for a short time and have a cuddle (love that time of day cos wehave a little chat and completely relax). If it isnt a problem for you dont feel 'pressured' to resolving it iykwim. hth xx

cruisemum - wow - you finally sorted it. i think last time i was here we were both pondering CC and you had some big events coming up. Did you go back every so often when you did CC? how long did lo cry? and how many days till ds was settling well on own? Did you notice any mood changes because of it?

Franny - its a problem for me in the sense that she wakes frequently once i have put her to bed and i end up yo-yoing up and down the stairs all night to 'boob' her to sleep. I am a wahm and really need this time to get work done - plus need some time with dh too! It would really help with ds1 as well as he still craves lots of attention which is hard when im too busy 'boobing' dd to sleep for half hours at a time.

Do you think its best to start with daytime naps or bedtime when i start (think im gonna go for it) will move dd's bedside cot into her room as want to get her in her own room too.

I am in exactly the same situation with ds2 (9 months) Tonight I put him down asleep at about 8pm and he has already been up and fed once. I will be going to bed soon, and he will wake then come in to my bed to feed and he will spend the rest of the night feeding (maybe slight exaggeration, but it bloody feels like it)

I vary from being very chilled about this, eg thinking he won't be a baby forever and if he needs me for comfort that's fine, to tearing my hair out htinking I can't carry on like this and I must do something.

I really don't want to do CC, but don't think anyhting else would work...

wallace - yes I know how you feel. It doesnt bother me that I have to keep doing it and i love that we are all cuddled together when we go to bed etc (I would co-sleep both kiddies if i had my way!) - but i just need the time to get things done and I just dont get that when im up stairs every 15 minutes and barely get much time in the day either - when i manage to get her to sleep (which isnt often) she doesnt sleep for long - so I see the evening as the only time I am able to do anything - whether its watch tv, surf internet, housework or 'work'.

lovefamily - I bf to sleep, he woke within 15 mins, (as usual) after the 4th visit upstairs in 1 hr I had had enough! I decided there and then taht cc was for me! I went in after 2 mins of crying adn kissed/stroked his face then left. I repeated at 2 mins, then 2,4,4 6 until he had gone to sleep. I never left a gap longer than 6 mins and within 40mins tops he was asleep. It got a bit confusing as he kept stopping crying and then starting again so the timing got muddled for me but I just used my judgement on those occasions and went in when he was crying 'properly' iyswim. I am not saying it was not hard but he slept for 10 hours solid after that and I have not looked back. of course we do get the occasional 3am crying but I just do the same and usually within about 10-20mins max he is sound asleep again. I have noticed that his naps have improved and he will go beyond the usual pitiful 30mins and nap for 90mins or so. I am not advocating cc as it is hard. But it has paid off. He was using me as a dummy adn I was weaning him from it - simple as. Hard but necessary imo. I would be happy to see you throuhg it if you do go ahead but think about it first. I really was totallly and utterly at the end of my tether esp as it was affecting everything I did adn impacting on dd1. hth

cc doesn't always work, didn't work for me at all. Now have a clingy, whingy, tearful lo weeks after stopping.

F&Z, how old was yours when didn't need feeding to sleep anymore?

cruisemum - thanks for your response i think i am convinced it is what i want to do - know ill hate it but this has GOT to get sorted. I cannot keep spending 30-60 mins feeding her to sleep at bedtime only to return every 15-30 mins for more innings. I want/need some of my life back even if it is just a couple of hours in the evening - thats a whole lotta time to get things done - plus the more done in the evening means less to do in day which means more time to spend with dd so i feel like it will have a good impact on almost everything iykwim. do you still bf or have you given that up? i thought i would wait till half term - that way it wont matter too much if she keeps ds1awake - its no good now - theyve got tests at school. plus dh will be home to help if im tired etc. just need to sort dd's room out etc and i have a plan. thanks much cruisemum!

Ds was 3 when I stopped feeding / cuddling him to sleep

Lovefamily it sounds very hard when you are meant to be working. Would it not be easier to just have dd next to you while you work? Either downstairs with you on your lap or in a sling or nearby (don't know what sort of work you do)
or you could work upstairs with a low light on in her room?

(again I don't know if this is possible as I don't know what your work is)

it seems going up and down constantly would be very wearing and just going with the flow would be easier. She obviously wants you nearby, and it isn't at all unusual for babies this age to be waking frequently and to want feeding each time.

"He was using me as a dummy adn I was weaning him from it"

well no, a dummy is a substitute for your breast, not the other way around

babies have a physiological need to suck, it is good for them

I'm sort of in the middle of what you're after. DD now 14 months was BF to sleep for 12 months. Then I though it might help her sleep better if she went to bed awake. I didn't do anything too differently. Tried to take her off the boob when she wasn't quite asleep (bedroom light off). Put her in her cot and said 'night night'. She stood up yelled. Just laid her back down and said 'night night' each time until she fell alseep. I didn't leave the room at all until she was alseep but tried not to look at her much when putting her back down. Took about 5 days for her to get the picture (30 times first time but she still didn't get herself in a complete state - now takes about 2 times and sometimes she doesn't bother at all goes down a treat). She didn't scream too much those first 5 days because I was always there. Now she only wakes up once for a feed but I'll worry about that later.

I have a 6 month old (well turned 6 months old today) and had the same, only went to sleep while BF and was starting to wake up constantly (she had slept through for a couple of months).

We have done a form of gradual retreat which is sort of described in the NCSS. In 4 days we moved from BF to sleep to being rocked to sleep in either DH's or my arms, now we are putting her in her cot sleepy and holding her until she sleeps. We had some tears but she was never left alone for a moment. DH did the first 3 nights which I think really worked for us. We decided after how long to space night BFs 7pm-11pm-3am at first. Last two nights she has only woken up once at 1am for a BF - at probably 20lbs and not really eating much solids yet I don't expect her to go through the night.

I personally can't see any form of sleep training can work without a few tears but I believe the baby should not be left alone. It will take longer, and it is harder (my back is killing me from rocking and leaning over the cot) and hearing the tears in your shoulder is harder than running away IMO. I kiss her and say shhhh but no eye contact - it can take 30mins sometimes. But it is working so far.

I would tackle the night time first as your little one will be sleepier then therefore easier to settle.

Good luck.

Lovefamily, you could try NCSS first, the support thread is still active and people who have succeeded with that method are around to offer support/guidance.

We used to call CC ?rock-bottom parenting?: dw had to hit rock bottom before she could cope with any crying.

Kittypants and crossedwires have just had a lot of success, their support threads make for very uplifting reading.

I am partly to blame for some of the long CC threads but I can make up for it by pointing you to specific posts that could be particularly helpful - but only if your mind is made up

Hi lovefamily. I b/fed dd to sleep for daynaps and night time until 4 months but by then she stopped napping for long and was difficult to settle at night. We sort of did pu/pdown. I say sort of because we didnt pick her up very much (unless she really cried badly) but sat with her doing shhh/pat. The 1st time (am nap) took 45 mins which was hell, pm nap took 15 mins (dp's turn - grrr) and bedtime was 5 mins which i thought would be the worst. It only ever took 15 mins at most for the next few days.

She now goes down no probs without crying for day and bedtime naps and it did automatically improve night sleep for a while. HOWEVER... before you take my advice beware i am having problems with night wakings now after rushing to feed her during teething. It worked really well before I screwed it up.

Good luck! x

this sounds awful - but now i have decided to get it sorted i feel so much better and am actually looking forward to it - a few uninterrupted evening hours. (though not looking forward to the crying of course - thats gonna suck!)

lovefamily - if you are sure you are going ahead then good luck. you will need to be prepared to see it through. Just keep focussed. It is for the best and millions of babies the world over have survived crying! Also, it elped me to think of the alternative if I didn't do it. hth

cruisemum - appreciate the support!

did you or dh go in when crying? once sorted the result is that they can be put down AWAKE yes? also did you stop feeding through the night?

Thanks
Hayley

my dd is 5mths and teething really badly so not sleeping well anyway. we're thinking of going down the cc route cause it worked for ds but that was nearly 10yrs ago and i don't actually remember how or when i managed to do it!! we have a wedding coming up and would like to have her more settled so that we can leave her with the babysitter. will gladly take any help, advice whatever.

Haven't read the other suggestions, but in my case, the only way to make the switch was to get dh to put ds down for a few weeks until he forgot (luckily they have a short memory at that age) that he liked sucking boobs while going to sleep.

lovefamily - everyoes situation is different but I did everything exactly th same as usual (ie I did bedtime routine) etc adn then when ds created - as I knew he would, I did the whole cc bit. dh has never bathed/put ds to bed so i felt it would have been too different for the poor little mite. There were plenty of hugs and kisses all day and for the couple of days it took and lots of bedtime cuddles at his last feed.
Yes, I did stop feeding durnig the night. I was certain that ds did not need bf at nighttime anymore as he had gone for 10 hours in the past! When he woke at night -very infrequently i hasten to add - I went in and did the same. It was hard in the early hours as i have dd to consider but she didn't hear a thing and he didn't cry much at all. I decided that once I had started this I would be uncompromising. My hv told me that my boobs are off limits after 7pm!! hth

agree wth Sofia - their memories are very short

lovefamily - one more thing before I get stuck into the ironing {yawn}, ds does still sometimes fall asleep feeding but it does not seem to alter his waking at night. He gets tired and nods off and it seems mean to me to wake him up so he is aware of his surroundings iyswim.