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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

Some advice for the night re controlled crying

73 replies

sthitch · 06/03/2018 22:25

My 6m old isn’t settling well in her room after moving her out of ours on the weekend, she’s either terrified or laughing and shrieking in delight but not sleeping! Some of it I put down to also starting food - however her last “meal” is a lot earlier now and this settled, so now I think it’s the room.

Tonight my mum helped me by keeping me out of the room until around 7/8 mins where I went in, gave her the dummy and the crying stopped and she went to sleep. I’ve since read about the 2 mins then 4 mins then 6 mins etc - she wasn’t hysterical so should I continue waiting longer or should I try the above technique?

Also, she’s now waking in the night whereas before she would generally sleep 7-7- do I go straight for the controller crying or do I offer milk first/change nappy etc. Last night we were up for 2 1/2 hours, gave her milk and a nappy change, couldn’t get her to sleep and ended up having to lay on her floor for ages stroking her... I really don’t want to get into this habit! I also worry because her room is next door to my neighbours bedroom so I’m going to feel really bad about controlled crying in the night!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TittyGolightly · 06/03/2018 22:32

My 6m old isn’t settling well in her room after moving her out of ours on the weekend, she’s either terrified or laughing and shrieking in delight but not sleeping!

ended up having to lay on her floor for ages stroking her... I really don’t want to get into this habit!

Just look her in the eye and tell her you’ve had enough of her being so dependent on you. She’s 6 months old now and it’s time for her to make her own way in the world. Her struggling to adjust just isn’t your problem and her expecting you to help her now is pointless. Crying is pointless even though it’s her only method of communication. Time she learned that only grown ups are allowed to enjoy the comfort of room sharing. She’s 6 months old and should just be getting on with it herself.

Then stick your earplugs in and get on with enjoying your evening.

Don’t forget to buy a lock for the outside of her door for when she learns to walk. You don’t want her getting ideas that your space is to be shared with her.

[/sarcasm]

Original poster

sthitch · 06/03/2018 22:35

If you have nothing to add then off you fuck...

OP posts:

TittyGolightly · 06/03/2018 22:40

That’s not how the internet works.

It’s a bit like your baby. No off switch.

mamadrummer · 06/03/2018 22:41

She's only tiny, she just wants comfort and to know she isn't on her own xxx no advice but it'll pass and she'll be able to sleep but for now enjoy her

Original poster

sthitch · 06/03/2018 22:44

Just like the internet - different people have different views, you might be a Mum with a 5 year old hanging off of your boob and co sleeping until they are 29, but I’m not and therefore I’m asking for advice from like minded people so please refer to my first reply.

OP posts:

Twocatsonebaby · 06/03/2018 22:45

.. I'm not too sure what you expected in all honesty. I mean. We all do things differently. Dd is almost 1 and still in our bedroom because we don't feel ready or comfortable to put her in her own room. We know she would howl. But we are easing her slowly to be away from us without her crying on her own.
She's 6 months and that's still so young. She needs your comfort etc. She's used to you and now she's suddenly in her own room where you arent there.
You should stick to a strict routine. But don't get annoyed (I know it's easy to when you're knackered) and expect her to just sleep through suddenly when she isn't aware of what's going on and she just wants you.

Original poster

sthitch · 06/03/2018 22:46

@mamadrummer thank you, I do enjoy her and that’s why I want to make this as painless as possible, this is a baby that desperately needs a good night sleep as we get barely any naps during the day so it’s very important for her growth and wellbeing to sleep well at night.

OP posts:

Aprilmightmemynewname · 06/03/2018 22:47

Imo /e 6 months is too young. I did it with ds at 10 months and he slept through on the third night. At 6 months he still had a full feed in the night.

TittyGolightly · 06/03/2018 22:47

you might be a Mum with a 5 year old hanging off of your boob and co sleeping until they are 29, but I’m not

Yes, because that’s the only other alternative to ignoring a tiny baby.

Is she even 6 months, by the way, or are the months shorter on your planet?

Original poster

sthitch · 06/03/2018 22:48

@twocatsonebaby I’m not annoyed at all, I sit there stressing and wanting to go in/ or if I’m in there I just sit with her and gently talk to her. It’s not able being annoyed, I just want the best for her and for her to be comfortable in her room.

OP posts:

TittyGolightly · 06/03/2018 22:48

I just want the best for her

You mistyped “me” there.

bettydraper31 · 06/03/2018 22:50

If she’s not settling since moving into her own room, try moving her back in with you for a while. I agree with PPs, she’s only 6 months old but hey if Crying it out is the route you wish to go down maybe research this specifically because on an open forum such as this you’re going to get more advice you don’t want than advice you do want.

Anticipating to also go fuck myself if this isn’t to your liking.

Good luck OP.

Isadora2007 · 06/03/2018 22:51

Oh my goodness. You wonder why she isn’t settled after just a short time of being in a different room and different scenario on waking? Don’t you think you may be expecting an awful awful lot from a tiny human?

And you left her for 7/8 minutes crying and yet want to leave her longer? Because she wasn’t upset enough? Not hysterical!?!?

Fucksake. Sometimes I despair of people and wonder how the hell they expect to raise happy and empathetic people when their own needs are clearly not met from such a young and influential age.

You should have gotten a puppy OP- at least you’re allowed to stick them in a cage overnight and let them cry. (Not that I think that’s okay either!)

mamadrummer · 06/03/2018 22:51

Maybe try going in every time she cries and giving her a dummy or just putting your hand on her back/chest to reassure? Does she wake for a feed at all?

TittyGolightly · 06/03/2018 22:51

I sit there stressing and wanting to go in

That’s tens of thousands of years of evolution you’re feeling. Why are you so determined to ignore it?

SeaToSki · 06/03/2018 22:51

If she is happy shrieking, then just let her have fun and dont go in as it will just stir her up. If she is upset then go in at 2 mins, no lights, no talkimg just lay her down pat her for 10 secs and go right out. Then back at 5 mins, then 5 mins, then 5 mins, then 10 mins etc. But if you think she is winding down at the designated time, then just hold on a little longer.

If she is waking in the night, same thing. Unless she is clearly got a full nappy then just pat and exit quickly. If she gets used to a midnight snack, she will continue to want one. If you think she might be thirsty, then offer plain water, Im guessing she will bat it out of your hands and then you will know she isnt thirsty. But do everything with the lights off, just use a hallway light so you dont trip.

If you think she might be teething, then you will need to figure out what you want to do for that, as she will clearly need your help as she will be in pain.

Isadora2007 · 06/03/2018 22:52

*I just want the best for her

You mistyped “me” there.*

😂😂😂 well said indeed Titty! (Hope there’s not a 5 year old hanging off you!)

Original poster

sthitch · 06/03/2018 22:54

@bettydraper31 I don’t need someone’s sarcasm when I’m asking for some specific advice. Yes opinions will come which isn’t helpful and wasn’t asked for, however that one up there is just nasty and clearly has an issue with anything that isn’t pampering to their child looking at their other posts. They must have such a happy content spoilt little brat.

OP posts:

TittyGolightly · 06/03/2018 22:55

No. I have a very happy and well adjusted 7 year old, who coslept for quite some time.

We’re burying my grandmother this week. If she gets upset about it she’s absolutely welcome to get into bed with us for comfort. It’s the most natural thing for humans to do.

But that doesn’t sell parenting books or get you guilt free weekends away. 🙄

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 06/03/2018 22:55

you might be a Mum with a 5 year old hanging off of your boob and co sleeping until they are 29
Eye rolls very hard and repeatedly.

Try just giving your baby what she needs. Sleep, yes, but she's telling you she wants your comfort and cuddles to be able to do that. She's 6 months old. Of course that's what she wants. It's evolution, which hasn't caught up with western victorian style parenting and the Gina Ford textbooks. She doesn't know there's no wolves and bears and dangerous things to snatch her away, she needs you there in order to relax and feel safe. And crying is her only method of communication. Or you can just go down the route where she realises that her crying does not ellicit any comfort response from you so she eventually just gives up relying on you to be there for her. Hth.

TittyGolightly · 06/03/2018 22:56

I think I’ve touched a nerve.

DeadButDelicious · 06/03/2018 22:57

They must have such a happy content spoilt little brat.

It's not ok to name call someone's children because you aren't being told what you want to hear. That was completely uncalled for.

Original poster

sthitch · 06/03/2018 22:57

@seatoski thank you for your advice!

OP posts:

Flomy · 06/03/2018 22:57

My advice is - dont do it.

TittyGolightly · 06/03/2018 22:57

looking at their other posts

I wouldn’t go there if I were you, poppet.

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