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Sleep

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Original poster

First night trying controlled sleep

59 replies

DeadDoorpost · 04/03/2018 22:24

Purely because my parents are 300% certain it's going to work. I'm not convinced and really don't think it's the right method for my baby but they don't seem to have any other suggestions even when I ask them for other advise so I guess I'm trying it just to see. And then maybe prove them wrong.

I feel like I'm a bad mum but if it works it works. I just can't have him sleeping on me anymore. I'm not getting enough sleep.

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 04/03/2018 22:36

What age is your child?

InDubiousBattle · 04/03/2018 22:38

How old is your baby? What is going on now with regard to sleep (naps, night weaning etc)?

Semilunar22 · 04/03/2018 22:39

I’m no expert on this but from what i understand this can be really challenging and upsetting for the parents- I don’t think this is something to do because someone else says you should. If you don’t have that conviction yourself I would wait, IMO.

If you go ahead though, good luck and I hope it works for you :)

Purpleprickles · 04/03/2018 22:49

I agree with Semilunar it isn't something you can do if you don't feel it's right for you or your baby. We have done it with both dc and it worked with both over just a few nights. BUT those nights were hard, especially the first. We kept going because we decided it was the approach for us. I would have caved if I was doing it because someone else told me too. Good luck

TittyGolightly · 04/03/2018 22:54

In Nov you hadn’t had the baby yet. Your baby is far too young for any sort of controlled crying. Poor dab.

And doing it because someone else has told you to? Insanity.

Original poster

DeadDoorpost · 05/03/2018 00:24

pixie he's 3 months. Arguably too young to try but I'm so desperate for sleep and don't have family nearby that I need some way of having a decent night sleep.
InDubious his naps are all over the place but usually he'll have a nap about 10:30am as long as he's woken up by then (depending on if he's forced himself awake all day the day before). Otherwise he'll have maybe 2 or 3 45min naps throughout the day and then will sleep on me from about 11pm til the morning. As for night weaning, he's down to maybe 2 feeds during the night now as opposed to 4.
Semilunar part of the reason I don't want to do it is because I feel like I'm just abandoning him (which in a way is true I guess) but if it works then cool. If not then I can at least move on to the next approach knowing I've at least tried. There's still in the back of my mind though that leaving a baby to cry for long periods can cause problems later on though, but can't find the link to prove that.
Titty I know it's insanity. Part of me wants to prove to my parents that it's insanity. So many people I know seem to have done this approach that it's rare to come across someone with a different idea. My DF is adamant that it'll work even though I told him tonight DS didn't even like sleeping in the hospital cot by himself. But until I've tried he won't believe me that it doesn't seem to work for us.

Saying all that, it took just over an hour of waiting then consoling but he's been asleep now for an hour and a bit. I'm hoping it stays that way because honestly it's so nice to be able to lay on my front, and I never liked doing so until I was pregnant. But my back need a this to help it stretch out.

If any of you have any other ideas on what could work if this doesnt work out that would be great. He never settled in a moses basket and has had a serious cold and major ear infection in the first 10 weeks of his life so has been understandably needy beforehand. I think thats been part of the problem.

OP posts:

User24689 · 05/03/2018 00:26

OP this is all entirely normal for a 3 month old. It's tough, but it's just what babies are like. He's very little. I have a baby the same age and I am also sleep deprived. Some nights are better than others, usually 2 feeds though. My first baby was still waking hourly at 3 months.

It is far far too young for cc. Why would you cause distress to your baby to prove a point??

ShatterResistant · 05/03/2018 00:31

I’m a big believer in controlled crying, but your baby is too young. Please wait until he’s at least 6 months.

He probably needs more sleep during the day- going down for a nap when he’s been awake for 90 minutes, no longer. And 2 feeds a night at this age is really good. If you can sort out the daytime sleep (when you’re stronger anyway) the night will follow.

But yes, way too young. I was also anxious for a routine when my babies were tiny, but you do just have to go with the flow for a bit, and realise that you will be knackered.

ShatterResistant · 05/03/2018 00:32

Also he was ill for 10 weeks, and he’s only 12 weeks now? He definitely does not need you to leave him to cry.

ShatterResistant · 05/03/2018 00:40

(Sorry to go on- I really feel for you!) what have you tried to help him settle in his cot? I put a used breast pad (TMI!) in the Moses basket so it smelled familiar, and warmed the basket up with a hot water bottle before putting the baby in there, so the change of temperature between warm-me and cold-cot wasn’t too abrupt. We had a whole routine going! What about swaddling? My babies loved that. There are loads of things you can try (consistently, not just for a day or two) before you go for the nuclear controlled crying option.

User24689 · 05/03/2018 00:45

OP I will also add that the most useful response I have found for well meaning parenting advice is "tried that, didn't work".

ShatterResistant · 05/03/2018 00:50

upthewolves I thought you were being snippy at me then, but realised that you probably meant the OP’s parents (right?!) Anyway, i’ll shut up now. I just remember that fruitless quest for the “solution” so well, but I think it was the quest that kept me sane...

User24689 · 05/03/2018 00:53

Yes sorry shatter all your advice is great! I just mean that the OP doesn't have to actually follow through on any advice she isn't comfortable with and sometimes it's easier to shut people down with that than argue about why you aren't going to try something!

lils888 · 05/03/2018 00:53

Oh OP I've been there with ds2 - undiagnosed dairy allergy meaning for 4 months he was a worn baby and slept on me too. After the diagnoses he felt better but was still attached to me. I used a sleepyhead and it completely changed my life. I'm not sure if they are recommended - they are separate to the recent sleep aid issues though.

CC is not fair on your baby. It's hard but this really isn't the way. He can't learn to sleep at this age, he will simply give up out of exhaustion. 6 months onwards then yes try CC but please ignore your parents. Also CC is different to crying it out, please google the methods if you haven't already done so.

ShatterResistant · 05/03/2018 00:55

I totally agree, upthewolves. (And thanks for clarifying!)

lils888 · 05/03/2018 00:56

I'd also like to add that only 1 of my 3 kids have settled in a cot. Giving in and safely cosleeping worked for me. Was a hell of a lot better than persisting with the cot, getting myself wound up and then falling asleep unsafely by accident

Sipperskipper · 05/03/2018 06:55

I’m pretty pro controlled crying where needed, but 3 months is really quite young for this. I would suggest looking at your routine (this is a good time for getting a gentle routine in place) and other ways to encourage independent sleep. At this age, things that may help are:

Getting up at the same time every day - no matter what sort of night you had
Look at wake times for your baby’s age, to help with enough day sleep. - An overtired baby will never sleep well overnight. Babysleepscience.com has lots of helpful suggestions
Do you use white noise? Swaddle? Dummy? All of these things can be very soothing for a baby.

-@FATEdestiny once suggested using a bouncy chair and dummy in the day for naps - the rhythmic rocking helps baby to settle. This worked well for us, and helped prevent overtiredness.

JediStoleMyBike · 05/03/2018 06:59

If you don't feel like it is going to work, for heavens sake don't do it. This is your LO, not one of your siblings. Your parents aren't the experts. Take advice sure, but follow your own instincts!
Much too young for CC though.

BangBangPurple · 05/03/2018 07:05

Oh OP please don't feel pressured into this, it's so hard even when you want to do it 3 months is so very very little and it could be very distressing for you to put yourself and your baby through It, especially when there's a sleep regression right around the corner so it could all be for nothing.

For what it's worth I'm pro-CC when all other methods have been exhausted. We did it with our DS when he was 14mo as he was falling asleep perfectly at 7pm in his cot then waking as early as 11pm and would only calm down if he was in with us - but he would not get a decent sleep with co-sleeping and neither would we. It took one night of CC and he now sleeps from 7pm until at least 5.30am, more usually 6am, without any waking or fuss.

Lilonetwo · 05/03/2018 07:13

I'm also an advocate of CC (or even the harsher cry it out).
But not at 3 months :-( that's too little.

Wait until your baby understands a bit more, she was only just a newborn not long ago. She will feel like you have abandoned her.

Once you know baby has had a good dinner and feed (so once you have begun weaning) then try. Shitty sleep at 3 months is so normal.

(Also if you are Breastfeeding it will likely affect your supply quite drastically)

TittyGolightly · 05/03/2018 07:16

Read up on the fourth trimester and reassess, OP.

Broken sleep with a newborn is completely normal. As is needing to help them get off to sleep with things like feeding, rocking, bouncing, swaddling etc. Are you catching up on sleep in the daytime?

Faze84 · 05/03/2018 09:38

3 months is too young. I didnt start self settle until 6m. Also if baby around 12w now wont they have had their jabs. You want to avoid controlled crying during jabs/illness/teething etc

FortheloveofJames · 05/03/2018 09:56

3 months is far too young. He’s so tiny, he only has needs at this age, not wants. Such young babies want to be close to mummy to feel secure. Please don’t leave him just because you feel pushed into it by someone else. What your baby is doing is totally normal.

Lack of sleep is awful. We all know that. We’ve all been there. I co slept a lot until 4 months when all of a sudden he wouldn’t do it. Even now at 9 months, even when unwell he won’t do it. Have you tried a tight swaddle? White noise? A sling for daytime naps to try and extend them? How does he sleep in the pram? A sleepyhead also worked wonders for us.

Your doing a fantastic job, and although we can’t tell you when things will get better and it won’t be like this forever.

crazycatlady5 · 05/03/2018 10:14

Please don’t do this. I know it’s exhausting but your baby is being a normal baby, please don’t punish him for doing what is completely normal biological behaviour. I’m afraid being tired is all part of the job, and I mean that kindly. Rest whenever you can and repeat the mantra it will pass. You haven’t even hit the 4 month sleep regression yet where often babies can wake hourly, but again it passes and is not something that needs to be fixed or punished.

toasterstrudle · 05/03/2018 10:29

We did it at 6 months, only took 3 days and DS now sleeps beautifully, he's much happier as a result. 3 months is too young, if you can hang in there then please do. Try and get naps in the day when someone can watch the baby or if they nap. It's tough, but it's not forever.

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