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Original poster

First night trying controlled sleep

59 replies

DeadDoorpost · 04/03/2018 22:24

Purely because my parents are 300% certain it's going to work. I'm not convinced and really don't think it's the right method for my baby but they don't seem to have any other suggestions even when I ask them for other advise so I guess I'm trying it just to see. And then maybe prove them wrong.

I feel like I'm a bad mum but if it works it works. I just can't have him sleeping on me anymore. I'm not getting enough sleep.

OP posts:
PatchworkElmer · 05/03/2018 10:32

Please don’t use controlled crying- he’s way too young to understand that you’re still there, and will come back.

I do think that CC has a place, but not at this age. Sorry OP.

PatchworkElmer · 05/03/2018 10:33

I do absolutely understand how you feel though- DS used to cry and cry and cry. Sleep deprivation is horrendous.

elvisisntdead · 05/03/2018 12:57

Oh my, 3 months, that’s way too young- please stop

Jellybabie3 · 05/03/2018 13:12

I am no expert (I am winging everything I do and write plenty of posts asking for help) but I do think 3 months is too young and as PP say the 4mo regression may hit you soon and undo anything anyway. No matter what (and including advice I have been given) I think you have to go with your gut and if it doesn't feel right don't do it. It will upset both of you. 2 night wakings is really really good for his age IMO.

NerrSnerr · 05/03/2018 13:22

3 months is still so tiny. It’s very normal for a small baby to be up numerous times, especially after being unwell. It’ll pass though and he’ll sleep more as time goes on.

teaandbiscuitsforme · 05/03/2018 13:27

I really don't think you need to justify that it doesn't work to your parents! I'd also suggest that they're probably not the best source of advice on this one.

He's 3 months old. He'll wake through the night and he will need to be fed. How you manage it do you're not exhausted is up to you. For me, it's cosleeping and breastfeeding through the night. For others it's a dummy, white noise, swaddle, sleepyhead etc

He also needs regular naps in the daytime - no more than 90mins awake time and then he needs to be asleep. Get him to sleep however works best - feed, pram, sling, car, bouncy chair, bed, cot. Really doesn't matter at this early stage! I'd also suggest you have at least one nap cosleeping in your bed a day so that you can at least rest a bit, even if you don't sleep.

Please don't do any more crying with your tiny one! Sad

Original poster
DeadDoorpost · 05/03/2018 16:42

I'm reading through these but will answer thoroughly later on when I have the chance. Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
expatinspain · 05/03/2018 16:52

Have you bought the book The Baby Whisperer? That was a godsend for me. I also had a toy that played white noise, heartbeat sounds, pink noise etc, that really soothed my DD at that age too.

coffeeforone · 05/03/2018 17:01

3 months is far too young for controlled crying IMO. I did controlled crying at about 7 or 8 months and it did work to initially settle DS after about a week of daily 'training'.

Before 7 months that I found co-sleeping when required was the best way for us all to get a bit more sleep, and even after DS was bedtime sleep-trained i wouldn't hesitate to bring him in with us in the middle of the night if he woke upset and wouldn't easily settle. Other than co-sleeping does he have a dummy that helps him settle?

Chosenbyyou · 05/03/2018 20:26

I think this would be cruel at 3 months.

I understand sleep deprivation and it is hard work! My baby has not slept through the night for his whole life of 11 months. I have a demanding ft job and a three year old. I wake in the night several times and he tends to get us up early.

You will be the one listening to your baby crying not your parents.

When my baby is 12mo I am going to start trying to get him to sleep in his cot rather than me rocking. This will be very gentle and very slow - this was what I did with my DD who
slept through at 14m and is now a great sleeper.

My advise would be to make sure your baby is well fed and well rested in the day and I would focus on trying to get as much rest as possible.

You are your own person and you make your own decisions - plus you are now sticking up for your baby and making decisions in their best interests not to prove other people wrong.

Original poster
DeadDoorpost · 05/03/2018 20:40

I had a response all ready to reply to you all but I went to put DS to sleep again tonighy and do you know what? I just couldn't do it.

I'll maybe try again when he's older but for now I guess I'm gonna have to try and get him to settle next to me or just leave him on me.

OP posts:
PatchworkElmer · 05/03/2018 20:50

I think that’s the right call OP. Have you tried a Sleepyhead? It was a godsend for us.

Original poster
DeadDoorpost · 05/03/2018 20:59

I've just had a look as ive never heard of it and unless there's a cheaper version we won't be able to afford it Blush DH is a teaching assistant and I finished uni last year soon after I found I was pregnant. I couldn't work anyway as I had HG and was unable to do too much

OP posts:
lils888 · 05/03/2018 21:00

Please consider a sleepyhead. You can get them fairly cheap from eBay and if it doesn't work you can sell it on as they don't seem to lose value.

Or just give in and safely co sleep

And I know it's silly to say but please try not to stress about a clingy baby, some of them are just like that. The more stress you place on yourself to try and change them the more tension you'll be creating - and I'm a big believer that babies sense this.

Go with the baby's needs, they are tiny little, unreasonable dictators and they know exactly what they want

crazycatlady5 · 05/03/2018 21:39

and do you know what? I just couldn't do it.

I’m quite surprised you considered trying again Confused

teaandbiscuitsforme · 06/03/2018 05:34

I agree, there isn't a single post on here that has agreed with your parents or given you help on how to go about it.

Even fans of the method said it isn't for babies under 6 months!

If you don't think it's a good idea, why are you still even contemplating it? If it's about your parents, it's time to step up, be the parent to your baby and either tell them no or don't answer their questions about sleep and change the topic of conversation.

Your tiny baby needs you at 3 months. If you want a break, you need to introduce a dummy or a bottle of formula but you don't leave a 3 month old to cry.

3month · 06/03/2018 06:30

I know you said you couldn’t afford a Sleepyhead...it’s basically the same as a towel rolled up and placed next to your baby! Or two small towels either side. Hope that might help... it did for me.

Original poster
DeadDoorpost · 06/03/2018 08:37

3month I managed to find some cheaper versions online. Funnily enough we've actually tried the blankets/towel around him. Not sure if it helps my DS but will try it again.

teaandbiscuits I'm not 100% monster you know, a dummy and formula were the first things I've tried. He refuses formula and would rather go hungry ever since he had his illness so I had to breast feed. He won't even take breast milk in a bottle so can't pump. And a dummy only works until it falls out of his mouth then he's awake again and the cycle starts over. 5 mins he lasts. I just felt like I'd exhausted all other options that I had or knew about.

DS slept next to me and on me last night. Woke more often but at least he was asleep for the majority of the night. Just got to work on his daytime naps. Thank you to those of you who mentioned about them.

Gtg otherwise I'll be late for my PND evaluation.

OP posts:
crazycatlady5 · 06/03/2018 08:55

Gtg otherwise I'll be late for my PND evaluation.

I hope you’re ok, but just so you know trying to ‘fix’ your little ones sleep will not tackle your PND if you have it, only talking to a doctor and treatment will do that.

Re: the dummy and formula, mine always refused both. I fully suggest safe cosleeping for you, it’s how you’ll all get the most rest. Often a mother’s PND can be made worse by the stress of sleep training.

Please let us know how your get on x

teaandbiscuitsforme · 06/03/2018 09:38

Nobody is suggesting you're a monster!!

My children wouldn't take a dummy and I don't use formula either. I do feed them to sleep and cosleep though. That's how I get through.

PND is going to be a big factor in this and I'm really sorry you're suffering. But IMO leaving your little one to cry is going to make you feel a lot worse about everything and that's not going to help either of you. You need to take care of both of you!

My post was in response to the fact you suggested that you contemplated leaving your baby to cry again, after reading all these posts. You really can't do that. Speak to your health visitor, whoever your PND worker is, any health care professional and ask their advice, especially if it helps with your parents.

crazycatlady5 · 06/03/2018 09:58

Speak to your health visitor, whoever your PND worker is, any health care professional and ask their advice, especially if it helps with your parents.

The only problem with this is, depending where you’re based, some health visitors give totally outdated advice - I know some who have suggested leaving 3 month old babies to cry, others who demonise you for cosleeping and some who go on and on about the holy grail ‘putting baby down to sleep drowsy but awake’ nonsense!

I was lucky that when mine was a newborn and wouldn’t go to sleep alone, I desperately begged my HV to help me put her down drowsy but awake. She said ‘oh sorry I can’t help you with that, I bedshared with all mine’ and then gave me a friendly wink Wink loved her for that!

teaandbiscuitsforme · 06/03/2018 10:03

Very true cat. You always hope the HCP will have the best advice!

FortheloveofJames · 06/03/2018 10:37

crazycatlady5 I remember when my HV said to me, ‘of course, I slept with all of mine when they were babies and quite often I’d wake up in the morning and they’d all have sneaked their way back in even when they were a bit older’, when trying to give advice about what to do with my DS. Right there I then I knew she was my type of women, and it was just what I needed to hear. 😂

thingymaboob · 06/03/2018 11:39

@DeadDoorpost hello fellow HG sister! have you tried white noise? My DD won't settle without it. You can download sound sleeper app on your phone. There's a free version which allows 30 minutes free sound. I upgraded so I could get continuous sound...