First night trying controlled sleep

[DeadDoorpost]

Purely because my parents are 300% certain it's going to work. I'm not convinced and really don't think it's the right method for my baby but they don't seem to have any other suggestions even when I ask them for other advise so I guess I'm trying it just to see. And then maybe prove them wrong.

I feel like I'm a bad mum but if it works it works. I just can't have him sleeping on me anymore. I'm not getting enough sleep.

I wouldnt try any CC until he has 'found' their hands (about 4 months ish) so that he can self settle by sucking a thumb or finger.

It sounds like a routine might help a little, so at least you can nap a bit when he does.

Its a little old, but the Gina Ford book might give you some ideas of a routine you can customise to your DS. I used it as a useful guideline for mine and it was helpful.

@thingymaboob well hello! Yeah, I've tried white noise. Got 2 apps. Just doesn't seem to help. It did for a while but I'd wake up with headaches. Doesn't work with him now.

Been referred to GP as my score on the assessment was high.

You really do need to take good care of yourself as well as your little one!

Have you tried feeding lying down and cosleeping? It's by far the easiest way to get the most amount of sleep when you have to feed as well. I'd suggest you google the safe cosleeping guidelines and give it some thought. It really is a game changer.

teaandbiscuits feeding laying down has been something I've been doing whenever I needed. Was the first feeding position that I managed to cope with in the beginning when I had latching problems (not that you'd think it now. He's a whopping 17lbs 6oz) the only problem I've had with it is he doesnt always keep the nipple in his mouth which can cause problems as my let down can be pretty fast so I'll leak a load of milk in a very short amount of time. If I fall sleep with that happening I wake up to a wet bed. Not the nicest thing in the world but it has been a lifesaver before.

Spoke to HV who referred me to GP as I scored high on both her assessments. She's also a previous psychiatric nurse so knows she can deal with me if I ever get desperate. She said I need to get LO's sleep in order just to help my sanity if nothing else so spoke about that. Got to try getting him to sleep in his cot in the day at first so that's what I'll be working on this week. He seems to be settling at the moment. Might be the growbag he's got now, I don't know.

Got to try getting him to sleep in his cot in the day at first so that's what I'll be working on this week.

That’s going to tie you to the house (and the bedroom for another 3 months). Is that the best idea if you likely have PND? I had a friend who regimented naps at home, in the cot at certain times which meant she could never do any baby classes or even meet for coffee —for 3 hours— with the rest of us. We just used to rock our babies to sleep in prams or feed them to sleep where we were and carry on chatting, which saved my sanity. I fear you’re going to find yourself very isolated if you go down this path.

I agree with titty. I have no idea why people recommend that you MUST get baby in the cot, I tried this and it made me miserable. She slept in the oram or in the sling while we were out or on me when she was tiny at home. The main thing was she slept and I wasn’t constantly fretting about forcing her to sleep!

Can't really add anything useful but just wanted to say you're not alone. Whatever you do do not guilt yourself into thinking this is due to your abilities as a mother. DS2 was exactly the same. Didn't sleep. We tried EVERYTHING. I had PND and spent days (if not months) in tears telling DH it was my fault, I was a shit mother, SIL and MIL judged me because they were always offering advice and therefore clearly didn't think I was capable.

Do what you need to do to get through the next few months, not what you think you should do. Survival until things start looking up. They will sleep eventually, until then just do whatever you can to look after you. You're no good to anyone if you're not well. Spend days on the sofa with the TV on, lay baby on a play mat/towel with toys and lay next to them dozing. I napped in the car infront of the house more than once when DS had fallen asleep after going to the shop! Do you remember what you did at 3 months old?!

I'm not saying any of this is you, but I read your post and it struck a chord. I just know how low I felt when I was experiencing similar and wanted to say that you're doing great. Your getting out of bed every morning and you are looking after your child. Keep going. It will get easier.

Working on naps and having a routine is not a recipe for disaster. I also had PND, and getting a routine and structure in place saved me. Yes it was a little restricting having to be home at certain times (it still can be at 10 months!), but it really helped my mental health, knowing roughly what she would need at what times.

She remains in a great routine, sleeps in her cot for 11 hours every night, naps brilliantly, and is the happiest baby I’ve ever met. We never had to do controlled crying or anything like that, just lots of shush patting and getting timings right for her. It isn’t an overnight solution, just a very gentle way of encouraging independent sleep.

@DeadDoorpost

The Purflow Nest is about half the price of the Sleepyhead. Have heard some good things about them BUT if he's not settling that well next to you in the bed, it may not work. Sorry, not much help!