Controlled crying or formula?

[NewMum17]

My baby is 10 months old now so is on 3 meals a day. He went down to 4 feeds a day: 2 in the day, 1 before bed and 1 in the night but when he started teething and having his cough and cold he wanted a LOT more. I'm presuming it's a comfort feeling as well as milk. But it's getting tough on me now because he wakes 2-5 times in the night these days and won't go back to sleep when I try and settle him without milk.
The thing is, drinking milk helps him to sleep and although I was aware not to get caught in this, it just happened.
So my thoughts are...shall I try controlled crying or shall I switch to formula where I can see how much he is having? I'm wondering whether he isn't having enough milk from me before bed and that's why he wakes up.
I am not sure doing both at the same time will be a good idea. Also, I am happy to continue feeding but decreased amounts, especially as I am back to work in Jan and will most likely not be able to express at all.
Please share your thoughts as I am new to all this and kind of want my sleep back! I also want my DS to be able to sleep without milk so he can nap without me while I am at work! Oh and my husband just doesn't hear anything in the night.
If you know anywhere I can go to, someone I can see, or useful sites please share.

I think controlled crying is brutal on both parent and child, though some people find it works for them.

Your OH should be doing his share. With formula, he can. His lack of hearing is very convenient. Dig him in the ribs. Share the nights or alternate. It may also be easier for him to settle DS as he won't associate him with bf for comfort.

Personally I never had an issue with mixed feeding after 6 months.

Good luck (and sneak in a few daytime naps whilst you can?) the horror of the feeling of sleep deprivation has never left me!

Are you certain it’s milk rather than the comforting action of sucking?

Although he’s pretty old for one now it might be worth trying a dummy at night if he doesn’t use one already?

My boy was similar at this age, he didn’t need the milk but obviously liked it and the comfort of being close to me. At around 20 months my DH took over the nights, offering him formula or water and just settling him with rocking or shushing. It took a few nights but actually that was the thing that stopped him waking up, it was me and my boobs he wanted 😬

Disclaimer - he still wakes once a night now at 18 months but that’s because he wants to sleep with us and we haven’t worked up the energy to deal with that yet 😆

Thanks @HolyShet! Yes when DH has settled him on rate occasions it has worked! So perhaps I must dig in the ribs more or alternate as you said.

Although you said you didn't have problems mixed feeding, did you still do night feeds? I've been told DS shouldn't need any at all at this age (10 months)

@pastabest No I'm not sure but how can you tell? He does sometimes do the sucking motion when he is tired now you mention it. But I don't really want to introduce a dummy at this late age because then I'll be stuck with taking that away.

Ds @9 months was waking 4/5 times a night for bf. Sleep deprivation was seriously affecting me, so action!!. First night sent dh in with bottle of formula and he had an ounce!! Sent dh with water next night, refused any!! Ds slept through the next night!! 12 hours a night ever since and he is now 3.3!!
He actually asks to do his teeth and to go to bed!!

Why is it a choice of formula or controlled crying? Could you not just get him settling without feeding?

Thanks @AprilShowers16 this sounds promising! I just need DH to wake up then.
I was about to say wow you did this for a while 20 months but then you said your DS is now 18 months so guessing that was a typo

Nevertheless, I do think it's the smell of mummy and milk that gets them wanting it. Because on the rare occasion I have been out, my mum had put him to bed and she managed to settle him just fine without any milk. But then she was lying down next to him. It's just a bit tricky to know what I can do to comfort him other than milk

Wow @Tinselistacky That's amAzing! Looks like I def need to buy and try some formula. Thanks for sharing!

No @Marcine I can't settle him without feeding. Hence the post lol

I wouldn’t want to introduce a dummy at this age either to be honest, I’m already dreading taking it off DD (10 months) in the next few months. I would have preferred her not to have a dummy at all but I prefer sleep even more!

But it does sound like it might be worth seeing if it is sucking that is comforting him rather than milk. Tinsels idea is a good one to perhaps try, if only that it involves DH rather than you

Yes I'll try Tinselistacky's idea as HolyShet recommended formula too. Just need to speak to DH now maybe that can be my Christmas present. Haha!! Not sure how to check if it's the sucking motion. Perhaps give him water in a bottle rather than a sippy cup?

Well I would def choose sleep too. Good luck taking it away. I've heard it's best to go for the all or nothing approach and take it away completely otherwise they know it's still there.

I mean you need to teach him to settle without feeding.

Personally I would try to teach him to fall asleep without feeding otherwise I fear you might post here in a few months about trying to drop formula at night.
Once mine was 9 months old I stopped bfing her at night wakeups, I got DH to do all night wakings for about a week (he rocked and patted and stroked her) and after that I went back to sharing them but without offering milk.

Formula or a bottle would just be a stopgap. I have a friend whose almost 2 year Old who has been FF since 2 months still wakes 1-2 times a night for milk. Whereas my BF 2 year old has slept through from 9/10 months because I worked to settle her without feeding.

My advice:

• don’t feed to sleep. After bedtime milk then put on sleeping bag, read story, etc.
• slowly cut back on night feeds. If baby normally nurses for 10 min reduce by a minute every night.
• ensure baby has eaten well throughout the day

My ff toddler was 13 months when she had her last bottle durring the night. She was/is still cosleeping and woke regularly and had regular cuddles but still sometimes needed milk. It was very obvious when she needed milk.

tbh I am not sure I am recommending formula - I think it could be a tool in the short term

I think your DH doing his share is more useful, with or without formula.

At 10 months or so one of mine still needed milk at night - the two not so much. They're all different.

My twins are almost 15 months and are on formula and still wake at least 3 times a night each.

Oh right @Marcine. Yes I guess that's what I'm asking for tips on...how to teach DS to settle himself or how I can settle him without feeding.
Thanks @Bochdew. I guess I need DH to take over for a week too because when it's me going in all DS seems to want is milk. The rocking, patting, white noise and all that doesn't work 
Thank you very much @eeanne for your tips  so for the night feed did you take your BF baby off yourself rather than wait for them to finish?
Thanks @Chaosofcalm out of interest, what were the obvious signs for you tat she needed milk and not just a cuddle?
Thanks @HolyShet for clearing that up.
And thanks @TammySwansonTwo. Perhaps I should get DH to do the settling for night time wake ups first and see if that works. Would really help me sleep better too! I think it's also harder for me because when I try settling him without food and it doesn't work, I know feeding will help him so I opt for the easy way out. I need to be strict with myself as well.

For me personally, I try to just give them a cuddle or rub their back etc but if they want milk they won't go back to sleep without it so I give it to them. I was getting a bit worried about it but they're following their curves perfectly and they've gradually reduced their milk intake themselves over the last 3-4 months. They know what they're doing :)

Bad sleep because of teething only lasts for a bit, then they go back to normal. I would give him the comfort he's asking for!

Proper crying, opposed to whinging or cuddling in or wanting to play . As soon as she had milk she would go completely straight and want to go to sleep.

Thanks both of you. I thought his teething was fine after he got his 2 teeth and his cold isn't what is waking him anymore as that's gone, fingers crossed. Not sure if he's teething again but let's see.

I can't comment on BF because DD has always had formula, but she has 8oz before bed and is fine until 7am and has been like that since about 8 months, although all babies are different. She has always been a bad sleeper though, and I think that's my fault for confusing her with so many different bedtime routines!

I have recently used Controlled crying to help her sleep and get used to settling herself, but I used it as a last resort. If other people can settle your little one then I don't see any need for Controlled crying. You could try gradual retreat to try to help him self settle, and therefore you won't have to leave him to cry.

I think you need more help from your DH as well, especially as he is able to settle him. My DP doesn't help at all and it's tough, so definitely get DH on board ASAP!

Oh right, thanks Chaosofcalm.
Thanks @FannyTheFlamingo. Sleeping til 7am sound good. Yes my DH doesn't help at all in nights either. He will only re-settle him if he is still awake. Other that he's KO and doesn't hear it. I guess we both need to get them on board ASAP.

Don’t forget that babies go through growth spurts and develops leaps at this stage so sometimes they are just hungry. There is nothing wrong with giving formula or cuddles but generally babies cry for a reason and a new routine only takes a few days to get going.