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Original poster

AP parents- help with co sleeping

19 replies

charliegal · 19/04/2007 15:13

I'm very sleep deprived, so bear with me. My 5 month old is waking a lot in the night, getting alot of advice to cc, but I won't!
We are actually co sleeping, but I would say the circs are far from ideal as we have a double 'shaker' style bed and we put the little one in the middle and bung up the gap in the headboards with pillows. Me and my partner have our own duvets, leaving ds in the middle with no cover. We are squished at either end, to give ds plenty of room.
All the advice about co sleeping says you should have a king size bed and loads of other specifications that we have no chance of meeting.
What solutions have other people found? My partner's Dad is a carpenter and we could ask him to build a side rail, if that sounds like an answer. I know they say never put the baby in the middle, although my partner is a petite woman, rather than a huge guy (!). Any advice?

OP posts:

BikeBug · 19/04/2007 16:11

King size bed would have been fab, but we managed fine with a standard double until ds got too big and fidgity. I had him to the side of me and used a babydan bed rail to stop him falling out - if you can get a bedrail made that sounds great. From about 9 months he has slept in a cot for the first part of the night and come into the spare bed (another double) with me when he wakes. He sleeps anywhere on that bed - crawls around until he finds a comfy spot and crashes there! He has never tolerated being covered at night, so I just hog all available duvet... What are all these specifications you talk of? Don't squash the baby, let them overheat or fall off the bed seemed to cover it for me

Olihan · 19/04/2007 16:24

My ds2 sleeps in the middle or on the side depending on which boob he's feeding from. He sleeps in just a nappy under our covers and we've got a toddler bedguard along the side to stop him falling out. We do have a kingsize bed but dh is an 18 stone ex-rugby prop so we need the space!

The only thing I would say, is that as he gets older ds2's sleeping is actually worse when he is in with us. He stirs much more easily than when he's in his cot. It's only laziness on my part as he still feeds twice a night that he doesn't spend the whole night in his cot.

Have you tried him in his cot? Would it fit in your room with you? What's his daytime sleeping like? Where does he do that? Questiions, questions, sorry .

Original poster

charliegal · 19/04/2007 16:47

Thanks Bikebug, the babyrail looks interesting.
Olihan, we moved him into our bed because he was waking every 2 hours to feed in the night and we thought it would be less disruptive. However, yes, he did seem to want an all night suck fest once next to me. As our bed is a double, I couldn't 'scoot' away from him after feeding, as advised by Elizabeth Pantley in NCSS. His cot is next to our bed, it's just that he is a very heavy baby and lifting him up and down all night and also sitting up to feed him was getting me down.
Last night was a bit better, kept him in his cot until 1 and then he came into bed with us but slept for about 3 hours. Well, probably 2 and a half. But I was so glad not to see every hour of the night illuminated on our digital clock!

OP posts:

Olihan · 19/04/2007 17:14

Yup, those are the reasons why I cosleep too . Just can't be bothered sitting up for feeds, settling him back in the cot, going back to sleep myself then starting it all again 2 hours later. I'm sure at some point that will become preferable to being woken up by ds2 headbutting my shoulder every hour because he's wriggled up away from my nipple but I haven't quite reached that point yet.

I'd go with a bedguard tbh, at least then you can put him on one side of the bed and not have to cling to the edge yourself. (Plus you get to have a cuddle with your dp too!) Mothercare and Toys r Us do a good range of bedguards and they're not too expensive.

Original poster

charliegal · 19/04/2007 17:28

Your ds2 sounds like my ds. He tears at my pyjamas to get at the ole boob. I don't even dream of one uninterrupted night- I dream of waking up only once or twice.
I will try bed rail.

OP posts:

gingerninja · 19/04/2007 20:24

Hey Charlie, my DD is 7 months but was the same as yours at about the 4-6 month mark (or there abouts) she's settling down a bit now but we cosleep for the same reasons. Even if she wakes more in the night this way (which I'm not sure she does in my case) I feel less knackered because I haven't had to get up and lift her up and down.

On a warm evening she's been on top of the quilt in her sleeping bag and on a cold night under our quilt with her legs out of the baby grow (I tuck the quilt in at the bottom of the bed and lay in a kind of C shape around her to stop her pushing down) If you're worried about her over heating have you thought about getting sheets and blankets for your bed? The bedrail is a good idea too because it means that you and DP can snuggle up too. Think I might invest in one actually.

I haven't seen any specifications for co-sleeping. Where did you find them? I've co-slept in a single bed with DD and do believe you shouldn't be frightened to trust your motherly instinct. (providing you haven't been drinking, taking drugs and haven't overheated them)

Original poster

charliegal · 19/04/2007 20:30

I think it was the whole chapter devoted to safety issues and co sleeping in NCSS that gave me the fear! You're right about trusting your instincts.
Oh I would love so much for him to settle to a manageable pattern. I do dread the nights.
..but I love having him in our bed.

OP posts:

gingerninja · 19/04/2007 20:54

Me too, I'd LOVE for DD to sleep through but I'd miss her

Original poster

charliegal · 19/04/2007 20:57

Now, if I could only stop people giving me advice about letting him cry himself to sleep. Guess I need to stop complaining and conceal the bags under my eyes. I feel so offended for him when I'm told that (typical new mum!).

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FrannyandZooey · 19/04/2007 21:00

How about the side sleeper thing? Can't remember proper name for it....a cot which slides up next to your bed and the fourth side of it drops down. It's adjustable in height so it can fit flush with your bed, and you can pull the baby in next to you on the bed and then put them back in the side sleeper. They are near you but not all squidged up.

Have you read 3 in a bed? Good advice and reassurance in there, too

Original poster

charliegal · 19/04/2007 21:05

I did read 3 in a bed when I was pregnant, then when ds was born he looked so tiny (yeah, a tiny 10lbs!), I was scared to put him in bed with us. Also, did not want to push it with partner. Now, she's even more devoted to him than me and loves to have in bed with us. Now he's a huge 20lbs I'm slightly less scared of squashing him.

OP posts:

MuminBrum · 19/04/2007 21:13

There were some ideas for safe co-sleeping or near-sleeping in the Guardian on Saturday . We had DS in with us off and on until he was 18 months old as he was a bit of a nightfeeding monster and I felt that he was in nursery four days a week the least I could do was let him be with me and feed during the night. It was rather tiring though and I do sympathise! We put the bed against the wall and put him on wall side, me in the middle and DP on the outside. That felt pretty safe. He usually wore just a popper vest over his nappy.

aviatrix · 19/04/2007 21:17

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aviatrix · 19/04/2007 21:19

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Original poster

charliegal · 20/04/2007 15:25

Thanks for all your replies. A lot of Mums I talk to are almost furtively co-sleeping or at least embarrassed about it. Do any of you worry about 'weaning' your babies from your bed when they are older?
(Visions of 10 year old still in bed with us.)

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clairemagnolia · 20/04/2007 17:27

My ds is five in a few weeks time and we co-slept full-time from 6 weeks, before which he was in a moses basket and I did the whole sitting up to feed thing. He now sleeps in his own bed all night every night and has done for almost a year now. There was no trauma as it was his decision and he knows he's free to come in with us whenever.

My dd is nearly 2 and I love co-sleeping with her and have none of the worries I had with ds, in fact I'm sure I'll miss her when she decides she's ready for her own bed!

We share a double futon, so no worries about falling out/squishy mattress and plenty of room as dh has his own bed (for the moment lol!)

Dd has always fed a lot at night, but I get the impression it's only once these days, and already morning by most people's standards!

Some people find it hard to understand, but I can really see the benefits for our family. What can be more lovely than waking up to a smiling baby!

EmeraldGreen · 20/04/2007 17:38

DS slept on one side, kingsize bed we DH and I squished up the other end. Later I bought a bedside cot that I put up to the side DS slept on to catch him if he ever rolled (he didn't). Then he moved into the bedside cot, now is in the cot with the rail up (he rolls and crawls in bed!). Anyway, try a bedside cot, or even a normal cot with a drop side and have baby on one side.

NappiesGalore · 20/04/2007 17:48

apols for only reading OP - but wanted to say the side rail thing is a good idea, leastways, i found it worked well for us. that way the little person can be on the outside of the bed without you worrying theyll fall out and you can go back to having one big duvet. and you and dp can get cuddly again, if you fancy it.

also, if baby is v wriggly and doesnt keep covers on (so wakes coz cold) a good solution is a fleecy babygro type thing over their pjs - is like wearing their own duvet.

hth

NappiesGalore · 20/04/2007 17:51

or theres the bedside cot idea... (cot w 3 sides and mattress at same height as yours) tho, when we tried that ds3 was v little and in reality just spent all night cuddles in to me or attached to breast... but might work if older?

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