Dummy dilemma at 5 months

[sunnyfields25]

Hi folks

We've reached a bit of a crossroads with our dummy situation and I'm in such a quandary as to whether to scrap it or not. DH and I have planned to settle DS tonight without it, but I've been flapping about going back and forth all day wondering if we're doing the right thing.

DS is 5 months old and has been using a dummy for a few months. We introduced it because I've got a bad back and was struggling to rock him to sleep for every nap. In that respect it's been great, but we are having an increasingly lengthy tussle with it for every nap and bedtime as DS constantly yanks it out of his mouth, but then cries because he wants it back. We can be there for 45 mins plus doing a weird tangled hand dance before he finally keeps it in and sleeps.

So, we have the battle described above, plus the fact that health visitor has advised weaning off dummy by 6 months. We had planned to do that anyway as I've read it can be much harder to remove dummy after that point as attachment is stronger. I also don't want to reach a point where DS is waking up in the night needing dummy re-inserting (although luckily that's not happening yet - once it drops out he stays asleep).

We tried removing dummy last night, but failed miserably. After an hour of DH trying to soothe DS in his crib, and picking him up on and off, I went in and told him to use the dummy. I hate to hear DS crying, even though I know DH is there comforting him, but at the same time really want to scrap the dummy! So now the clock is counting down to bedtime and I'm having doubts that we should try again. But I feel like if we don't, we are tied to the dummy for the next couple of years and are simply delaying the unpleasant task of scrapping it.

DS is a very unsettled baby in the evening and cries a lot anyway, so I feel conflicted about removing the one bit of comfort he has.

If you've made it to the end of my rambly post, thank you! I guess the main things I was wondering were when did other people scrap the dummy? Is it an awful lot more difficult after 6 months? Is it inevitable that DS will soon start waking in the night when it drops out? And why does the HV say we should wean off it by 6 months?

Not sure if this is relevant but DS only has dummy for naps and bedtime, not when he's awake, so we wouldn't have the issue of it interfering with speech development,

Thanks

We ditched the dummy at a year old. It took a good few nights for baby to get use to not having it. Lots of tears and cuddles and after a couple of nights it was like he never had one. If you are going to get rid, bin them all so the temptation to give back is gone! Good luck with what ever you decide!

My little one never took a dummy but I wish she had! From others I’ve spoken to they’ve said they wish they’d never got rid of it and my understanding is the popping it back in all the time thing is just a phase. You might find you have to essentially go back to rocking or something to settle x

I would totally get rid of the dummy but I would make sure I had an alternative plan for soothing the baby

My DD used to do this and I’d have to sit with my hand holding the dummy in her mouth practically while she drifted off to sleep. Her hands were everywhere, pulling the dummy out and rubbing her eyes etc. She’s almost 8 months now and doesn’t do it any more but I forget when she stopped, 6 weeks ago maybe. Now she settles off within 5 mins. If I were you I’d keep the dummy. It was a great sleep prop for my DS (now 3) and is proving the same for DD. They know dummy means nap or sleep.

Current NHS advice is to wean off the dummy between 6-12 months, not by 6 months. So you're health visitor is not following official advice if this is what she said.

It is also advised to use dummy consistantly for all sleep times, so either give your baby a dummy for sleep or don't. But "wasting" babies cries for ages by giving a dummy in the end is helping noonne.

I would absolutely NOT ditch the dummy.

If you do decide to, it will involve a lot of crying to do so and then once you have stopped using a dummy you may also get baby crying (to some degree) upon going to sleep while establishing a different comforting method to get baby to sleep.

Not having a dummy does not mean baby will go to sleep without any soothing, it just means you have to find a different way to sooth. The reason dummies are amazing is that they are the quickest and easiest way to sooth baby in a true no-crying way.

I would suggest at sleep time you stay by the cot and hold both of baby's hands on one of yours as baby goes to sleep.

Hi, thanks for the replies,

Yep crazycatlady5 I wondered if this constant pulling the dummy out is just a phase. And I was thinking that if we stick with it then surely we can't be that far off the point where DS would be able to put it back in himself. I know what you mean, I have started to wonder if we'd be silly to take it away from him when it's the only tool we have for enabling sleep, and after I worked so hard to get him to accept it in the first place!

It's good to hear the same problem was a temporary one for you Heatherbell1978, gives me hope it might pass if we decide to keep using the dummy.

We've not made a definite decision but have at least abandoned the plan for tonight. DS seems a bit out of sorts, coughing a bit, so I'm certainly not going to take away his comfort if he's feeling ill. And you're right FATE about the wasted crying - I felt awful last night knowing it had all been for nothing. It's why I want DH and I to be certain this time before trying it again. But we are now leaning towards just keeping the dummy, seeing how things pan out and tackling the issue of removing it further down the line. And just keeping our fingers crossed it doesn't start to cause awakenings in the night.

I say keep it. Dd1 had one and yes, she went through an annoying phase of needing it replaced during the night but it passed (can't remember how long it went on for, she is 6 now) and it was so useful to have it on many many occasions. She gave it up just before she turned two, one night of lots of giving out, second night much less and that was it. DD2 never took one, no matter what we did and it was so hard for anyone except me to get her to sleep. She was not a good sleeper anyway and a more difficult baby but I so wished she would have taken a dummy.
On Ds1, I have preserved to get him to take the dummy. He is 4 months.

That surprises me that the HV said that (I believe you though!) as the SIDS guidelines is that if a dummy is given, it should be given consistently until at least 6 months.

DS learnt how to put his back in at 6 months ish - as long as there are a few scattered in his crib he generally finds one. His have to go in a specific way though and it makes me laugh when I go in to see he's put it in upside down - he always looks so proud of himself!

So the replugging should be just a phase!!