20 month old and gradual retreat/disappearing chair?

[Kat7979]

Hi all
We have a 20 month old daughter who sleeps in our bed and has done pretty much since she outgrew the Next 2 Me cot when she was 7 months old. I was breastfeeding so it was just easier to take her into bed with us, and she always slept so much better for it. I have now stopped breastfeeding (3 months ago) and I am 4 months pregnant, and she is still in our bed. The trouble is she often wakes up in the night and can't get herself back to sleep. She does try, you tell her she has to close her eyes and she squeezes them shut, but we end up rocking her to sleep or letting her lay on our chest and singing. We would like to get her into her own bed and able to self-soothe, before the new baby arrives. I have spoken to the health visitors and they say to do either controlled crying or cry it out, which I really don't want to do. One of my friends said she did the disappearing chair and it worked - does anyone have any experience of it? Is she too old? Also we stay at my parents one night a week - is this likely to disrupt it?
Any advice welcome - thanks so much :)

If you get her in her own room could you try a floor bed? You might find she starts sleeping through if you lay with her to go to sleep and then you or daddy goes to sleep in with her if she wakes which may start becoming infrequent - might not work but just a suggestion 😊

It's still going to involve a lot of crying, but the idea is you do all of your settling of baby in the cot. Not picking baby up, but leaning into the cot to do your patting or whatever. I'd also suggest introducing a comforter object.

There'll be lots of crying, but you need to be consistant. The idea being that you start giving lots and lots of attentive soothing of baby in the cot, and gradually over time reducing the extent of comforting needed.

This is not a quick fix. You may have made some progress in the 5 months until new baby arrives, but you may not have a fully self settlibg baby with this method. Actually, it depends on how gentle you want to be. If you speed the process up, you might see independence develop quicker, but this needs a higher tolerance for crying.

Thanks so much for your replies. We actually got rid of the cot and have a little toddler bed with sides so I could easily sleep on the floor next to her for a while. I would really like her to be settled by the time the new baby arrives though so do you think another method would be better? Thanks again