Help with bedtime routine.

[chipscheeseandgravy]

Ds is 14 months. We’re struggling to get him into the habit of falling asleep in his cot.

When he was younger, we would put him down when drowsy and he would doze of, we started to increase the time, so putting him down when he’s tired - but awake and he would again fall asleep. So we know he CAN fall asleep on his own.

This has now all gone to shit. He won’t sleep unless you settle him by him falling asleep whilst you hold him, you then have to wait till he’s fast asleep, and then Put him In his cot. If he’s close to being awake, as soon as you go onto the landing to take him to his room, he will scream, arch his back etc. if you preserve and put him in his cot and try and shhhh and soothe him, he will just scream and scream. It takes the best part of an hour (On a good night)

We’ve tried controlled crying - he was hysterical, so gave up with that.

We’ve tried to do ‘disappearing chair’ idea and it isn’t working either. If he’s awake he will mess about, then when you try and settle him, he will scream until you give in. If you shhh and pat him, he will just cry until he falls asleep He’s fallen asleep a few times by doing this, but it’s exhausting.

He doesn’t have any toys in his cot (because he will never sleep and just messes about with them) he nearly broke his mobile by practically hanging of the thing.

I work evening, so it’s dp doing the bedtime routine on his own and it’s draining.

Does anyone have any suggestions of what we can do?

Hi, at this age it may be separation anxiety. My ds was like this. At first I managed to do the gradual retreat and singing nursery rhythms so he could hear me but not see me etc. That worked for 2 months but then over night he wouldn't let me put him in his cot full stop. In the end with success I did controlled crying. It was so so difficult and emotionally draining but I knew I had to do it. I brush his teeth and read him a book and then I put him down. 1st night it took 1.5 hr of constant hysterical crying. 2nd night 45mins and by 3-4 day 30 mins. But the crying wasn't hysterical by then. You have to persevere and be consistent. By 5-6 night no crying and he was happy to sleep. It was absolutely torture listening to him cry and I was so upset but I was the best thing I did as now he sleeps through the night :)
Good luck.

How did you do the controlled crying? We did it by leaving him for 3 minutes, then 5, then 7 etc. We gave up the second time after this had gone on for the best part of 2 hours. He’s a persistent little monster

What is his daytime nap schedule?
I ask because my 13 month old started playing up at bedtime. We had still been doing 2 short naps per day, but my DH figured out that if he only has 1 nap (keep him awake in the morning and is now put in cot at 1pm for a nap, usually about 1hr long) he generally goes down at 7pm bedtime fine

2hrs is a long time :(
I don't think I could of hung it out that long too. The nap advice is totally right too. I started to put ds down for a nap at 11.30-12pm and that made a great difference. It was really tired by 7.30pm.
The controlled crying I did was popping in every 2 mins. It felt like 10 mins lol.

He wakes at 6am, and then has a nap about 8:30 ish till about 9:30-10:00.( Any less than this and he’s a mess) We then tend to go to a playgroup/activity so he’s playing and fairly active and then is shattered about 12.

He then sleeps till about 1:30/2ish (he can’t sleep later than that as I drop him for the childminders at 3 and we need to leave at 2:30)

I’ve tried for the last few days skipping the morning nap, but he’s practically asleep by 10:30. He fell asleep during our music class today

His dad gets him home about 5:30 from the childminders. They will play, then dp does bath about 6ish, bottle cuddle and then the bed time begins about 6:30. He’s exhausted when he gets back from the childminders so he’s more than ready for bed.

He’s always slept on the higher side of normal - so if they say 2-4 hours per day for his age, he will usually sleep about 4 hours IYKWIM.

When I say we did the controlled crying for 2 hours, we obviously kept going in, we didn’t leave him for 2 hours solid.

Sorry didn't mean to say 2hr alone in a bad way. Meant to say not to have fallen by then. Maybe try it again. Try controlled crying with gradual technique. I understand his nap times. My ds had 2x naps until 15 months. He wanted to nap by 10-10.30am but I pushed it to 11.30am by offering him snacks. Apart from that sorry no advice