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Sleep

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Original poster

Anyone who 'gently' parents (specifically people who haven't sleep trained) success stories?

72 replies

HT85 · 20/07/2017 22:18

Hi all. Just wondering anyone out there who 'gently' parents (follows babies lead and cues, everything baby led, bedshare etc) have any success stories?

I'm just wondering - I have a 6 month old. Usual story, won't go down into cot, wakes up as soon as you put her down. She's a very high needs baby, but she is also a VERY happy baby and people comment on this all the time. Husband and I are happy to bedshare and in general are just delerioisly happy with our little girl.

Question really is anyone with older children who have followed things this way, what are your success stories? When did baby go to bed alone? When did they naturally night wean? How have you mainted 'relations' with your partner?! She still stays downstairs with us till we go to bed and then obviously in the bed with us!

Looking forward to hearing some experiences.

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savagehk · 20/07/2017 23:00

Ds night weaned somewhere between 2 and 2.5. he was in his own bed before 2 but still waking for food at least once.
He never comes into our bed at all anymore (now 4.5) but did used to have a small cuddle in the mornings until maybe 4y?
Wouldn't have done it any other way, it was the easiest way imo. No forcing routines, no tears at bedtime... I appreciate my child is a bit unusual in this!

Lou573 · 20/07/2017 23:03

We pretty much followed baby's cues, with a bit of gentle persuasion from us, but all very slowly, and she's just started sleeping all night in her own bed at 20 months. I did night wean at about a year and was surprised at how quickly she adapted to be honest - 3 days and she just accepted we don't feed at night anymore.

hungrytillater · 20/07/2017 23:08

I did this with ds2 after aggressively sleep training my first and regretting it. It took ds2 longer to sleep through, but a lot less pain to get there! Definitely I'd do that again with a third.

Belladonna123 · 20/07/2017 23:09

We have our 2 year old in with us and love it ☺ 'relations' maintained downstairs once she is asleep don't see it as a problem unless she's still in with us when she's a teenager find what works for you and your little family OP

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 20/07/2017 23:09

We read Dr Jay Gordon for tips and started separating milk from sleep when DD was 13 months. Now at 20 months she is night weaned and consistently sleeping through (7.30 to 5.30) in a toddler bed in her own room.
DH did a solid month of solo bedtime (from end of story till she was asleep) when we first started and then gradually we reintroduced me to bedtime via me helping her sleep without milk at nap time. We've had very few tears but it's been about a 4/5 month process.

savagehk · 20/07/2017 23:10

I think all babies/kids are a bit different. We tried night weaning at 2 by sending in daddy instead but after 2 weeks he was still waking so we went back to "normal".

Tbh I went on a conference about a month after that and thought I'd feel so fantastically refreshed after a night of unbroken sleep at the hotel.... I felt exactly the same the next morning!

JudyBlumeForever · 20/07/2017 23:11

We got rid of the cot and just put a double bed in her room. That way I could feed her to sleep in her own room then sneak into my bedroom. When she woke up I'd just crawl into bed with her (for feed or cuddles). Gradually she started sleeping through longer and longer stretches, but when she was teething/ill I'd spend the whole night in her room.

Belmo · 20/07/2017 23:12

My eldest night weaned herself somewhere between 2-2.5. She moved into her own bedroom at 2 and a half although didn't reliably sleep through til after three. Had to sit with her til she fell asleep until about 4and a half. She sleeps beautifully now!

Her little brother is 14 months - I'm not planning to sleep train but going to try to night wean him soon I think.

savagehk · 20/07/2017 23:14

Oh yes, we graduated straight from our bed to a single in his room, so big enough for night time feeds and fur bed time stories

SunshineOutdoors · 20/07/2017 23:19

My ds at nearly four has only just started sleeping in his own bed all night. He'd always come and crawl in with us and I worried about when he'd ever stop - a couple of weeks ago I tried putting him back to his own bed when he did it - we'd tried this before and it had never worked - but this time it did! Now he proudly talks about staying in his own bed all night and he's reall pleased with himself. It's not for everyone and I had lots of times when I thought I should be sleep training him, but now I'm glad I did it this way, and even though it took 4 years (he was never a good sleeper) he's done it on his own terms in a way he feels safe with.

When I doubted myself I always just thought, 'there's no way he'll be 16 and still doing this' and one day I'll really miss him closer moving into my bed for a cuddle, so I just tried to make the most of it - even if it was annoying at times and meant dh moved to the spare room

Oh and he's my 2nd and dd never did this so sometimes I think it's just a personality thing.

Loopytiles · 20/07/2017 23:25

Am not sure about some of the labels you use but we co-slept with our DC and never did "cry it out".

DC1 co slept until 2.5ish, had switched DC1 to formula at 9/10 months (for my sake as was unwell) and had no milk at night from around 1 year.

with DC2 we did the Dr Jay Gordon method at around 15 months, because I was WoH, commuting mentally unwell and exhausted. First week or so was very hard as it was 3 nights of 6 hours solid crying while being cuddled/given water! Therafter no milk at night but coslept til around 3.

DC2 may not be typical: as a 7yo is still a very determined child!

Original poster

HT85 · 21/07/2017 10:19

Thanks all! I imagine I'll be following your lead JudyBlume and getting a floor bed at some point when she's older. What a waste of a cot, the things you buy when pregnant and have no idea about anything I guess hubby and I will have to wait till she goes to sleep in the evenings upstairs (before we go to bed) before we get any time for marital endeavours wink wink! I mean we're both pretty exhausted most of the time anyway haha.

Thanks all! X

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Original poster

HT85 · 21/07/2017 10:20

Oh and totally agree it's the easiest way. We're all happy and very much enjoy our nighttime cuddles as a family x

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savagehk · 21/07/2017 10:25

We used the cot as a 'cosleeper' cot, but he was always in bed with us anyway (slept so much better in the bed than just next to it?!).
It was a very expensive way of making sure there was space for him to roll out if needed but not fall on the floor

MessyBun247 · 21/07/2017 10:25

Watching this with interest! DD2 is nearly 18 months, we co sleep and I still feed at night. Thinking of buying a small bed for her and moving her into her own room in the not too distant future. Just not sure what way to go about it. Was thinking of waiting until 20/21 months when her understanding was a bit better, so I can explain that she has her own bedroom and has to go to sleep in her own bed. All done very gently

Original poster

HT85 · 21/07/2017 10:27

MessyBun the best advice I've seen for this is to spend a lot of time in the day in the new room, playing etc and going down for a nap in there while you potter that way a positive view of this new place is there already. And also have been told best to sleep in there for the first week or so x

OP posts:

FATEdestiny · 21/07/2017 10:31

waste of a cot

You could always remove one side and wedge it up to your bed as a sidecar cot.

It allows for some independant sleep space if you or baby wants it, but still allow a for cosleeping cuddles.

FATEdestiny · 21/07/2017 10:33

.... also functions as a bed guard and/or place to put nappy changing stuff within easy reach.

savagehk · 21/07/2017 10:49

messy yes, try the "you have a special new bed", "you're getting so big you need more space" discussion. Can help if she chooses her own bedding maybe?

try2hard · 21/07/2017 11:06

My 2 year old still needs cuddling to sleep but goes in her own bed and only wakes once now! She weaned off boob around her 2nd birthday. I haven't done anything to help her sleep, just went with what she wanted at the time, even if that was me in the cot bed with her until she fell asleep

Schwanengesang · 22/07/2017 01:49

Not sure wheter we count, either re success or re gentle parenting. DS is 8.5 months. Terrible sleeper from about 6 weeks. Sleeping in big bassinet (fabric on wooden folding cross frame) next to my bed to about 6mo, then cot next to bed with side down. Wanted to feed a lot, wanted to feed to sleep & only just accepted being patted on my shoulder (burping was definitely required), often spent all night waking up (every 45 min was a good night, could also have 3 hrs awake, and cluster feeding at the end of the night for 3 hrs).

We tried to have DH do a few weeks of cuddling him when he woke up, with me doing feeds at 11-12 and 4 ish. Didn't work in terms of reducing the number of wake ups and DS would cluster feed from 4-7am.

Following the advice of many on here but particularly FATEDestiny, at nearly 8mo, I gave lots more food during the day, and fed only at bedtime and 11-12 and after about 4. Initially DS needed to be picked up at all other wakeups, but was going back to sleep very quickly. This week he has got the hang of being patted in the cot rather than being picked up, and is beginning to get from one sleep cycle to the next with no or almost no patting from me. So not weaned or sleeping through (and wouldn't really see that as a goal just yet anyway) but things are a lot better than they were. DS also seems calmer and more able to get to sleep now, probably because he's not overtired.

Not sure if this counts as gentle parenting though?

Schwanengesang · 22/07/2017 01:51

Sorry should clarify am still feeding often through the day too. Not just at bedtime, 11 & 4am!

barefootinkitchen · 22/07/2017 07:21

Didn't sleep train but did spend hours in her room from 6 months gently stroking her stomach through the bars of the cot every night making shushing noise, then counting, then telling a really boring story . Could take half an hour to an hour but I could eventually crawl quietly out of the room and she ended up going to sleep without crying . Did this until she was about 12 months I think. Didnt wake for feeds in the night but I think if I wax next to her and she smelt me she might have tried a bit. Didn't co sleep unless she was sick and I'd feed her to sleep in my bed. We seem to be doing more co sleeping since she turned 5 ?! Good luck If you are happy to co sleep do it. But the alternative doesn't have to be cry it out/ sleep training.

SlackerMum1 · 22/07/2017 20:31

You could try sleeping in another room and leaving her to sleep with daddy for a while? DD was still EBF and waking up 3-4 times a night at 5 months (she wouldn't feed properly during the day... too much else to do!) and I was a bit broken after a run of really disturbed nights so DH insisted I had some nights off and go to the spare room after the 11pm feed and let him give a bottle..... but basically after about 2 nights she dropped to 2 wake ups and then down to 1 after about another week so didn't really need the bottle in the end. Now (6.5 months) she's wakes up once (7pm to 6am) and goes straight back to sleep. Not something we planned at all but it really worked and was completely stress-free.... what I realised was that I'd probably been part of the 'problem' she knew I was there and I responded straight away to every noise or shuffle when she was actually perfectly ok to settle herself. We moved her into her own room during the heat wave as it was much cooler and again I thought it would be really tricky but she was settled there after just a day or two.

Original poster

HT85 · 27/07/2017 08:36

Thanks SlackerMum, it's not so much that I'm trying to change things now, was more wondering what the future holds

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