Anyone who 'gently' parents (specifically people who haven't sleep trained) success stories?

[HT85]

Hi all. Just wondering anyone out there who 'gently' parents (follows babies lead and cues, everything baby led, bedshare etc) have any success stories?

I'm just wondering - I have a 6 month old. Usual story, won't go down into cot, wakes up as soon as you put her down. She's a very high needs baby, but she is also a VERY happy baby and people comment on this all the time. Husband and I are happy to bedshare and in general are just delerioisly happy with our little girl.

Question really is anyone with older children who have followed things this way, what are your success stories? When did baby go to bed alone? When did they naturally night wean? How have you mainted 'relations' with your partner?! She still stays downstairs with us till we go to bed and then obviously in the bed with us!

Looking forward to hearing some experiences.

Omg do people really spend hours shushing and patting through the cot bars? Sounds like hell. I put mine down and left the room. Mine were in nicu though so could sleep even in a room with ten other babies! We continued the nicu sleep routine when we got home.

DS1 was terrible (!) - I barely remember the first 2 months (until we started co-sleeping), it passed in a fog of small screaming thing never wanting to be away from me or DP. Co-sleeping saved my sanity, but he was still having a night feed at 18months, and wouldn't go to sleep without me there. Then when he was about 3 and a half, something just clicked, and bed times just became read a story, say 'night night, roll over now' and he'd roll over, we'd turn the lights off and he would be totally out until the next morning (6:30, but we can't have everything!) - he's been like this ever since.

DS2 decided he wanted to sleep in with his brother from about 9 months (he'd self-weaned at 8months, and was the complete opposite of his big brother - slept through at weeks old - although we did co-sleep from the beginning), and similarly has never been any fuss - they both just go to bed, snuggle up together (we tried separate beds, but they ended up together so often that we just gave in a bought a double for them) and sleep until morning - super, super easy.

Thanks SpaghettiAndMeatballs! Just what I was after. Me and hubby actually spoke about it last night and we're so happy to have her in the bed. It's so lovely for me to snuggle her all night and him to wake and see her in the morning. I put her down asleep in her cot at bedtime though and will do this consistently intake first night waking, so even if she is only in there for 10 mins I want her to know it's not a negative place and I'll come to get her as soon as she wakes.

2014newme I am far too lazy for shush pat and it doesn't work my my girl, I feed her to sleep, everyone is happy

*until not intake

I kinda missed a bit there between about 2 and 3 very much like you're doing now, went to sleep in his own bed (first next to our bed, then, when we moved house, in his own room) then at some point in the night - although generally not until about 6, he'd patter into ours, have a sleepy morning feed and we'd all snooze until we all got up about 7:30 - it was really nice - in fact it's still often his habit to pop in and say hi when he wakes up at 6:30, then goes out into the living room to watch TV until we get up half hour later, and as much as being woken early isn't great, it is really sweet that he wants to check on us before he goes off on his own.

I feed my little lad (12mo) to sleep. We have a single bed next to his cot where I feed him lying down, then I transfer him to his cot.

When he was younger, I couldn't put him in his cot without him waking. I'd go up at 7pm, and be stuck there until the next day.

It gradually progressed - he'd stay in his cot for a few hours in the evening, I'd hop through and bring him into the single bed for the rest of the night when he woke at 11pm. Then when he didn't wake, I'd sleep in my own room, until he woke up at 1/2am.

Now he can sleep from 7.30/8 to 6.20-40am. Not all of the time (last night was 7.30pm-4.50am, for example - he went back to sleep, but not before some giggling and sitting up), but I am spending most of the night in my own bed, in my own room, with my husband (our dog's a bit put out, he'd taken to sleeping on my side of the bed!).

DD weaned around 2 and a half, other than that she's now 7 and still in my bed-I go to sleep with her to make sure she settles. She still wakes once or twice most nights. I still wouldn't change it.

Like JudyBlumeForever we ended up going down the double mattress route and it's worked out well. We had to night-wean around 14 months but DS took to it well in a much shorter time than I'd feared. Our problem now at 18 months is getting him to GO to sleep in the first place, but that's a whole other thread... At least now when he does finally go off he usually sleeps through, or just needs one of us to go in and lie down next to him for 5 minutes if he does stir. Don't know if it qualifies as gentle or child-led parenting, and we certainly never consciously decided to adopt a 'strategy', just went with the flow. They're all individuals after all!

So I guess it's all gradual isn't it, and patience. Thanks all. I am looking forward to the day I can feed her to sleep and confidently leave the room for a few hours in the evening. Currently if I do this she wakes after 20 mins, max 30. I'm lying with her now in a dark room and she has been asleep since midday, she is obviously knackered, so I'm just playing on my phone with my boob accessible until she wakes thing is however hard these times are I tell myself I'll desperately want them back in a few years.

I'm lying with her now in a dark room

A luxury you can only truly immerse yourself in with your first child...

The joys of school holidays.

I'd consider myself pretty 'gentle' when it comes to parenting. Ds1 was a velcro baby. I Co slept from a few weeks old as he just wouldn't settle in his Moses basket. Ebf, fed to sleep, fed through the night, etc. Napped on me or in the car, pram, sling.

I sort of sleep trained in that I did gradual withdrawal with him at about 12 months. Bf to sleep stopped working. Until then he was Bf to sleep then gently lowered into his cot. When he woke up I'd feed him back to sleep and Co sleep.

At 12 months I started offering cows milk at bedtime (bottle refused, had refused all milk Inc ebm until then) it took only a week or so before he opted for cows milk over book.

So then, having already got a firm routine (bath, stories, milk, mobile on while falling asleep) I started putting him in his cot awake, and did patting, singing etc to keep him calm. Bear in mind that he had never fallen asleep independently. It took 75 minutes the first night, 3 nights of leaning into the cot, a couple of weeks of hand through the bars, but after a week was 30minutes, then 20, then I started the retreat. Sitting next to the cot. I took ages,over it but there was no crying.

And you can go back steps if you need to. It really helped his night waking, I would still be back to sleep Co sleeping once he woke, but he just gradually stopped waking. Slept through at about 15 months (got up very early but still.....)

We never did Crack the cot nap though.

Thanks so much NottaLotta that is so helpful!

Did anyone on here ever just move on to a floor bed for their little one? Wondering if that's my inevitability

Really moving to.own room. I did this all wrong imo! I was pregnant with dc2, dc1 still.in the cot in.my room. We have massive rooms so no issue. I wanted him.in his own room long before dc2 arrived, to settle, not feel pushed out etc.

In reality my useless husband failed to clear the room of all his hoarded crap so I had two weeks of both children in my room, before dc1 moved. He was so good,not a peep out of him. He was sleeping through by then,and had a good bedtime routine so that made it all easier I think.

Bed shared & breastfed through the night with DD till she was 3, she self weaned and is now in her own bed in our room. DS is 9 months, in our bed. I feed him in our bed and leave him there (8pmish) till I go to bed at 10. He feeds throughout the night. Marital relations cringe take place in other rooms!
It feels like a hard slog sometimes but my most precious moments are snuzzling my sleeping babies in my arms before falling asleep!!

I am intrigued by all this! I am not criticizing at all - please believe that. But my 3 children are between 30 and 40 (no they are fully weaned! ) and with each one they were fed, cuddled, lain in their bed and they went to sleep (except when ill or teething) - end of. They did this fro the age of a few weeks. As they grew the ritual included stories, songs etc, but from day one they put themselves to sleep - i.e. we left the room while they were still awake - sometimes they had music in there; and when older the stories I read to them were followed on by stories on a tape.

But we never ever stayed with them until they fell asleep - they did not seem unhappy - it was just normal life from the very start.

They were all happy children, and now happy adults. And we stayed sane with peaceful evenings and nights of sleep.

blossom you were lucky. My second child is similar to that, my first screamed as soon as you put him.down. My mum took great pleasure in telling me how she did just as you said. As if I hadn't tried it....

I'd have loved to be able to.put him.down and leave him.to.it. Just didn't work like that.

I agree blossom. I've read this thread open mouthed. My son is 19m old, he starts yawning in the evening so I get him dressed for bed, give him a dummy and put him in his cot and leave and he goes to sleep.

We co-slept with our two. They both would start off in their own cots/beds then join us when they woke up in the night. Or we would join them.

Both were sleeping through by the time they were 5yo.

I won't say it wasn't a pain at times. But when I think about the hours I wasted trying to get DC1 to sleep in her own cot or bed I just think it was such an utter waste of time, life, effort, stress.

My happiest co-sleeping memories are of feeding DC2 while we were both laying down and he was completely safe in his bed-side Baby Bay.

My son was four years old before he slept through the night. I just didn't have the energy to sleep train.

OP I used cable ties to tightly attach the big cot to the side of the bed then had babies inbetween me and the cot. I would sleep with no pillow while they were young babies and they would be on top of the duvet in their baby sleeping bags.

Those of you who have babies that sleep don't realize what a highly emotive subject this can be (speaking for myself). My first son didn't sleep, he screamed when I put him down awake, putting him down asleep was an artwork in itself. He was like this from birth. Apparently, newborns sleep all day. He never did. He has always slept several hours a day less than is 'ideal'. I've worked bloody hard to establish his current good sleep habits. He's just 2 and averages 10 hours a night with a 40 minute nap. Some days no nap, and every few weeks a 2 hour nap.

The reason I'm saying this is that while I'm sure you are all astonished, posts pointing out that you put tour baby down and it went to sleep, aren't really helpful. I tried it. A lot. I'm sure OP has too. And again, while I'm sure it's not the intention, posts like that just serve to make me feel even worse about an already difficult situation.

Sorry for the hijack op.

Thanks NottaLotta, truly my thoughts exactly. Since day dot I've not been able to put my daughter down easily - drowsy, awake, asleep, I've tried it all. They all have different personalities and by the sounds of things my husband and I were also both very needy babies so I think she takes after us.

But yes pointing out how easy it is for you is not helpful.

I don't buy into all of the whole Gentle Parenting movement - I was on the official group way back when and found it very judgy and full of people who thought it was developmentally and emotionally damaging to tell your child 'no' or tell them occasionally that what they were doing is naughty. Then all these people wondered why their children were out of control and badly behaved. Seemed mad to me. Supernanny was considered the devil incarnate and people who formula fed were made painfully aware that 'fed isn't best, it's the bare minimum'. There were an awful lot of struggling new mums on there who really took a bashing. Yikes.

But as a rule, I tend to try to parent 'gently'. I don't smack or yell, I try to be empathetic and kind. When it comes to discipline, I explain why I'm saying no, or the behaviour is naughty.

As for sleeping, I truly am against cry based sleep training for under 2s. Each to their own but it's not for me. I've always followed DDs cues. She was a silent refluxer who would only ever dreamfeed milk. She didn't nap much until her reflux was controlled at 4 months and from then until 10 months I cuddled her to sleep (then fed her) every single time. She would not be put down in her cot apart from at night (asleep) so all day naps happened in my arms. I'm a SAHM and she's my only child so luckily I could accommodate that. I clearly recall being anchored to the sofa for three hours a day for months 🙄. Once she hit 10 months, I tried my usual cuddle to sleep routine and one day, out of the blue she just wouldn't have it. Wriggled and moaned like crazy. So I tried just putting her down awake and she rolled over and went to sleep. I was bloody amazed, and she's done that ever since (now 16 months).

I honestly think that I just had to let her get there in her own time. She didn't sleep trough the night until 13ish months (when she dropped her final bottle) but since then she's goes 6-6 at night (she occasionally wakes once but it's rare) and had two daytime naps at the moment. When she'd tired in the day she brings me her sleeping bag and lays down on it and up we go to bed. So we have success, she's a great sleeper now but it took a long time. I like to think her sleeping now is my reward for the bloody hard slog of her first year, ha ha ha!

Every child is different. One thing I have learned is that no matter now experienced the parent, they are only an expert in their own children. Do what works for you.

Thank you Sleepthief84 - I fully agree with regards to the gentle parenting 'movement' as a whole. I don't necessarily agree with all of it and I also find the group judgemental - I meant 'gently' parents in the true sense of the word rather than the trademark

Thanks so much for your input too that's really helpful xx