8 week old bath time/bedtime chaos

[dan220282]

Hello everyone. New user, long time lurker, looking for help please

First time dad, we need some help/advice and Im sure you've been asked this millions of times. We have an 8 week old little boy, who, during the day is good as gold, now, on our HV advice we started creating a "wind down" room, so darker room, no noise etc..and we take him here after his bath. This is normally between 6-7pm

Now he loves his baths sits there chilled as nothing splashing etc..we take him out into his nursery to get hime changed, as soon as we start putting his baby grow on him he starts to get restless, like he knows what is coming, we take him into our room where its dark with all intents and purposes to read him a story, give him some milk and let him drift off. Erm no.

Every.single.night for the past week, he just cries. And cries. And cries. and then as if by magic he'll stop crying after 25-30 minutes and go to sleep.

We are going out of our mind trying to work out what to do. Any help greatly appreciated.

Far too early! At 8 weeks both our dc were in the living room either having cuddles are asleep in their moses basket until dh went to bed at about 11pm when he would give them a dream feed. We found that by 12 weeks both splet through from 11 till 4 or 5 which was a great stretch.

Again, I would say it's witching hour/colic (as in the non specific newborn crying). DD started would do this every evening too. She actually put us into HER routine (which involved up to two hours of screaming from about 4:30-6:30 before finally accepting a long breastfeed and passing out asleep) by doing this as we had to build bedtime around this, but yours sounds like it fits it with it fine. As a PP says it's a stage newborns often go through, there seems to be little to prevent it and it's probably a learning/development thing that some of them just have to go through as they process being in the world.

Dc2 used to freak out after bath time too. So we stopped doing it. You could reintroduce a bath in a few weeks, tiny babies change so much so quickly he may be ready for it again soon but perhaps just doesn't like it now.

Follow what your baby likes doing rather than what your HV thinks he might like doing

I was told at my NCT that babies can never understand actions and reactions so would never know "if I cry my daddy will pick me up".
I was also told that the bedtime routine is good BUT it should be around 9pm - bath, then feed at 10pm, then bed. Then as they get older you bring the routine forward earlier and earlier :) hope that helps abit.

At eight weeks most babies are still up in the living room with their parents til 11pm. This behaviour is really normal - they are pretty nocturnal for several months. There is nothing wrong with cuddling and holding your baby to sleep, just enjoy it. They are tiny for such a short time.
I only started trying to get mine to self settle when they were about 12/14 months old. They are 2&4 now and go to bed no problems.
Please don't worry about bad habits - this just causes unnecessary stress for parents. And don't leave a baby to cry, it's cruel

Don't think bath everyday is good for babies that small just top and tail if needed. They don't sweat like adults or get mucky like children.

Caul the be crying because he gets cold after the bath? And then is just a bit upset even when he gets warm?

The bath might over stimulate him. I'd try doing a routine that doesn't involve a bath for now - just wash him in the day.

If you try to keep in mind that ideally he should only ever be awake for 1hr 15 & to avoid any longer than that to minimise the overtired meltdown!

I'm with the health visitor, good habits asap!

this makes me feel much better, we felt a little under pressure to get this routine into action based on books we have skimmed through, a certain Mrs G Ford was one of them, which has worked wonders for my best friend and his wife, but I cannot see how its good for a baby. I appreciate all the replies, thank you so much

Bin the book.

Fgs he is 8 weeks ??? Cuddle him, spoil him and he sure as hell should not be sleeping through the night by now .....

Let him snuggle into you and mum whilst you watch tv, co sleep if he wants . Please bin the book . He is a new baby who just wants to be near you and mum. He will sleep when his tummy is full and he feels safe and secure near mam and dad

The book I referred to when DD was this age was Your Baby Week by Week. Don't think it was particularly routinely, but it did seem to be very spot on about how things would change each week! Personally I'd bin Ms Ford. Oh, and never pick up a Supernanny book!

DD fell into a 3 hourly feeding routine when she was about 4 months old. I'll admit I did prefer a routine but I don't think you can force it, especially this young.

I agree that they often find their own routine as the months go by. When they are tiny they just want mum and dad and cuddles! You will be far less stressed if you just go with it.
Bin the books and trust your instincts. I tried the odd routine from a book and felt so sad and frustrated when they didn't work. And they stressed my baby out.
Was much happier when I just decided to go with it!

He should be in the same room you are at all times he is asleep.

That includes daytime naps and evenings. Not just nights. 24h a day, if baby is sleeping, an adult should be in the same room.

Put baby to sleep where you put him for daytime naps until you go to bed.

My daughter is now 6 months old. When she was this age I spent a couple of weeks worrying about routine on bad advise. That's all it is really, bad advice. My girl is 6 months and still has no routine as the truth is things change CONSTANTLY with sleep and feeding and everything. Follow babies cues, let him tell you when he's hungry and tired, and you'll all be happier! Also my baby is still kept downstairs with us mostly as night until we go to bed.

Download the wonder weeks app also.

Personally I don't really believe in bad habits till after 6 months. I think before 6 months they need to feel loved and reassured and anything you do up till then can be rectified.
We bedshared / breastfed to sleep / rocked to sleep etc. I spent many nights stressing over bad habits and wish I knew that at such a young age there's really no such thing. I think as long as you distinguish day and night the rest can be sorted. Just go with the flow for now

I have just got The Gentle Sleep Book after it was recommended by a friend.

I've heard of Gina Ford and fair enough if she works for some people but I have zero desire to try it myself.

Ditch the book and trust your instincts. You're doing great!

Thanks everyone for your replies. He still wailed at half 6. But he had a much better sleep. We dont feel like zombies this morning and you can see the difference in my partner. He anxiouness at trying to do a routine was transmitting to him. You can see how relaxed she is!

Oh, that's super, OP. Glad you all had a better night.

Everyone always has an opinion about routines, and for many parents and their babies they have their place, definitely. But it's very early days yet.

Im worried about instilling the wrong ideas. Like if he cries daddy will always pick him up etc

I honestly despair that so many people think it is wrong to be there for your child. There is no better idea to I still to your child from day one than that you will ALWAYS be there for them.

I know this. As ive said we have, wrongly or rightly been glancing at a book and lots of this was mentioned. Being a first time daddy all i want to do is cuddle him. These books just sewed seeds if doubt thats all

I am actually a big fan of bedtime routines and I think they may work great for some young babies (and I personally do not think that 8 weeks is too young). The baby does not have to be in a separate room - we used to do bath - pj - feed and settle the baby in a Moses basket in a darker corner of the leaving room until DD was 12 weeks old. We then moved her to a cot in a separate room. I was aware of SIDS guidelines but I also knew that risk was the highest from 7 to 10 weeks.

A lot of babies cry when they are put to bed just because they are overtired. They will "cry down" as they settle for the night. A variety of pick up / put down technique worked well for our DD. It was not a proper PU/PD (that works best between 4 to 6 months) but a combination of PU/PD/shushing/patting (without rocking or feeding to sleep). It was quite a bit of work but for me it was worth it - my DD started sleeping from 7pm to 6.30/7am with one dream feed (that we woke her up for) from 12 weeks onwards. I knew she was not a natural "good sleeper" and I was ready to invest time and effort to minimize night wakings further down the line. It did work - even now, when my DD is teething she still sleeps surprisingly well (touch wood).

It was my choice though - there is always an option of going with the flow and worrying about sleep when the baby gets older.

Every baby is different and different things work for them. My dd 11weeks is in a routine of bath bottle and cuddle with mum and dad and place her in her crib once she's asleep. If she wakes up one of us will stay next to the crib soothing her back to sleep. This works for her and I find helps her sleep much better. I personally don't think it's too young for a routine but I'm also not crazy strict on it either, sometimes it doesn't go to plan so I just go with her. As long as she's happy then we are. As a lot of people have said, I think baby books can make you feel as though you are doing things wrong, especially as a first time parent but just go with what you feel is right and what your baby wants, you know your baby.

Just would like to mention one more thing - I know a lot of people advise to "though away all baby books and just follow your baby cues" but in every book there is usually one particular section that is worth reading. It relates to overtiredness. I know I was initially confusing OT with hunger and I can now see I am not the only one. Quite a few mums in my playgroups try to feed their babies while in fact all babies want is to sleep (they just do not know how to self-settle). I know the perception is that parents always know best but in my particular case I didn't. I might have still been trying to constantly feed my DD but luckily I had someone nearby who knew a lot about babies. So... baby books may actually be useful as long as we do not try to follow them literally.

If the OP baby is "as good as gold" during the day, he is probably quite developmentally advanced for his age and he might have already entered the sleep regression stage. One of the biggest challenges during this period is managing overtiredness.