Cry it out :(

[Neverknowing]

I recently posted about my 8 month old DDs sleep and decided I would continue to breastfeed to sleep and co sleep with her as we were both happy.
I just found out I need an operation soon though and so need DD to learn to sleep through the night ASAP as she will just be with DP at night and he obviously cannot breastfeed her (and must be at work by 7am). I have spoken to other mums at baby group who have recommended CIO, which honestly I've always been very against but needs must and all. I'm extremely sad about it tonight, it's the first night we're doing it and I'm about to put her down.
Anyways sorry for the waffle (can you tell I'm feeling horribly guilty) can anyone tell me if this worked for them and if it did how long it took?!

I've honestly never felt this awful.
DD is such a calm baby, never ever cries. I'm in for a long night :(

Don't have any experience but just wanted to offer you a handhold.

I've got a 9 month old dd who I feed to sleep too - which I'm starting to find very restrictive. So I'll be watching this thread with interest.

Hope tonight goes ok

Sending you sympathy. It's a funny thing, but many babies sleep differently for other caregivers: my DD sleeps much longer when she knows I'm out. So perhaps your DH would consider doing bedtime before your operation to get her used to it. I hope that the transition and your operation go well.

Yes it definitely worked for me although I used controlled crying which might differ from your method (reassurance, returning at staged intervals that got longer between visits). It worked very fast and I managed to get some much needed sleep before I completely lost the plot.

Hi. I hope you are ok. Hearing them cry is really awful. We have just done cry it out, but my DS is 18 months and it has worked well (two weeks in) . We still have to return two or three times but it is only really 15-20 minutes before he is settled. Before this I would sit by his cot until he slept, but that could take up to an hour and eventually he would just mess around.
Thinking of you. Its a hard thing to have to choose to do.

It sounds like you're finding this hard as it's not something you're comfortable doing. Even if you have some success now, there is no guarantee your baby will sleep through on the night(s?) you need them to. In this situation my DH would just buckle in for a rough night and hope for the best. It would save you and your little one this stress.

Maybe try a more gentle method. Pick up, put down or something. The no cry sleep solution book is good.

Are you doing CIO (literally just leaving to cry to sleep), or controlled crying (going in at sent intervals to say a set phrase to reassure)? I think that CIO isn't recommended by HVs in my area, but controlled crying is definitely supported for babies over 6 months.

I hope tonight goes well for you

^ 'set', not 'sent 🙄

Sorry, yes I'm doing controlled crying not CIO. She isn't crying yet but whining. Thank you so much for all your support everyone.
My DP does do bedtime routine every other night but I go in and feed her to sleep after this. I have to be in hospital for recovery for a few nights, maybe even a week, so I really want to know she'll be okay.
In my head she can be upset now or then when it's just DP at home so they're both stressed. I hope this is right

We did it out of desperation and it took us four long (but gradually less long) nights to the point she slept through and has done ever since (now 4). We then did it with DD2 and was only two nights of hell.

It's soul destroying but worth it, hang in there xx

I also haven't heard very many success stories from PUPD so that's why I'm trying this.
Two mums told me that the first night their LOs cried for two hours, then one hour and by the third night it was only ten mins. I'm hopeful this will happen for us.
She still isn't crying, she may just drift off she's very tired

Thank you so much @Gaggleofgirls !! This is exactly what I need to hear.

She's asleep.
She was exhausted so I accidentally fed her to sleep but I woke her up and she's just fallen back to sleep. Should I properly wake her up or just try again tomorrow??

Oh yes, we did controlled crying too, not cio, hence the returning. I also wonder if she will settle easier for your dh when you are not there too. The best night sleep my ds got was when i was out at a sleep workshop run by the children's centre!!!!

DH gets DD to sleep during the week and I do it on the weekend and if she wakes in the night. I feed her to sleep and he rocks her to sleep after a bottle (she's nearly 7 months). She doesn't seem to mind different approaches from different parents.

Will your dh be giving her a bottle before bed when you are in hospital? If so, she may fall sleep on him and then transfer into the cot like today?

@chocolatepudandchocolatesauce babies are so cheeky! I'm not surprised honestly. I'd like her to sleep in her cot anyway because he can't co sleep when I'm not there as she'll roll of the bed
Yes, DH will give her a bottle of expressed milk but she doesn't often fall asleep when she has a bottle. She gets drowsy though so hopefully it'll be the same as when I feed her at night.

Also, how do I do naps tomorrow?
I've been thinking the same as at night but without the full routine. So feed her until she's drowsy and then put her down and check on her after 3 and 5 mins and then at ten min intervals. I also read that if she cries for more than an hour then I should just pick her up and let her be awake / play with her and then put her down for her next nap? What if I feed her and she falls asleep after her nap because she's so tired?

I cant comment on maps as DS doesn't nap unless at nursery, in the car or in the buggy. Although occasionally he has gone down in his cot when very tired. And yes, on those occasions we did the same as at night time. So i think what you plan to do sounds good

*naps

Thank you!
It's hard but she's settling down now. It's been about 45 mins and she's almost asleep I think. She was very tired though so I feel as though tomorrow night may be worse

I think night 3 or 4 tend to be the worst so hold on to your hat and sit tight. It will get much better very soon. Good luck. Xxxx

I agree with CIO to some degree but you have to be clear on what exactly you are doing and not just blindly leave them to it. You are first and foremost giving them an important message. You are communicating that yes, we are here in the house for any emergencies but no, you don't get to decide when it's not bedtime. I think there is a difference between an angry and furious cry and a distressed and scared cry. Most of the time it's fury that they are not getting their way and I would deal with that with a stern word and a quick exit. So they know I'm here but that I'm not having any of their messing. If I went in with my kind and soothing face on, it would infuriate them more! Like I wasn't understanding them! But by communicating clearly that I see they are annoyed but that's not going to sway me, they get the message and start to make their own decision about how to handle the situation.

I think that's why CIO etc works long term after short pain, because it gives them the time to think and make independent decisions about what their next move is. They stop fighting the bad fight with you because they've got the message it's not going anywhere. And they don't want the hassle and misery if raging for (what must feel like) hours if it's not going to get them their mum coming in and giving them s cuddle.

So my advice is be very clear, even with an 8 month old, what your message is. It should be 'I love you but this is not interaction time and I won't be putting up with any messing'. Think carefully about what your body language is saying when you do crack and go in, make sure it's a useful and consistent move rather than a confusing one.

The worst thing to do is try CIO but be meek and comforting about it at the same time, totally confusing and gives them the message that if they just keep going longer they might get their way.

Kids are so smart and geniuses at body language. Give them a clear message, not a confusing one.

Ps. I've never had to do CIO for longer than 1.5hrs on one child once. Never for more than 2 nights on any of them and usually only 30-40mins for the first night, 10mins the second. And they have all been happy solid sleepers since (despite being horrific before I put my foot down about it).

Thank you @YoureNotASausage that's really helpful. I think I did that, she's finally gone to sleep it didn't take half as long as I thought it would and wasn't the worst thing I've ever done!!
I've literally never left her to cry before so felt very strange and mean but she's okay now and I'm looking forward to giving her cuddles tomorrow morning.