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Original poster

I understand why some mothers abandon their children.

35 replies

dontpokethebear · 16/05/2017 00:13

DD age 2.4 (dc 3 of 3) goes to bed no problems. But from 11 onwards she can wake up anything from once to 30 times. Screaming, crying, demanding drinks or cuddles, just wandering into our room, or any combination of all or none of the above. It is not night terrors, she is definitely awake..

We have done CC, CIO. The HV has sent us on sleep workshops. We have followed the advice, but to be honest it is all geared towards children that won't go to bed. I have even tried a couple of doses of Piriton. Nothing is working.

She shares a room with her brother (4), so he is being disturbed too.

I suffer with depression. I am fairly sure it is a direct result of 2.5 years of sleep deprivation. My fitbit says I have an average of 3hours and 6 mins sleep a night.
I am just about ready to walk out and no one wants to help us.

OP posts:
MooMooTheFirst · 16/05/2017 00:16

I can't help OP, I'm really sorry, but I didn't want to read and run. I've had a very very short period of sleep deprivation with DS but that was only for a couple of months and I was ready to drive off a cliff.

Well done for coping for so long, is there any chance of shipping her off to family, even just for one night?

CrispPacket · 16/05/2017 00:17

I have no advice but don't want to read and run. I am so sorry for you though, I dealt with 4 weeks on 3hr nights sleep (due to pain not children) and it was horrendous. Literally indescribable. So hope you find a way to sort it. :(

LightYears · 16/05/2017 00:19

I know not ideal but what about a mattress on the floor in your room for her, just for a few weeks to let you catch up with your sleep.

trashcanjunkie · 16/05/2017 00:24

does taking her into your bed help?

trashcanjunkie · 16/05/2017 00:25

or anything else? does anything soothe her?

Original poster
dontpokethebear · 16/05/2017 00:27

Thank you for your replies.

Sadly (or thankfully if she's annoying meWink) my mum is 5 hour drive away. Mil has both DD and ds2 overnight every 6 weeks or so, but she is in her 70s and a carer for my sil (her dil), so is pretty run ragged as it is. Dh does get up with her in the night too, but I wake up anyway and then it takes me at least 30 mins to get back off. He also gets up with them most morns, so I have another half hour in bed before he has to get ready and off to work.

Ds1 is starting gcse exams this week, so worried he's being disturbed.

OP posts:
Waddlelikeapenguin · 16/05/2017 00:27

Go to bed with her & stay there you might both get more sleep Flowers

SamPotatoes · 16/05/2017 00:27

Does she snore? Ds1 was a terrible sleeper. Went to bed ok but woke up constantly. It turned out his tonsils were huge and he was waking because he couldn't breathe. If she snores or has constant coughs and cold it may be worth asking for an ENT referral.

The only way we survived prior to his diagnosis and op was divide and conquer. We'd take it in turns to sleep next to him and deal with the waking. When off duty we'd have ear plugs so as to not be disturbed.

Original poster
dontpokethebear · 16/05/2017 00:28

She just thrashes, wriggles and moans if she's in our bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
dontpokethebear · 16/05/2017 00:28

And the same if we're in her bed!

OP posts:
Original poster
dontpokethebear · 16/05/2017 00:31

Both the boys were sleeping through very early on, so assumed she would too. Then when she didn't I just assumed she would when she was crawling/walkimg/playgrouo/turned 1/turned 2.
If anything, it's got worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
dontpokethebear · 16/05/2017 00:33

She doesn't snore.

I have been wondering about reflux. She had terrible reflux until she was about 1. Gp and HV have both poo pooed the idea though.

OP posts:
LightYears · 16/05/2017 05:56

Hope you managed to get some sleep. Maybe go back to the doctors, a different one and see if they have any other ideas. What happens if you ignore her.

Original poster
dontpokethebear · 16/05/2017 07:55

She ended up in with us last night. Tossing and turning, sitting up and talking etc.
If we ignore her she screams and screams and screams. Wakes everyone up, including the neighbours. Then doesn't go back to sleep at all.

OP posts:
LightYears · 16/05/2017 19:27

Bump. Hopefully someone from the evening crowd will have some more ideas.
Something I was listening to the other day, these relaxation sound videos on Youtube. They have all sorts, would anything like that be any good for her.

LalaLeona · 16/05/2017 19:55

What do you do when she wakes up?..you probably do already, but you could try taking her silently back to bed each time, no eye contact no talking over and over again until she gives in? That's the theory anyway! Easier said than done. I'm so sorry you're feeling so down, you can't go on like that. I would go to your doctor and say you need proper help NOW as you are feeling so low. Maybe there is some sort of sleep consultant/sleep clinic on the NHS? It sounds like you need a sleep consultant to come in and maybe stay the night to actually see your daughter in action..if theres no help on the nhs is it possible to hire one yourself financially? I think it will be worth it, you must be cracking up on so little sleep.it sounds so tough. Best of luck with it all

Original poster
dontpokethebear · 16/05/2017 20:55

I've done the whole no eye contact thing. It works in getting her back if she hasn't got to the screaming stage. But she'll still wake up again half hour/45 mins/1 hour whatever later.

Sadly a private sleep consultant isn't an option, financially. I enquired but the cheapest was £40 for a half hour Skype consultation.

I'm sure I'm coming across really negative and defeatist, but I feel I have exhausted (hah) all the obvious options.
I think I posted out of frustration and just wanted a rant.

Thank you all for your replies.

OP posts:
Fairybella · 16/05/2017 20:59

Is she in pain do u think? Her back or something

Original poster
dontpokethebear · 16/05/2017 21:13

I have wondered that, but she tells me at any other time if something hurts.

OP posts:
VikingLady · 16/05/2017 21:17

If you think it might be reflux again, what's the medication? Would it harm her to take a dose in case that's the problem? Or try wedging up the head end of the bed?

I'm so sorry Op; it's really not helping your mental health.

reawakeningambition · 16/05/2017 21:19

Go to the special needs board. Lots of children with special needs don't sleep, so there is vast expertise.
Melatonin is my first thought (they get it prescribed) but I am not an expert.

user1494865500 · 16/05/2017 21:23

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Dragonbait · 16/05/2017 21:24

Problems with sleeping and staying asleep can sometimes be linked to Autism or ADHD. Are there any other signs that she may have this? I think you need to get pushy with the doctors. It's not normal for a child to need so little sleep and there is medication like melatonin that can help. Maybe see if you can get a print out from your fitbit to demonstrate how bad it is? Hope you can get some help xx

Kahlua4me · 16/05/2017 21:28

We had similar with DS. He would go to sleep absolutely fine, good routine etc, but used to wake up about 10 times a night. Often we could get him back to sleep although not for long.

I spoke with all and sundry trying to sort it out. Didn't seem to get anywhere until one hv I saw took me seriously and rang gp.

Eventually diagnosed with laryngomalacia which meant his windpipe was weak so collapsing when he was asleeep. He would then cough to re-inflate it and wake himself up in the process. Diagnosis came from ENT after we were referred by gp.

Keep on at the gp and ask for a referral to ENT. Even if not the same, they may know if it is reflux or something else.

Good luck.

MaverickSnoopy · 16/05/2017 21:28

It could be medical, but have you tried some kind of incentive reward chart?? I think I would give this a go.

January was a killer for us and I was getting on average 2-3 hours sleep and night with our LO but it was 1 month. I was looking at strangers in the street with such envy knowing they would go to bed that night. You are literally superwoman!