Not even sure I want advice, just kindness

[alex344]

I am on baby 2. My first was quite simple, had a few sleep regressions, slept through from about 9months. Little man 2 is insane, he is now nearly 11months and this is not a regression, it's been like this continually.

He sleeps with maybe only 1-2 wakes from 7:30-12ish then it's just crazy. Wakes every 15-45mins all through the night, screams, so I comfort him, goes back off happy then awake again in no time. I went to bed at 7:30 tonight so I have no life or time with my husband. I have currently been awake from 11:30 until now 4:30. I will have to be up for the day from about 6 when my husband and 3 year old get up. I am just having a cry now.

I don't know what to feel about sleep advice. Is there actually an answer anyone can give without knowing your child? Why are the techniques of settling my first not working on my second? Stroking him or holding his hand in the cot is not enough. Often I give up and co sleep, he still wakes freequently. I don't know what I think about cry it out. I hate to hear him scream. I want to comfort him but I am physically poorly (continually for 4weeks now I've had chest infection followed by conjunctivitis now sinusitis). I just don't know where to start. Kindness needed please to keep me going, thanks.

Oh bless you, this sounds so hard! Is he waking and needing a feed to resettle, or does he just want contact with you?

I don't have any advice I'm afraid as my DS is only 6 months. Things that really help him to sleep are white noise and being in a Sleepyhead- he seems to struggle to connect sleep cycles, and the white noise helps. I'm also trying to introduce a comforter to encourage self soothing.

Does your DH do the odd night so that you can sleep?

Am sat here in the dark with baby number two, who is a totally different kettle of fish to my first child, so I can understand how you must be feeling. You must be exhausted. My son's sleep was so bad at one point that I never got to lie down in my own bed, it nearly drove me mad. He's nearly 18 months now and sleeps through several times a week so there is hope.

Things to consider, in case you haven't, and I think you will have but just trying to help :

• how is weaning going? Can you try giving him a mushed up banana with bread and custard or something equally stodgy at bedtime?
• how does he get to sleep? Does he go to sleep on his own in his cot or with you there?
• does he have much milk overnight?
• is he teething?

If you're happy you've troubleshooted every angle then I would say you should try some sleep training methods. You could do with someone giving you a night off so you can get some rest and come up with a plan. Controlled crying worked for my daughter and improved her life and mine beyond measure, she was just as knackered as I was until we fixed the sleep. I couldn't do cc with my son, he would be heartbroken, whereas my daughter just grumbled for a bit. Even if you do nothing, it will fix itself eventually. Big hugs and cups of very good coffee x

Thanks so much for your support RaeSkywalker and DidILeaveTheGasOn. He goes to sleep in his cot with a dummy and comfort blanket. I have to sit next to the cot and hold his hand. This is how I try to get him back off all through the night now so I've cut down on comfort feeding. He has one feed about 3am as he usually starts crying by then and won't be comforted whilst still in his cot. I can get him back to sleep fairly easily most of the time, just give him his dummy, put on dream sheep and hold his hand, it takes about 10mins but then he wakes again in about 15-30mins so I rarely have enough time to get back to sleep myself. Should I stop holding his hand? How? He just searches for it and cries if I take it away. As I say even co sleeping he wakes and searches for me and cries for me to give him my hand and his dummy.

Weaning has gone great, he happily eats 3 meals a day, mush and finger foods. I am still breastfeeding about 4 times in 24hours, although my body is so shattered maybe I'm not making enough milk for him? I'd be happy to stop now if it would help but he won't take a bottle or formula at all!

I'm like you with controlled crying DidILeaveTheGasOn, I could totally tough it out if it was grumbling or even light crying but this boy is a heartbreaking screamer if left at all to cry. I just don't think I can. Good to hear your sons sleep has improved eventually! There's hope!! Xx

I don't know what to suggest about the hand holding OP. Can you try introducing a comforter? Maybe it's worth reading up on gradual withdrawal techniques?

Contact a sleep consultant. They can help.

It sounds really tough for you, Alex344 you have my sympathy.
One word of warning (sorry to be depressing!) is that we got ourselves into a bit of a mess with DC2. Because she settled better with us in the same room as her, it's ended up with her not being able to sleep unless one of us (typically me) is there with her. And she's 10 now. It has been a real restriction on our evenings as a couple as well as being a problem for her too.
We've tried all sorts of techniques, from rewards to crying to discussing age-appropriate behaviour.
So please, if you can break the hand-holding habit, do it asap.
Good luck with your family's sleep improvements